My Only Sunshine
by destielshipper
Summary: AU: Dean Winchester knows many things but when a tragic incident leaves him a single parent to his only son he is helpless until a kind stranger with an odd name intervenes and his life takes an unexpected turn. It's an act of kindness that takes them down an surprising path leading towards something they had always secretly craved.
1. Chapter 1

Dean Winchester had never dreamt of the white picket fence, the doting wife, the two adorable children and the playful pup that so many out there longed for. Dean didn't want that and it was a fools hope to dream of it but sometimes in life you get glimpses of it before it is cruelly and suddenly take away.

**~0~0~0~**

Dean wasn't afraid to admit that he had been a whore in his adolescent years. It was too easy to flirt and charm himself into bed with countless women and men. Genders didn't matter to him and he relished the beautiful word of bisexual. High school and college passed in blur of alcohol, studying, exams, women, men, and endless hours of sex. Throughout it all, his youngest brother, Sam, trailed after being the complete opposite choosing to study hard and achieve his dream of becoming the lawyer he had always wanted to be. Dean was more than proud of him and constantly egged him on because without the father figure in his life all they had was each other.

Dean was seventeen whilst Sam was thirteen when John Winchester was struck down with a stroke instantly killing him. It left their family of four to a family of three leaving Mary Winchester alone and taking care of her two boys. The grief hit Dean hard as he kept it deep inside and he pushed himself into his work. All his hard work came to an end when he achieved his targets, his grades, and gained the job he wanted.

Dean became a banker which he liked. It gave him purpose, he met new people, and he gained the money to go to expensive places, buy his penthouse suite, and relax in the goodness of what he had around him.

He moved away from Lawrence, Kansas, to Oklahoma. Mary had moved out of their old place into a smaller more fitting home still in Lawrence that she adored and Sam was off at Stanford achieving his dream.

He was twenty five years old when he met Amanda O'Brian. Dean instantly liked her wit, the same age difference, charm, humour, and her insanely good looks from the flowing curly brown hair, the deep chocolate brown eyes, and the dazzling smile. It was clear from the moment they met in a bar drinking syrupy alcohol that it was just sex they wanted from each other, nothing more, nothing less. He didn't want a relationship and with her career starting to kick off she didn't want the burden. It carried on for weeks as they exchanged numbers and had casual sex when things were rough in work or in general life. It didn't matter to Dean that he slept with Amanda most days and the other with men he couldn't remember the names of but it was just sex. He was only one man.

It was four months into their on/off relationship that Dean received the message off Amanda telling him to come round instantly because she had a present for him. Dean thought of every kinky thing imaginable as he knocked on the white front door of her house. Amanda opened it with a small warm smile welcoming him into the house.

"How was your day?" she said in a soft voice taking his coat and hanging it up.

"Tiring" he replied walking into the living room and dropping down on the sofa. "I could do with a drink"

Amanda gave him a smirk handing over a beer and sitting down at the other end with clasped hands.

"You said you had a gift?" he said with a raised eyebrow.

"I do" she said with a tight smile. "It's the most wonderful gift of all"

Dean raised an eyebrow curious dropping the beer on the coaster turning towards her. "What are you talking about?"

"Here" Amanda said dropping down and handing him a bag. "Enjoy"

Dean blinked at her and peered inside staring at the content and inhaled sharply bringing out the positive pregnancy test.

"Just give me eight months" she said with a wink patting her stomach. Dean held the white stick with trembling hands staring at the words, **pregnant**, on the stick etching itself into his mind like a scar.

"Are-are you sure?" he said after a long minute of silence.

"Completely, I never miss my period and I haven't yet come on and well…my breasts are hurting like a bitch, I feel like I want to barf on that pretty head of yours, and I'm pretty sure there is a little foetus in my womb" she said with a offhand shrug. Dean's trembling hand dropped it in the bag and he stood up shaking his head in protest.

"We used protection!" he cried turning towards her with impossibly wide green eyes.

"Yes" she said slowly. "But it only works 97% of the time, Dean, and you even said about…4 weeks ago that you thought the condom split and well…"

Amanda gestured at her stomach with a small smirk.

"Is it…is it mine?"

Amanda's smile slipped and her eyes hardened into cold pebbles of brown.

"Yes unlike _you _who fucks everything with a vagina and a dick" she said with a sniff looking away. "I've slept with no one else and you are this child's father, Dean, and I am going to make myself perfectly clear here"

Dean watched as she stood up balancing on killer black boots, hands on her hips, and a stern expression which meant she was being serious.

"This is the real deal here, babycakes, I'm pregnant with your little bundle of joy and I'm not getting an abortion or adoption because yes it has fucked up everything I had planned but it's a little baby and it's my little baby. If you want to be in this child's life then there are some rules, you're not going to fuck anything else apart from little old me anymore because I will not have you making me look like a fool, so that means no more women and no more men, you are going to help me out in every way, and we're going to be parents" she said with a warm smile which slipped as she moved forward. "But if you don't want to be in this child's life then I suggest you leave and you don't come back"

Dean swallowed hard staring into her eyes and looked down breathing hard feeling queasy and didn't know what to think or do.

"Can I have time to think?"

"Sure" she said turning on her heel and walking to the kitchen. Dean watched her leave and stumbled backwards sitting on the couch. His hand reached out pulling the small gift bag towards him so he pulled out the pregnancy test. Dean never ever imagined he would be faced with this possibility and so soon. His nerves were fried and he sucked in deep breaths attempting to calm down.

He was sat staring down at the wooden floors when she walked back in with a sandwich, his favourite, and sat down facing him. Dean looked up meeting her eyes and nodded.

"Okay…okay, I can't-I can't abandon my kid"

"You'll meet my rules"

"Yes" Dean said in a cracked voice nodding frantically. "You're the mommy"

"I am" she said with a soft sigh placing it on her stomach. "This shit is scary"

"You're telling me" he murmured raking his hands into his hair. "Fuck"

"My mother is going to freak" Amanda said shaking her curls. "But I would like to wait till after the scan to tell people"

Dean nodded feeling numb all over as she patted his hand. "It'll be okay you know…all first time parents go through this and we will have each other"

Dean glanced over to the warmth in her eyes and nodded slowly covering her hand with his own feeling his heart race in his ears. In all honesty it was the scariest thing Dean had ever heard of and couldn't remember the last time he held a small baby.

It was after the first but secret scan that they learnt the baby was healthy and growing to be healthy was when Dean took Amanda over to Lawrence to meet his mother who welcomed her with open arms and squealed in delight at the news of her first grandchild.

"You kept this a secret?!" Mary hissed slapping his arm.

"It was…it was a secret relationship and now she's pregnant" he hissed back at her. "I will be there for her and the baby"

Mary beamed at him cupping his cheeks and kissing his forehead deeply.

"Oh you're going to be amazing" she whispered with a smile when Dean rolled his eyes hugging her tightly. Dean didn't know if he could believe her words and looked over to Amanda leaning against the frame of the door with a small smile. He stepped back looking her over and breathed out knowing it was going to be okay.

"Excuse me!?" Sam cried down the phone.

"I'm going to be a dad, Sam; it's that Amanda I was telling you about"

"Holy shit, Dean, and you wait this long to tell me!?"

"She didn't want to tell anyone till after the scan, Sammy, I know I should have told you but dude I am freaking out" he hissed scrubbing a hand down his face. "How am I meant to take care of a tiny little baby?"

"Dean, calm down, okay, this is only natural man" Sam said in a reassuring tone. "You're about to become a dad for the very first time but you're going to be okay because you have Amanda, mom, and doctors to help you out. This kind of thing doesn't come with an instruction manual"

"I know" Dean murmured staring at the small garden covered in roses and different flowers Mary had planted. "I just…I don't want to be a failure for the kid"

"Dean, you practically raised me along with mom and dad…I turned out okay"

Dean smirked looking down at the side. "Aw, Sammy, you're making me blush"

"Shut up jerk you're going to be an amazing dad and you know it!"

"Shut up yourself, you bitch" Dean said with a puff of laughter saying his goodbyes and hanging up the call.

After that it was just the wait, the doctor's appointments, and the arrangement of how they would take care of the baby. The arrangement would be that Dean would sell the penthouse suite and move into the Amanda's home. Dean felt sad giving up his own home but knew it was practical since the baby would need them both and a stable home. Dean took it upon himself to paint the nursery despite the two of them not knowing the sex of the baby.

"White with farm animals" Amanda said stroking a hand over the six month bump. "I want the cot there, the changing table…there, I want my nana's rocking chair in the corner near the window, and the toys over there"

"I think that can be done" Dean said with a salute and smiled when she walked over pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

"You are amazing" she murmured and walked back out. Dean grinned looking around the small room and set about the task of completing the nursery.

It was five weeks later that Dean finished the nursery completely and covered Amanda's eyes while she giggled in glee walking slowly into the room.

"Are you ready?"

"Show me!" she whispered and gasped when Dean removed his hands slowly revealing the small room painted snow white all over apart from one wall covered in farm animal pictures. Against the wall contained the cream cot holding a mobile over the crib, a changing table with everything they would need from diapers, cream, and clothes sat in the corner, her nana's rocking chair covered in a wool throw over sat in the corner near the window looking out over the window. A small shelf on the wall contained teddy bears and a small china bear from Mary.

"Dean, it's…its fucking gorgeous" she breathed eyes swimming in tears. "He or she is going to love it!"

"Good" Dean murmured when she pulled into a fierce kiss. Dean kissed her back gently and pulled away stroking a hand down her soft cheek.

"It's only a few weeks away…do you think we're ready?"

"We'll find out" Dean murmured pressing his forehead against hers and his hands on the side of the swollen bump. It was a tender moment between them and Dean knew in that moment there he did love her. He wasn't in love with her but the love he held for the mother of his child burned strong and he understood the attraction towards her. Dean knew she would be an incredible mother.

It was the 15th March when they were lying in bed together that her contractions began and the waters broke. Dean drove her to the hospital in a wild panic as she screamed herself hoarse cursing her gender and why men couldn't have the baby instead. He held her hand all the way as they were took to the maternity unit.

"Drugs! Give me those fucking drugs!" Amanda screamed at the nurses. Dean could only watch in silent shock as they attempted to calm her down to no avail. He held her hand tight as the hours passed on waiting for the ten centimetre mark meaning she could push the baby out. Amanda breathing grew erratic as she contorted with pain, her natural colour slipped into a paleness Dean didn't like. Four hours into labour, Amanda reached her ten centimetre mark resulting into going into the delivery room.

"You can do this" Dean breathed linking their hands and fighting back the wince as her grip tightened causing his bones to grind together. Amanda screamed and panted clinging to Dean as the doctor attempted to control her as she pushed the baby out inch by inch. With a final push and scream an exhausted Amanda pushed the baby out.

"It's a boy" the doctor cried looking at the both of them. Dean blanched in surprise moving around to look down at the squirming screaming baby covered in blood, slime, and mucus he pretended he couldn't see.

"Look like it's a Lucas, babe" Dean said with a grin staring down at the baby and blinked when the doctor handed him over a pair of scissors to cut the cord. Dean slid his teeth into his bottom lip biting hard as he snipped into the soft flesh cutting Lucas away from Amanda. Dean gasped in happiness looking up to Amanda and blinking in surprise.

"Amanda?" he said looking at her wide staring eyes looking at nothing. Alarms around him blared loud and startling as he was bundled out of the room.

"No, no, what's going on!?" he shouted as nurses dragged him out placing him in the corridor. Dean breathed out heaving dragging his hands into his hair looking at other parents staring at him confused and some in sympathy. He stared at the door watching and waiting. His heart gave a broken beat hearing the familiar wail of Lucas in the room, he dropped down in the blue seat behind him head in his hands. It felt like hours before the door opened and a nurse stepped out carrying a bundle wrapped in a white blanket.

"How is she?" Dean said standing up and swallowing hard when the nurse placed Lucas into his arms.

"I'm so sorry, Miss O'Brian lost a lot of blood and her heart gave out resulting in a heart attack…" the nurse said softly.

Dean didn't hear her as he stared down at the little baby blinking light blue green eyes up at him, dark brown hair fluffed around his head, and a tiny mouth opening and closing gently.

"She's dead, Amanda's dead" he whispered to the nurse who nodded placing a hand on his arm in a comforting manner.

Just like that his whole world came crashing down around him. Dean was left standing in a corridor with happy parents cooing over their children whilst he held his motherless child close to his chest as Lucas screamed and wailed. The nurse soon returned taking Lucas away with her so he could rest and be fed by one of the nurses.

"Can I – I need to see her" Dean pleaded till one of the doctors came to collect her. He wrung his hands together as they moved to the morgue where she had been placed. Dean looked over so still on the slap and swallowed hard pressing his fingers to her cheek and drawing them back with a shaky exhale.

"I'm so sorry, Amanda" he murmured looking her over and gripping the side with tight fingers. "It's a boy, babe, little baby boy"

The doctor behind the door waiting for the door peered into see Dean wiping under his eyes as he nodded moving to the door again and opening it up.

"Where's my son?"

**~0~0~0~**

"Dean" Mary said softly down the phone. "Dean, love, speak to me"

"Mom, I need you here…I can't…" he said covering his eyes as he collapsed at the table. He looked around the small kitchen of the house and over to Lucas sleeping in the car seat. They had been discharged from hospital over an hour ago and now he was all alone in a silent house with his mom miles away from him.

"Dean, sweetheart, I need you to listen carefully to me and I know you are grieving right now but you have a little baby, my grandson, now completely dependent on you" Mary said softly. "It's not just you anymore and you need to find that inner strength I know you have deep inside of you to keep your head held high and you care for that little boy like you cared for Sam"

"You make it sound so easy like that" he murmured with sniff walking over to the sofa and looking down at Lucas breathing softly in his chair. "Lucas John Winchester wants to meet his nana"

"Give him kisses from me and I'll be down as soon as I can" Mary said. "I am a phone call, angel, but you know the basics…I taught you both"

"I thought I would have her"

"I know love" Mary whispered covering her heart. "You are so strong, Dean, you can do anything and right now…"

"He is my first priority" he murmured reaching down to stroke a hand into the fluff of dark hair with another deep sniff. "I'll call you later mom"

"Okay, I love you both"

"Love you too"

Dean ended the call dropping the phone on the couch and moving to drop down softly on the couch staring at the sleeping Lucas. His eyes shut and he realised he was screwed. In a few weeks' time he would be returning to work, he had no family in Oklahoma, and he had a funeral to arrange on his own since Amanda's parents were in Spain.

"I need help" he murmured feeling a warm tear trickle out of his eye sliding down his cheek.

**~0~0~0~**

"You're insane" Gabriel Milton said looking over his youngest brother, Castiel, sticking up an ad in the window of his shop.

"It is not insanity at all, Gabe; you have a candy shop which brings in parents and children all the time! I am a male nanny and I need work"

"Male nanny" Gabriel said with a scoff popping a lollipop into his mouth. "No one likes male nannies, Cas, they want females"

"Well that's just sexist" Castiel murmured with a frown looking over it. "Look, I need a job and soon otherwise that bastard of a landlord is going to chuck me out"

"I'll kick his ass"

"I love your loyalty but I need a job…someone out there must need a little help" he said wistfully looking up at the sky and glanced when the wind chime above him chimed and twinkled softly.

"You're a dreamer, Castiel, you always have been" Gabriel said with a snort. Castiel glanced back over to him with a roll of his eyes feeling optimistic that something would happen soon hopefully changing his life for the better.

**A/N: Brand new story! Ha, I love writing so much and I've recently lost my job which really sucks but it does mean I have more time for my writing. **

**Review please? It would be a great help and encouragement.**


	2. Chapter 2

It's 1.43am when Lucas wails and screams in the middle of the night startling Dean out of sleep. He groans tiredly shoving out of the warmth of the bed feeling sick as he walks to the edge of the bed to see his squirming son all pink and flustered.

"Hey, little man" he murmured picking him up and placing him on his shoulder carefully. "Are you hungry? Well I'm the one without the breasts so you'll have to make do"

Dean is nervous as hell as he places Lucas in his bouncing chair sticking a pacifier in his whimpering mouth before heading to the kitchen keeping him in plain sight. Lucas wails struggling in his seat as Dean makes the milk and sighed placing two hands on the counter feeling out of control. It's been a week since Amanda had gave birth and passed away in front of his eyes and with the funeral preparations taken from his hands by her parents he had one less thing to worry about. Mary was coming to visit tomorrow and he honestly couldn't wait to see her.

"Alright, alright" he murmured when the pitch of the wailing picked up. He tested the milk on his arm and nodded knowing it was the right temperature. Dean dropped down in front of the chair placing the teat gently in his mouth and breathed out in bliss when he sucked the teat eagerly.

"You are hard work, tiger" he murmured rubbing his forehead and scooping him up gently to cradle him. "But I know you've got that temper from that mommy of yours"

His heart burned at the memory of Amanda and he struggled for a moment before looking down into dark green eyes. Dean smiled placing his finger to Lucas's palm feeling the response as he curled his hand around it tightly. The pain soon disappeared inside him replaced by a warm glow of love for the child he held in his arms.

"We'll be okay" he murmured with a soft sigh. "We have to be"

The bottle soon finished and the burping began as he rubbed his back in circular motions listening to the sounds and gurgles from Lucas. It didn't take long before he burped sick down the towel.

"Good boy" Dean muttered folding it up in disgust and sticking the pacifier in his mouth rocking him back to sleep. "Now you're going to go to sleep so dada can sleep for a few more hours before you wake up wanting another feed"

Dean lay back on the couch when he settled in his arms curling against his chest. His eyes burned from lack of sleep and the depression of losing a loved one. They slipped close as he cradled Lucas close to him and drifted off into an easy sleep.

The sleep was disturbed by a startling knock on the door causing Dean and Lucas to jump awake. Lucas screeched in his arms and he groaned clutching his head and looking down at the sweaty child in his arm feeling a pang in his chest.

"Shit" he whispered softly realising he had actually fell asleep on the couch with a child in his arms. "I'm coming!"

Dean hated whoever was on the other side and opened it furiously to see the fresh faced picture of his mom standing on the doorstep with a small smile. The anger faded into relief and he felt his knees wobble in the relief he felt.

"Mom" he whispered when she moved forward cupping his cheeks and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Hello angel and who do we have here?" she said in delight holding out her arms.

"Take him, he needs his bottle" Dean said passing over Lucas who wailed as she cooed and laughed holding him close.

"Oh we have a fighter" Mary purred stroking a hand in his hair. "He's boiling"

"He's been asleep on my chest" Dean replied preparing the milk.

"Dean" Mary said with a roll of her eyes placing Lucas down and taking off his pyjamas so he was naked and kicking his feet in his nappy. "Darling, he's simply gorgeous"

"He looks like Amanda"

"He does not! He is the spit of you when you were a new-born, he has Amanda's nose and hair" she said looking down at Lucas who stopped crying and simply stared at the new stranger in his life. "Oh aren't you a beautiful boy, yes you are"

"Would you feed him?" Dean said handing over the bottle. "I could do with a shower"

"Darling, I'm here now, you go do whatever you need to and I'll bond with my grandson" she said taking the bottle and bringing him to her chest as she fed him.

Dean had never been more thankful for his mother as he climbed the stairs needing a shower, a shave, and a slap around the face. The water was luxurious as he stood under it letting the warm heat soothe his aching muscles till his skin wrinkled. Dean stepped out drying himself over before dressing in nice clean clothes and peered in the mirror seeing a pair of tired green eyes stare back. His nose wrinkled in disgust and he moved around the bedroom tidying up the mess and wondered what Amanda would be thinking of him right now.

Lucas's wail startled him out of his daydream and he moved downstairs to see Mary dressing him.

"What are you doing?"

"I found clean clothes so I'm dressing him" she said and finished with the final button and picked him up looking around. "This place is a state"

"I haven't had time have I?" he muttered running a hand through his hand.

Mary glanced over to him in sympathy and passed over Lucas who slipped into Dean's arms easily and a small fist wrapped into his t-shirt.

"Do you have anything to do today?"

"I need to go shopping…"

"Go" she insisted pointing at the door. "I'm going to clean this whole place and make us dinner"

"Mom…"

"Take him…oh, have you registered the birth?"

Dean nodded looking down at Lucas. "Two days ago"

"Well that's good, doctor's appointments?"

"Wednesday, mom, you're teaching me well and Sam's been a great help. He's coming down on Thursday"

Mary nodded with a pleased smile and clapped her hands together. "Come on, get your act together"

Dean rolled his eyes grabbing the car seat and placing Lucas down tugging on his coat and hat while he lay on the couch sucking on his pacifier.

"He stares at me like he's looking into my soul sometimes" Dean murmured with a frown scooping him up and strapping him into the seat. He handed him a yellow teddy bear that he had recently taken a great likeness to and smiled softly when his little hands seized it.

"You're doing fantastic" Mary said when he looked over to her. "You've been so strong and I'm so proud of you"

"Mom" he whined with a smile. "You're going to make me cry and I've had about five hours sleep"

"I'm sorry, go away" she said with a small smile fluttering her fingers at him. Dean picked up the car seat taking him out to the car feeling the humidity prickle at his skin as he strapped the baby in the back and got in the front.

"Please be a good boy, Lucas" he murmured starting her up and driving to the local supermarket.

Lucas didn't listen and screamed himself hoarse in the baby chair on the trolley. Dean glared at the people staring at him as he walked down the nappy aisle and looked up and down feeling totally lost. He swallowed shushing Lucas gently and picked up a pair of nappies looking between them lost.

In the next aisle, Castiel could hear the wailing of a baby and felt his stomach skip a beat. His feet took him forward as he rounded the corner to see a man staring at a pair of nappies like they were about to bite him. Castiel looked around to see people shooting the guy irritated looks because of his screaming baby.

"How old is he?" a gruff voice said startling Dean who turned towards the voice looking into startling blue eyes.

"Um, he's a week old" Dean said looking over to Lucas.

"You want those" Castiel said pointing at the blue package in his left hand. "He's new-born…you look like you need some help"

Dean made a small noise and nodded rubbing his forehead as he dropped the nappies into the trolley. Castiel hovered looking over Lucas and gestured.

"Do you need help?"

Dean gave a frown looking over him which caused Castiel to smile softly.

"I won't steal him, I just think since no other jackass in this place will help, I will"

Dean nodded watching as he moved forward unstrapping him out of the plastic baby chair and holding him against his shoulder.

"Oh dear, I think he's wet and a little restful" Castiel murmured patting his bottom. "I'm Castiel Milton by the way"

"Dean Winchester" he replied holding out his hands for Lucas who whimpered tears spilling out of his eyes. "Is there a changing room?"

"Follow me" Castiel said taking hold of Dean's trolley pushing it with him. Dean looked over to him baffled and shushed Lucas who wailed on his shoulder softly. Castiel turned parking his trolley and gestured at the door.

"Thanks" Dean murmured grabbing the bag and walking in. He gave a grimace placing Lucas down on the tatty changing mat pulling down the small bottoms taking off the nappy.

"I would have thought this was the mommy's job" Castiel injected pleasantly. Dean turned hard eyes looking over to him.

"He doesn't have a mommy, she's dead" he muttered looking down at Lucas changing him slowly. Castiel bit down his lip smacking a hand over his eyes for his foolishness.

"I am so sorry" he murmured. "Should I leave?"

Dean swallowed fitting the new nappy and dressing Lucas again happy to see him well rested and breathing sleepily.

"Not until you show me where the milk is" Dean said turning pleading eyes over to him. "This is Lucas"

"Hello, Lucas" Castiel murmured to Lucas now being strapped back into the baby chair sucking on his pacifier. "He has beautiful eyes"

Dean turned to look at him confused and shrugged it off. "So is this what you do in supermarkets? You sneak up on unexpected parents"

Castiel laughed softly leading the way and shrugged his shoulders.

"I heard your son crying like everyone else did and I turned the corner to see you looking like hell with a screaming baby whilst everyone stared" Castiel said turning into the aisle. "I was being kind"

"I really do appreciate it, it's not exactly been the best week" Dean murmured grabbing the milk.

"I am so sorry for your…wife?"

"Girlfriend" he murmured with a hard swallow.

"I am so sorry for your girlfriend"

Dean nodded with a friendly smile peering into the trolley. "I think I'm done for a bit"

Castiel bit his lip gently contemplating and pulled out a card holding it out for him. Dean raised an eyebrow at him surprised.

"I've just told you my girlfriend died a little over a week ago and you're propositioning me?"

"What? No, god no, um, it's help for you…well from me, I'm a male nanny" he said holding up his hands in a sign of peace. "I deal with these types of things and I'm exactly the same as a female nanny but I have different genitals"

Dean stared at the number in surprised horror and nodded slipping it into his front pocket.

"I'll bear that in mind"

"Which means you won't" Castiel murmured with nervous laughter. "I just like to help and considering your situation…and the fact you're a new parent. I just think you could do with the help and you may even have a job you may need to return to soon"

"I have my family"

Castiel nodded smiling sadly looking down at the ground. "It's there and I'm available anytime"

"Right, well thank you for this, Castiel, but I'll be fine" he snapped turning on his heel and walking away from him. Castiel watched him walk away and let out a small sigh resuming his own shopping trip. Dean moved towards the till and closed his eyes feeling like a total ass for treating him that way but it slipped away as he paid for the items and walked out back home.

**~0~0~0~**

"What's with the glum look?" Gabriel said as he leaned on the counter passing Castiel a lollipop. "Free of charge, baby bro"

"Thanks" Castiel murmured slipping the strawberry lollipop into his mouth. "It's nothing really, I just…I helped out this man, his name was Dean and he had a new-born baby called…Lucas, and he was struggling in the supermarket whilst everyone glared at him and I helped out and I just…I nearly had a job"

Gabriel gasped pointing a finger at him. "You're just stalking on parents now aren't you? Jesus, Cassy, I thought you had more class than that"

"Fuck off, Gabe, I was being nice, polite, and a human being" he said with a sigh looking down at the counter. "Has anyone…"

"No" Gabriel said with a sad frown. "Try the agency again?"

"Those bitches? Susanne hates me" Castiel replied with a glum look. "They would turn me away! Maybe I should just quit and go into a shop"

"You tried that and hated it, Cas, something will come up"

Castiel rolled his eyes tapping gently on the counter and turned to look out of the window watching people pass by. Gabriel watched him with a wrinkle of his nose and stepped forward.

"After work let's go find a bar, get wasted, find a takeaway, and crash in my place"

"That is your solution for everything, Gabriel, to get drunk and eat shitty takeaway"

"It's nice though and you're a wild pussycat when you're drunk…I also think we should find you a nice man…I think you could do with a good fuck"

"Gabriel" Castiel exclaimed with a groan shoving at his shoulder. "I don't need anything"

"Who was the last guy?"

"I…don't know"

"Exactly!"

"Oh leave me alone, I'm going to go see my big sister instead"

"That's a family betrayal!"

"Goodbye, Gabriel" he said with a sigh closing the door after him and heading towards the local bank to visit Anna.

Dean sighed deeply jiggling Lucas who made small gurgling noises as he sucked on his pacifier.

"Mom, I don't think this place has ever looked so clean"

"It's the least I could do" Mary said rooting through the brown grocery bags. "You forgot eggs"

"I was preoccupied with this one and…a guy" he murmured looking at Lucas drifting asleep on his shoulder.

"What?"

"This guy appeared out of nowhere…like a little guardian angel helping me out with a screaming Lucas, all the shopping, and I was a jerk to him at the end" Dean said placing him down into the white moses basket in the living room. "He did give me this though"

Mary walked over grabbing the slip of card seeing the number. "What's this for?"

"He's a male nanny and said I could do with the help"

"He's right"

"Mom" Dean said with a glare pocking it. "I don't need help"

"Yes, yes you do, Dean, I won't be here forever, sweetheart, and neither will Sam and you are going to have to return work to get the money in" she said cupping his cheeks. "This guy obviously knew what he was talking about and he wanted to help"

"It's a male nanny; it's a guy doing a woman's job"

Mary gasped slapping his cheek gently. "I did not raise you to be sexist! A woman's job, Dean, so because this guy likes to work with children, help out and care for children, he's doing a woman's job?"

"Well, yeah"

"You fool!" she said shaking her head. "Anyone can do a job, Dean, and he's probably amazing at it"

"So you think I should…"

"I can't make you do anything but just consider it" she said stepping away from him and moving back into the kitchen. Dean looked up looking out of the window ahead of him remembering the blue eyes, the gruff but sexy voice, the gorgeous looks, and the way he moved. Dean couldn't and wouldn't deny he was bloody gorgeous but it felt odd now to think of anyone like that anymore. His fingers itched towards his pocket and he pulled out the card tapping it against his fingers.

He knew his mom was right and in a few weeks the bank would call demanding his return despite the circumstances. The help would actually be amazing for Dean who looked down at his son and bent stroking his fingers down the softness of his hair and cheek.

"What's for tea?"

"Bolognese" Mary said closing the cupboard door.

Dean nodded dropping down on the sofa with a soft groan relaxing immediately. The hours passed as they ate, watched television, entertained and played with Lucas who stared at their every movement in fascination. Mary took his room at bedtime while Dean placed Lucas in the moses basket downstairs sleeping on the sofa. His tired eyes stared up at the ceiling and he turned looking at the clock signalling it was 10pm. He moved his hand down picking up the card with the cell number on and tapped it urgently against his lips.

Dean made up his mind as he moved forward snatching his phone and dialled the number.

Castiel was dozing on the sofa of his couch feeling bored when the phone vibrated against his thigh startling him. He stared at the unknown number with surprise before answering it.

"Hello?"

"Castiel? It's, um, it's Dean from the supermarket"

"Oh" he breathed surprised sitting up. "Yes, I remember"

"Look you offered and I guess I'm taking it…you're right and I will need the help"

"I'm available for any hours, any day"

Dean nodded rubbing a hand over his eyes and inhaled deeply. "I'm busy all week but not the weekend, can we meet?"

"Of course, where would you like to meet?"

"I can you the address its 4a Wickham Road and come round about…11?"

"I'll be there" Castiel said enthused.

"See you then, Cas" he said hanging up and breathing out with a small chuckle.

Castiel dropped the phone and clapped a little in delight feeling a small happy smile form over his lips that things were certainly and finally looking up.

**A/N: Aw, you guys, I love your reviews and support so much. Thank you for reviewing and please review again! **


	3. Chapter 3

"Holy shit, you have a baby" Sam breathed holding out his arms as Lucas settled into the crook staring up at him.

"Yeah and you're an uncle" Dean said stroking a hand through Lucas's hair and stepping back. "It's the scariest job in the world"

"You're doing well, you have to know that" Sam murmured shaking his little fist and smiling at Lucas who gurgled staring up at Sam. "He's amazing"

"He's a pooping machine" Dean said with a chuckle moving into the kitchen. "The funeral is next week"

"Are you going?"

"Yeah, I, um, I have a nanny" he said with a puff of laughter.

"You have a what?"

"I have a male nanny, well I will on the weekend"

"You have a male nanny" Sam questioned moving into the kitchen. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Look you know those woman who are nannies and take care of the baby when the daddies and mommies are at work?"

"Yeah"

"Well I have a male version, his name is Castiel and I'm meeting him this weekend to discuss it"

"But it's a dude" Sam said baffled sitting at the kitchen table.

"Now, now, Sammy, mom raised us not to be sexist" he said with a smirk. "I've had this from mom when I questioned it but if a woman can do it why can't a man?"

"I guess" Sam murmured with a frown picking Lucas up so he was standing in his lap.

"Dude, his head" Dean said gesturing at him and sighed taking Lucas off him. "He's like a week old, you can't be doing that"

"See, you're already incredible" Sam said when Dean cradled him close.

"He's my family and I know if Amanda was here she would be kicking my ass" he said pressing a tender kiss to the top of his head.

"I can't believe she's gone" Sam said holding out his hand when Dean passed him a beer.

"I know, me either"

Sam glanced up at Dean swaying gently with Lucas feeling a burn of guilt and sadness in his heart. He hated seeing his brother like this and couldn't deny the bags underneath his eyes, the wallowing sadness and despair carefully hidden in his eyes, and the struggle he had caring for a new-born baby.

Sam hated saying goodbye at five but he needed to return to Stanford.

"I'm just a phone call away and if you need anything call me, Dean"

"I know, just go" Dean said with a roll of his eyes giving him a brief hug and stepping back shoving his head gently. "Go be amazing"

"Shut up" Sam muttered and looked over to Lucas in his chair placed in front of the television completely silent watching the colours. "You will be okay, Dean"

"I know I will" he said with a small smile and folded his arm watching him walk up to his car.

Dean rose his arm waving as the car backed out and drove down the road disappearing around the corner. He shut the door with a quiet snap and wandered over looking down at him staring at the television in complete fascination.

"Ah television, it really is the best creation" he murmured turning into the kitchen. Dean turned when his cell buzzed and he sighed staring at the name flashing on the small screen.

"Florence" he said softly to Amanda's mother.

"Dean, my sweet, I was just checking up on you"

"Again" Dean mouthed rolling his eyes. "Yeah I figured and I'm fine, Flo, Lucas and I are perfectly fine"

"Are you coming to the funeral?"

"Of course I am" he muttered resting against the counter. "You really think I'd miss her funeral?"

"Is Lucas coming with you?"

"What? No, I'm not bringing the kid to something like that, Flo, he's just a baby! No, I have…help"

"Help?"

"I'm getting a nanny" he murmured looking towards the window.

"A nanny? Who is she?"

"He"

"Excuse me?"

"It's a male nanny and yes he can do it" he said with a huff already irritated by the phone call. "His name is Castiel and he's pretty good from what I've seen"

Dean heard the huff and rolled his eyes hearing, "male nanny, such nonsense", very faintly.

"Okay, sweet, Bill and I will be along next week to see you and our grandson"

"I look forward to it" Dean muttered dryly.

"Love and kisses"

"Yeah" Dean murmured hanging up and tossing it on the side. "Lucas, your grandma and grandpapa are a pain in my ass"

Dean busied himself preparing his bottles and his dinner desperately trying not to think of next week and the funeral. His head hurt enough already and the stress wasn't helping him one little bit.

**~0~0~0~**

"Is he good looking?" Anna said kicking back her feet on his sofa.

"Anna" Castiel scolded and kicked at Gabriel who was rifling through his DVD's. "He's a grieving widower"

"I thought he wasn't married" Gabriel said glancing over to him confused.

"It's the same difference" he said with a sigh. "He's a single, grieving, parent with a new-born baby and I'm not allowed to think that way of my possible boss"

Anna flashed a smirk over to Gabriel who rolled his eyes pulling out a lollipop and popping it into his mouth.

"Remember last time"

"Don't, Gabriel" Castiel warned pointing a finger at him. "The past is the past"

"I'm going to, you fell in love with a married man" Gabriel said and gasped in pain when Anna slapped him hard on the arm. "He was married! He had two kids, squiggle and wiggle"

"Their names were Joshua and Hannah and I…I didn't mean to and it wasn't love, it was lust" Castiel snapped glaring over to him. "It soon faded"

"Are you sure it won't happen this time?"

"Gabriel, I will chuck you out by kicking your ass"

"Maybe later big boy" Gabriel said with a chuckle grabbing a DVD. "I'm borrowing this"

Castiel rolled his eyes looking out of the window remembering back to last year. His latest job was an easy one with two toddlers who he adored. It didn't help that the father was a married man, an unhappily married man, but still married to a wonderful woman and mother. It didn't help that he unashamedly flirted with Castiel every time he was there and on one night when they were all alone lean into kiss him. Castiel kissed him back in lust and longing but panicked when he realised what he had done. He quit the day after and never looked back despite how much it hurt but time soon erased any trace of him.

"I'm meeting him tomorrow and I'm nervous because it's my first job since that one" Castiel murmured chewing on his thumb. "Should I feel this nervous?"

"Well it's a job interview so you have every right" Anna said with a shrug of her shoulder. "If you get it, you're save from that bloody landlord"

"Don't remind me"

Castiel dropped down on the seat picking up a document he was going to hand over to Dean and felt a flutter in his stomach. He was incredibly nervous for this opportunity and only hoped it was successful.

The next day rolled by quickly and at 10.55am he was stood outside of the right address staring at the white door feeling butterflies flutter around in his stomach. His feet took him forward as he raised his hand to knock and gasped when the door opened causing him to lurch forward and stare into startled green eyes.

"Hello" Castiel breathed and averted his eyes stepping back.

"Oh" Dean exclaimed and gestured at the bin bag sidestepping him to put it in the bin at the end before turning to see him patiently waiting. "I'm glad you're here"

"So am I"

Dean smiled nervously gesturing at him to walk in. Castiel looked around the small hallway walking in and staring around the room in awe of how beautiful and strangely well kept the room seemed to be. His eyes found Lucas in his bouncing chair staring at the television and he smiled softly looking over his shoulder to Dean.

"Introduced him to television I see"

"It's a god send; he's being staring at it for ages"

"They can only see in various colours and black and white at the moment so it will be fascinating for him" Castiel said sitting down on the sofa and looking up at a photo of a young smiling woman. He guessed that was the mother and the late girlfriend of Dean and looked away to Dean who sat on the opposite side.

"Here" Castiel murmured handing him the papers. "My CV, my referees and experience, and past work experience"

"Right" Dean murmured placing them down on the table. "You're willing to do this, you're willing to be a nanny for a son because this is….a little weird for me. I've never had a nanny and even thought about having a nanny for him but my family is in Stanford and Kansas so it's basically all I have"

"I understand that, Dean, and I am very willing to help you out with Lucas and anything else you need" Castiel said clasping his hands together. "My rate is $7.25"

"I can do that" Dean said with a nod. "Look, I've spoken to my work and they are being…considerate towards my circumstances. I'll be working 9am to 3pm, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday with two days off to spend with him but also one of every Saturday"

Castiel nodded listening to him and flashed him a small smile. "I think I can work with that"

Dean's eyes brightened and he let out a breath of relief and looked over to Lucas.

"I also kinda need you next week if that's okay, I, um, I have a funeral"

"Oh yes" Castiel said with a bob of his head. "Of course"

"It's Tuesday at 9am so could you be here for 8am?"

"Yes"

"Awesome" Dean murmured and jumped up moving over to Lucas and picking him up gently. "Let's give you a formal introduction, Cas, this is Lucas John Winchester, he is one week and six days old now"

Castiel stood up holding out his arms and smiled looking at Lucas who blinked dark green eyes up at him.

"Cas?" he murmured looking up to him.

"Oh shit, you don't mind do you?"

"No" he murmured with a chuckle. "He's a good weight"

"He should be with the amount of milk he guzzles" Dean said softly. "I'll show you where everything is"

Castiel followed after him looking around the kitchen.

"Bottles, milk, and bibs are kept in this cupboard here and this here is his rota. It has his feedings, his nap times, and everything" Dean said gesturing at the fridge.

"You wrote this for me?"

"Nah, I need one myself" Dean said with a snort leading the way upstairs. Castiel took his time as he looked around the room and walked into the nursery and sucked in a shocked breath.

"Dean, this is…this is beautiful" he murmured in awe. Dean flushed hard with pride shining in his eyes and glanced over to him.

"I tried my best" he murmured walking over to the changing table. "Everything from cream, nappies, wipes, and bags are all here, he sleeps in there with a nursery rhyme on and likes to be gently rocked till he's completely sleep"

"Sounds easy"

"It actually isn't but it is for you"

"You're a first time parent" Castiel said with a sad smile placing Lucas on his shoulder. "He's a good baby"

"Well at 2am in the morning he's a little devil"

Castiel chuckled softly walking over and passing him to Dean who held him close.

"Still up for the job"

"Yes"

"Good, you're hired" Dean confirmed for him. "I expect you here Tuesday morning, 8am sharp"

Castiel laughed gently and saluted. Dean turned to look at Lucas who whimpered struggling on the verge of tears.

"Oh he's due a nap"

"Can I?"

Dean looked at him sharply and blinked with a shrug and a nod handing him over to Castiel who cooed soothing him and walked over switching on the mobile which played out a soft lullaby. Dean looked behind him and crept out closing the door over half an inch and watched carefully.

"There we go" Castiel murmured wrapping the blanket around him in his arms and rocked him gently giving him his finger as he squeezed it staring up at him. He watched as his eyes slid close very slowly till they were shut and his breathing slipped off into a deep slumber. Castiel inwardly punched the air in delight and waited a minute before gently placing him in the cot and stepping back to watch him sleep.

Dean stepped in and stood waiting till Castiel turned to look at him and walked out.

"Wow" Dean murmured looking back into the nursery and back to Castiel. "He's been putting up a fight with me since his needles at the doctor"

"They are a little hellish" Castiel whispered following him down the stairs. Dean fought back a smile and moved into the kitchen.

"Coffee?"

"Please"

Dean popped the kettle on and turned looking him over. "We're practically strangers, can you tell me a little bit about yourself"

"Yes" Castiel said softly. "I'm Castiel Milton, I'm twenty seven, I am a male nanny and it was a personal choice from a young age that I decided I wanted to work and care for children. I come from a large family and I am the youngest child, the two oldest are Michael and Luc, then there is Gabriel, Balthazar, and my only sister, Anna. My parents always longed for a big family which my mother, Marie, was only willing to give until she had me and it stopped after she died when I was three years old"

"I'm sorry" Dean murmured stirring the coffee and looking over to him.

"I hardly remember her, she's a flowery smell, a love I can't remember, and a very distant memory but it all changed when Michael and Luc had a huge fight, it was devastating. I don't quite know the circumstances but when I woke up the next morning Luc had disappeared" Castiel said sadly accepting the coffee. "I haven't seen him since that day and I hardly see my father anymore because he's always travelling"

"Wow, I am sorry"

"It's fine, Dean, I now have a little flat a few streets over and I have a new job" he said with a shrug. "Things can only get better"

"Well, since you are dishing all the dirt, I'll let you in. I'm Dean Winchester, I'm twenty six and I am a single parent to a little baby boy because his mother died in childbirth. I have a younger brother called Sam who is currently studying Law in Stanford whilst my mom, Mary, is living it up in my old home town Lawrence, Kansas. I moved up here to be with Amanda and the baby but I guess fate, the little bitch, had other ideas"

"What's your job?"

"I'm a banker"

"Oh" Castiel murmured bringing the cup up to his lips. "That sounds…nice"

"You can say boring" Dean said with a raised eyebrow.

"No, no, it's your career choice and I'm sure you deliberated over mine"

"It is a strange choice"

"My cousin, Rachel Johnson, has twin girls and they are a delight and she had them when I was fifteen and since then I have loved playing and watching them grow"

Dean nodded looking down at his own coffee. "No kids of your own?"

Castiel deliberated looking up at him and shook his head. "I hear it's difficult for two men to conceive"

Dean's eyes widened in the remark and he exhaled a puff of laughter in surprise.

"I see"

"It's not going to be a problem is it?"

"What? No, Cas, not at all" he said with sipping his coffee. "I can't judge you since I'm, well, I'm a little word called bisexual"

"Oh" he breathed startled not expecting that at all and swallowed hard. "Okay"

Dean blinked and quietly realised that this was the first time he had been able to smile and even laugh in the days since Amanda had passed on. It made his stomach churn and he wondered if he should feel guilty.

"Are you good for Tuesday then?"

"I'll be here"

"I can't take him to something like that"

"I wouldn't expect you to and I know what I'm doing, I've been doing this job for a long time and I'm looking forward to it"

"Awesome" Dean whispered looking away from him and sitting in what felt like comfortable silence now. Castiel looked him over and looked away scolding himself for even thinking the words, _"so fucking attractive" _in his head over and over again. He refused to let it be that way again and couldn't afford to lose another job because of feelings and lustful desires.

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! **


	4. Chapter 4

Tuesday arrived quicker than anticipated and Dean stared in the mirror looking down at the black suit feeling his stomach flood with nerves. His eyes roamed over to Lucas in his chair sucking on his pacifier and watching him with wide eyes. Dean smiled softly over at him and turned to look at the mirror with a nod.

"I can do this" he murmured softly and jumped out of his skin when the knocker on the front door rapped loudly. Dean looked up at the time to see it was exactly 8am and raised an eyebrow opening the front door.

"Efficiency, I like it" Dean said letting him in. Castiel smiled softly taking off his coat and looked him over.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling alright, Mary Poppins"

"Funny" Castiel muttered with a puff of laughter moving down the hall towards the living room. Lucas turned his head when he came into view dropping down to his knees smiling widely in greeting.

"Truth be told I am nervous as hell" Dean murmured picking at the black tie. "I haven't been to a funeral since my dad and…now I'm going to my dead girlfriends"

Castiel looked up at him in pity and stood up looking into soft green eyes shadowed in despair and pain.

"I've only ever been to one funeral as well and that was my mother's when I was three years old and was my told my mother had gone to heaven" he said with a small sad smile. "I had no idea about death but I knew it was sad and I missed her terribly but time is a great healer and…I hate to say this but at least Lucas is at age where doesn't he feel it and can be told all the wonderful things she was when he's older"

Dean swallowed hard glancing up at the ceiling and nodded firmly. "You're right, you are so right, I just didn't expect to be going to her funeral"

"Well you only have to go the ceremony and you can skip the wake" Castiel said picking up Lucas and holding him against his chest. Dean nodded inhaling deeply and moved across holding out his hands for Lucas who was passed over.

"Okay, my little tiger, dada is going to go somewhere sad but necessary and Cas here is your nanny for the day so you be a good boy" he murmured kissing the top of his head and handing him back to Castiel. Castiel smiled warmly at him and bobbed his head.

"I'll be fine with him, you can trust me"

"Yeah" Dean said scooping up his keys and moving along to the hallway. "I'll be back soon"

Castiel waved Lucas's fist at him watching him leave and looked at Lucas when the front door closed shut.

"It's just you and me little one" he whispered with a smile. "Let's go see this rota"

Castiel moved to the fridge looking over the rota with a furrowed brow.

"I see that you are due a bottle in half an hour" he said pulling back and looking down to see wide dark green eyes look back surprised. "Shall we go play? Yeah, I think we should"

Castiel sat down on the sofa cradling him close looking over him and smoothed a hand down his hair admiring him simply.

"Your dada will be back soon and he's going to need his little boy isn't he?" Castiel murmured and smiled softly when his pacifier fell out of his mouth so he could stare at him with an open mouth.

"Why are you looking so shocked? It's the truth" he said shaking his head at him. "I don't know him or even you very well yet but I guess that's going to change when I'm looking after you when dada goes to work. I do know that he's very strong because losing a loved one is very painful and he's being very strong for you but he needs help"

Lucas looked away and towards the television uninterested making Castiel chuckle and pop back in his pacifier.

"I'm sorry for boring you" he murmured gently getting up and strapping him back into his chair. Castiel stood up looking at the mantel piece on top of the fire and picked up the photo of Amanda sitting on a park bench looking radiant and happy. Prickles of sadness swept through him as he looked over seeing a picture of a younger Dean with a smaller boy, a blonde woman, and an older man. Dean guessed it was his family and stepped back heading into the kitchen to prepare this morning bottle.

Dean stood next to Florence and Bill staring down at the coffin lowering into the ground feeling a wave of nausea.

"It's not fair" he whispered up to the blue sky.

He stepped back when the sermon was finished and walked away from her family not looking back as he brought out his car keys.

"Dean!" Florence called out following after him. Dean stopped with a roll of his eyes looking over his shoulder towards her and Bill walking over to him.

"Are you coming to the wake?"

"No, I have a son waiting at home for me"

"Dean…"

"Look I don't want to stand around a bunch of people I don't know and couldn't care less about, Flo, I'm going home to be with my son after burying his mom and my girlfriend" he hissed looking between them. "I'll see you around"

Dean turned on his heel stalking away and not looking back as he headed towards the Impala. He slammed the door hard seething and drove back home not before stopping a layby and breathing out a shaky breath. Tears that he had held back for so long pooled in his eyes streaking down his face in slow streams till he choked back a sob. Dean hated how destroyed he felt and covered his face letting it fall till it hit the steering wheel with a dull thud that echoed around his skull.

Sniffing deeply, Dean scrubbed at his face and sat back exhaling.

"Come on man, you can't do this" he murmured starting her back up again and setting off back home. Dean arrived back thirty minutes later pleased to discover it hadn't burnt down and hopped out heading inside.

"Cas?" he called walking in and dropping his keys not hearing a sound. "Lucas?"

"In here" Castiel called turning his head towards Dean who walked in the living room to see Lucas bobbing gently in his chair fast asleep. Dean looked at Castiel's foot gently rocking him and smirked.

"How's he been?"

"Okay, he had his bottle, watched television and cried a little but now he's fast asleep after I changed a questionable diaper" he said with a small smile. "I've done this job before Dean"

"I know you've been great" Dean murmured shrugging off his jacket and draped it across the chair.

"How was it?" Castiel muttered softly standing up to walk over to him.

"It was a funeral, I stood at that grave looking down as her body encased in a wooden box was dropped in and I had to say goodbye to her" Dean whispered with a shake of his head feeling traitorous tears in his eyes. Castiel noticed and placed a warm hand on his shoulder squeezing gently in an act of comfort. Dean turned his head to look at it and looked over him with a small smile.

"I've never met someone like you before"

"I am one in a million"

"Thanks for this"

"I'm your new nanny" Castiel said with a shrug. "It's what I'm here for"

Dean nodded closing his eyes for a long moment before needing caffeine and moved away switching on the kettle. Castiel turned his head looking at Lucas sleeping soundly away and joined Dean in the kitchen to see him rubbing the bridge between his eyes in irritation.

"You look like you need a good night sleep"

"I do, he won't sleep properly" Dean said glancing over to him. "It's like he knows something is up"

"Well he's only two weeks old, Dean, he's going to be struggling a little being brand new"

"I know"

"Look, I'm here all day so you go and get a good sleep and I'll take care of Lucas"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" Castiel responded with a smile pointing at the stairs. Dean blinked surprised and ignored the coffee doing as he was told as he turned to walk up the stairs.

"Call me if you…"

"Dean, go and have some sleep"

Dean fought back a smile walking up the stairs and dropping down face first on the bed with a groan. He inhaled the musky smell of old soap and lifted his head with a sigh glancing around the room. It was still littered with Amanda's things bringing a painful punch to Dean's chest who knew he would have to clean it all out soon if he was going to get peace. Dean stripped out of his clothing and moved curling up into the comfortable bed. His mind whirled inside of him and he looked across the space seeing the empty pillow and felt his heart give a long pang. His hand reached out slowly curling into the soft cold sheet longing for the warmth of another body next to his.

Dean sighed curling it towards him and nestled further into the pillow shutting down his mind and let the lull of sleep claim him.

Castiel took Dean's coffee instead and leans against the counter sipping it when a snuffle and a wail startle him into action. Lucas strains in his chair looking up at him when he undoes the straps and pulls him to his chest and shoulder.

"Well that wasn't long" Castiel said stroking a hand down his back as he whimpered and wailed. "No wonder your dada looks like he's five seconds from dropping to the floor in an exhausted heap"

The phone rang on cue and he looked at it with a grimace before grabbing it quickly and answering it.

"Hello?"

"Dean, is that you?" a soft woman's voice said.

"No, um, this is Castiel, I'm Lucas's nanny"

"Oh! Yes, Dean told me about you, Castiel, I'm Mary Winchester, I'm his mother"

"Nice to speak to you"

"You too, is my son there?"

Castiel glanced at the stairs and refused to wake him up. "He's just got back from the funeral and is sleeping while I care for Lucas"

"I see…well if you could get him to call me back when he wakes up"

"Of course, Mrs Winchester"

"Call me, Mary"

"Of course, Mary" Castiel said softly with a smile listening to her goodbyes and he hung up the phone looking over to Lucas staring at the phone in confusion.

"I know, the world is crazy isn't it? I'm speaking into a piece of plastic" he said with a roll of his eyes looking into his eyes and smiling. "Ask me again in six years what it is"

A jolt runs through him at the remark and he glances at Lucas staring around the room focusing on different objects.

"If I'm still here in six years" he murmured correcting himself and patting his bottom gently. "Another dirty nappy, you are truly a pooping machine"

Castiel takes him upstairs and glances in the main bedroom to see Dean strewn across the bed snoring softly in the silent air. His lips form into a small pleased smile and he shushes Lucas as they walk into the nursery and he places him in the changing mat.

"I don't know when I'm going to see you again because your dada isn't going back to work just yet and I don't think he will for a while" Castiel said with a small smile. "But I'm sure it should all work out"

Lucas simply stares up at him uncurling and curling his fists over and over again until Castiel is done and pulling on his little pants.

"Done and dusted" Castiel murmured softly picking him up and moving to the window squinting at the sky and the sunshine. "It's a gorgeous day"

Lucas whimpers in his arms and he shushes him gently turning to rock him in his arms and holds out his fingers which Lucas takes full control of as he grips them squeezing and nipping the fine skin.

Dean woke up from what felt like a year sleep to hear nothing around him and turned looking over his shoulder before stretching out and moaning loudly in relief. He sat up blinking the sleep out of his eyes and moved dropping his feet on the cold wooden floors hearing a soft singing.

His curiosity grew as he walked into the nursery to see Castiel stood in the nursery with Lucas in his arms rocking him gently and singing a nursery rhyme.

"_Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are" _he crooned softly to Lucas cuddled close to his chest. Dean felt a shiver shoot down his spine and swallowed hard shaking his head tapping his fingers on the door. Castiel turned looking over to him giving him a small smile.

"How did you sleep?"

"Really good, thanks for this, Cas, you really are an expert" he murmured walking in and peering down at Lucas. "It feels weird that this isn't awkward"

"Awkward?" Castiel whispered confused gently passing Lucas over.

"Well, yeah, we met in a supermarket and we're practically strangers"

"Well isn't that the whole idea of meeting someone and getting to know them? I'm glad it's not awkward" Castiel said with a furrowed brow.

"No, no, so-so am I, I'm just…ignore me" he said awkwardly with a shake of his head looking down at Lucas. "I think we need to discuss, um, the nanny-ing"

"You mean when I should return"

"I'm going back to work in three months' time but I want you to bond with him and I want to get to know you better so how about you come every weekend?" Dean said looking in the eye.

Castiel contemplated it and nodded. "Every Saturday"

"Sunday if you want too"

"When do you go back?"

"November 2nd"

"Then I will be here every Saturday and Sunday to bond with you both till the day you go back and my job begins"

Dean blinked and nodded looking down at Lucas. "I'd really appreciate the training as well"

"Training?"

"To be a better dad for him"

Castiel looked at him bemused and shook his head. "Dean, you don't need my training but if you really want it I'll help you out but you're already an amazing dad"

Dean felt his cheeks flush rosy pink and he looked down embarrassed at Lucas.

"I don't think so"

Castiel shook his head with a roll of his eyes stretching out his back. Dean's eyes roamed over to him seeing a flush of skin and hip bones. His stomach curled with desire which he pointedly ignored rocking his sleeping child.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Um, no if that's okay, I need to sort my room with Amanda's stuff. I know a lot of people would say wait and let them linger but I can't sleep in that room properly surrounded by her stuff knowing she's never going to spray her perfume, dress in her clothes, and I just need to pack it all away and deal with it then" Dean said passing Lucas back to Castiel who nodded in agreement.

"Closure"

"Closure" Dean said in agreement raking a hand through his dark brown hair feeling a nervous tick in his stomach.

"We'll be downstairs" Castiel said with a nod moving around Dean and heading back down the stairs. Dean looked around the nursery inhaling an old faint smell of paint, diaper cream, and the smell that was all baby. It was time.

**~0~0~0~**

Dean picked up a bottle of perfume sniffing the top and feeling a flood of longing flood through him. He missed her a lot and the smell lingered around him. It was almost too painful for words packing away her belongings into plastic bags and handing away her life to her parents who would just store them away in their attic or garage.

Dean stripped the room bare sticking everything from her clothes to her teddy bear into the bag. He looked over to an ornate teddy bear on the side that belonged to Amanda on the cabinet. He smiled remembering her devotion to the bear and still now he had no idea where it came from or even who it came from. Dean smiled softly letting it stay and collected the bags hauling them downstairs to the front door.

Sweat covered his brow and back leaving him exhausted and tired.

"I need to go the gym" he murmured wiping a hand across his brow and looked up when Castiel walked in handing him a glass of orange juice.

"It's a warm day" he said with a shrug. Dean eyed him and gave him the thumbs up in thanks as he gulped it back and handed the glass back.

"Thanks, Poppins"

"You are not funny"

"If there is one thing you'll learn about me, Cas, it's that I'm hilarious"

"Plus a bad liar" Castiel teased.

Dean stared at him shocked and laughed watching him walk back into the kitchen. He blinked startled at the burst of happiness in his chest and knew it was probably inappropriate. Dean picked up the bags hauling them out of the door and popped open the back of the car placing them inside.

Dean returned inside closing the front door with a quiet snap resting against it till he heard a gurgle and familiar sounds of Lucas. Castiel looked up from the floor where Lucas was lying on a play mat staring up at the animals and colours above him.

"It was a gift I think so I opened it out for him and well….he loves it"

"It was from one of his aunties from Amanda's side" Dean said dropping down on the couch cracking his knuckles and closing his eyes.

Castiel gave a faint smile looking down at Lucas and straightened up. "I had better be going"

"Thanks, Cas, you've been a great help"

"I'll see you next Saturday"

"Yeah" Dean said with a nod looking up at him as he pulled on his jacket and glanced over to Lucas.

"If you need anything or are in a predicament just call me"

Dean nodded looking away and hearing him walk out of the house closing the door behind him with a quiet snap. Lucas gurgled and cooed on the floor kicking his legs and feet as he stared up at the colourful objects. Dean looked away from him up to Amanda's picture and bit down on his lip.

"I hope wherever you are, you're kinda proud of me" he whispered with a shake of his head amused and dropped down crawling over to Lucas. "I know she's proud of you"

Dean pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead and smiled feeling waves of love as he gentle hands paw at his teeth and a sound of joy that spread through him and warmed him to the point where he knew things could only get better.

**A/N: This will be a slow progress one, guys; they aren't just going to fall in love straight away because that's a bit unreal. **

**Anyway, thank you for the reviews! **


	5. Chapter 5

They fell into a regular routine were Castiel would go around every single Saturday and Sunday bonding with Lucas and Dean. Lucas was starting to grow quicker and swiftly and gave his first smile when he was seven weeks old and Castiel was pulling funny faces at him. The small smile spread across his cheeks startling Castiel who held him close and called for Dean.

"Dean, he smiled!" he called upstairs hearing a bang and a shuffle as he rounded the corner.

"He smiled?

"He smiled!" Castiel said handing him over to Dean who gasped with a wide smile. Lucas smiled back at him starting to get to grips with the whole process. Dean nearly burst with pride as he looked him over brushing a hand into his dark brown curls and walked back into the living room.

"I've been waiting for this! Nearly two months old and already smiling! My clever little tiger" Dean said rocking him close and placing him in his playpen. "Smile, dude"

Lucas turned towards his voice and smiled up at him. Dean clapped his hands at him with a small smile feeling waves of delight pulse through him.

"You should be proud" Castiel said touching his arm. Dean glanced over to him and smiled in return. It had been a two months now since Amanda had passed. The grief was there still but made easier with Lucas's presence along with Castiel's even though it was only a few hours every Saturday and Sunday. Dean was learning something new about the guy all the time and enjoyed his company more and more with an underlying lust and desire for him. He hated himself for feeling it but he was amazing with Lucas and attractive enough to give him thoughts his own mom would disown him for.

In six weeks he was returning to work and wouldn't be seeing Lucas for most of the day which sent a scared shiver down his spine. He knew he would be in safe hands with Castiel but the thought of leaving him made him want to quit his job right now.

"Now all we need is laughing, his first words, and I'll be sending him off to college" Dean joked looking down at Lucas oohing and making small sounds of delight as he lifted his head and looked around. Castiel looked down at Lucas with a small smile nodding in agreement.

Their routine continued on very well with Lucas learning to clap soon after his first smile. Lucas was changing day by day to Dean's horror and delight as he passed his two month old mark heading towards three months old that scared the crap out of him. Castiel simply smiled amused at Dean's behaviour towards it seeing it every day and could only hold back so far.

Summer left and autumn entered with a cold chill and a multi coloured pavement from the fallen leaves. It was slowly and surely edging towards November 2nd and while Dean was secretly dreading it, Castiel couldn't wait.

"How's the job?" Balthazar questioned sipping his wine and looking over to Castiel who shrugged his shoulders.

"I start officially in two weeks' time and I can't wait" he said circling his finger around the bottle of beer. "I love my job and I love spending Saturdays and Sundays with them both more than you could ever realise. Lucas is incredible, he's growing faster than anything and he's three months old, he can smile, laugh, and clap his hands, he's looking around and he looks at you when you talk to him and he recognises me. I have my own smile when he's passed to me"

Balthazar stared at him with wide eyes and chuckled into his wine glass.

"I have to say this, Cassy, and we're all in agreement here…"

"Who is?"

"Gabriel, Anna and I are in agreement that you talk about the Winchesters 24/7 and it's getting a little boring"

"No I don't"

"You fucking do" Balthazar said with a raised eyebrow. "If it's not Lucas, it's Dean"

"He's my boss"

"Bullshit"

Castiel shook his head with narrowed eyes. "Dean is nothing but my boss who has placed me in charge of his son! I have no…feelings for him"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" Castiel said tilting the beer back into his mouth and swallowing the bitter taste back with a frown.

Balthazar chuckled amused and leaned forward shaking his head.

"I'm your brother, Cassy, and I know you better than anyone in this room and I know when you lie. When you lie, my dear, sweet, naïve, baby brother, you wrinkle your nose, your pupils go a little larger and you look away for just a second"

"That's creepy"

"Nope that's being a very observant big brother who knows from having a large family when the baby is lying to him"

"No that's being creepy and watching me too closely, Balthazar, and he is nothing but my boss and I'm his employee"

"Kinky"

"It is not kinky!"

"Whatever you say but you know what they say about history repeating itself" Balthazar murmured with a small smirk.

Castiel scoffed leaning back in his seat and looking away from him.

"I can't and I won't let it happen again"

"It already has"

Castiel felt a flare of irritation for his beloved brother and shoved away throwing down his notes for the share of the beer. He stormed out heading towards Gabriel's candy store.

"Gabriel" he called opening the door with a tinkle and inhaling the smell of chocolate and sweets.

"Oh it's you" Gabriel said poking his head around the corner. "I thought you were with Balthazar"

"He was being rather irritating"

"Did he talk about Dean and Lucas? Oh wait" he said with a roll of his eyes.

"Not you too" Castiel said with a groan. "Look it's not going to happen again"

"Do you know that for certain?"

"No of course not but I can't and won't let it happen…he's a friend"

Gabriel tilted his head and sighed deeply.

"If you say so"

Castiel huffed straightening and promised himself he would prove them wrong. They weren't wrong about him talking about them constantly but they were now a major part of his life and thoughts. He didn't want to deny either that he did like Dean; he liked him a lot more than he should. It was wrong of him but the attraction grew stronger day by day as well as his love for baby Lucas.

"I'll prove you wrong"

"Sure you will" Gabriel murmured with a snort of laughter. "You're such a dreamer, Castiel, you always have been"

**~0~0~0~**

"I go back to work tomorrow" Dean said in despair slumping on the couch and looking at Castiel who was sat on the floor with Lucas.

"I thought you were looking forward to it? You constantly inform me that you're bored and restless" Castiel said pulling Lucas up into a sitting position.

"I do, I'm bored and I need to get out of there but it's leaving him"

"Well…you are like his mother and father rolled into one and a mother always hates to leave her child alone"

"That's one way to put it I guess"

"It'll be okay, Dean, and anyway it's only one month away to December and Christmas"

"Oh don't start with that" Dean muttered with a groan covering his face. "I have my mom talking about it, I have Flo calling me about coming over to bloody France, and I already hate it"

"You have to make his first Christmas special, Dean"

"I will do and you know it"

Castiel flashed him a smile and picked up Lucas holding him above his head so he let out peals of laughter. Dean smirked in response at the small sound when a realisation hit him and he held out a hand.

"Um, Cas, I really think you shouldn't…" he said and groaned covering his mouth when Castiel placed him down in confusion only to be covered in a shower of sick. Dean gasped standing up and looking at Castiel gaping at the projectile vomit covering his face, hair, and clothing.

"He only just had his milk" Dean said as he took Lucas and wrinkled his nose in disgust and bit his lip holding back laughter. Castiel coughed and looked up at him with a grimace.

"Just…just wait there" Dean said moving away with Lucas and strapping him into his high chair and cleaning his face and chest before sticking in a pacifier. He breathed out with a puff of laughter before regaining composure and strolling back in.

"You can shower here and I'm sure I have clothes that will fit you" he said holding out his hand which Castiel took and hauled him up. Dean wrinkled his nose at the milky sick smell radiating from him and gestured for him to walk first. Castiel flushed embarrassed walking up the stairs and heading into the bathroom. It hadn't been the first time a child had vomited their sick on him but never this bad and he grimaced stripping out of his clothes.

Dean knocked and stood back when Castiel opened it a slit and smiled faintly in gratitude when he handed him a blue towel.

"When you're done there's clothes in my room, you can change in there" Dean said with a nod.

"Thank you" he whispered closing and locking the door with a snap switching on the shower and covering a hand over his eyes. Dean walked down the stairs and back to Lucas sucking on his pacifier and letting it fall out when he walked into the room and smiled clapping his hands.

"Oh pleased with yourself are you?" Dean murmured walking over and tickling him. "You have just puked all over Cas and you're just a happy little tiger"

Lucas clapped his hands clumsily together looking up at him till Dean scooped him up and looked him over.

"Let's get you changed" he muttered heading up the stairs and heard the rush of water. He glanced over to the shut white door and back to Lucas looking around in interest.

"Come on little man" he murmured taking him in and laying him out on the changing mat stripping him out of his dirty clothes and nappy. He changed into his multi-coloured pyjamas and placed him on his shoulder patting his back. The switch on the shower startled him and he moved slowly to the door peeking out and bit down on his bottom lip curious.

Castiel sighed in relief feeling clean and refreshed as he climbed out and wrapped the towel securely around his waist. He rubbed a hand through his wet hair and unlocked the door stepping out and gasping in shock when he looked over to Dean about to walk down the stairs with Lucas.

"Oh" Dean breathed looking over him. His eyes slowly raked down him taking in his flushed skin, the water coating his skin and hair, and his nakedness covered by nothing but a towel. Castiel flushed feeling exposed and turned towards the bedroom.

"I'd better…" he said heading towards it quickly.

"Yeah" Dean breathed turning his head away and moving down the stairs. He hurried down being careful to support Lucas who gurgled against his ear till he was placed in his bouncing chair and the cartoons were put on. Dean glanced at Lucas who looked towards it content and he turned moving to the kitchen and placed his hands on the table.

His eyes closed and the picture of Castiel showered and naked was now burned into his brain. Lust clouded his vision and he turned his head away biting his lip. Dean knew no one should look that attractive after a shower and certainly not his nanny. He had always had a weakness for blue eyes and those eyes were to fucking die for. Dean also appreciated the body most of all and wondered what it would be like to feel it all hardness and muscle underneath or on top of him.

His breath came out of him quicker and he looked down at the bulge in his jeans in horror.

"Fuck" he hissed and moved away hitting the counter and closed his eyes tightly imagining Amanda's father, Bill, wearing naughty lingerie and felt his cock slip and soften slowly away in disgust.

"Dean?"

Dean turned startled to see him wearing an old blue t-shirt he no longer fit and a pair of joggers he wore for the gym. He internally groaned looking over him and looked away breathing out slowly.

"How are you feeling?"

"A lot better than I was before" he said with a chuckle running a hand into his damp hair and peered into the living room. "He looks happy"

"Good…good" Dean muttered. "Do you want a coffee?"

"No, no, I better go and get these cleaned" he murmured holding up his clothes now in a plastic bag. "I'll see you tomorrow at 8 o clock"

"You officially start tomorrow"

"I'm looking forward to it" Castiel said with a small smile backing up and heading to see Lucas. He dropped down and smiled when Lucas looked over to him and away.

"I forgive you" he murmured stroking a finger down his cheek and standing up. "I couldn't stay mad at him"

"You were mad at him?" Dean said with a raised eyebrow leaning against the door frame.

"No of course not"

"I would be if he was sick all over my like that"

"I'm used to it"

Dean nodded looking down at the ground and looked up when he walked over picking at the t-shirt.

"I'll have these washed and given back to you"

"It's cool" Dean said looking him up and down before looking away nervously. Dean wasn't afraid to admit that he looked fucking awesome wearing his clothes.

"I'll see you tomorrow" Castiel said looking down at the ground and hurried out of the room. Dean exhaled turning towards the frame and hitting his head against it with a dull thud. Castiel hurried out of the front door and closed his eyes breathing hard and shook his head clutching the bag closer to him and walking away.

Castiel found himself outside of Gabriel's apartment and hammered hard till a hung-over Gabriel answered with a glare.

"This better be fucking good, you ass" Gabriel hissed when he barged inside.

"I'm wearing his clothes!"

"What?" Gabriel said slamming the door closed and heading towards the kitchen desperately needing coffee.

"Lucas threw up all over me and I'm wearing Dean's clothes" he said gesturing at himself. "You should have seen the way he looked at me"

Gabriel pinched his bridge and scrubbed a hand over his mouth before facing him and looking over him with narrowed eyes.

"Cute" he murmured looking up into his eyes. "What are you freaking out about? You're wearing his clothes, Castiel, big deal"

"No, no, Gabe, you don't understand! This is going into a very, very forbidden territory and you should have seen the way he looked at me"

"Was it full of lust and longing?"

"I think so"

Gabriel sighed pouring a black coffee and moving towards the couch to sit down and curl up.

"Castiel, I love you, you're my brother and I will do anything to help you but right now I have a tequila hangover and I stink of sex from a guy called Luigi who was very good looking with a good ass and I can't deal with this!" he said grabbing his sunglasses and slipping them on.

"Luigi?"

"Yes, Luigi, I think it's made up"

"Wow" Castiel mouthed looking away and sighing deeply. "Probably is, look I just…what do I do? He looked at me like he was two seconds from shoving me against a wall and fucking me"

"Is it a bad thing?"

"Yes!"

"Then don't let it happen!" Gabriel exclaimed. "I told you this would happen"

Castiel narrowed his eyes at him when he turned his back on him with a sniff.

"I should have gone to Anna" he murmured turning his back and heading towards the door.

"Castiel, Cas, come here!" Gabriel said looking over his shoulder and rolled over to sit up. "You're not going to Anna, I'm the best"

"Sure you are"

"Look" he said clapping his hands together once. "I told you, we all told you actually, that something like this would happen and you promised me all those weeks ago you would prove me wrong. If you don't want anything to happen then it doesn't have to because all you have to do is ignore it"

"Ignore it?"

"It'll fade away!" Gabriel lied with a shrug of shoulders. "If you act like it isn't there then it will just become…nothing"

Castiel exhaled and nodded for a long moment.

"I think I can do that"

"Good, now piss off" he murmured turning his back. "Love and kisses, bro"

Castiel rolled his eyes at him and turned away heading to the door to leave Gabriel in his hangover from hell.

**~0~0~0~**

Dean looked at his suit and breathed out feeling nervous and sick. His cell beeped with two new messages which he opened in curiosity.

_**Sammy.**_

_**Good luck on your day back. Call me after work. S.**_

_**Mom.**_

_**Everything will be fine, sweetheart. I'll call you at lunchtime. Xxx**_

Dean smiled softly pocketing it and looked over to Lucas lying on his back in the middle of the bed kicking his legs.

"Are you going to miss me, tiger?" he said moving off and scooping him up. "I'm going to miss you"

The knocker on the front door startled him and he turned heading downstairs letting Castiel in who wiped his feet and smiled softly.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sick" Dean muttered strapping Lucas into his bouncing chair and looking over to Castiel who walked over handing him a brown bag and a coffee.

"Breakfast" he said circling him and dropping down to Lucas. Dean stared at them surprised and looked down at him with Lucas who was smiling and clapping his hands.

"What's this for?"

"Well…I knew you wouldn't make one and you won't survive if you go without" Castiel said with a casual shrug. "I was being nice"

"Whoa, thanks Cas" he murmured sipping the coffee and blinking in surprise. It was his favourite. He looked in the bag to see a bacon and egg bagel and felt his stomach grumble in longing as he devoured it hungrily.

Dean straightened his tie afterwards and pushed off the chair and looked over to Castiel.

"Looks like it's the start of both our jobs"

"Well…not really for me since I've been here every weekend but certainly for you and just…try and ignore the people who gossip"

"Thanks, Poppins, that means a lot" Dean teased.

"Go away" Castiel murmured with a chuckle moving around him and heading into the kitchen. Dean looked over his shoulder and watched his ass move for a second before looking away with a faint blush to his cheeks and an awkward cough.

"Bye-bye" he murmured waving a hand at Lucas who stared up at him with wide eyes and smiled widely. Dean groaned bending forward and kissing his forehead inhaling the musky smell of his baby shampoo and drew away.

"Go, Dean"

"I'm going!"

Castiel watched him huff dramatically and move away out of the door. He shook the bottle gently hearing the soft roar of the Impala start up and moved down to kneel near the bouncing chair and placed the teat in his mouth.

"It's me and you all day now" he said with a soft smile looking into his dark green eyes which flashed and sparked in front of him. Castiel would heed his brothers' words and try to ignore whatever was stirring between him and Dean the best he could but if anyone asked for a flaw in him it would be his self-control. He didn't know if he could hold it in for long and wondered what the consequences would be if he and they both gave into temptation.

**A/N: PLEASE READ: I am off to Turkey tomorrow night! I will be away for one whole week which means there will NO updates until I get back and sit down to write the next chapter. It's going to kill me a little not to be able to write but this will be the reason I am not updating this fanfic. **

**Thank you for all the reviews! The response for this so far has been amazing so please leave me reviews? I'd like to read them when I get back. **


	6. Chapter 6

Their routine passed into an easy and carefree path whilst Castiel stayed at the house like he was meant to with Lucas and Dean went to work. Days passed into weeks as they circled each other ignoring that underlining desire bubbling between them hidden but noticed. Lucas was growing in leaps and bounds as he started to become more and more aware of what was around him and passed into the four month mark. Castiel loved every single second as he bonded with him and was also able to get to know him and Dean.

It was easier with Lucas who responded to him with gurgles and sounds of delight in his young age but it was a bit more difficult with Dean. He hated to admit it but they were both slowly becoming his life now and the attraction for Dean was going nowhere. The desire flowed around him scorching hot when he came home worn out and wearing a suit that shown off his ass in the most perfect way. Castiel ogled and lusted for him but soon felt the familiar wave of shame when he realised that he shouldn't be feeling this way about his boss.

Castiel was sat on the couch watching a cartoon about a magic wizard on the Friday when the door went and he heard the familiar sigh and groan from Dean coming in.

"Tough day at work" Castiel said patting Lucas gently on the bottom of his diaper as he let his head rest on his shoulder.

"People are utter bastards" he murmured with a shake of his head. "I really don't understand them"

"We are a curious bunch" he muttered with a smile when he came over for Lucas.

"How's my little tiger" Dean growled peppering kisses down his chubby cheek and smiling when Lucas cooed and smiled back at him.

"He's been good, he's had a very good day doing nothing at all" Castiel teased gently. Dean smirked rocking him gently and glanced at the time.

"Has he been fed?"

"Not yet"

"Good stuff"

Dean took off to the kitchen placing him in his chair and shrugged out of the jacket feeling waves of relief at finally being back home and comfortable. Castiel watched from the couch and bit down on his bottom lip gently ignoring the wave of muscles in his back and his ass perfectly on show. Desire screamed inside him wanting to be heard and he sighed knuckling his forehead.

"Cas?"

"Yes"

"Are you okay?" Dean said peering in at him confused.

"Headache"

Dean nodded opening the cupboard and tossing him a small bottle of white pills. Castiel eagerly accepted those knocking back two and sighing deeply.

"I had a rough night"

"Why?" Dean murmured in concern shaking the milk and leaning against the counter to watch him.

"I have noisy shits as neighbours who _love _to play hard rock all night without a care in the world and I can't do a thing about it because my landlord already hates me as it is, one of the kids is his niece and he adores her" Castiel said softly sitting down and looking over to Lucas who was sucking on his pacifier.

"Shit" Dean muttered shaking his head and moving over to snatch the pacifier and place the teat into his mouth. "Why don't you move?"

"I refuse to live with my brothers and sister, Balthazar and Gabriel are my brothers but I despise them rotten sometimes" he muttered with a small chuckle. "I can't afford it, not even with the money you are giving me"

Dean grimaced in sympathy not liking the bags underneath his eyes and looked over him taking in the tousled hair, the fitting clothes, and lean body underneath it with a hum of approval. It had been so long and the craving he had felt in his whoring days was starting to peak. His thoughts of when Lucas was in bed and slamming Castiel against the wall hard with a breathless kiss were disturbed by a shrill of his mobile phone.

"Hold this" Dean said gesturing at the bottle and scooping up the phone. "Hello?"

"Afternoon love"

"Mom, hey, I was going to call you back"

"You always forget" Mary scolded with a roll of her eyes. "How are you today?"

"I'm fine, Lucas is fine, and Cas says hello"

"Hello to both of them, I'm coming up to see you next weekend"

"Really? That's great, Lucas is missing his nana" Dean said in delight looking at Lucas guzzling his milk down hungrily.

"I can't wait to see him…"

Castiel stared at Lucas who watched back while Dean chatted to Mary aimlessly in the background. His dark green eyes flashed and he smiled letting milk spill down his chin.

"Messy little baby" Castiel said with a shake of his head cleaning him up and picking him up out of the chair to rub his back for burping. Dean ended the call and glanced over to them with a small smile.

"You can do my job all night if you want"

Castiel chuckled shaking his head and grimacing after a long minute when warmth spread down his back.

"What is it with you and being vomited on?" Dean muttered with a bark of laughter taking Lucas off him. Castiel sighed pulling it off and peering at the back with a scowl of disgust till he realised what he had done and turned to look at Dean who looked over with wide eyes.

"Do you go on sunbeds?" he said softly raking his eyes down the length of his side.

"No, just natural" he said turning his head away and quickly hurrying out of the room. Dean swallowed hard glancing at Lucas who turned his head to look at him almost comically.

"Dada is a little screwed" he murmured taking Lucas into the living room. Castiel scrubbed at his t-shirt getting rid of the milky sick feeling a faint pink flush coat his cheeks, neck, and chest feeling embarrassed. The back of his legs gave out as he sat down on the lid of the toilet with a small humourless chuckle.

"What the hell am I doing?" he hissed shoving his face into his hands and lifting up with closed eyes. "Don't do this, don't do this, don't do this"

"Come on little man" Dean said softly taking him upstairs and into his nursery to get him off to sleep. Castiel heard the commotion and pulled on his damp t-shirt edging towards the nursery and peering in through the slit to see Dean with Lucas.

"You look like her a lot you know" Dean murmured in the chair with Lucas in the crook of his arm as he shown him a picture of Amanda. "She loved you before she even knew you and was constantly stroking her bump calling you boo"

Dean's heart gave a painful ache and he looked down at him breathing deeply sucking gently on his pacifier.

"She would have loved you so much that she would be those mommies who worry 24/7 about their babies catching a cold or even burping" Dean said with a chuckle. "But she's watching you up there like she's supposed to and probably cursing and laughing at me for anything I do because your mommy was like that"

Castiel smiled stepping back and moving back downstairs. Dean rocked him till he was breathing even more deeply and fast asleep. He gave a small smile placing him in his cot and stepped out walking downstairs to see Castiel pulling on his jacket.

"Are you leaving?"

"I thoughts that's what I do every night" Castiel said with a small smile.

"Well I was wondering if you wanted to stay for a drink, I feel like the only time I see you is with Lucas"

"I am his nanny"

"You know what I mean"

Castiel rubbed his lips together gently and sighed with a nod. "Why the hell not"

Dean smirked heading into the kitchen and noticing him shrugging off his jacket and moving into the living room. His heart gave an unexpected jump as he got out two beers promising himself he wouldn't drink too much even though it was the weekend.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel hiccupped wiping his mouth and shook his head at Dean.

"Dean, I've had one too many" he said softly glancing over to Dean who chuckled and nodded.

"I promised myself I wouldn't do this" he said sipping the last of his beer and settling into the warmth of the couch. It surrounded him and comforted him like no other as he looked over to Castiel.

"Cas, can I ask you a question?"

"Yes"

"What happened with your last job? I mean before you met me and my baby"

"It's a long story" Castiel murmured circling his finger across the top.

"We have _all _night"

Castiel frowned deeply looking over to him and exhaled looking up at the dimly lit ceiling.

"It was with a family, it was a mom, a dad, and two little children. They were incredible, sweet, kind, and I loved them for their creativity. The parents…well, the mom was amazing, she was kind and a good mother to them but the dad…he was different, strange, but compelling" he said softly. "He loved his wife and children but behind closed doors and with me it was a whole different story…he was flirty, charming, and I was a fool. I fell for him even though he was my boss, he was a father and a husband but I didn't care, why would I care? We exchanged numbers and we were constantly texting, secret calls, and I felt so guilty for what I was doing and I swore I fell in love with him"

"Whoa" Dean murmured with wide eyes.

"He kissed me though one night, he cornered me and I let it happen…I shouldn't have and the next day I quit. I cut off all contact, I changed my number, and I moved away. It hurt, it really hurt but I soon realised after many weeks it wasn't love I felt it was just plain old lust" Castiel said looking over to Dean and biting down on his bottom lip.

"So you're a bloke guy?"

"I guess" he said with a shrug. "I find women attractive but it's not the same"

Dean hummed in agreement and kicked back.

"I was a little slut before I got Amanda pregnant and then it…ended. It was odd because with women you just know what it's going to be like and with men…it's unpredictable and hot" Dean said slowly looking over to him.

"Oh" Castiel murmured not meeting his eye contact.

"I find it easier with a woman but different and more…satisfying with a man. I like it slow and rough…all that wall slamming, grinding, hair pulling, and all those pretty moans" Dean murmured watching him closely. "I start off with one of those breathless kisses that leave you hard and gagging for it. I'd have them pinned against a wall kissing them over and over and over again till they were desperate for breath before moving down their neck and leaving my mark for them to remember me every single time they looked in the mirror. I'd remove the clothing very slowly before shoving them onto the bed and working my way down that chest. It's great when you find their weak spots"

Castiel swallowed looking over to him and seeing the mischief and desire blown in his eyes causing him to shiver and look away.

"I like causing a sweat and teasing them till they're _screaming_ my name and begging me to fuck them so hard they'll feel it every time they walk. I wouldn't though. I'd kiss all the way down to the stomach and hipbones, _oh fuck, _hipbones are such a bonus. Close your eyes and imagine a warm mouth sucking and nipping along that skin…you're horny, breathless, and hard as fuck, and for arguments sake I now have your hands tied or bound so you can't touch yourself…why ruin the fun with a hasty orgasm? You're stuck and my hands are slowly taking down your underwear till you're just a naked, sweaty, mess but those moans are filling the room"

Dean smirked when Castiel groaned turning his face away and curling in on himself.

"Back to me then, I'd move off there hipbones and pay attention to the most important part and I have to admit I'm quite good at a blow job" Dean whispered and chuckled looking away. "I'd lick, suck, and tease them rotten till they were screaming and wait for the orgasm of all orgasms before milking them dry and then…well…"

Castiel swallowed hard avoiding all eye contact with him feeling sweat trickle down the nape of his neck and his cock harden slowly and torturously. It didn't help that he was imaging that he was the person he was talking about.

"Plenty of lube and I'd stretch him out till he can fit three fingers inside of him before fucking him till he can see the solar system….hard…fast…till we're exhausted and importantly more than satisfied" Dean muttered softly. "That's the best kind of fuck and an all-night long with different positions is an awesome bonus"

Dean blinked surprised when Castiel lurched up and moved out of the room quicker than anything. He swallowed hard and moved feeling the room tip and sway blurring his vision before adjusting and following him out.

Castiel swallowed back the water and threw the rest away slamming the glass down gently.

"Cas?"

"What?"

"Are you okay? I haven't freaked you out have I?"

"No, no, no you haven't I just…" he said softly and shook his head. "I better go"

"I have freaked you out haven't I?"

"No" Castiel said watching him move closer to him. "I just…I really need to leave"

Dean looked over noticing the faint sheen of sweat on his brow and the obvious bulge in his jeans.

"Or…I've done the opposite of freaking out"

"I better go" Castiel muttered moving forward and gasping softly when he stepped into his path and peered into his eyes.

"Were you imagining yourself?"

"If I said no would you believe me?"

"Nope"

"I'm leaving"

Dean watched closely as he sidestepped him with a slight wobble to his step as he pulled on his jacket frantically. Castiel could feel his eyes burning into him with question and curiosity in them.

"Would it be so bad?"

"Dean, please, let's just leave it and I'll see you on Monday" Castiel said patting his pockets and meeting his eyes.

"I don't think it would be too bad…I think it could be awesome and needed" Dean said slowly and softly.

"I think-I think it needs to be forgotten and we're a little drunk so we better just forget it and continue like we have" Castiel said quickly with a nod backtracking keeping his own little promise as he headed to the door and exited quickly.

Dean watched as the front door closed and sighed looking around the kitchen with a curl of disappointment. His own desire for him flamed and died down slowly and painfully till he was left with nothing but longing and a sick tickle to his stomach.

Castiel walked down the street with a slight blur to his eyes and a wobble to his step hearing Dean's words echo in his ears. Dean was right when he said it had the opposite effect and it was very, very needed but it was _wrong._ He couldn't do it again and he had survived these weeks and months battling with his inner desire and he could continue on with an unyielding stubbornness.

**A/N: I'm back! Did you miss me? Thank you for all the reviews! They were a lovely read to come back to after a long bloody journey. **


	7. Chapter 7

To say Dean was embarrassed was an understatement as he woke up the next morning to the familiar wail of Lucas at 5am with a pounding headache, a tongue rough as sandpaper and a wave of shame. He couldn't quite grasp what he had done and said to Castiel who took off running in the night and groaned into his hands.

"Fuck, Dean" he hissed slamming a palm over his eyes. "He won't come back now"

Dean pushed the warm cover off and moved into the nursery to see his screaming child kicking in his covers and a red faced Lucas.

"Calm down" he murmured scooping him up and patting his back. "It's 5am, Lucas, give dada a chance to wake up"

He proceeded downstairs attempting to soothe him and flicked on the lights with a hiss when the light burned and hurt his eyes. Lucas whined gently into his shoulder and stared up with wide tired eyes when he placed him down into his chair strapping him in.

"I'll be right back with your precious milk" he muttered moving away and preparing it up. Dean thought back to his more than intimate words and shook his head.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he muttered feeling waves of shame pulsate inside him. Dean didn't quite know why he said it just after Castiel had told him he had left a job because of his feelings for his employer but it had happened. His thoughts were interrupted by a whimpering cry from a hungry Lucas demanding his milk.

"Greedy monkey aren't you? Guzzling all this milk" Dean murmured placing it down and picking Lucas up. Lucas blinked and opened his mouth eagerly sucking the teat and wrapping his hand around Dean's finger. Dean smiled at the small movement and sat down gently on the sofa watching over him.

"Dada was very, very, very silly last night and did something very stupid and if I've lost your nanny because of me I swear I'll make it up to you" he said softly looking into his eyes staring back at him unyielding. "Cas is the best thing that's happened since your mommy passed away"

Dean waited till most of the bottle was finished before taking it away and slapping him gently on the back listening to his cooing and gurgling as he did it. His mouth formed into a small smile watching him and he caught the milky sick escaping and falling onto his bib.

"Good boy" he soothed softly letting him fall back gently into his lap gurgling and making soft sounds like he was talking to him. It baffled Dean how advanced he now was with his sounds, his smiles, his laughing, and his clapping. Lucas was in the beginning stages of rolling over and it scared Dean half to death when he attempted to roll on his stomach and failed rolling back.

Dean knew Castiel saw more than he did what with work draining away his life and soul. He sighed placing him on his back on the fluffy white rug and watched as he handed him his gum ring. Lucas took it grasping it in his hands and brought it to his mouth biting and chewing gently on the red toy.

"Shall we go park?" he murmured looking up and desperately needing a coffee. Lucas cooed watching him as he scooped him up once again with a groan strapping him in his high chair and putting the kettle on. His back hit the counter as he turned to look at the semi light window in front of him and groaned internally at the fact he was awake at this hour.

The hours passed by and Dean became quickly more alert as he decided to take Lucas out to the local park at 11am. Dean held his cell in front of him and pressed dial ringing Castiel's phone.

Castiel who was half awake sat up startled when the singing tune erupted near him and he scrambled pressing it to his ear.

"Hello?" he croaked rubbing his eyes.

"Cas?"

"Dean" Castiel murmured sitting up and peering around the small room confused. "Is it Monday?"

"No, no, it's Saturday" Dean said with a raised eyebrow.

"Is it Lucas? Is he okay?" Castiel said panicked lurching near enough off the bed.

"No, no, he's fine, he's perfect in fact…no, I was just wondering if you have nothing to do if you want to join us in the park?" Dean said nervously picking at his t-shirt like a lovesick teenager.

"Oh" Castiel breathed and swallowed rubbing his forehead. "I-I don't have any plans and that sounds good"

"Seriously"

"Yes, I'll be at the house in twenty minutes" he said softly.

"Brill, um, okay, I'll see you then" Dean said surprised hanging up and looking over to Lucas dressed in his stripy top, blue dungarees, and white booties staring back at him with wide green eyes and slightly curled dark brown hair.

"Well aren't you a gorgeous tiger" Dean said with a smile and chuckled when Lucas clapped with a smile. "Cas is coming over and he's coming to the park with us isn't he? I didn't scare him away after all"

Dean turned breathing out quickly and attempted to get himself together feeling strange nerves flutter around inside of him. It was a foreign feeling that he didn't not dislike.

Castiel dressed quickly running a hand through unruly bed hair which refused to flatten now and he eventually gave in grabbing his keys and running out. Dean was waving a toy at a restless Lucas who whimpered letting his pacifier fall out in protest. The door sounded to his relief and he moved towards it throwing open the door to see tired blue eyes, messy bed hair, but a small smile gracing his features.

"I thought you wouldn't come"

"I'm here aren't I?"

"I'll go get him" Dean said stepping back and moving to get Lucas. "We're going moody ass"

Castiel smiled when the pram came into view and was pushed outside. Dean closed the door and stopped looking over to him as he greeted Lucas with a wave and smile that got a coo in response. Lucas looked over to him with a smile of delight.

"Cas…"

"Yes" Castiel said looking over to him and away.

"I'm so sorry for last night man, seriously, I'm a mess when I'm drunk and that was so…so out of order of me to come out with all that in front of you and I am so sorry" Dean said holding up his hands. "I don't want you to take off and leave because I need you and Lucas needs you more than anything and I just…I won't do it again, I was just…"

"Dean, its forgotten" Castiel said interrupting him with a smile and a nod. "It didn't embarrass me or…anything like that and I understand you were drunk because so was I and it happened but let's just forget about it and accept it as a drunken outburst"

Dean stared at him surprised and bobbed his head in agreement. "Okay, good, right, let's go the park"

Castiel gave him a soft smile when he grabbed the pram and moved it down the path. It faltered when he was in front of him and he had to agree with himself that when Dean came out with that all it had both terrified and thrilled him like nothing else. He did imagine himself in between the words and while that aroused him painfully it also scared him to death. It was wrong to feel that way and he swore to himself he would never do that again despite how he felt and how even Dean felt.

The walk there was silent and slightly awkward between them as they reached the local park.

"You look tired" Castiel commented.

"Yeah well waking up to a five am start can really affect you when you're hung over" Dean said with a roll of his eyes.

"I think I should stay away when you're drunk"

"I become the little whore I used to be when I'm drunk…I really am sorry"

Castiel gave him a small humoured smile and found a bench sitting down. "It was rather…explicit"

"I know" Dean murmured with a cringe sitting down next to him and looking at Lucas staring around the large area with wide curious eyes. "I shouldn't have done it right after you told me about your last job…I'm asking for trouble"

"Let's just forget it" Castiel said quickly glancing over to him. "If we dwell on it, it will become awkward and I wouldn't want that since Lucas would be able to sense it and well…I don't want it to be awkward between us"

Dean nodded slowly tilting his head up and looking up at the blue sky and the high sun and wondered if it could truly be ignored between them. He liked Cas, really _liked _him and couldn't help the thoughts and words slipping out. It had been far too long since he had been with anyone, men and women, so his hormones and emotions were haywire and desperate for some relief.

Castiel smiled at Lucas who clapped his hands clumsily together and arched his head looking up and around.

"I bet you can't wait till he's talking and walking"

"I think that scares me the most, I don't want him telling me what a loser and a failure I am"

Castiel turned sharply in shock and shook his head. "You can't think like that, Dean, you are an amazing father and you need more faith in yourself"

Dean snorted and rubbed his forehead feeling queasy. His eyes looked over to the ice cream truck and stood up.

"Do you want a soda?"

"Please"

Dean moved away looking back over his shoulder to see him bringing the pram towards him and holding out his hands to Lucas.

"Two sodas" he said handing over the money and his hands for the sodas. Dean walked over to see Castiel with Lucas now in his lap covered in a towel protecting him from the sun.

"Why is he out?"

"He was looking and feeling restless" Castiel said holding him in his lap and against his chest. Dean rolled his eyes in response handing him the soda and sat down next to him watching Lucas kick his hands and feet enjoying the suns warm rays.

"Oh how adorable" a soft female voice said coming into view and peering at Lucas. "How old is he?"

"Nearly five months" Dean said looking at the woman passing by.

"How sweet, he looks just like you" she said looking over to Dean. "It's rare to see two parents such as yourself"

Dean looked over to Castiel and shook his head. "Oh no, no, no, he's my nanny"

"Your nanny?" she said shocked glancing over to Castiel who nodded.

"Oh" she said with a blink and straightened up. "How different!"

"Yeah" Dean agreed looking down at Lucas. "I need the help though"

"I see that" she said with a small warm smile backing away and moving down the path. Dean watched her leave and turned to Castiel with a raised eyebrow.

"I think we're going to get that a lot"

"I agree" Castiel said amused grabbing Lucas's fists and playing with them gently. Dean smirked at the sight and turned his head leaning back and relaxing under the warm sun feeling content.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel hammered on Gabriel's door that Sunday morning and waited patiently for him to answer. Gabriel opened the door with a glare peering at the clock and back to Castiel with a wide mouth.

"Not being funny bro but have you seen the time?"

"10am" Castiel muttered brushing past him and stepping inside.

"Has a lie in ever crossed that bloody mind?" Gabriel said with a deep scowl slamming the door shut.

"Not since I have become involved in childcare, no" he said sitting down and looking at Gabriel who rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"You're a pain in the ass"

"You're an insufferable dick" Castiel said with a smile.

"Touché"

Gabriel sighs dramatically moving into his little kitchen and switching on the coffee machine and leaning against the counter watching him.

"So why have you graced me with your presence and not gone to Balthazar?"

"You are closet"

"I am the best sibling"

"No, I mean Balthazar lives across town and you don't"

Gabriel places a hand over his heart wounded and turns to the coffee machine pouring two cups and moving over.

"Let me guess….you're here to whine to me about the Winchesters"

"No"

"Liar"

"It's difficult for me"

"It really isn't, Cas, you want him, he wants you…"

"You haven't even heard what I'm going to say!"

Gabriel groaned sitting back and gesturing at him to continue.

"It was Friday and I stayed behind after Lucas went to sleep and we drank more than we should. Dean got a little drunk and we went into sexual preferences…he went into a lot of detail about what he would with a man and well…I imagined myself and I freaked out running away and I just…"

"He went into detail about what he would with a man?"

"Yes, sex with a man"

"He's gay?"

"Bi-sexual"

Gabriel hummed sipping the coffee and tilted his head back. "So…he went into a lot of detail about having sex with a man…you imagined yourself…and now you're freaked out?"

"We said we would forget it so it wouldn't be awkward and it isn't really but…it's more difficult now"

"I told you…"

"You have to help me!"

Gabriel snorted amused shaking his head and straightened up to look him in the eye.

"I can't help you, Cas, as much I would like to because these are your feelings and I told you it would happen again"

"It won't"

"It already kinda has…"

"No it hasn't, it was just drunken talk" Castiel protested standing up and moving over to the TV and collecting his borrowed DVDs. "I promised myself I wouldn't do it again and I need your help to not let it happen"

Gabriel hummed tapping his finger against his lips and nodded. "Dating"

"What?"

"Date…someone…else" Gabriel said slowly with a wide smile. "I'll set you up, I know a few gay men that might tickle your fancy and give you a good fuck as dessert"

"I don't know, Gabe" Castiel said with a wrinkle of his nose.

"It's your choice but if you don't want these bloody feelings for him to disappear then you date other people and see what goes from there" Gabriel said clapping his hands together. "You never know, Cas, you could find that special someone"

Castiel swallowed chewing around the edge of his thumb and bobbed his head once.

"Fine, fine, I'll do it but-but get someone I'm going to like instead of the people you like"

"Tight ass, good body, and a great personality…what else is there to want?"

"I'm serious, Gabriel"

"Christ, fine, I'll get you a safe, boring, old gay" he said downing the rest of his coffee. Castiel glared at him and turned away to look out of the window to the cloudy sunny day. The whole dating process terrified Castiel to no end and the thought of sitting at a bar or even at dinner with an unknown man frightened him but if meant not succumbing to his feelings for Dean then he would.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean arrived home from work tired the next day to hear sounds from the living room and looked in to see Lucas in his chair and Castiel playing a bizarre game of peekaboo. Lucas giggled and cooed in delight every time he reappeared with a call of "peekaboo".

Dean leaned against the doorframe watching the bizarre game and felt warmth every time Lucas laughed at Castiel.

"Wow" Dean said startling him as he turned and blinked.

"You're early"

"Yeah, my boss let me go early today" Dean said with a smirk of amusement moving into the kitchen for a drink. "I got to see that though and it was so worth it"

"It's a little game he seems to really like and he rolled over"

"He did?" Dean said amazed and moved to Lucas clapping his hands and scooping him up. "Clever little boy!"

"Yes he seemed very proud of himself and rather alarmed he was now on his front without help" Castiel said amused picking up the toys scattered around the room. Dean smirked kissing Lucas on the top of his head and inhaling the smell of his baby shampoo.

"Cas?"

"Yes, Dean"

"I was wondering if you could do me a huge favour tomorrow night"

"What is it?"

"I have a friend, her name is Jo and we were quite close in school before she upped and left to California and she's coming down tomorrow and well…I'd love to meet up with her but I need a babysitter" Dean said strapping him in his high chair.

Castiel pursued his lips slightly nodding in consideration. "Do you want me to babysit?"

"If it's not any trouble and I'll pay you overtime" Dean pleaded fixing the milk.

"Okay"

"Seriously"

"Yes"

"Oh you're an angel" Dean exclaimed with a grin. "Thanks Cas"

Castiel nodded with a small smile picking up his jacket and pulling it on. "I'd better be going"

"Sure, I'll see you tomorrow"

Castiel bent down pressing a small kiss to Lucas's head and smiled softly at Dean before taking off and leaving. Dean watched him leave and tilted his head watching his ass before turning away with a hum of approval.

Dean fed Lucas, changed him, and rocked him to sleep in that hour till he was fast asleep and gone from reality. He sat down on the couch and stared at the TV playing a cop show he hated and gave a sigh leaning back into the cushions. His eyes looked around the quiet area and he felt a pang of loneliness. It shouldn't bother him and he should enjoy the silence instead of wanting someone there with him.

Castiel arrived back at the flat and scowled deeply at thump of music from next door. He let out a deep sigh moving into his bedroom and flopping on the bed shoving his recently purchased ear plugs and stared across his empty bed. Castiel wondered if this new friend he was meeting was really a "friend" or something more. Dean sometimes mentioned that maybe one day Lucas would need a mommy figure. He cringed burying his head into the pillow hating the jealously and possessiveness surge up inside him. Castiel prayed for the phone call from Gabriel with this upcoming date he had promised so he could feel the relief from these feelings slowly building up inside him and he knew when they came out eventually because they always do it would be explosive and life changing.

**A/N: This should be a long fic because it's a slow build up towards it. They're not just going to fall in love suddenly, they're going to fall in love with each other over time with the help of the baby and other stuff happening. **

**Thank you for all the reviews! Your response is awesome. **


	8. Chapter 8

Dean straightened looking at his shirt and turned looking over his shoulder to see Castiel holding Lucas at the door.

"You look very nice" Castiel said softly peering down at Lucas who looked back with innocent eyes. "Doesn't he?"

"I'm nervous, I haven't seen Jo in such a long time" Dean said with a hard swallow. "I should be back about half ten"

"Okay" Castiel said with a quick nod looking over him wistfully and turned his back heading into the nursery.

Castiel switched on the soft amber light so it sent the room into a dull but pleasant around the area. He switched on the soft lullaby and gently started to rock Lucas to sleep shushing him and pacing around the room till the motion sent him slowly off to sleep. His stomach twisted and jumped at the thought of Dean going out and meeting this new stranger. There was an unusual fond look in his eyes when he mentioned her and it made Castiel squirm with jealously.

Fifteen minutes later, Lucas was fast asleep breathing deeply in his cot and Castiel moved out and downstairs inhaling recently sprayed aftershave and liking it a lot.

"Honestly do I look okay?"

"You look and smell very nice" Castiel said pausing on the final step to look at him. Dean nodded running a hand into his hair and glanced over to him.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Dean"

"Okay, okay, I was just checking" Dean said pulling on his coat. "Thanks for this, Cas"

Castiel nodded watching him wink at him and snatch up his keys as he walked out. The flutter of butterflies erupted in his stomach and he bit his lip when the door closed over. He hoped very much that he didn't bring her back to the house because he wasn't sure if he could quite stomach that.

Dean arrived outside the chosen bar and breathed out slowly controlling his nerves and walked inside. The bar was spacious and dimly lit with a somewhat seductive feel to it as he passed men and women dressed like they shit out thousands of dollars.

"Dean!" a voice squealed and he walked over to an excited blonde hugging him. He clung to her slender form and pulled back gaping in shock.

"Holy shit" he breathed looking her up and down. "You've changed…a lot"

"I would hope it's a good change" she said looking him over and nodding in appreciation. "You haven't, you're still gorgeous with male model looks that every guy in here longs for"

Dean snorted dropping down on the seat opposite her taking in the free curls and nodded.

"It's been years, I couldn't believe it when you called"

"We grew up together!" she said sliding over a beer and sipping her own. "California is gorgeous, seriously, and I love my job so much. It was the best decision to go into force"

It had always baffled Dean that Jo had become a police officer but it suited her style, she was a fighter and always had been.

"I, um, I heard about your girlfriend" Jo said softly reaching out and taking his hand. "I am so sorry"

"Yeah" Dean said with a twist of his mouth. "I have a little boy now, his name is Lucas"

"Oh how sweet, do you have a photo?"

Dean nodded pulling out his cell and pushing it over towards her so she could see the wallpaper. Jo gasped shocked and looked over to him with a wide smile.

"He's gorgeous" she breathed and pressed her lips together eyes shining with a soft emotion. "I can't believe you're a dad, you…the serial whore"

"I can't believe it myself sometimes" Dean admitted inhaling his drink down and wiping his mouth. "I have help though, I have a nanny"

"Posh" she said with a snort of laughter.

"Fuck off, he's a male nanny and he's incredible, seriously, he's been a massive help and I'd probably be a fucking mess right now without the guy"

Jo blinked astonished leaning back in her chair to regard him. "What's his name?"

"Castiel"

"Oh how odd" she said with a quirk of her lips. "You do have a soft spot for him though"

"What?"

"Little light goes up in your eyes when you talk about him and I don't know…you just do don't you?"

"No" Dean lied looking down and ignoring Jo's soft laughter.

"Lying to a police officer, naughty"

"Shut up, you're in my territory now, sweetheart"

"You've not changed" Jo said pleased with a nod. "I'm glad you haven't"

"I'm a dad now and I have changed more than you can imagine"

"No longer a whore but still a handsome dick" Jo teased and laughed shuffling back when he aimed to kick her.

"What about you? Any man on the scene" Dean said taking an interest.

"There was one or two but they faded into nothing" she said with a small frown. "Men are dicks anyway"

"Harsh words"

"They are! It seems you lot no longer care for relationships and only care about sex and beer"

Dean threw back his head with a loud laugh whilst she rolled her eyes amused.

"They are out there; you just keep getting the bag eggs"

"I'll keep that in mind"

Jo hummed and finished her drink looking over him once again. "I know it's early, way early, but are you going to date again?"

"What? Oh…I don't know, I mean, I keep saying to Cas that Lucas is going to need that mommy figure but the thought of bringing in another woman to replace Amanda like that is…it's unthinkable"

"Well…maybe in the future or this Cas…" she said with an offhand shrug.

Dean wrinkled his nose and looked at their now empty glasses. "Another?"

"Please" she said watching him leave and nibbled on her bottom lip in concern for her oldest friend. Dean hit the bar and signalled to the bartender who nodded giving them another round.

Jo looked up when he handed her another beer and sighed deeply.

"How's Sam?"

"My little brother is going to become a super lawyer like he's meant to"

"Your mom"

"She's good; she's excited about being a nana"

"That's brill; my mom now owns her own little bar"

"No way"

"Way" she said with a small smirk. "She fucking loves it and Ash is helping her out"

Dean smirked amused sipping the froth and licking his lips.

"I miss Ash; he's a good guy even though he's weird as fuck"

"That is my kind of adoptive brother you're talking about"

"Oh come on, he's a freak and you know it"

Jo grinned and shrugged her shoulders at him. "He's…edgy and likes to be unique"

"He's a freak" Dean said with a chuckle.

"I miss school so much sometimes; I miss hanging out with everyone"

"I know I feel the same way" Dean answered wistfully glancing around the bar. "I miss Kansas a lot"

"Why did you move here? It took me forever to find this bloody place"

"To get away, it held too many memories"

Jo smiled sadly at him and reached out cupping his hand. "It's one thing after the other with you isn't it?"

"Yeah" Dean said with a nod. "It can only get better though, it has to"

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel was dozing on the sofa when he heard the living room door open and opened his eyes to see Dean walking in.

"Hey" he said softly looking down at him with a small smile.

"Hello, Dean"

"How's he been?"

"He woke up once for a nappy change and milk before falling straight back to sleep" Castiel murmured rubbing his eyes and sitting up. "How did it go?"

"Great, it was great, I loved seeing her again" Dean said sitting down next to him heavily. "I have a headache though and a twitch in my shoulder which is going to kill me tonight"

Castiel hummed shaking his head and clicked his fingers. "Turn around"

"What?"

"I am not just a babysitter and a nanny…I am a fantastic masseuse" Castiel said softly.

"Oh really" Dean said with a surprised chuckle.

"Turn around" Castiel said kneeling on the couch and watching as Dean turned his back towards him and waited. Dean gasped when warm hands started to rub his shoulders and his thumbs shifted into circular circles on his muscles. He stifled a moan leaning back into his touch.

"Fuck, you're good at this" Dean breathed when he rubbed a sore muscle till a soft moan escaped his lips. Castiel swallowed hard ignoring it and rubbed down his back slowly feeling the muscles underneath his hands twitch before moving back up.

Dean leaned back into the touch hitting the firmness of his chest and bit down hard enough to break the skin of his lip. Castiel stroked his fingers up the back of his neck into the softness of his hair and swallowed hard again enjoying the silkiness.

"You-you weren't wrong about being a fantastic masseuse" Dean hissed shutting his eyes when he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I try" Castiel murmured finishing up and sliding his hand down his arms before removing them. Dean breathed opening his eyes feeling Castiel's breath quicken in his ear and looked over his shoulder.

"That was great, really great actually"

"You're welcome" he said in a small voice avoiding his eye contact and gently stood up. Dean steadied himself looking up at him as he moved away and went to collect his jacket and shoes. He remained silent rolling his shoulders and sighing in bliss. It was really, really, good and Dean looked down at his jeans seeing the bulge and flushed.

"Thanks for tonight…and everything, Cas"

"It's fine" he said with a small smile zipping up his jacket and turning to face him. "I'll see you tomorrow"

"Yeah" Dean said with a bob of his head slowly following him till he reached the door and looked back once with something that looked a lot like wistfulness, lust, and confusion before it disappeared as he left.

Castiel hurried till he circled around the corner and hit the wall with a soft groan. The sounds Dean had made had shot right through him and it wasn't helping him in the slightest. He groaned looking around and pulled out his phone dialling Gabriel's number.

"Hello" Gabriel sang down the phone.

"Do you have a date for me?"

"I motherfucking do" Gabriel said with a grin. "His name is Marcus Peters, he's smart, he's got a great personality and he works in that local bar, Joni's"

"Right and you told him about me?"

"I did and I arranged for the two of you to meet tomorrow at Windy Bay"

"What? I don't get a say in this?"

Gabriel snorted amused shaking his head. "You wanted this! He's psyched to meet you, so, tomorrow tonight at 8pm he will be there"

"I have no idea what he looks like!"

"He knows you, I shown him a picture"

Castiel covered his eyes rubbing the bridge. "I think this is a bad idea"

"No, no, you are not backing out of this unless…are you giving into Dean?"

"No I-I can't and it would be wrong of me"

"Then you are dating Marcus tomorrow…you'll love him"

"You think this will work?"

"Maybe" Gabriel lied with a roll of his eyes. "He's a good friend, you'll like him"

Castiel could only hope as he ended the call and trudged on back home in silence and deep in thought secretly glad that Dean didn't bring back his old friend.

Dean walked upstairs slowly entering the nursery and looking down in the darkness hearing Lucas breathe softly fast asleep. He smiled softly and looked over to the window before walking over and dropping down into the rocking chair. Dean looked out into the still of the night seeing stars way up above but no moon to complete it.

"What's a star without a moon?" Dean murmured leaning back and drumming his fingers gently on the handles. "I wish you were here Amanda, I could do with a chat right now from someone willing to beat sense into me"

Dean chuckled gently glancing over to his sleeping baby and looked away thankful for Castiel.

"You would have liked him and probably wanted him" he murmured looking out and closed his eyes. "I really shouldn't want him because it's wrong of me and he's Lucas's nanny but…I do and I can't help it. I don't know what to do anymore and I know he likes me, I can see it and even feel it…but I just don't know"

Silence met him apart from the occasional snuffle from Lucas deep in his dreams. Dean kinda hated the silence and stood up exiting the room going into his empty room. His eyes looked over to the empty cold bed with a pang and he sighed undressing.

"Another lonely night" he murmured slipping under the covers and turned his back at the window staring through the darkness and waited for sleep to claim him.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Is it a bird, is it a plane, no, it's super baby" Castiel called holding Lucas over his head as he zoomed him around in the air. Lucas let out peals of laughter kicking his legs with eyes shining wide in delight. Castiel chuckled low bringing him down and lifting him suddenly so he giggled.

"Oh my arms hurt" Castiel muttered placing him on his hip and moving back into the living room. Lucas whined at the loss of a brilliant game and wailed until his pacifier was stuck in and he was placed on the fluffy rug.

"Dada will be home in ten minutes and then you are all his, you little monkey" he teased shaking his head at him. Lucas looked up at him and smiled so the pacifier fell out as he lifted chubby hands in the air towards him.

Dean was more than glad to see his house and couldn't wait to cuddle his baby. He sighed opening the front door to hear baby tunes playing in the living room and walked in.

"Hey"

"Hello, Dean"

"How's my little boy?" Dean said holding out his arms for Lucas eagerly and scooped him up.

"Happy" Castiel said smiling at Lucas who babbled nonsense and sounds.

"Good" Dean said nuzzling Lucas's forehead and looked over to Castiel with a tiny frown to see him hurriedly collecting his things.

"Are you leaving so soon?"

"Um, yes, I have a…a date"

Dean blinked startled and moved placing Lucas in his high chair strapping him in and turning towards Castiel.

"A date? Like going out with a person kind of date?"

"Yes, um, my brother has set me up thinking I need someone in my life" he said zipping his jacket up with a small chuckle. "I don't even know the guy but it's a start I guess"

Disbelief and hurt burst inside of Dean who blinked over and over again trying to digest this little bit of information.

"Wow" he murmured folding his arms over his chest. "I thought you weren't dating"

"Well why not? It's getting a little more depressing every night seeing an empty space in your bed"

Dean looked down at the lino and nodded quickly. "I, erm, I know that feeling rather well"

"Wish me luck?" Castiel said nervously shoving his hands into his pockets and trying to ignore the look of confusion and even hurt evident in his green eyes.

"Luck" Dean said looking up at him to see the familiar soft small smile just for him before it disappeared and he took off. He waited till the front door closed behind him before looking over to Lucas leaning back in his chair chewing on his toy aimlessly.

"Well" Dean murmured feeling a burn of jealously at the thought of Castiel and this stranger. "I wasn't expecting that"

The night passed too slowly for Dean who put Lucas to bed early and sat on the couch staring at his cell. He had an overwhelming urge to call Castiel with an emergency but cringed at the thought.

"What are you doing?" Dean murmured pushing it away and pushing his head back into the cushions. Images of Castiel with this stranger he had conjured were in a bed doing things he would die to do to him. It caused his heart to beat a little faster and he groaned slamming the cushion over his face and prayed it was the worst date possible.

Dean knew it made him seem petty and selfish but he didn't care. It wasn't fair and he cursed himself for being so stupid about something that could never ever work for them.

"Things can only get better" Dean murmured softly into the silence willing these words to come true sooner rather than later. It just wasn't fair.

**A/N: Ha, you guys are awesome! Keep the reviews coming? **


	9. Chapter 9

Castiel was having a nightmare. It was hell wrapped up in a bow and he despised Gabriel more than anything in the world as he hammered on his door. Gabriel opened it confused and bleary eyed to see his little brother storm in with furious eyes and a sharp twist to his mouth.

"What the hell were you thinking?!"

Hour earlier, Castiel had got back to his apartment dressing into more casual but formal clothes. He stared in the full length mirror and tilted his head taking in his appearance. Castiel only hoped it was good enough as he walked out and grabbed the dusty vodka bottle he ignored because truth be told he _hated _vodka. The taste was bitter on his tongue and he grimaced screwing the lid on and inhaled deeply.

"You can do this" he whispered with a nod heading out and towards the restaurant that Gabriel had picked. Castiel hovered outside staring up at the luminous sign above him finding the courage and walked in eventually. He scanned the area wondering who to look for and bit down into his bottom lip.

He waited and turned when a figure called his name loudly and he stared at the curled brown hair, the bronze tan and charming smile in surprise.

"Marcus?"

"Call me Mark" he said with a wink shaking his hand.

Castiel blinked at the heavy american accent that he only heard in movies these days and followed as he gestured at him to follow him.

"So, Castiel, you have a weird fucking name"

"Oh, yes, I come from a religious family"

"I know your brother has a weird fucking name as well" Marcus cried and opened up his menu. "I am starving!"

Castiel blinked looking down at his own menu and looked over everything not feeling the slightest bit hungry now. He looked up when the waiter came over asking for their orders.

"I'll have a double cheeseburger with all the toppings and a beer, my good man"

"S-Same" Castiel stuttered and swallowed hard clasping his hands together. "So, um, you work in a bar?"

"Yeah" he said with a nod. "It's getting me by so I can get enough money to move out my mom's"

"You live with your parents?

"Yeah but it's cool" he said with a casual shrug.

"So tell me about yourself?"

"I'm Mark, I'm twenty four, and I work in a bar. I love getting wasted, hot guys and generally just loving life" he said with a grin. "Gabriel told me you're a nurse"

"What? No, no, I'm a male nanny"

"What?"

"I care for children or babies"

"Kids" Marcus said with a mock shudder. "Vile things"

Castiel stared at him in horror and leaned back in his seat. "You hate children?"

"Well, no and yeah, all they do is poop and throw up whilst crying and yelling" he said with a deep scowl. "But hey I don't judge your choice of being a nanny…even though it's weird"

"Wow" Castiel mouthed looking away from him and biting down into his thumb.

"I couldn't believe it when Gabriel set us up!" Marcus exclaimed. "I've seen you around and well…you're hot"

"Thank you" Castiel said leaning back and looking up when the waiter came over and placed two beers down with a curt nod before leaving. He took it eagerly tipping it into his mouth and sighed in relief at the cool taste.

Castiel stared at him in a mixture of horror and surprise when he went off into a little story about a time he was so wasted and mentally cringed. He had never wanted to take off and leave in his life but couldn't because he wasn't rude. Marcus waved his hands in the air animatedly while Castiel imagined cruel and torturous ways of killing and destroying Gabriel.

"…and then he actually vomited into my mouth!" Marcus said when Castiel came out of his daydream. Castiel blanched and looked away in disgust to see their meals coming over and nearly sobbed in relief.

"It's about time, I'm starving" Marcus said tucking in. Castiel stared at his food like it was his lifetime and ignored him the best he could as he ate away. Their food disappeared quickly till Castiel was left with a full Marcus leaning back in his chair patting his flat stomach.

"Do you like what you see?" Marcus whispered with a wink.

"I think we should get the bill" Castiel said with a cringe signalling the waiter.

"Great! We can go back to my place….get some dessert…I have chocolate sauce" he whispered with his tongue between his teeth and a sly wink.

Castiel couldn't not stare at him in complete disgust and looked to the waiter.

"Bill please" he said and looked over to Marcus with a shake of his head. "I don't think that's the best idea, Marcus, I have to be up very early tomorrow"

"Dude"

"Yeah" Castiel said scrambling for his wallet and taking it out for his share of the bill. Castiel threw the money down when it arrived and stood up.

"I'll walk you out" Marcus said brushing past him with a wiggle of his hips. Castiel pressed his lips into a tight line and followed him out into the cold night and glanced around.

"Well it was a pleasure to meet you, Marcus"

"You too, do you want my number?"

"I-I don't think that's for the best" he said with a nod stepping back.

"Wait! Can I ask one question?" Marcus pleaded stepping towards him and grabbing his hand. Castiel zeroed down on it and nodded.

"Do you like threesomes? Because I know this great guy who would be so up for it and we can like…bond" he said looking over him with lust in his eyes. "You've got a great ass"

Castiel snatched his hand away and shook his head frantically. "No and no again, I-I have to leave right now"

Castiel turned hurrying away and didn't once look back despite the protestations behind him. He shuddered and shook himself with disgust and seethed heading towards Gabriel's.

"What the hell were you thinking?!"

"Aren't you supposed to be on a date?"

"With _that _guy?!" Castiel hissed and shuddered again. "Why would you set me up with that? He is _you _but _worse_!"

"Whoa he's a great guy" Gabriel protested.

"He thought I was a nurse, he hates children, he lives with his mother, and all he wants is sex and threesomes" Castiel ranted furiously. "I told you not to set me up with someone you fuck!"

"I have never fucked him!"

"I couldn't care less about you at this moment and I knew it was a mistake letting _you _set me up with someone"

Gabriel let his mouth fall open in hurt and snapped it up with narrowed eyes.

"Okay, I made a mistake setting you up with Marcus but I thought he could be good for just…sex"

"I don't want that, I need someone who will help me get over Dean" he whined closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. "I'm going to ask Balthazar or Anna instead"

"No, no, no, you can't!" Gabriel said shaking his head and hands. "I know way more people than they do and they know straight people anyway. I promise I'll set you up with someone amazing and…boring"

"You said that last time and gave me, Mr Creep"

"He's just constantly horny"

"I am not his salvation"

"Salvation" Gabriel said with a chuckle and placed two hands on his shoulders. "I'm the best brother and sibling out of all us aren't I?"

"No"

"I am and I am going to set you up so you can get over this little crush"

"Promise me?"

"I promise" he said with a grin.

Castiel narrowed his eyes and sighed deeply with a nod trusting the older brother once again. He said his goodbyes and threats to Gabriel before setting off to his flat and was surprised to hear nothing but silence.

He let out a burst of joy seeing his bed and curled up underneath the covers thankful that tonight was over. It couldn't get any worse, could it?

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean looked at Lucas who stared back with wide eyes. "Say, dada"

Lucas stared back and smiled at Dean who sighed straightening up with a shake of his head.

"How about…Cas…can you say, Cas?"

Lucas gurgled slapping his hands down on the plastic top and ignored Dean.

He sighed disgruntled and looked down at the message from Mary informing him she couldn't visit after all after some work arrangements had come up and would call him soon.

Dean rolled his eyes slurping his coffee and turned when the door went and hurried opening it to reveal Castiel. Castiel gave him his small smile and stepped inside kicking off shoes and his jacket.

"How did it go?" Dean said casually following after him.

"Oh the date" Castiel said with a wrinkle of his nose. "It was….completely and utterly awful"

"Oh" Dean said with wide eyes and a little tickle of relief laughed and whooped in delight inside of him.

"He was awful in every way from working in a bar, living with his mother, and hating children"

Dean bit his lip stifling a laugh and smirked when Castiel looked at him and pointed a warning finger at him.

"Don't you say a word"

"He sounds like a right hoot"

"He asked me if I wanted to have a threesome with him"

Dean laughed and nodded walking to peck his lips on Lucas's forehead.

"I think you should marry him"

"You are not funny"

"I am hilarious" Dean said brightly feeling waves of relief flow through him and winked at Castiel who looked over his shoulder watching him leave for work. Castiel bit down on his lip and let out a groan throwing back his head.

"Your dada is not helping in the slightest" he said dropping down at the kitchen table taking Dean's forgotten coffee and sipping it. "It doesn't help when I dream about him, I see him every day and no one will match him"

Lucas pushed his fist into his mouth staring at Castiel in interest. Castiel smiled looking over to him and leaned back in the chair to watch him.

"You have no idea what I'm talking about and don't even care unless its milk, toys, and that cartoon you love so much"

Lucas squawked squirming in his seat till Castiel sighed removing the straps and pulling him out to place on his hip.

"I'm hoping this next date is better than the last or Gabriel is in for a world of pain" he said with a nod sitting down on the couch and placing him to sit on his lap, back against his chest, and a content expression on his face when the cartoon came on.

It didn't get any better. Three days later Castiel went on another date after informing Dean who nodded and wouldn't meet his eyes which both confused and alarmed him. Castiel turned up at the Lowe Arms pub with a mixture of dread and apprehension.

"Richard Blake?" Castiel said staring at the man with the declining hairline, grey eyes covered with glasses, and a small pleasant smile.

"Castiel, what a pleasure to meet you" he said shaking his hand firmly. Castiel swallowed hard and felt like he was dating his old history teacher. Castiel sat and listened to the man as he talked about his life as a cook, his desperate need to find someone to settle down with so they could go travelling, collect shells, and cook together.

"I'm a nanny, I look after small children and babies" Castiel had informed him when he asked about his job and fought back a laugh when he gaped in surprise.

"What an odd career choice" he said finally and Castiel knew that was it. He sat back and tilted his head up supressing a groan and finally pushed his drink away and stood up.

"I'm going to be blunt, Richard, I don't think this is going to work between us considering the age difference, difference of opinion, and…I don't think I'm quite what you're looking for" Castiel said with a small nod and smile before retreating and leaving a bewildered Richard behind with his glass of white wine.

"How the hell did you meet him?" Castiel ranted down the phone to Gabriel.

"He cooks a mean steak and we got chatting! I thought he'd be perfect for you"

"No, Gabriel"

"Fine! You are never satisfied are you?"

"You keep giving people I would rather run away from then date, Gabe"

"You always were fussy and a dreamer, Cas, do you think they're going to be perfect?"

Castiel scoffed covering his eyes. "Gabriel, that's it, I…"

"No, no, no, I'll-I'll get another one for you"

"Gabe, I don't…"

"I will! He'll be perfect"

Castiel sighed when he hung up on him and fell face first on his couch with a muffled grunt. His thoughts went back to Dean and he turned his head pulling his phone towards him and dialling his number.

"Hey, Poppins" Dean greeted him answering in surprise.

"Hello, Dean"

"How did this date go?"

"It was yet again awful, he was in his fifties, a cook, and looking for someone to settle down with for long walks and collecting shells" Castiel said with a groan and smiled softly when he laughed at him down the phone.

"He sounds amazing"

"Will you always be this sarcastic when I tell you about my disasters?"

"No" Dean lied with a chuckle tilting his head back onto the couch liking the relief spreading through him. It felt nice and even though he was selfish for not wanting Castiel to be with anyone he didn't care.

"I sense a lie there"

"Oh come on, Cas, it's funny"

"For you, yes, not for me who has to listen to these creeps my stupid brother is setting me up with"

"Well why don't you stop?"

"I don't want to…there must be someone out there who is good for me"

"Yeah" Dean murmured scratching his nails down the soft softly. "He's out there"

Castiel smiled gently feeling giddy. "Has Jo been around?"

"No, she flies back in a few days and has gone back up to Lawrence"

"Oh"

"Why?"

"I thought…she was more"

"Jo? God no, I mean I like her but only as a friend and I have Lucas to think about now" Dean scoffed.

"Very true" Castiel said biting his lip and scrunching up his nose. "I better get some sleep"

"Me too, night Cas"

"Goodnight, Dean"

Dean hung up and slumped down with an exhale of relief and longing. Castiel let out sounds of despair burrowing into the cushion and stayed there till he had kinks in his neck and a sore back.

_**~0~0~0~**_

It didn't get any better for Castiel who went on more dates after that with Gabriel's friends or confidants that seemed to get worse and worse. The next date was a week later with a man called Carlos Bennett, he was in mid-thirties, receptionist for a major company, recently discovered he was gay after many relationships with woman, and very highly boring with a controlling attitude. He turned his nose up at everything Castiel held dearest and that was over in a matter of hours. His next was Martin Hughes, a seventeen year old which Castiel had laughed at and walked away cursing Gabriel till he actually hung up on him. Castiel had told Dean of every date so far and stood and watched as he laughed in amusement. It wasn't helping in the slightest that every time he did it, it warmed him and made it even harder.

Lucas was five months and three weeks old when he was sat with Dean and Castiel at dinnertime when he said, "da" and they turned towards him shocked.

"Did he just…"

"I think he did" Castiel said with a smile looking over to Dean. "I think he's trying to say dada"

"Say it again, Lucas, say dada" Dean pleaded looking over to Lucas who smiled clapping his hands but didn't repeat the word. Dean didn't care though as he beamed with pride.

"I've been trying to get him to say it and…your name"

"What?"

"Well you're a big part of his life now, Cas, and he has to know your name" Dean replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Wow" Castiel murmured flattered and looked down at the kitchen table with a small smile.

Dean didn't notice as he busied himself with Lucas with a small beaming smile that shown every emotion as he handled him. Castiel jumped when he felt a vibration in his pocket and excused himself to answer it.

"I know you're angry with me" Gabriel said loudly down the phone. "I know I have been the worst brother ever for getting you dates but just take this one"

"No"

"Castiel, please, I don't even know why I didn't suggest in the first place because he's fucking _perfect _for you. I bumped into him and we got chatting, I may have mentioned you and a picture plus your life story and he's interested! His name is Chris Miller and he's twenty nine, he's a kindergarten teacher and well… look I arranged for the two of you to meet at the gardens, no drink, no food, just talking"

"I don't know" Castiel said with an exhale of despair.

"Please? It'll be the last one I swear"

"I hate you"

"I love you too, bro"

"When and where?"

"Well, are you free now?"

"Tonight?!"

"It was a spur of the moment and you have…two hours"

"You ass, I swear to…"

"Bye bro!" Gabriel called hanging up on him.

Castiel seethed pocketing his phone and turned walking back into the kitchen to see Dean holding Lucas high in the air. Giggles filled the room and he smiled at the sight before moving forward and collecting his jacket.

"What was that about?"

"Gabriel"

"Another date" Dean said with a smirk knowing deep down it would be just as crap as the others.

"Yes" he said with a sigh and small smile. "I'll see you two tomorrow"

"Bye-bye, Cas" Dean said waving Lucas's little fist at him.

Castiel smirked and turned on his heel heading out. He headed back home dressing into casual clothes and drinking back more vodka till he was gagging and leaning against the wall for support.

"One more date and that's it" he said with a nod zipping up his jacket and headed back out to walk to the gardens. Castiel walked towards the gardens glancing up at the starry sky and bit down on his lip scanning the area seeing no one and wrinkled his nose disgruntled.

"Are you Castiel?" a soft voice said and he turned quickly to see a figure moving into the light. Castiel looked over the masculine features, the soft brown hair, and the hazel eyes open and honest in the yellow light. He stood with his hands pushed into jean pockets and a warm coat covered him. Castiel inhaled shakily and smiled with a nod.

"Yes, you must be Chris"

"Yeah, I'm really glad you turned up I was starting to think I would be standing in a park all alone and that's a little creepy" he joked with a small curl of his lips. Castiel chuckled and nodded scanning the area.

"I'm sorry if I seem awkward…I haven't many successful dates thanks to my brother"

"It's fine, I feel the same, I…I haven't done in a long, long, time" he said and looked behind him. "Do you fancy sitting down for this?"

"Yes" Castiel murmured following after him and sitting down next to him on the bench.

"Gabriel told me you're a nanny"

"Yes"

"That's great, really, you don't see many these days. I'm a kindergarten teacher"

"Really?" Castiel said softly and leaned back with a nod. "I get a lot of backlash for my career choice with a lot people believing it's a woman's job and not a man's"

"That's just sexist!" Chris exclaimed horrified. "I'm a male teacher"

Castiel laughed shocked and nodded eagerly. "I say that all the time but I get weird looks"

"Well I like your career choice" Chris said flashing him an easy smile. "I was surprised when Gabriel brought you up and this whole date"

"Why did you accept?" Castiel said tilting his head. "I mean, I was honestly forced into this because I didn't want to since they have recently all been disastrous"

"Honestly? I don't know. I got out of a pretty serious relationship over a year ago, I found out that he was cheating on me and he broke my heart. It took me forever with numerous one night stands to get over him and I'm…I'm sick of being cooped up all alone every night marking work that little children have gave to me. I saw Gabriel and he was all chatting and eager, he talked about you and I thought…why the hell not? It's worth a shot and here I am" Chris said glancing over to Castiel. "So are you going to tell me a little bit about yourself? Because all I've got over here is your name is Castiel, you're twenty seven, you're a nanny, and you're gorgeous"

Castiel opened his mouth and closed it with a snap flushing a faint red.

"Um, thank you, and where do I start?"

"Start from the beginning" Chris teased leaning back and watching him with soft eyes as Castiel started to talk easily.

They spent three hours in the park simply talking, exchanging stories, laughing, and bonding with each other in the best way. Castiel stood up when he seen the time and watched as Chris stood up and handed him a slip of paper.

"My number, I'm giving it to you to call me" he said shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I will" Castiel said with a nod. "I have to go though; I need sleep for tomorrow since I look after Lucas"

"I look forward to your call" Chris said leaning forward and pressing his lips to his cheek. Castiel inhaled the woody smell of his aftershave and glanced over to him surprised and a little dazed. Chris flashed him a warm smile before leaving and left Castiel to stare down at the number.

He fumbled for his phone and pulled it out dialling Gabriel's number.

"Castiel" he said softly.

"It looks like someone finally listened to me"

"No way"

"Way, he's great, Gabe"

"Yes!" Gabriel whooped. "Is there a second date?"

"I think so" he said with a nod and bit down feeling discomfort stir in his heart and stomach screaming a simple question at him. _What about Dean?!_

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean turned on the radio letting the kitchen flood with music that he danced gently to and looked over to Lucas sitting in his chair wide eyed and bed hair. It made him smile at how cute he looked and he turned when the front door opened and Castiel stepped in.

"Finally using that key I gave you?"

"It seemed appropriate" Castiel called over to him.

"How did it go?" Dean said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

Castiel pressed his lips together and nodded. "It went well; very well, I have a second date"

Dean's smirk faltered and he blinked. "What?"

"It actually went well, his name is Chris Miller and he's a kindergarten teacher" Castiel said shrugging his shoulders. "We got talking and he's nice, he's funny and very different from all the other dates"

"Oh" Dean breathed and swallowed hard. "I, erm, I wasn't accepting that"

"Me either" Castiel said clapping his hands at Lucas who retaliated. "I guess I got my lucky chance with this one"

Dean didn't say anything and felt a cold chill run down his spine as he watched Castiel unstrap Lucas and place him on his hip as he babbled away. It wasn't good and he dug his nails into the counter realising how foolish he was to believe it would be just as awful.

"Shit" Dean mouthed looking over to Castiel walking into the living room not noticing Dean's apparent discomfort over this.

"I'll be back later" he called collecting his things and hurrying out.

"Dean, wait you haven't had your break…fast" Castiel called and stared at the now closed door confused. "What was that all about?"

Lucas cooed behind him and he turned looking at him with a small smile. Castiel admitted it did feel good to finally find a good egg out of the bad but was still so unsure. His feelings for Dean burned strong inside him without a flicker in the flame and he did wonder if he was doing the right thing but only time would tell.

**A/N: I have so many ideas involving these three now, Cas, Dean, and Chris, which some will like and some may not. **

**Thank you for all your feedback!**

**I recently discovered today that my fanfic, Forbidden, had been recced in a fanfiction high school AU list which has made me very, very, happy. I have never been recced for anything involving my writing. Hehe! **


	10. Chapter 10

"Okay, spill" Sam said as he leaned into the cushions and looked at Dean staring stubbornly at the TV. "I come all this way to come see my big brother and my nephew and I get this?"

"Sorry" Dean muttered glumly flicking over the channels till he found an old western film shooting guns. "It's nothing, nothing at all, just certain people finding other people and getting along very fucking nicely"

Sam blinked confused and glanced over to Lucas sleeping soundly in his playpen and back to Dean with a frown etched into his features.

"Okay…what?"

"You wouldn't understand"

"Try me"

"It's…nothing, I'm being stupid and petty and a jealous ass" he muttered with a sigh folding his arms over tightly. "Cas has met someone"

"Your nanny, Cas, the guy you can't stop talking about?"

"He's met a guy called Chris and he's motherfucking perfect for him with his teaching and his humour and oh so funny stories" he growled pushing his finger down hard on the button.

"Whoa, you reek of jealously" Sam muttered pinching his nose and smirking when Dean shoved him hard. "Come on, Dean, so he's met someone is it really such a big deal?"

"It's been a week, Sam, and every day after I come back from work to take over he leaves to see this Chris dude and he's with him right now as well!" Dean protested straightening up and glancing towards the window. "They've gone to this fucking flower show that Chris desperately wanted to see"

"Wow" Sam murmured fighting back laughter. "You really like him"

"No, I just…"

"Don't you dare and lie your way out of this!" Sam cried shaking his head. "You like him, really like him, so you have to tell him"

"I can't, Sam"

"Why not?"

"Because he's my baby's nanny and he told me…he told me that he fell for his previous boss if you want to call it that. Cas hated himself for flirting with the guy and then kissing him, he quit the job and ran for the hills" Dean said stabbing the remote control into the soft cushion underneath him. "He doesn't want me"

"How do you know…"

"Because he's dating this Chris isn't he?!" Dean said exasperated and turned when Lucas whimpered from being woken up and he sighed moving off to collect him. Dean shushed and soothed him whilst rocking him gently back to sleep but he struggled with a wail in his arms. Dean sighed deeply placing him on his hip and moving over to Sam who held out his arms for him which Dean was grateful for.

"Look, Dean, has he shown any sign at all he likes you"

"Um, well there was a bit of a moment between us when we were drunk and I became a bit of a whore" he said nervously scratching his neck.

"Have you kissed?"

"No?"

"Have you done anything intimate?"

"No, Sam" he said with an eye roll picking up the toys with a sigh. "It-It isn't like that and he's made it perfectly clear that there is nothing between us"

Sam frowned gently looking down at Lucas who was staring back at him with wide eyes in confusion and slight awe.

"Have you met Chris?"

"No" Dean muttered throwing them in his toy box. "All I know is he's an kindergarten teacher, he's funny, apparently, and Cas likes him"

Dean swallowed looking out of the window and felt an ache spread through his chest that had appeared when Castiel informed him cheerfully that he was off to see Chris for their third date. It hurt more than anything and he could stand and watch as he walked away whilst holding Lucas close to him.

He turned glancing over to Sam who was now distracted with Lucas wailing and kicking his feet. Dean smiled softly at the pair of them and wondered what Castiel was doing right now with a pang.

Castiel looked over to Chris talking with an elderly woman about flowers. He looked over his back and bit down on his bottom lip contemplating their situation. The second date ended up in a restaurant of his choice were they both wined and dined each other. To Castiel's surprise it was a comfortable and easy affair for the both of them as they grew to learn more about each other. He observed the small but funny stories with amusement as Chris drove him back to his apartment and they stood outside.

"I usually wait for the signal but I kinda really want to do this" Chris said softly looking into his eyes.

"What?" Castiel breathed and gasped softly when he descended on him giving him a brief kiss. His stomach flipped and he pulled back looking into the warm eyes with a blink of surprise. Castiel hesitated before moving back in and kissing him back with a flick of his tongue. It was foreign for him as they kissed slowly in the night air.

It was a dog barking in the distance that separated them both as Castiel stepped back with a small cough glancing towards the main doors.

"I-I better get in, I'll call you"

"You better"

Castiel blushed turning on his heel and hurrying up towards his apartments. He touched his lips and squinted rubbing his lips. His hand found his phone and he opened it running down his contacts till he fell on Dean's number and his finger hovered over the call button. Castiel let his head fall back as he decided against it and pocketed his phone.

He decided to tell Dean the next day who leaned against the counter watching and listening with a keen interest. Castiel watched the flare of disappointment in his eyes and bit down on his lip when he turned away with a hum of interest.

The third date came along as they went to the cinema to see a film and ended up kissing and groping in the back of the cinema.

"What are we, teenagers?" Castiel hissed at him looking around.

"Nope, you just look handsome in this light" Chris whispered moving in and cupping his cock. Castiel gasped pressing his lips together and moaned shaking his head.

"No, we can't" he hissed removing his hand and glancing at a couple staring at them in horror and disgust.

Chris chuckled glancing at Castiel who rolled his eyes at him focusing on the film instead. The film ended on a low note as it had a rather bad ending.

"There is nothing worse than a good film with an awful film!" Chris said with a shake of his head. Castiel hummed in agreement when they exited the building and strolled towards the car.

"Hey, you fancy coming back to mine?" Chris said when they slid into his grey audi.

"I can't, I have to be up early for…"

"Lucas and Dean" Chris said with a nod staring straightforward.

"You understand, right?"

"Of course I do, Castiel, it's your job" Chris murmured glancing over to him and smiling softly. "I'd really like to do this again"

"Me too and I think we will" Castiel teased looking down at his hands in his lap.

"Yes how about this Saturday?"

"Saturday?" Castiel said interested.

"There's a flower show across town and I'm a bit of a gardener and well I really want to go…you fancy coming?"

"Yes"

"Brilliant" Chris said with a grin turning into the road where Castiel lived.

Castiel had leaned over pressing a kiss to his lips and halted when Chris gripped the back of his neck deepening their kiss till Castiel could taste the butter of his popcorn and the sweet taste of his pop. They parted and he sucked in a deep breath staring into his eyes.

"Wow" Chris murmured looking him over.

"I better go" Castiel whispered moving backwards and opening the car door.

Castiel had run up the stairs and threw himself in the apartment and cursed the music bounding across the hallway. He dove into his bed and struggled under the covers listening to his hearing his own heartbeat instead and the rush of breath leaving him. The kiss had left him breathless, yes, but the excited thrill wasn't there. It didn't leave him wanting _more. _Castiel decided to ignore that and instead focused on dating him. He was funny, sweet, kind, and basically perfect for him with his love for teaching and interacting with children, his cool and casual manner and honest personality. So why didn't it feel right?

Saturday arrived and Castiel looked out of the window at the passing scenery whilst Chris drove them to the flower show. It was when they arrived that Castiel realised he couldn't care less about gardening or flowers.

Chris turned towards him when he finished contemplating them and kissed him gently.

"Wakey wakey" he said with a small smile.

"Sorry" Castiel murmured touching his cheek and looked at the flower with a raised eyebrow. "We've been dating for a week now and look at us"

"Surprising isn't it?" Chris teased brushing a hand on his lower back and moving down the aisle. Castiel watched after him and hummed disinterested and wondered what Dean and Lucas were doing right now and was it any better than this.

Sam frowned when Dean took a wailing Lucas off him and shushed cradling him close and paced up and down the room.

"He looks peaky, Dean"

"He's fine, I woke him up and he's pissed" Dean said with a roll of his eyes. "He's like Amanda"

"It's so weird watching you like this"

"I know" Dean murmured when he eventually settled Lucas to snuffle softly into his shoulder now exhausted from all his wailing and crying. "It's a fucking wonder"

"Mom is so proud of you"

"Are you proud of me?"

"Of course I am" Sam muttered with a roll of his eyes and shifted lying out across the sofa. "I'm thinking when I'm finished with the degree…I come and live with you"

"What?" Dean said baffled rocking side to side with Lucas staring and sucking his pacifier hard. "I thought you would have wanted to stay behind"

"No, I-I love it there, Dean, I do but you're my family and you need me"

"Aw, Sammy, I don't want you sacrificing yourself for me"

"Don't be stupid"

Dean huffed and peered at Lucas. "Is he asleep?"

"No"

"Damn" Dean whispered rocking him again and glanced over to Sam. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, Dean, and I'd like to bond and watch Lucas grow up as well and I know you have Cas but…"

"I know, I know" Dean said with a sigh. "Lucas adores him"

"Well he would do"

"Lights up like a bloody Christmas tree when he strolls in"

"Well if you ever _did _get with him then you would have the approval of the most important person"

Dean smirked gently and let his cheek rest against his fluff of hair.

"But it's never gonna happen, Sammy, he doesn't want me, he wants him"

Sam frowned deeply watching Dean turn away and croon a lullaby to Lucas who rested his head on his shoulder with heavy eyes. He didn't personally know Castiel, not yet, but he put it upon himself to prove Dean wrong and get Castiel realising he was making a huge mistake dating this other guy.

_**~0~0~0~ **_

Sam left that Monday with promises to call and that he would return soon. It left Dean another week of work of listening to Castiel talk about Chris and it irritated him to the point when he wanted to punch Castiel and make him forget all about Chris or kiss him breathless till he forgot instead. It caused a barrier between them when Dean arrived back home tired needing food and his baby whilst Castiel told them about their day and soon left to be with his new "boyfriend".

Dean hated it. He hated Chris with a passion, he hated the light in Castiel's eyes when he talked about him, and he _despised_ more than anything the small purplish bruise on Castiel's collarbone from a mouth that wasn't his.

It hit the next weekend when Dean arrived home early and opened the door to reveal a sweet smell and nursery rhymes playing in the living room. He frowned walking through and saw cookies on the side and Castiel with Lucas who was sleeping in his bouncing chair.

"Hello, Dean" Castiel said with a small smile.

"Hey, what's with the cookies and why is he asleep?" Dean said confused dropping his jacket down and moving towards them.

"He's been a little restless as usual" Castiel replied with a small twist to his mouth.

"He's not been sleeping well either, it isn't something I should be worried about is it?"

"No, no, he could be teething"

"Alright, so why are there cookies?"

"I baked" Castiel said with a shrug.

Dean raised an eyebrow with a smirk glancing at the chocolate chip cookies and snatching one up taking a small bite.

"Fuck" Dean breathed looking over to him with wide eyes. "These are _gorgeous"_

"You flatter me, Dean"

"You're seriously perfect at everything aren't you?"

"No"

Dean gave him a sneer eating one up and taking another one. "Liar"

Castiel smiled at him and turned away looking down at Lucas still sleeping. "He might now sleep tonight"

"He won't anyway, he's the reason I look like a reject from a Michael Jackson – Thriller, video" Dean replied with a scoff.

"You don't, you look beautiful"

Dean blinked surprised looking over to see him to see his eyes widen at his declaration and a faint pink flush coat his cheeks and forehead. Castiel coughed and moved to collect his jacket and shoes.

"I'll see you on Monday"

"Yeah, yeah, sure…what are you up to this weekend?"

"Nothing for now apart from seeing Chris"

"Sure" Dean said turning his back on him.

Castiel swallowed hating the distance that was between them now. Their conversations were brief from the ones they used to have and he hated it. It had been two weeks with Chris and he had grown to like him a lot more than he did at the beginning but apart from kissing, groping, and an occasional hand job they hadn't had sex. Castiel could see the frustration in Chris's eyes dwelling there and he knew he was being frigid and weird but he couldn't do it and he didn't know why.

"What are you two going to do?"

"I don't know yet, maybe the park or a walk" Dean replied with a shrug.

"Sounds nice"

"I'll see you Monday, Cas"

Castiel nodded eagerly and nodded at the cookies. "Enjoy, they are for you"

"Thanks, Cas"

Castiel blushed at the wink and moved out of the house swiftly. Dean hummed looking over to Lucas and frowned deeply.

"My poor sleeping baby" he murmured crouching low and touched his forehead feeling heat but nothing too serious.

Castiel arrived home and slumped on the phone pulling out his phone and answered the call.

"Balthazar"

"Hello, Cassy"

"What can I do for you?"

"Drinks? I've hardly seen you"

"Not my fault you've been fucking half the country"

"Now that is a downright lie, come see me"

"Fine"

Castiel hung up and saw one new message from Chris.

**Can I see you tonight? X **

Castiel sighed typing his reply and dropped it on the couch.

**No, I'm meeting my brother tonight for drinks. I'll call you tomorrow. X **

He arrived two hours later outside of the local pub and entered into the smoky room filled with smoke, beer, and the chatter of many people dotted around. Castiel instantly spotted Balthazar flirting with a group of woman in the corner and sighed walking over.

"Ah, there's my eldest brother"

"Cassy" he said struggling out of his grips and pulling him into a bone crunching hug and dragged him away from the woman. "I hear you are in a relationship"

"Gabriel told you I see"

"I'm more hurt that you didn't"

"It's early days for me and him"

"I thought you held a major crush for this…Dean?"

"I did" he lied looking at the bar. "Drink?"

"Please" Balthazar said watching him get up and collect them. Castiel came over with a wine for Balthazar who gladly accepted it and a beer for himself.

"You, baby brother, are a terrible liar. You still like Dean, don't you?"

"No"

"Don't you lie to me"

"Okay, okay, I may still like him, a lot, but I told you that…"

"You wouldn't get in a relationship with another boss"

"Exactly"

Balthazar scoffed sipping his wine and shaking his head. "You are a fool"

"Chris is nice, he's great even, and I like him a lot"

"More than Dean?"

"No"

Balthazar laughed throwing his head back and slammed a palm down on the table.

"Why do you _always _complicate things? Even when you were a child you made things even harder for yourself all the time with all those games and creating problems for yourself. You were always dreaming of another life and another world where everything is perfect"

"I was a child"

"You still hold that inside yourself, you never let yourself give in to what you really want"

"I can't have, Dean, I can't have him"

"Why not?"

"Because-because if it fucks up then I lose Dean and I lose Lucas as well and I can't do that…I can't and I'd rather stand by and be the nanny then mess things up"

Balthazar frowns and shakes his head. "You are a fool"

Castiel chose not to respond as he gulped down his drink and stared down at the dark brown glaze of the wooden table instead. He knew Balthazar was right but he would keep this promise to himself and not mess things up. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean strapped Lucas into the car seat and sighed deeply as he wailed.

"Come on, Lucas, I've had like four hours sleep"

He eventually got him strapped him in and set off to the supermarket needing to pick up supplies and pressed on forward despite how exhausted he felt. Dean had no idea what was going on with Lucas but hoped he snapped out of it and soon. They arrived at the local supermarket and he took Lucas out who looked around the surrounding area with wide wet eyes and sniffed struggling in Dean's arms.

"It's okay" Dean said trying to soothe him in to a calmer mode till they reached a shopping cart and he placed Lucas into one of the baby seats. Dean glanced at the other shoppers around him and mentally cursed them all to the depths of hell when they shoved or nudged him a little too hard. He circled the corner and looked at Lucas who held his teddy bear in his hands and was too busy staring up and around him to bawl his eyes out. His hand shot out grabbing tins when he heard a gasp and looked up to see Castiel staring at him with a man next to him.

"Dean!"

_Oh shit! _Dean thought and blinked when Castiel came over to him.

"Hey, Cas" he said with a small smile.

"Chris, this is Dean and this is Lucas" Castiel said gesturing at the both of them.

"Pleasure" Chris said looking at Dean and Lucas.

Castiel smiled at Lucas who looked over to him and away disinterested.

"Oh dear, is he still acting like this?"

"Yep" Dean said softly flicking his eyes over to Chris and hating him even more. Dean hadn't realised the bastard was handsome with big brown eyes and hair to match, handsome features, and a soft mouth. Chris met his eyes and saw a tiny frown appear on his forehead. Dean rolled his eyes and looked at Castiel who was shaking Lucas's fist.

"What are you doing here?"

"We're…we're going the moon, Cas" he teased and smirked when Castiel shook his head with a raised eyebrow. "What do you think we're doing?"

"Shopping just like me"

"Congratulations" Dean teased and glanced at Chris who was looking between them both with a deeper frown. "I better leave you to it"

"Yeah, sure" Castiel murmured looking into his eyes and stepping back bumping into Chris.

"Nice to meet you" Dean muttered looking over to Chris who bobbed his head once in acknowledgement. He pushed the trolley away and hurried down the aisle. Castiel watched them leave and swallowed hard glancing up at Chris.

"He seems nice"

"He is"

"You two seem…close"

"He's my boss, Chris; I can't be on bad terms with him" Castiel replied with a raised eyebrow moving on and moving to another aisle. Chris glanced between them and disliked the squirming discomfort in his gut.

Dean got everything he needed and moved to the cashier who flashed him a bored look as she scanned items. He cast a look around for Castiel and Chris but to no avail and sighed in relief. Dean practically threw the money at the cashier and mumbled about keeping the change as he headed out. Lucas whimpered and bawled his fists up deciding it was time to start a screaming fit.

Dean was at his wits ends when they arrived home with Lucas still crying and screaming in the front seat.

"God, you are going to be the death of me kid" he hissed scooping him up and collecting the groceries. Dean dropped them on the side and breathed out slowly and calmly till he felt a little relaxed and rocked Lucas gently.

Castiel was looking out of the car window thoughtfully when Chris squeezed his thigh gently.

"Fancy eating out tonight?"

"Sure"

Castiel flashed him a warm smile before looking back out of the window again curious about how Dean was. He didn't like the bags underneath his eyes and the lack of warmth in his eyes when he spotted him and Chris together. It upset him greatly that he couldn't talk to Dean properly anymore and he glanced over to Chris humming gently to the music feeling a pang in his chest. He had never felt more confused.

Dean rubbed his sore forehead and looked down at Lucas in his cot breathing heavily with sleep after giving him medicine for children. It soothed him to no end and he stumbled to his bedroom and collapsed on the bed needing sleep more than life. His eyes shut on their own accord and he slipped off into an uneasy sleep.

_**~0~0~0~**_

It was 11pm when Dean opened his eyes and peered around the dark room not knowing what woke him up. He sat with a pang realising he had put Lucas down at 4pm earlier than usual and not once been disturbed by his cries for milk or a nappy change. Dean swallowed feeling goosebumps spread across his arms and darted off the bed hurtling himself into the nursery and over to the cot.

Dean flicked on the light and stared down at Lucas flushed with a sheen of sweat covering his little face. His fingers reached down touching his cheek and he gasped at the heat radiating from him and shook his head.

"No, no, no" he whispered gently picking him up and patted Lucas's back hard enough to jolt him out of his sleep and heard whimpering cries. Dean's panic rose to high levels as he put him in his arms looking over to see a fever and eyes still closed.

"Oh my god" he breathed and clutched him close moving into the bedroom breathing heavily at how fucking terrified he felt. His hand found his phone as he dialled the only number which could help.

"Cas, Cas, something-something is wrong with Lucas, he's…Cas, please, I need you" Dean begged down the phone in a wild panic.

"Dean, you're scaring me, what's going on?"

"Lucas, I need you…no, I need to get the hospital" Dean said breathing hard and clutching Lucas closer to him. "He's sick, Cas, really sick and I don't-don't know…Cas, I need-need…"

"Dean, I'm coming over, okay? Stay-stay right there and I'll be there in ten minutes"

"I can't wait ten minutes!" Dean shouted down the phone.

"Dean, I'll be there!" he called and the phone died. Dean stared at it with wide eyes as he pressed his cheek to the top of Lucas's head as he walked downstairs in a daze.

"What are you talking about?" Chris cried when Castiel darted up and ran out of Chris's apartment. "Castiel!"

Castiel didn't stop running as he ran faster than he ever had towards Dean's house as he scrambled for his key when he arrived and opened the door.

"Dean!?"

Dean rushed forward when he heard his voice and gestured with his head at Lucas in his arms.

"Please…Cas, what's wrong with him-him?" Dean pleaded when he walked over breathing hard and gently eased him out of Dean's arms.

"He's roasting" Castiel whispered when a weak wail came from Lucas. "We need to get him to a hospital right now"

Castiel grabbed the car keys thrusting them at Dean who stared at them and nodded with a bob of his head.

"O-Okay" he breathed and rushed forward for the car and got in. Castiel stripped Lucas out of his clothing till he was left with nothing but his damp nappy and held him close as they drove. Castiel shushed rocking him forward and backwards and looked over to Dean who didn't care about speed limits or red lights as he sped towards the hospital with a fierce determination.

They arrived in what felt like five minutes later and hurried towards the hospital and the reception.

"Doctor now!" Dean growled to the alarmed woman behind it.

"His son is very sick" Castiel said gesturing at the bundle in his arms.

The woman nodded and seconds later it seemed a doctor appeared out of nowhere wanting to see Lucas. Castiel passed him over to the doctor who said words Dean couldn't understand as he breathed in and out heavily. The doctor suddenly said something to Castiel and moved away carrying Lucas with him.

"Whoa, where the fuck are they taking him?!" Dean shouted following after him furiously. "Where are you taking him?!"

"Sir, if you do not calm down we will have to ask you to wait outside the room whilst the doctor checks your son"

"Where is he taking Lucas?!" he shouted into her face.

"Dean, Dean, you need to calm down" Castiel said gripping his shoulders and cupping the side of his cheeks. "He's going to be okay, okay? Lucas is going to be perfectly alright"

"You-you can't know that, Cas, you can't know that! I can't lose him, I can't, I can't" he shouted shaking his head on the verge of tears struggling deeply. Castiel's heart broke for him and he brought him forward into a tight hug clinging to him. Dean clung to him even harder burying his face into the crook of his neck with a breathless sob whilst the doctor and nurse worked behind the curtain doing the regular tests they would do for a sick baby such as Lucas.

**A/N: Um. **

**Thank you for the reviews! **


	11. Chapter 11

Dean clung to him like he was his lifeline and couldn't stop the tears falling slowing down his cheeks in warm streaks. He felt slim fingers trail into the softness of his hair and he shut his eyes praying harder than he ever had. Castiel felt a warm dampness on his neck and t-shirt from Dean's tears and bit down on his bottom lip attempting to soothe him. The curtain drew back and Dean tore away from him moving to the doctor and gripped his shoulders.

"How's my baby? Lucas, how's Lucas?"

"Mr Winchester, am I correct?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm him"

"Lucas is going to be fine, it's nothing more than early stages of an ear infection" he said pleasantly when Dean shoved past him and to the bed where Lucas was being treated. Castiel closed his eyes breathing out in relief whilst Dean exhaled and looked down at Lucas with a small whimper.

"Are you sure? 100% doc? Because I swear if I leave here and he has fucking…leukaemia or shit I swear I will hunt you down and…"

"Mr Winchester, there are no signs of leukaemia or anything else serious" he responded in a soothing voice. "Lucas is going to be perfectly okay, is your son younger than six months?"

"Yeah, um, he's…nearly six months"

"Yes, well I have prescribed some acetaminophen which must be in given in two tablespoons and must not exceed dosage of five in twenty four hours, do you understand?"

"Yeah, yeah" Dean said holding out his hands as the nurse handed back Lucas sleeping soundly and still a little warm.

Castiel pulled out his phone to see six missed calls and three messages from Chris. He frowned pocketing and walking over to Dean who glanced over with warmth and comfort in his eyes when he raised a hand stroking Lucas's hair and stepped back.

"Can he come home doctor?"

"He sure can, it's just an ear infection so the fever will soon disappear and if pulls on his ears or you see discharge then they are only side effects"

"Thank you" Castiel said gently placing a hand on Dean's lower back and indicating at him with his head to follow him.

"If the effects do worsen then I would suggest you see a doctor straight away"

"We will do" Castiel said with a nod of thanks as they went to reception to sign papers and get out of there.

"Did I overreact?" Dean whispered to Castiel as they walked out into the cold air and Dean clutched Lucas close to him.

"No, Dean" he said shaking his head. "We had no idea what it was and no doctors are open right now to even go there"

"I feel like I overreacted" he whispered shakily and handed him over to Castiel who shushed and stroked a hand into his soft baby hair.

"Are you sure you're up for driving, Dean? You don't look too good"

"I'm fine" he said with a tight swallow sliding into the passenger seat and starting her up. Castiel hummed concerned and sat down carefully listening to Lucas breathe deeply and slightly shakily in his ear. Dean doesn't say a word the whole drive back and stares simply stoically forward when they arrive back at the house. Castiel follows after him as they enter the cold house.

"Cas, can-can you do me a huge favour and move the moses basket into my room?" Dean said taking Lucas back off him. Castiel nodded moving to collect it from the living room and took it upstairs placing into Dean's room and stood back waiting for Dean who placed him in and shushed him when he whimpered. Dean stared down at him when he snuffled in his sleep sucking hard on his pacifier that was placed in and stretching out his legs and feet.

"He's like me when he sleeps" Dean murmured closing his eyes and feeling exhausted. Castiel swallowed moving towards him and placing a gentle hand on his arm to guide him over to the bed and looking up in the darkness to see the faint illumination on his eyes.

"Dean, Dean, focus on me" he said pressing a hand to his cheek. "What do you want to do? Do you want to sleep or…"

"I need to lie down" Dean murmured looking down and stepping back to undo his jeans. Castiel averted his eyes looking over to Lucas till Dean was in a simple t-shirt and boxers. He didn't think twice as he pushed him down on the bed and made sure he was laid out on the covers. Dean breathed out shakily closing his eyes and turned curling in a ball trembling. Castiel looked over him and nodded shrugging out of his jacket, toeing off his shoes and moving to the other side of the bed placing his phone on the side. He hopped on the bed and moved over to lie next to Dean.

Dean blinked surprised to see him lying there next to him and pulled his head back to look over him.

"What are you doing?"

"Dean, you are one shake away from a nervous breakdown so I'm here" he said with a shrug. "You need to sleep"

"I can't"

"Yes you can" Castiel whispered moving a hand up to stroke it into the short hair and enjoying the softness in between his fingers. Dean closed his eyes with a shaky exhale and blinked tears filling his eyes.

"I thought he was going to die, Cas, I thought I was going to lose him to some…crazy, fucked up, disease that would kill him" Dean whispered with a shake of his head. "I've never ever seen him like that and he was acting weird all week and now…"

"Dean, he's okay now and he's going to get better" Castiel whispered pressing closer and looking into his eyes through the darkness. "Every baby and child out there gets this, Dean, they become sick and every first time parent has a major meltdown because they have no idea what's happening"

Dean let out a small sound of distress looking over his shoulder to the moses basket containing Lucas and back to Castiel.

"I'm glad you're here, I'm glad I have you" Dean whispered flushing red but knew Castiel wouldn't be able to see in the darkness. "Where were you when I called?"

"I was at Chris's apartment"

"Oh" Dean breathed averting his eyes. "Sorry"

"Don't you dare apologise for calling me when you needed me" Castiel whispered shaking his head. "I will _always _come when you call"

Dean sucked in a soft surprised breath opening and closing his mouth. His eyes shut close at the feel of those fingers slipping in and out of his hair gently soothing him and he moaned gently pushing half of his face into his soft pillow.

"Sleep, Dean, just sleep" he murmured watching him breathe in and out deeply. Dean couldn't despite how much he tried and lifted his head to see Castiel staring back at him.

"The first time I held him was the single most terrifying and surreal experience I have ever felt. I had this tiny…tiny little baby completely dependent on me and there was nothing I could do. I cut the cord and I separated him from Amanda and…I had never felt so happy" Dean said staring at the curve of his neck. "Then I saw Amanda and she was gone, she was dead and so still that it scared me. I was thrown out of that room like I was nothing and I sat in that corridor…I heard him cry, I heard Lucas cry and it killed me. I don't know how long I was sat in that corridor but then this nurse came out carrying him and handed him over like he was a grand prize…Amanda was dead"

Dean shook his head and moved to lie down on his back staring up at the ceiling. Castiel held his tongue and listened closely still trailing his hand into his hair.

"I was tiny, Cas, I had never felt so small in all my life. I was holding onto this little baby boy who was so small and I was all alone in the world. No one cared about me and I had just lost the mother of my child…" he said and exhaled shakily feeling old tears and old heartache peak inside of him. It didn't bother him because it felt so good to speak out.

"Dean, you don't…" he said and was cut off by Dean shaking his head frustrated.

"I knew from the moment he was placed in my arms I was changed, I was a dad, and he was my life now. I said goodbye to Amanda and he was it, Lucas was mine. I promised myself I would _never ever _let anything happen to him. Lucas is my baby and without me and the family we had us he would be dead" Dean said looking over to him. "Then there was you"

Castiel blinked surprised at the declaration and simply watched as he turned on his side to look at him.

"Literally like a little guardian angel and you swooped in without a care in the world"

"Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"Really good thing, I couldn't have done this without you" he said honestly and closed his eyes feeling the waves of exhaustion hit him. "Lucas adores you, Cas, and I'm glad you were here because I don't know what I would have done…"

"I know, I know, you need to sleep Dean" he crooned softly and moved a little more forward till only a sliver of space was between them and rubbed a hand up and down his arm. Dean blinked heavy eyes at the sudden movement and gentle touch feeling a shiver run up his spine.

"Thanks for this, Cas" he murmured into the air inhaling the warm smell of his aftershave, wind, and fabric softener. It soothed Dean to no end as he burrowed into his cushion letting his body relax feeling Castiel's hand move into his hair and down his arm cupping his knuckles, playing and intertwining their fingers before letting go and stroking his arm.

Eventually to Castiel's relief Dean fell into a heavy sleep letting out soft snores and he exhaled letting his head fall back on the pillow feeling his own exhaustion. His head turned and he picked up the phone to see 16 missed calls, 9 messages, and 5 voicemails all from Chris. Castiel frowned reading the messages.

_**Castiel, what is going on?! X **_

_**Can you ring me? X**_

_**Castiel, please can you ring me? X**_

_**What's going on? Why did Dean call you? X**_

_**Why won't you ring me?**_

_**Why is work more important than me right now?**_

_**Was it something I said to you?**_

_**Castiel, please?**_

_**I'm going to bed now. Ring me tomorrow, please?**_

_**Please?**_

Castiel swallowed pressing down on the shutdown button and tossed it on the side with a snort. Chris didn't understand and right now, no he wasn't important. He looked over Dean sleeping but a frown in his forehead like he was concentrating hard. Castiel disapproved letting his fingers reach out and smooth his fingers down the lines shushing Dean gently. His eyes went over to the little baby boy he had grown to deeply care for and if he wanted to he could call it love. Castiel let his head rest on the pillow and shut his eyes listening to Dean breathe next to him and felt content. Lucas was okay, Dean was getting there, and that was all Castiel needed at that moment.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Lucas's cries at 6am startled both of them out of their sleep as Dean gazed at Castiel confused and sleepy. Dean noticed the closeness between them, his arm thrown across Cas holding him lightly, their legs locked together and he couldn't care less.

"I'll get this, you sleep" Castiel whispered with a nod to Dean who looked around the room with narrow eyes and nodded head falling on the cushion. He smiled faintly at him before moving off Dean to Lucas kicking his covers and wailing. Castiel smiled sadly and picked him up patting his back and shushed him gently.

"Oh poor baby is your ear hurting?" he murmured taking Lucas out of the room and into the nursery to change his diaper. Lucas stared up at him uncurling and curling his little fists staring at Castiel.

"Surprised to see me? I bet you are" Castiel teased tickling his tummy and blinking when Lucas smiled up at him. He changed the wet nappy and changed him into a set of clothes bringing him out and peeking in the bedroom. Dean was strewn out across the bed snoring and away from the world. It made Castiel smile as he patted Lucas who babbled and kicked his feet against his chest.

"For someone who is sick you are very lively" Castiel said peering at him to see slight discharge in his ear and frowned in concern. He placed him in the high chair and set about making his milk and turned toward him when it was ready to see his curls ruffled and his dark green eyes bright.

"You're so adorable" Castiel murmured picking him up and taking him in the living room to feed him.

Upstairs, Dean slept on undisturbed till 10.30am when a shriek of laughter downstairs startled him and he pushed up looking around and at the time in shock.

"Lucas" Dean breathed scrambling out of bed and hurrying downstairs to see Castiel lying on the floor next to Lucas who was on his mat. He breathed out shakily staring and swallowed hard till Castiel turned and flashed him a small smile.

"Good sleep?"

"The best, um, thanks for this, Cas, really" he said looking at him and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "You didn't have to do this"

"I know but I did, coffee?" he said flashing him a smile and walking into the kitchen. Dean watched after him and nodded with a small smile.

"I could get used to this" he murmured more to himself and dropped down on his knees next to Lucas who looked over to him with a wide smile.

"Da"

"Hey" he said with a smile scooping him up and pressing gentle kisses to his cheek and forehead in sweet relief that he was in fact going to be okay. "How's he been?"

"Little restless but that medicine is working so we have that to be thankful"

"Thanks for last night, Cas, I don't know what…" he said and trailed off shaking his head flushing with embarrassment.

Castiel simply held up the steaming mug and watched him walk over and take the mug handing Lucas over to him.

"I wanted to help, I wanted to stay, and I'm here"

Dean sipped the coffee and nodded slowly watching him give him his small smile and circle around him. He closed his eyes and let the relief flow through him like a drug. It felt good and it felt even better to wake up to a warm bed this time. He remembered the gentle touch of his fingers in his hair and on his arm and felt heat pool downwards. Dean glanced over to him and smiled softly watching him tuck into the corner of his couch with Lucas in his lap.

The morning and the afternoon was bliss for Dean who sat back and watched Lucas interact and play with Lucas who responded with sounds and laughs that warmed Dean to no end. It was comfortable, easy, and something Dean wanted more of. Work had called Dean about his absence but after explaining the situation they were more than fine to give him the day off.

Castiel was well aware his phone was upstairs still switched off and he bit down on his bottom lip. He left Dean with Lucas as he climbed the stairs for the toilet and retrieved his phone turning it on to see four new messages.

**Hey, are you okay?**

**Cas, can you call me? I feel like I've done something wrong. **

**Fine. Call me when you want. **

**I'm out tonight. **

Castiel threw back his head and closed over Dean's door dialling his number. It rang four times before he answered with a dull "hello"

"Chris, I'm so sorry I haven't called you back but Dean called me because Lucas was sick, very sick, and I had to stay"

"Oh, is he okay?"

"It was an ear infection thankfully but they needed me, both of them, and I wasn't about to leave him when he needed me"

"I know, I know that, are you still there?"

"Yes"

"You…you stayed there the whole night?"

"Yes, Chris"

"In his bed?"

"Yes, but-but we didn't do anything and like I said he needed me" Castiel exclaimed rubbing his forehead.

"I see" Chris said with a nod.

Castiel sighed deeply and turned to look out of the window. "You said you're out tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm going out with a few friends from work"

"Okay"

"Right"

"I'll, um, call you tomorrow?"

"Sure"

"Chris"

"What?"

"Are you angry with me?" he said softly hearing the sharp tone.

"No I'm not angry with you, Castiel, how can I be angry with you when you were just doing your job" he snapped. "I'll see you tomorrow"

Castiel blinked when he hung up on him and shut his eyes. He returned downstairs to see Dean holding Lucas's hands as he stood on the floor with wide eyes like it was the best thing in the whole entire world.

"I better get going"

"Oh really?" Dean said scooping him up and standing to face him. "You don't have to leave just yet"

"I need a change of clothes" he said picking at them and smiling at Lucas. "I'll call for updates though"

"I'll answer" Dean said with a grin.

Castiel moved over pressing a gentle kiss to Lucas's forehead and met Dean's eyes who sparked meeting his.

"I'll speak to you later"

"I'm counting on it"

Castiel turned away collecting his jacket and hurried out of his house.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"…next to me, ooooo, next to me, you will find him, you will find him next to me" Gabriel sang in his kitchen and jumped out of his skin when a cough interrupted him.

"That was…surprising" Castiel said when he flushed embarrassed and glared at him.

"How did you get in?"

"Spare key"

Gabriel rolled his eyes and turned looking him up and down. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed a stiff drink and a talk from my brother since all the others are busy"

"I am just simply the best"

Castiel smirked shaking his head when he poured him a whiskey and handed it over.

"Tell your big brother everything"

"I'm…I'm fucking everything up"

"How?"

"Dean called me last night in a wild panic over Lucas, he was sick and had a high fever which scared even me before we took him to the hospital together. I comforted him, I let him cry on my shoulder, I took him home and I slept in the same bed with him…"

"What?!" Gabriel cried shocked shaking his head. "You had sex?"

"No, no, no, nothing happened…I just laid there with him till he fell asleep, Gabe, he was highly strung and he needed me"

"Does Chris know?"

"Yes and no, I ran out on him last night and it bothers me that I can climb into Dean's bed so easily but I have yet to have sex with the man I am dating"

"What-what you two haven't…you haven't had sex" he said astonished and leaned back shaking his head. "You must have the self-control of a fucking god, Cassy, he is a sex god"

"I just…can't and I've spent nearly all day with Dean and Lucas feeling at home but then a part of me realises that I'm dating Chris who is lovely, he's kind, he's smart, honest, and he respects me"

"Dean doesn't do that?"

"I can't be with Dean!"

"Don't I know it" Gabriel murmured knocking back his own drink and coughing at the burn. "Look, you still have feelings for Dean and we both know this so that's why it's easier but…if you sleep with someone else and become intimate then the feelings for Chris might take over the feelings for Dean"

"Really?"

"Maybe, I-I don't know, Cassy, but you can't just drag him along with you whilst you pine for another man because it's not fair on him or you"

Castiel moaned knocking back his drink as well and slumping into the cushions. He wished he didn't feel for Dean. It would make his life so much easier and he wouldn't be wondering what Dean's reaction would be if he slammed him hard against his kitchen wall till the plates shivered and he devoured that pretty mouth. His eyes shut and he imagined the ferocity, the passion, and the needy little sounds escaping them. It drove his desire into overdrive as he opened his eyes to see a tent in his jeans.

"Whatever you're imagining, stop it right now!" Gabriel said with a nose wrinkle of disgust.

"I am so screwed" he whispered and whimpered into his hands. Gabriel sighed moving off his own seat and dropping down next to him.

"It'll be okay, Cassy, everything happens for a reason" he murmured rubbing a hand up and down his back. Castiel sighed dropping his head on his shoulder.

"I hope you're right or…I'll kick your ass for being wrong"

Gabriel snorted with laughter and simply rubbed a hand up and down his back as they sat in comfortable silence with Gabriel thinking about the latest season of Buffy soon to be shown and Castiel thought about his circumstances with a sad sigh. It just wasn't going right.

**A/N: Hehe! I liked writing this. Anybody getting frustrated yet?**

**Thank you for the reviews!**


	12. Chapter 12

Dean was in the kitchen making a coffee when he turned to see Lucas sitting on his own with no assistance.

"Holy shit" Dean whispered dropping down and clapping his hands at Lucas who swayed and fell back. Dean reached out with a gasp catching him quickly and chuckled amazed.

"Whoa there, easy tiger" he said supporting him again to see him sway backwards and forwards till he was steady. "Such a clever little boy"

The door opening startled him and he scooped him up peering around to see Castiel with a sheepish expression. Dean blinked moving forward and cocked his head at him.

"What's up?"

"I, um, I got bored"

"So you came round here?"

"Is it a problem? I can leave if it is…"

"Don't be daft, come on" Dean replied indicating his head and feeling a little bubble of happiness in his chest. "Coffee?"

"Please" he said sitting down and watching Dean place Lucas in the centre of the table with a furrowed brow. Dean flashed him a grin and making sure he was steady before stepping back holding his hands up. Castiel gaped in surprise to see him sitting there without assistance and looked up at Dean.

"He's sitting on his own" he breathed and reached over with a smile. "Oh I'm so proud of you"

"I know, he was just sat there like a little monkey"

"I'm sure he's a human baby, Dean"

"You know what I mean"

Castiel rolled his eyes at him and held out his hands bringing Lucas to his chest and shoulder.

"I thought you would have been with Chris" Dean said casually as he stirred in the sugar for their coffees and turned to face him. Castiel frowned gently with a shake of his head and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Lucas's head.

"He's visiting his mom and dad"

"Are you not meeting the parents yet?"

"No, no, I wouldn't want to" Castiel protested shaking his head urgently. "We've only been dating for two weeks, well nearly three but I'm not ready for that"

"Oh" Dean said with a hidden smile and placed it down in front of him. "You are right though"

Castiel flashed him a small smile and pulled Lucas up to stand in his lap as he appraised the kitchen around him gurgling and pressing little hands into his face. Dean chuckled at the sight of them and sipped his coffee feeling content.

"He seems like a nice guy from the two second I met him"

"He is" Castiel agreed stroking a hand into his curls. "Do you know what I realised…"

"What?"

"I've known you for nearly five months now"

"Wow" Dean breathed with a nod. "Time flies when you're dealing with a little baby"

Dean smiled when Castiel laughed gently. "I feel like I've known you for years"

"Shouldn't we be married by now and bickering like an old married couple?" Castiel teased looking over to him.

"Give me a few more months and you'll want to kill me"

"Never" Castiel whispered with a smirk holding Lucas up in the air and letting out a chuckle when he giggled. His phone vibrated against his thigh and he sighed pulling Lucas to his lap and pulling it out to see Gabriel's name flashing.

"Gabriel" he greeted and gestured at Dean who took Lucas away from him so he could step out and into the garden.

"Little baby brother, I need your help"

"What have you done now?"

"Nothing! I need you to come out with me tonight since all my friends are dicks and I want to go PARTYING!" he yelled down the phone.

Castiel grimaced holding the phone away and pressed it back to his ear with a tired sigh.

"You have hundreds of friends…"

"No I have a few close friends all the others are people who want to be my friend and love me because I am truly amazing"

"If your head gets any bigger it will explode"

"Fuck off and come out with me"

"What if I say no?"

"Please!"

Castiel could practically see the pout and big puppy eyes pleading at him. He sighed pinching his bridge hard and exhaled deeply.

"Fine! I will go out with you tonight"

"Oh I love you, I really do, you are…you're the best brother ever!"

"Shut up"

"I want to be out and drunk by ten though"

"I'll be at yours for seven"

"Brilliant"

Castiel heard the click and dial tone before he could say another word and pocketed it with a deep frown. Dean looked up when he came back in and tilted his head at him in confusion.

"What's happened?"

"Oh nothing, my brother wants to be go out with him tonight for drinks"

"Oh right…wow, I haven't done that in a long time" Dean muttered holding Lucas close and hating the bitter feeling in his chest.

"Well I think when Lucas is old enough or you get a new babysitter, I'll take you out"

"Oh really" Dean murmured with a chuckle.

"Yes"

"I look forward to it"

Castiel looked up at the time to see it was nearly 4.15pm and hummed in consideration.

"What were you planning to eat tonight?"

"Toast"

"No, no, no, that won't do" Castiel said moving toward him and the kitchen peering into the cupboards and coming out with pasta and cheese. "Do you fancy macaroni and cheese?"

"Is this you trying to tell me you can cook?"

"I can cook to an extent"

"Is there anything you can't do?" Dean said exasperated and impressed at the same time.

Castiel stopped cocking his head thoughtfully and turned to look at him. "Crossword puzzles"

"You're being serious aren't you?"

"Yes, they are irritating and almost all the time I get one answer wrong which fucks it up"

Dean stared at him baffled and laughed openly and amused taking Lucas back into the living room. Castiel bit down on his lip and let out a burst of laugher of his own busying himself in preparing the meal. Dean placed Lucas on the fluffy rug and made airplane noises as he placed in his favourite crocodile pacifier.

"Do you want me to make Lucas's dinner?"

"Yeah, milk, warm" Dean teased looking up at him with a small grin.

"Coming right up"

Dean liked the new feeling spreading throughout him and he glanced over to Castiel busying himself in cooking and preparing Lucas's milk with a pang of longing. He closed his eyes with an almost silent groan and dropped down on the couch inhaling the smells of cooking cheese and pasta. He looked up in time to see Lucas roll onto his stomach kicking his feet wildly until he whimpered.

"You don't like so you do it anyway" Dean said with a tut rolling him back over. "Stop rolling on that tummy, tiger"

Lucas let his pacifier fall out and let out a wail in answer to Dean who growled low scooping him up and seeing Castiel shaking the bottle at him.

"Look at Cas making you and me dinner" he said taking it and popping the teat into his mouth so he suckled hard. "I think we're blessed"

"I wouldn't say blessed"

"We are" Dean replied with a nod sitting at the table with a hidden smile. "My mom would say the same thing"

Castiel chucked breadcrumbs over the top to Dean's confusion before popping it in the oven.

"It gives it that extra bit of crunch" Castiel said to the confused look gracing his features. "I also better call Chris"

"Sure" Dean said looking down at Lucas. Castiel stepped out into the garden again and dialled his number.

"Hey" Chris said softly.

"Hello, how are you?"

"I'm alright considering I am ten seconds from burning this bloody house down"

"Why?"

"I love my mom and father but they are a frustrating pair" Chris said with a snort. "Can I see you tonight?"

"That's why I called you; Gabriel wants me to go drinking with him, which I agreed to"

"Oh" he breathed disappointed. "I feel like I've hardly seen you this week"

"I would cancel but he'll find me and drag me out and you know he will"

"I know your brother, I know him very well, but I would really like to see you" Chris said in a pleading tone.

Castiel felt conflicted as he kicked at the stone on the floor and stared at the leaves rustling on the tree. He knew Gabriel would be furious and in a mood with him for days but he did need to see Chris.

"I'll cancel"

"Really?"

"Yes, I'll cancel and I'll come by the apartment"

"That's great, Castiel, really, I'll see you soon"

Castiel said his goodbyes and hovered for a moment before ringing Gabriel.

"Cas?"

"I have to cancel and before you start flipping out, Gabe, I am seeing Chris because we've hardly seen each other these past couple of days and I'm…going to take your advice and…you know"

"You're going to have sex with him?"

"Yes"

"Oh baby bro! Okay, it's fine, I'll find someone else! You enjoy it" he cried down the phone.

"Goodbye, Gabriel"

Castiel hung up on him and pocketed it returning to see Dean burping Lucas and looking up with a raised eyebrow.

"Everything okay"

"Yes, I'm seeing Chris tonight instead"

"Oh" Dean murmured with a hard swallow rubbing and patting his back till he heard a belching sound and warmth on the towel. Castiel didn't respond as he crouched down and peered into see it was cooking wonderfully and straightened up.

"It's nearly done"

"I'll put him in his chair and wash up" Dean said moving out of his way. Castiel dished up and spooned the contents on to two plates and set them down. Dean strapped Lucas into his bouncing chair and set him in front of the TV playing a cartoon. He returned and looked down at the meal with a hum and a growl from his stomach.

"Let's see shall we?" he said poised with his fork and stabbed down getting everything and spooning it into his mouth chewing. Castiel watched him fighting a smile while he chewed and stopped with wide eyes.

"You're a nanny, a babysitter, a masseuse, and now a fucking brilliant cook"

Castiel flushed a deep red looking down at his own plate. "It's macaroni and cheese, not a full on roast dinner"

"I'm giving you praise, ass-hat, take the praise"

"I take it and I cherish it"

"Good" Dean murmured focusing on his meal and devouring it. He ate it all up and leaned back with a groan that sent a thrill down Castiel.

"Enjoy it?"

"You are _so _making that again"

"Well since I cooked, you're washing up"

Dean chuckled and saluted. "Yes, sir"

"Good man"

"Oh so commanding" Dean murmured shooting him a look to see him flush and turn away heading to the living room. Dean hummed amused and started the washing up like a little housewife. Castiel occupied himself with Lucas on the floor till fifteen minutes later he was greeted with a gentle shove to his head.

"Thanks, Cas, that was amazing" he said dropping down next to him. "I haven't had a meal that good in months"

"I'm glad to be of service"

"I better get going though"

"Sure…you have to see Chris" Dean said softly fiddling with one of Lucas's toys.

Castiel stroked a hand down Lucas's cheek and gave Dean a warm smile.

"I'll see you tomorrow"

"Yeah"

Dean didn't watch Castiel get up and leave, he chose to stare at the toy instead hearing him walk out and close the door gently behind him. It left an ache inside of him he didn't like this time and he sighed falling back on the rug to stare at the ceiling. It took everything not to call him up and tell him to come back and spend the rest of the day and night with him instead of Chris. He sat up and looked for his phone.

"Hey, mom"

"Hello baby, how are you?"

"I'm alright, I just…I wanted to speak to you"

"Oh…are you sure? You sound upset"

"I'm fine mom"

Mary hummed not convinced and looked out of her window to the garden.

"Dean, I want you to come down here for a visit, a week, you and Lucas"

"I can't mom I have a job to do"

"Take a week off, Dean, it won't kill you and I miss my grandson so much"

Dean sighed closing his eyes and rubbing his sore forehead contemplating and paused considering an idea.

"Alright…but only if I can bring someone"

"Who"

"Cas, can Cas come with me?"

"Oh" Mary breathed surprised. "Of course, I'd love to meet him officially"

"Okay, I'll take a week off and we'll come down tomorrow"

"Fantastic!"

Dean sorted the details and said his love and goodbyes to her until tomorrow.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel arrived outside of the apartment and bushed the buzzer waiting and cast a look around the surrounding area.

"Hello?"

"It's me"

"Oh! Come right up"

Castiel pulled on the door and stepped in wandering to 457 and knocked lightly. Chris opened wearing a soft blue flannel shirt and joggers. Castiel took him in and gave him a small smile in return and gasped when he pulled him forward kissing him firmly.

"I've missed you"

"You saw me two days ago"

"Am I not allowed to miss you?"

"Of course you are" Castiel said nervously and stifled a gasp when his lips moved down across his jaw to nuzzle his check.

"Did you have a good day?"

"Yes, I spent it…with Lucas and Dean"

Chris pulled back with a frown and narrowed eyes. "Why? It's your day off"

"I wanted to and I'd rather spend it with my _friend _then with my brothers or sister"

"Oh right"

"I would ask about your parents but the phone call gave it away"

"It was awful" he murmured resuming kissing down his neck and along his throat. Castiel gasped over and over again clutching at the back of his hair and looking into his eyes when he looked up.

"I want you" Chris breathed moving into his personal space. "I have wanted you so bad from the moment we finished our second date"

"Oh" Castiel breathed when he kissed him harder with hands moving up his t-shirt to his skin. His hands flailed for a moment before resting on his shoulders as they kissed and he felt Chris shove him backwards towards the bedroom.

Castiel halted them tearing his mouth away till Chris hit his cheek breathing hard and confused.

"What-what's wrong?"

"I-um-I can't…" he murmured feeling a sense of wrongness about the whole situation and closed his eyes tight. Chris pulled back looking over him and shook his head.

"I thought you wanted this, it's just sex"

"I know, I know, I just…" he said breathless and paused when his phone rang and he pulled back pulling it out to see Dean's name.

"I need to take this" he muttered answering the call and backing away to head into the bathroom. Castiel closed the door and leaned against it trembling.

"D-Dean"

"Hey, Cas, I'm sorry if this is a bad time…"

"No, no, it's okay…is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Cas, I'm just calling because I and Lucas are going up to Lawrence to visit my mom tomorrow for a whole week"

"Oh" he said feeling a terrible ache spread in his chest at the thought of not seeing him or Lucas for a whole week.

"Yeah and um…I was wondering if you wanted to come with us. You wouldn't have to look after Lucas just…be with us"

"Why?"

"Well, I love my mom more than anything in the world but sometimes you need other company and I don't have friends back in Lawrence. It's up to you, Cas"

Castiel hesitated looking around Chris's bathroom and swallowed hard.

"Yes"

"What?"

"Yes, I'll come with you tomorrow"

"Awesome" Dean said brightly. "Alright, well, you'll have to be here for 9am and have a week worth of clothes"

"I'll pack now, well in a moment"

"Great, great, um, I'll see you tomorrow"

Castiel hung up and placed the phone to his chest breathing till he was calm and exited to see Chris waiting in the middle of the room.

"I'm so sorry" Castiel breathed and walked over to him. "I know, okay, I know it's just sex and it's nothing but…I need more time and I'm going away for a week"

"What?!"

"That was Dean who called me and he's going down to Lawrence, Kansas, to see his mom and he wants me to come with him" Castiel said holding up his hands up and resting them on his chest. "It's for one week and I'll call you every day if you want"

Chris stepped back scratching the top of his head confused and a little hurt. "If he's going down to Kansas to visit his mother who would clearly help him out…why does he need you?"

"Company, he is my friend, Chris, as well as the father of…Lucas" he said quickly with a furrowed brow. "I want to be there for him"

"Right and I'm not important"

"Of course you are…it's just a week away"

"Fine"

"Fine?"

"Go and enjoy yourself with _Dean _and Lucas" he snapped moving away from him. Castiel followed his movements till he moved into the kitchen pouring a drink.

"Why are you being like this? This is my job and I thought you would understand!"

"No, your job is to look after a little baby when he goes to work! It's not going on a little holiday with him" he cried turning to look at him.

Castiel blinked at him astonished and didn't know what to say.

"He's my friend, Chris, and me and you have been dating for two weeks…you have no right to lecture me if I want to go with my friend and the baby I take care of whilst he's at work down to Kansas" he said in a low voice collecting his jacket. "If you can't understand that then what is the point?"

Chris didn't say anything as Castiel backed away and headed to the door.

"I'm sorry, Castiel, I just…go have fun and I'll still be here when you get back" he said pouring his drink away and walking to stand in front of him. "I'm being unreasonable I know"

Castiel nodded pulling on his jacket and freezing when he dragged him into a soft kiss and let him go.

"I'll see you next week…and remember to call me"

"I will" he murmured turning his back and walking out of the apartment.

Castiel headed home feeling a swarm of butterflies in his stomach at the thought of spending an entire week with Dean and Lucas in Lawrence. The butterflies were excitement and nerves that should be there for Chris but they weren't. He did feel bad about the whole thing with Chris but he pushed it back for now and concentrated on the next week ahead instead.

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! The response for this is awesome. **


	13. Chapter 13

"What do you mean you're going away for a week?" Gabriel ranted at him. "I thought you and Chris were…"

"Well we were but I couldn't and plans change" Castiel said looking over his shoulder to see him stood in his living room. "I thought you were partying"

"I cancelled since everyone was boring and _this _is just priceless! You are going on holiday with the man you are crazy about and his little baby boy who you dote on like a motherfucking mother hen"

"It is not a holiday!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!" Castiel shouted back at him frustrated.

"Oh stop fooling yourself, Cassy, it's a holiday or a vaccination away with him and you, my sweet little baby brother, are a bag of nerves! You're excited as hell and you know it, you get a whole week with Dean Winchester"

"Okay, I'm a little excited but nothing is going to happen"

Gabriel snorted moving into his kitchen and grabbing the bottle of vodka.

"You just said you couldn't do it with Chris, right?"

"I tried, I just…I couldn't do it"

"So you're telling me if Dean came up to you on this week away begging, needy, and wanting to fuck you till you see those little stars in your head…you'd say no?" Gabriel teased raising an eyebrow.

"Y-yes" he protested weakly nodding his head.

"You're a terrible liar"

"I wouldn't, I'm with Chris"

"Let's see shall we" Gabriel murmured with a cocky grin sipping the vodka. "You'd fuck him in a heartbeat, Castiel, and you want to know why?"

"Pray tell"

Gabriel sniffed deeply and straightened up moving closer to him.

"Dean is everything you've ever wanted, Castiel, you're a dreamer, you didn't dream of the perfect wife with a pretty face and a good rack on her with three little babies and a bloody dog…you dream of happiness, love, family, connection and you knew from the beginning you didn't like girls, you didn't understand them but boys? You understand them perfectly and you dream of the perfect relationship with the perfect boy…or man, and Dean is everything you have ever wanted" Gabriel said softly and held up his hands. "I'm never, ever, saying that again because I sound like a big fucking girl"

Castiel swallowed looking down at the ground and refusing to answer back.

"You're fooling yourself and the more you fool yourself the less chance you have with him because he'll meet someone someday…maybe not now but one day a little woman or a man is going to come along and catch his eye"

"Well maybe that would be for the best" Castiel whispered softly.

Gabriel frowned concerned for him and sighed turning his back on him.

"You never allow yourself to be happy, do you?"

"I don't know what you are talking about"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about bro and one day you're going to lose them, both of them" he said heading to the door. "Call me when you get back"

Castiel sighed deeply dropping down on the couch and closing his eyes knowing his brother was right, he was always right. He turned his head to look at the bag on the floor and frowned contemplating his situation and decided not to care. It was a week to get away and he wouldn't be foolish enough to let anything happen.

Dean woke up that morning and turned his head to see Lucas in his moses basket next to him kicking his feet in the air gurgling and making small sounds.

"We're off to see nana" he said moving out of the bed and hovering off to see sparks in his eyes and a content expression on his face. "Cas is coming as well"

Dean picked him up and gently laid him in the centre of his bed so he wouldn't roll off and went to find a change of clothes for him. He eventually decides on a stripy rainbow t-shirt and jeans with booties.

"Who's a gorgeous boy?" Dean murmured when he finished and sat him up looking at him. "You look like Amanda"

Dean sighed pressing him to his shoulder and patting his back gently. "Let's go get ready shall we"

Dean was sorting through last minute details when the door opened and he glanced up to see it was exactly 9am. He smiled softly and waited till Castiel walked in and stood watching him.

"Right on time"

"I didn't want to be late"

"Are you all packed?"

"Yes"

Dean nodded pointing over to Lucas in his car seat kicking his feet and hitting his hands on the toys placed on the handles. Castiel couldn't stop the small smile as he walked over dropping down and shaking his little fist gently. Lucas looked over to him and gave him a smile that made Castiel's insides melt into a puddle of gloop.

"How long is the trip?"

"I don't know, I think a few hours…you don't get car sick do you?"

"No"

"Good" Dean muttered picking up his and Castiel's bag throwing it in the trunk of the Impala. "You get sick on my baby; I'll make you lick it up"

Castiel frowned in disgust picking up the handle and stared bemused at Dean's laughter.

"Come on, I want to get there as soon as possible"

"Your baby?" he said glancing down at Lucas.

"Oh no, no, not my son, my baby" he said pointing at the Impala. "You get sick on the upholstery of my baby and I'll make you lick it up"

"That's disgusting" Castiel said with a wrinkle of his nose placing Lucas in the back and strapping him in.

"It's a warning, a fair warning" Dean warned sliding into the driver's seat closely followed by Castiel who glanced around the interior with a nod.

"It's a beauty"

Dean grinned starting her up and driving out and away from the house. Castiel peered back at Lucas sitting content in his seat simply staring and looking around.

"Cas?"

"Yes, Dean"

"When I called you last night, were you with Chris?"

"Yes and he didn't take it too well"

"Oh" Dean said with a small smirk facing forward. "That's bad"

Castiel noticed the smirk and rolled his eyes at him. "You seem pleased about that little fact, Dean"

"No, no, no, of course not" Dean said pursuing his lips and shaking his head.

"I'm struggling to believe you somehow"

"That's your choice" Dean responded throwing him a smile. "I'm glad you came with us anyway"

"I wanted to and it should be good to get away from home for a while"

Dean hummed with a small smile still gracing his features. Castiel didn't mind it and knew deep down that Dean didn't like Chris from the way he moved and the way he looked when he was mentioned. His eyes flicked over to him and he sighed nestling back into the seat and looking out over the scenery instead.

The drive wasn't long as they stopped at the nearest gas station were Castiel took Lucas into the toilets to change him and wrinkled his nose at the smell.

"Let's make a new record in changing that diaper" Castiel muttered laying him down on the questionable mat and changing him swiftly and quickly. Dean looked up when Castiel walked back over with him and held up a bottle of milk and snacks for the both of them.

"That was questionable and frankly disgusting" Castiel murmured taking the milk and stealing the pacifier away to feed him. Dean hummed leaning against the car door and biting into the sandwich.

"I hope he hasn't caught anything, he still needs those jabs"

"He'll be fine, I'm a quicker changer"

"Are you quick at everything?" Dean murmured raising an eyebrow at him.

Castiel met his eyes bemused and caught on to what he was trying to insinuate. "I can be quick or slow…depends on my mood"

"Oh really"

"Yes, and in cases not to do with children…I can be rough or gentle" he murmured moving away leaving Dean to stare at him with wide eyes. Castiel hid a smile feeding Lucas who wrapped his fingers around his finger guzzling the milk greedily. Dean coughed thumping his chest and hovered uncertain of what to say or do right now. Eventually, Lucas was done and burped so they were on their way.

"How long now? I don't get car sick but long car journeys make me uncomfortable"

"Not long I think" Dean murmured softly looking behind to see Lucas fast asleep. "It'll be hell if he doesn't sleep tonight"

"He will" Castiel said with a nod. "If you sing his favourite song and rock him, he'll go like a light and you know it"

Dean chuckled amused and shrugged a shoulder. "I hope you're right"

"I am more than right"

"My mom is going to love you"

Castiel bit down on his bottom lip remembering that he had to meet Dean's mother and felt nerves flood into his system.

"I forgot about that"

"Don't worry, Cas, my mom is going to smother you and make you eat the contents of her fridge anyway"

"Why would she do that?" Castiel murmured confused.

"Because you're…skinny"

"I'm lean" he said with narrowed eyes.

Dean looked over to him letting his eyes slide up and down his body slowly. Castiel flushed deep seeing the desire flare evident in his eyes and looked away out of the window.

"She'll still want to feed you"

"I'm worried she won't like me and I wouldn't want to make this trip uncomfortable for you"

"Seriously, Cas, my mom is going to love you and she wants to meet you"

Castiel sighed slowly and let himself slowly calm down and prepared mentally to meet her.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean looked up at the house as they arrived and stepped out. It was like a wash of memories hit him as he looked at the old tree in the yard where he used to climb, fall out, and scold Sam for laughing at him. He smiled glancing over to Castiel who handed him the car seat and collected the bags.

The front door opened and he smiled when Mary appealed with a squeal as Dean walked over with Lucas.

"Oh how I've missed you" she said kissing his cheek and beaming at Lucas who was half asleep and confused. "How was the trip?"

"It was good" Dean said glancing over to shoulder to Castiel hovering and biting his lip. "Mom, I'd like you to meet Cas"

Castiel internally groaned and walked the final steps till he was next to Dean and smiled softly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Winchester"

Mary looked him over and hummed with an expressionless face. Dean raised an eyebrow at her while Castiel shifted looking down at the porch.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Castiel, my son talks about you all the time and I hear Lucas adores you" she said with a smile.

"Ah, yes, thank you, Mrs Winchester"

"Mary, please" she said with a puff of laughter and stepped back letting them step in. Dean looked over his shoulder and winked at him whilst he nearly faltered and collapsed.

"I want my grandson" she said when Dean placed him down on the floor and gestured a hand.

"He's all yours" he said with a smile. "Do we have the spare room?"

"Yes, I bought a cot for you"

"Mom, you didn't have…"

"Of course I did" she scolded bringing Lucas up and grinning. "Hello, my gorgeous boy"

Dean rolled his eyes with a fondness as they climbed the stairs heading to the spare bedroom. Castiel took in the surroundings of the home and looked at the photos on the wall leading up taking in the pictures of a younger Dean.

"Aw, cute" he said pausing at a picture of Dean riding a bike.

"Shut up"

"I never learnt to ride a bike"

"Seriously?" Dean said shocked when they reached the room they would be sharing. "That's kinda sad"

"I was never given the chance and it didn't bother me" he said stepping in and seeing the double bed. Dean looked back to him and shrugged.

"It used to have singles but mom changed it"

"I can sleep on the sofa…"

"Don't be daft, Cas, we've shared a bed before haven't we?"

Castiel hesitated and nodded in agreement dropping his bag on the floor next to his.

"This house is gorgeous"

"It isn't it?" he said looking around the room. "This isn't our childhood home though…mom moved when dad died"

"Oh" Castiel breathed biting into his bottom lip. "I'm sorry, Dean"

"It's fine, come on"

Castiel followed him as they returned downstairs to see Mary gone and now in the garden.

"Mom, holy…shit, this is amazing"

"Dean, language" she scolded with a frown.

Castiel smirked glancing at Dean who flushed pink and scowled at him for staring.

"But yes, I don't have a lot to do so my garden is my pride and joy" she gushed glancing around and pressing a kiss to Lucas's cheek. "I think he likes it as well"

Dean smiled watching Mary walk around the garden with him pointing out the different flowers and insects flying around. It was a nice feeling and he sighed happily sitting down on the bench.

"You seem happy" Castiel murmured dropping down next to him.

"Why wouldn't I be? No work for a week, I'm with my mom, and you two are here" he replied with a shrug. "Why wouldn't I be happy?"

"No reason"

"I told you my mom would like you"

"I believed you, I was just concerned"

Mary looked over and hummed pressing her forehead to Lucas's cheek in consideration.

"Is your dada falling in love?" she whispered and smiled when he clapped his hands like he understood the question.

"Is that a yes?" she murmured and chuckled low when he smiled and giggled staring at the flowers up trying to reach for them.

Mary took him in and placed her on her hip as she moved around pulling things out for dinner and looked to the door when they walked in.

"Mom, give him here" he said holding out his hands for him and looked at the items. "What's for dinner?"

"Food"

"Hilarious, what are we having for dinner?"

"Casserole, do you like casserole, both of you?"

"It sounds lovely, Mary" Castiel said with a nod poking Dean's arm and indicating his head. "We'll get out of your way; there is nothing worse than people hovering when you're cooking"

"Are you a cook?"

"Yes" he said stopping to address her. "I like to cook now and again"

"His macaroni and cheese is to die for" Dean called from the living room. Mary noticed the faint blush coating his cheeks and smiled in return.

"Well I think you should cook with me"

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to inter-…"

"I insist!" she said amused beckoning her hand and handing him the spare apron. "I'd like to know my grandsons nanny"

"Okay" he murmured joining her.

"So, what made you want to be a male nanny? I was with Dean when he told me about you in the supermarket"

"Oh, it was a personal decision and I had always liked spending time with children. My cousin, Rachel, has two twin girls and I love them so much and well…I studied and here I am"

"They are rare but like I said to Dean if a woman can do, why can't a man?"

Castiel looked down at the potatoes he was now peeling and smiled gently.

"I guess it was you who changed his mind"

"I work wonders"

"Thank you" he said softly.

"You're welcome" she said with a smile cutting the carrots up. "Dean talks about you, a lot"

"I hope it is good things"

"He sings your praises and he wanted you here" Mary said thoughtfully. "When he was young, Dean didn't have a lot of friends. He tended to run home after school and play with Sam instead of playing with friends. I asked him but he said he wanted to come home. He never talked about them and I didn't understand…he was a young boy and everyone his age was having sleepovers and asking their friends over for tea but not Dean"

"Did he not want friends?"

"I honestly don't know but he didn't have a lot of them and worst of all he didn't have a best friend. I guess you've changed that now" she said fondly putting the carrots into the pot and glancing over to him. "He sings your praises"

Castiel flushed a deep red not knowing what to say and carried on peeling.

"It's more than that though I think…"

"What do you mean?"

Mary paused considering and looked over looking into his eyes.

"You were there in his time of need. He was grieving; the worst type of grief, losing a loved one is…there are no words until you lose someone who claimed your heart. Dean had no one, he had a tiny baby in his hands and no family around him apart from me and Sam but we weren't there" she said softly letting the words sink into him. "You came into his life when he was shattered, he was broken and now…you're repairing him. I see the way he looks at you and I thank you for that, Castiel, because if it wasn't for you I don't know what I would be greeted with right now"

The shock of her words drove into him like a bullet and he swallowed hard seeing the softness and warmth in her eyes.

"That's life changing and you don't just have the fondness from Dean, you have it from Lucas, and that is the best kind. Lucas loves you"

"I…I don't know what to say"

"Have I rendered you speechless?" she teased taking the potatoes and cutting them up. "I honestly believed it would be a long time till I saw Dean smile honestly and happily. Dean loved Amanda, he did, but he wasn't in love with her"

"He's never mentioned that"

"He wouldn't but it's the truth"

"My ears are burning" Dean said announcing himself. "Are you talking about me?"

"No" Mary lied with mischief in her eyes.

Castiel looked over his shoulder to see him walking in and frowned.

"Where's Lucas?"

"In his chair"

"You brought it?"

"Of course I did, it's his chair dude" Dean said in mock horror and peered in the pot. "It's looking good"

Mary smiled grabbing the meat and humming softly. Dean blinked and opened the cupboard poking through it and gasped when she hit him with a wooden spoon.

"Wait for your dinner!" she said and watched him walk away rubbing his forearm. Dean glared at Castiel who was smirking at him.

"Listen to your mother"

"Oh no, no, no, don't you be teaming up with her!" he cried pointing between them.

"Go to your son and leave us alone" Mary said throwing a stub of carrot at him till he scowled at them both fondly and left the room.

Dean sat down on the couch and could hear them muttering away to each other again and smiled down at Lucas who waved his rattle.

"I think nana and Cas are getting along just fine" he said more to himself and settled back into the cushions knowing this week was going to be just fine.

_**~0~0~0~**_

The day was soon coming to a close and after a successful dinner and spending a night in front of the television together they retreated to bed. Lucas was in his own room that Mary had set up for him which brought Dean to stare in awe at the blue nursery.

"It means he can come stay with me when he's older" she said with a shrug.

Dean pecked his mom on the cheek in goodnight and looked back to Castiel who mouthed "goodnight" before going into the bathroom.

"I see the way you look at him" Mary whispered with a smile.

"Mom" he whined in a low voice. "I look at him like nothing"

"Oh so when we watched that film you weren't concentrating more on him then the film?"

"He had something on his face" he lied scratching his hair.

Mary supressed a chuckle and placed a hand on his cheek.

"Don't lie to me, I know how you feel"

"He doesn't"

"Oh really" she murmured with a shake of her head. "He isn't as clueless as you think"

"What?" he murmured confused and held still when she kissed his forehead.

"Sleep tight angel" she murmured leaving him to it and returning to her bedroom. Dean stared at the closed door and hummed confused before going into their bedroom. He stripped out of his jeans till he was in nothing but his boxers and t-shirt and climbed into the cold bed. Castiel wiped his mouth from the toothpaste and returned to see Dean in the bed and halted feeling uncomfortable.

"Are you going to stand there all night?" Dean said startling him till he walked over and flushed. Dean smirked and opened the cover for him with a wink.

"I'll play nice" he purred.

"Is that in your vocabulary?"

"Yep" he said watching him take his jeans off and climb into the covers facing him. "The question is, are you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know" he murmured turning around and switching the lamp off descending them into darkness and checking the monitor hearing Lucas breathe.

Dean felt his senses heighten in the dark and could dimly see Castiel slip further down and face him so they were looking into each other's eyes.

"Your mother is lovely" he murmured.

"She loves you already"

"I think I may love her back"

Dean smirked at him and looked away into the darkness feeling the urge to reach out and just touch him. Castiel reached out and slid his fingers gently over his eyes closing them.

"Go to sleep, Dean"

"How is that going to work" Dean muttered catching it and playing with his fingers gently. Castiel sucked in a breath feeling his fingers slide in between his locking and unlocking their hands together.

"Dean…" he breathed and caught his breath when he felt Dean brush his lips over his fingers and knuckles.

"What?" he whispered meeting his eyes in the darkness.

"I don't know" he said honestly feeling desire flood through his veins testing him and he closed his eyes tightly. Dean hovered with their hands and moved closer tilting his chin up on the pillow and waited till he opened his eyes.

"It's okay" Dean murmured faintly hearing his heartbeat beat erratically in his ears and the warmth of their body heat surrounding him. Castiel's breath hitched when warm lips pressed against his forehead so softly he felt like he was moments from breaking into little pieces.

"Sleep" Dean murmured against his forehead and pulled back letting his head fall on his own pillow and let their loosely joined hands fall between them. No more words were spoken between them as Dean watched Castiel succumb to his words and drift off to sleep. Dean hesitated for a moment before moving forward and pressing a kiss to his temple.

"_Thank you"_

**A/N: I'm such a fucking tease. Oh my god. **

**Thank you for all your reviews! You lot are just…I give you rainbows and cuddles. **


	14. Chapter 14

Mary heard the cries first and jumped out of bed heading into the nursery. She peeked down and smiled at her grandson on the verge of a crying fit.

"Oh dear" she whispered picking him up and patting his back gently. "Let's give daddy a lie-in shall we?"

Mary smiled popping his pacifier in and walking out to see the door semi open and peered in through the darkness to see them curled up together. She smiled knowingly and moved out going downstairs with Lucas clinging to her.

It was 10am when Dean first opened his eyes and moved his head back wrinkling his nose from the hair pushing up into it. He squinted pulling back to see that he was the bigger spoon in this scenario as he curled around Castiel still breathing deeply in sleep. Dean hummed noticing one arm wrapped around him and the other high on the pillow. He liked this position a lot right now and pressed his nose and mouth into the dark hair inhaling deeply. It smelt of red berries and strawberry which tickled his senses and he moaned low wanting to curl around him forever.

Castiel felt the vibrations of his moan and opened his eyes slowly confused to his surroundings till they dawned on him. He turned over and met green eyes showing nothing but warmth and curiosity.

"Do you always wash your hair with girly shampoo?"

"There is nothing wrong with my shampoo"

"It's very…berry"

"It keeps my hair clean and smells nice" he muttered stretching out so Dean let him go and watched him slowly and hungrily. Castiel bit his lip noticing the look and peered around confused.

"I haven't heard Lucas"

"I did, my mom has him" he murmured rolling his shoulders till they clicked with a satisfying pop. "I think she wanted me to have a lie-in"

"It was nice" he murmured glancing over to him.

Dean raised an eyebrow at him amused and straightened up looking around the bedroom.

"What do you fancy doing today?"

"Well…this is your hometown, Dean; I think that's your decision"

"There's a park nearby if you want to go there, let's introduce Lucas to the wonder of a duck"

"Ducks" Castiel murmured amused and kicked off the covers needing to pee.

Dean hummed pressing his face into the pillow feeling giddy and lightheaded. It was a giggle from downstairs that stirred him as he pushed off the remaining covers and dressed in clean clothes heading downstairs. Mary turned with a bright smile when he entered the living room.

"Breakfast?"

"Sure mom, what are you doing to my son?"

"Dancing" she said with a smile. "Every man should be taught to dance"

"Oh god that brings back memories" he murmured rubbing his forehead. "I don't think my six month old son wants to learn how to dance"

"I say differently" she teased and turned to face him. "How did you sleep?"

"Perfectly"

"You looked…cosy when I looked in on you both"

"He's a…good spooning buddy"

Mary laughed lightly with a nod. "Is that what they call it these days?"

"Mom?"

"Yes"

"Shut up" he murmured turning towards the kitchen with a grumbling stomach. Mary followed him in but stopped when she heard footsteps on the stairs and waited till he rounded the corner and stopped.

"Oh"

"Good morning, Castiel"

"Good morning" he murmured softly.

"Breakfast?"

"Yes, please"

Mary turned pleased heading into the kitchen and handed Lucas over to Dean. Dean grinned pressing a kiss into his hair and inhaling the smell of baby milk and fabric softener.

"We're off to the park today; I'm going to show Lucas the wonder of a duck"

"You haven't shown him a duck yet?"

"There is none at home" he said with a shrug tickling Lucas and taking him into the living room so he could chill in his chair in front of the cartoons. Mary set about making some bacon sandwiches while Dean made them all coffees.

Castiel let his eyes rake down Dean and flushed when he was caught by him. Dean smirked handing it over and dropping down in the opposite seat.

"Bacon sandwiches" he said with a blissful sigh. "You're the best mom"

"Why thank you, Dean" she said peering over her shoulder towards him and putting them onto the toast. She hummed placing them down in front of them both and left them to it.

"These are the bacon sandwiches you will ever taste"

"I hope you're right" Castiel murmured taking a big bite and swallowing it down. "You're right"

"Ha, told you" he said amused taking his first bite and moaning softly.

The sound drove heat down into an unwanted place for Castiel who avoided looking into his eyes and stared down at the porcelain plate instead. He couldn't deny that it felt good to wake up with someone wrapped so closely around him. It felt good to feel his breath and hands on his skin and the desire was only getting stronger inside with every passing second. Castiel finished up and looked up to see Dean staring away from him drinking back his coffee without a care in the world. Mary's words invaded his mind once again about how he was broken and he was fixing him.

"Where is this park?"

"It's about half an hour away"

"When should we go?"

"Let's get ready and go now? We can spend the day together"

Castiel flushed and nodded when he grinned hopping up and moving to get Lucas from his chair. He let out a shaky breath collecting the plates and going to wash them when he felt a hand touch his arm.

"I'll do that"

"No, no, you cooked. I'll wash up" he insisted to Mary who cocked her head at him and smiled gently.

"Okay, thank you"

Castiel set about his task washing up the plates and pans till they were done and he dried his hands. Dean chuckled with a nod watching him.

"You're going to make a brilliant house wife one day"

"Shut up, Dean"

"Okay, Castiella, are you going to get ready?"

Castiel rolled his eyes at him and headed upstairs to get dressed and ready for their day out. Mary let them go with a wave and a smile as they headed out and Dean was pleased that it was a sunny day instead of a rainy one. Lucas waved his new teeth ring with a tight fist and chewed on it hard.

"We're never going to get that back" Castiel said glancing over to Dean.

"Well I'd rather have him chewing some piece of plastic then screaming the place down because of those damn teeth"

"I agree, teething is very nasty"

"We're here" Dean murmured pulling in and trying to find a good parking spot. Castiel stepped out when they did glancing around the spacious area to see people already dotted around. There was a set of parks, one for the older children and one for the babies, a skating ramp, and a huge pond in the distance.

"Nice isn't it?" Dean said bringing Lucas out and indicating at the pram. "It doesn't like me"

"No, you don't like it because you don't understand how to set out"

"Shut up"

Castiel smirked setting out the pram and standing back with his hands extended.

"Smartass"

"Are we going or not?"

Dean placed Lucas down and smiled when he looked up at him sucking on the blue and red teething ring like it was his lifeline.

"We're going to show you a duck little man and you're going to love it" Dean muttered pushing the pram forward closely followed by Castiel.

"Did you bring bread?"

"Actually I did" Dean murmured pulling out a brown bag from his pocket to hand it over. Castiel peered inside to see crushed up bread and crumbs and looked over to him with a small smile.

"You prepared for everything didn't you?"

"Hell yeah"

"Are you sure Lucas is going to like them? Ducks aren't the cutest thing on the planet and my cousin, Rachel, she has twins and they are terrified of them"

"Lucas is my son, he'll love them"

Lucas's wails could be heard from everywhere as he attempted to calm him down and flicked the finger at Castiel who laughed at him.

"Alright, alright, I take it back! Lucas doesn't like the ducks"

"He will when he's older"

"Whatever you say"

"Here" Castiel said walking over sticking in his pacifier and handing him his favourite blue teddy bear. Lucas squirmed with a snuffle looking at Castiel with wet eyes and flushed cheeks.

They found a bench and sat down together enjoying the warmth of the sun as he set Lucas into his lap and chilled out.

"Why did you ever move from here?"

Dean looked over to him and inhaled deeply and exhaling slowly. "I got out. Mom had her own house, Sam was at Stanford and I wanted out. I love this place but it holds to many memories so I moved and I didn't regret it"

"I'm glad you moved"

"So am I"

Castiel looked into his eyes and away looking at the little café across the grass.

"Fancy an ice cream?"

"Sure" Dean muttered watching him walk away and return with two little tubs.

"I got strawberry and vanilla"

"Vanilla, you big girl"

"I'm no girl"

"I would hope not" Dean murmured taking Lucas's pacifier and dipping it into the soft cold goodness and popping it back in. Castiel watched Lucas's expression to see him suck it harder and whine when it was all gone.

"I think we have a fan" Dean murmured with a grin dipping it back in and sliding it into his mouth. "Vanilla is always a favourite"

"But boring"

Dean looked over to him and stopped watching the small spoon enter his mouth slowly and the flick of tongue catching it. His heart went into overtime and he looked away attempting to calm himself down and concentrated on Lucas and his ice cream.

"You look flushed, Dean"

"I'm fine" he said shakily not meeting his eyes.

Castiel hummed looking him over and shrugged it off carrying on eating his ice cream. His thoughts took him back to last night when Dean had took his hand and kissed him on the forehead. It sent a warm flush down his neck and back, an ache in his chest and heart, and a longing. It spoke volumes on Dean's behalf and he wanted _more. _

"Dean?"

"What?"

"Is there a town nearby?"

"Um, sure, it's small but reliable" he said with a shrug.

"No, I mean bigger with shops, bars, and clubs?"

"Yeah…it's about half an hour to an hour away"

Castiel nodded in consideration and faced him full on. "Do you think your mom would mind babysitting?"

"No why?"

"I think you and I should get out, really out, like you said…you haven't been drunk in a long time, properly drunk"

"Are you serious?" Dean said faintly amused.

"Deadly"

"Alright, you're on" he said with a grin looking down and feeding Lucas his ice cream drip by drip.

"Are you sure you don't mind mom?" Dean said when they got back and she settled back feeding Lucas.

"Hunny, you never go out and since the baby I bet you haven't even touched alcohol" she said with a smile. "I don't mind babysitting my grandson while the two of you go out and enjoy yourselves but just…don't come back too drunk"

"You're a star" he said with a wide grin hopping up and moving upstairs to get ready. Castiel was scrubbing a toothbrush around his mouth when he felt gentle pressure in his lower back and turned to see Dean.

"We have permission from my mommy" he joked grabbing his own and leaning against the counter.

"mm-good" Castiel said and spat in the sink. "I think you could use with getting out for a while"

"I need shots" he murmured closing his eyes and letting out a longing sigh. "You're right; I do need to get out"

"I'll make sure you have a good time"

Castiel walked out leaving Dean to his thoughts as he swirled it around his mouth. He had little excited jitters in his stomach over nothing and he sighed deeply spitting in the sink and splashing water in his face. It was going to be a very interesting night.

"Fuck" Dean swore softly when Castiel stepped out wearing a black shirt and jeans showing off his ass. Castiel flushed looking down at the floor when he stepped closer to him and looked him up and down.

"Is that a good fuck or a bad fuck?"

"Oh a good fuck" he purred looking him up and down slowly. Castiel couldn't stop the blush deepening at the innuendo in his words.

"It isn't too much?"

"No, no, no, you look…you look good and…" he said turning him around to peer at his ass. "Well, I don't need any words plus your eyes look awesome"''

"I better go…down" he said indicating at the stairs and practically running down the stairs. Dean paused looking over his shoulder and hummed entering the bedroom and changing into his own clothes and frowned that he hadn't brought anything better. He settled on a black t-shirt and green t-shirt thrown over and nodded. It would do.

"It's like you're going on a date" Mary cooed when he came down and she laughed at the raised eyebrow he gave her. "You two need to eat before you go, I'm sure you don't want to be vomiting everywhere when you get back"

Mary set about making them sandwiches whilst they sat with Lucas in the living room. Lucas lay on his front kicking his legs and squirming.

"How long before he starts crawling?"

"Few weeks I would think and then we're both in trouble"

"I'll have to get those plugs and gates won't I?"

"Yes"

Dean hummed sitting back considering and looked up when she returned with two plates and handed them over to them both.

"Crumbs and you hoover" she warned sitting in her own chair. "So where you boys heading?"

"Bar, club, I really don't care" Dean said glancing over to Castiel munching on his own sandwich.

"Well enjoy yourselves" she said softly looking between them.

_**~0~0~0~**_

They ended up in a bar in town called Richies and Dean was more than happy to drink himself to oblivion. He knocked back the red coloured shot and hummed happily sliding the second over to Castiel who glanced over to him.

"It's sweet, you'll like it" he said with a dare in his eyes and smirked when he knocked it back.

"More please" he called to the barmaid who wondered over and gave him a seductive smirk as she passed two more over.

"Thanks sweetheart" he said with a wink. She smiled taking the money and sashaying away leaving Dean to look at her ass and glanced over to Castiel who rolled his eyes at him.

"Is this your whore side coming out to play, Dean?"

"Nope"

"You are getting a lot of attention around the bar" he murmured with a look of distaste around the bar seeing girls and even a few men ogling at him.

"Sluts and whores" he said with a smirk knocking back the shot and gasping for air as it burned down his throat. "I don't want their attention"

"What do you want?"

"I want a whiskey" he murmured signalling the barmaid who walked back over with a raised eyebrow.

"Whiskey and…"

"Beer"

"You heard the man" Dean said glancing over to her and turned to face him. "You spoke to lover boy?"

"Chris, I sent him a message but he didn't answer me. I think he's upset that I'm with you"

"Why?"

"I don't honestly know"

"It's a little creepy, you've only dated for like five minutes" he murmured bitterly slipping money over when she returned with their new drinks.

"Three weeks"

"I've known you for six months" Dean snapped back. "He shouldn't be pissed about anything"

"You don't like him, do you?"

"I barely know the dude"

"He is a nice guy, Dean, and I think…I think you could…"

"Cas, I don't want to talk about him, okay?"

Castiel swallowed and nodded seeing the angry flare in his eyes which soon died down quickly and he inhaled the smell of whiskey.

"I didn't realise how much I missed this" he murmured tilting his head back and glancing around. "It all packed in when Amanda fell pregnant…she said if she couldn't do it then I couldn't either. It pissed me off big time but she was…she's the mother of my kid and I agreed"

"You really did love her, didn't you?"

"I did" he agreed with a nod. "I loved her but I don't I was _in _love with her…I don't think I was"

Castiel saw the old flicker of pain and moved closer nudging him gently.

"No more thinking, more drinking instead" he whispered looking into his eyes.

"You asked for it" he murmured with a smile knocking back his whiskey and chuckled with a gag hitting his chest till it died down.

More and more drinks were drunk and soon they were feeling the buzz of their alcohol flowing through their veins and system. Dean chuckled when Castiel knocked back shot after shot in a line and coughed on the final one.

"I feel funny" he murmured with a chuckle looking over to him. "Dean, your eyes are so green"

"You're weird" he murmured when he came closer staring right into them and he moved knocking their foreheads together.

"Don't I know you?" a female voice purred into his ear and he turned from Castiel to look at the busty blonde with far too much make-up on, cleavage pushed forward, and doe eyes big and pretty.

"Nope" he said with a grin looking her over. "Who are you?"

"Priya, it means beloved" she said holding her hand out with a grin. "You"

"Dean, I don't know what it means"

Castiel scowled watching Dean flirt with this woman and shoved away from the bar needing fresh air from his spinning head. His vision blurred in front of him and he stumbled to the entrance passing people who grumbled at him as he circled and fell against the alley wall.

"You're gorgeous" she whispered moving to kiss him.

"Whoa!" Dean exclaimed holding a hand up shaking his head. "No, no, none of that…I don't want you"

"What?" she said shocked.

"I want…where did he go?" Dean said looking at the empty seat and looking around the crowded bar.

"Who? The pretty guy"

"Yeah, Cas, my Cas, where-where did he go?"

"He walked out…hey!" she cried when he moved away quickly heading to the exit. He stepped out into the cold air scanning around with bleary eyes till he saw a familiar face leaning against the wall with a scowl.

"Hey, why-why did you leave?"

"I thought I would leave you and the slut together" he snapped avoiding his eyes.

"Priya? I don't want that!" he exclaimed with a nose wrinkle of disgust.

"What do you want, Dean?" he said looking up and gasping softly when he moved towards him and tipped his chin up pressing their foreheads together.

"I'll give you three guesses but I think you'll need only one-one" he murmured with a slight hiccup and chuckled. Castiel closed his eyes and felt his warm breath ghost over his lips and he whimpered softly clinging to his shirt.

"Me"

"Ding, ding, ding" Dean whispered pressing him into the wall claiming his lips in a chaste brush of lips. Castiel gasped louder this time when they parted and felt a rush of adrenaline pump through him. Their mouths met in a fierce kiss as they clung to one another. The kiss searing as their tongues tangled and stroked against one another tasting each other for the first time. Castiel moaned a filthy moan into his mouth, hands clutching into the back of his hair and gripping tight as they fought for dominance. Dean wasn't accepting the sudden change and moaned when he broke the kiss and spun them around slamming him into the wall and resuming devouring his mouth.

"Fuck, Cas" Dean whispered in a broken tone clinging to his shoulders and desperately needing more heat and friction. Castiel pushed into him harder needing to just feel him as they pressed against each other and he gasped when Dean rolled his hips grinding into him.

"Dean" he groaned when he kissed hungrily across his jaw. The alcohol was affecting him more as his vision and mind swirled like crazy and he moaned when Dean bit down into his neck. It was Dean's turn as he shoved into him catching him off guard and trailed his hand down his arms and back hungry for more.

"Dean…Dean, remember-remember that time when you-you talked dirty to me in the living room?" he whispered into his ear when he kissed down his neck and throat before reclaiming his mouth edging his tongue in. Dean hummed in acknowledgement stroking his tongue across the roof of his mouth and catching Castiel who collapsed into him with a weak heartfelt moan.

"Yeah, Cas, yeah I remember" he whispered into his ear and nibbled into it.

"I want you to do it" he murmured with a small smile when Dean stopped shocked. He narrowed his eyes at him and shoved him back into the opposite wall loving the needy little moan that escaped him.

"I like drunk Castiel; you're a lot more willing"

Castiel blinked breathing hard and knew that he shouldn't be doing this at all, it was wrong, it was cheating, and he was breaking his own rule. But the alcohol, adrenaline, and his own lust for Dean had overpowered him.

"I want you" he murmured into his ear and closed his eyes arching into his chest when he licked into his ear pushing his hands up his shirt to his red hot skin. "But-but I don't want this to happen in some disgusting alley way…I want a bed"

Dean's eyes went wide and he nodded quickly glancing around. "I can't drive back…I…the only thing I can think of is…"

"What, Dean?"

"Motel room" he whispered with a shrug. "It's better than going back to my mom's and waking up-up, Lucas"

Castiel nodded and pulled him towards him giving him an open mouthed kiss that nearly sent Dean off the edge as he rocked his hips into him.

"Come on" Dean purred into his ear gripping his hand and tugging him out. Castiel stumbled following after him and found one ten minutes later and was pleased to see they still had rooms left.

"I feel sleazy" Dean muttered when they stopped outside the entrance.

"It's not sleazy, it's a bed, Dean, and I want you to do _everything _you said to me that night" he muttered and gasped when Dean kissed him hard.

"Stay there" he warned with a wobble to his step and went to get a room. Castiel hummed glancing up at the sky closing his eyes feeling very sleepy all of the sudden. Dean came back out five minutes later with a key and grabbed his hand tugging him with him. Dean opened the door peering in and seeing the flights flicker on. The bed seemed okay and there was no dead body stuffed in the corner which made it okay for what they were about to do. Castiel squeaked when Dean dragged him in with a predator look in his eye as he pulled him into a breathless kiss and kicked the door closed slamming Castiel into it. He moaned loudly wrapping his hands into the short hair pulling and gasping in short breaths when he kissed him breathless. Dean grinned against his lips and felt a small part of him sober up despite how drunk he felt. It was a lucky miracle he didn't feel sick and blessed his mom for his filling their stomachs beforehand.

"You okay?" Dean murmured placing butterfly kisses up his jaw and all over his face taking in every inch of his skin.

"I want you"

"I know, baby, but not yet" he whispered moving back into his neck and biting hard enough to achieve a yelp and moan. Castiel arched his hips feeling his erection chafe against his jeans desperate for freedom and he moaned arching his head back when their clothed cocks rocked against each other.

"Slow and rough, remember" he whispered into the crease of his ear and chuckled when he moaned letting his head fall back. "Come on baby"

"I want you so much" Castiel pleaded gripping the back of his neck and gasping when he kissed down his throat and hummed sending vibrations rocking through him. Dean grinned and pulled back opening his shirt slowly, one button at a time, and smiling when he whimpered at the slow progress.

"So impatient" he cooed undoing the last one and pushing it off his shoulders till it pooled on the floor. Castiel groaned when he kissed down his shoulder and bent low biting down softly into one of his nipples. His cock gave an interested twitch at that and he gulped when Dean dragged him off the door and shoved him on the bed. He fell back staring up at Dean with lust blown in his eyes and his vision swimming gently. His stomach gave an unpleasant lurch and he swallowed it down not wanting to ruin this at all. Dean quickly took off his shirts and paused holding a finger up to him as he searched around the room. Castiel straightened up watching him with a furrowed brow.

"D-Dean, what are you doing?"

Dean searched through the wardrobe and laughed pulling out a vulgar rainbow tie and nodded stalking over to him.

"This should do just fine" he murmured shoving him into the mattress and straddled his waist kissing him hot and quickly. Castiel moaned gripping his bare shoulders and squirmed underneath him needing more and _now. _

"Dean, please, Dean, I need you, please" he pleaded when he kissed down the length of his chest. Dean sucked along the warm chest and peeked up to see sweat covering his brow and grinned dragging his nails across his stomach to see the fine muscles jump and filthy moans fill the room. His cock ached in his jeans and he undid the belt staring into blown blue eyes. Castiel moaned closing his eyes when he trailed the leather across his stomach and moved down kissing his bellybutton.

"Cas, you're gorgeous" he murmured moving up and kissing him hard before resting his forehead against his. Castiel inhaled the smell of sweat, booze, and the faint aroma of his aftershave wanting to keep it in his senses forever and ever.

"Fuck me, please, Dean"

"Beg me" he whispered staring into his eyes as his hands worked their way down and unbuttoned his jeans sliding them off till he was in nothing but his underwear. Dean slipped off his jeans quickly and smiled down at him when he whimpered digging his nails into his shoulders. Dean hissed and moved back to look at him.

"Move up" he ordered watching him shift up and hit the headboard. Dean didn't waste time as he moved up to meet him and tilted his chin up licking into his mouth and being devious pulled him up and locked his wrists together tying them behind his back.

"Stupid wooden headboard" he muttered into the corner of his mouth as Castiel panted struggling against the bonds. "Beg for me, Cas, I want to hear those pretty little moans baby"

"Please, please, I just need you inside me" he pleaded when he kissed into his neck.

Dean stayed there for a moment inhaling his smell and lifted up looking into his eyes.

"How drunk are you?"

"Drunk enough to know I really want this"

"Are you going to-to throw up?"

"No" Castiel whispered when he kissed down his chest and grunted when Dean moved to lie down and grimaced at the pressure on his hands. The thought went away when he licked a warm stripe across his hipbone and he gasped over and over again till he was moaning like a whore. Dean greedily sucked and nipped across the sharp hipbones and let his mouth rest there as he looked up and admired the tent in his boxers, moisture and damp marks spread across them.

Sweat coated Castiel's body from wriggling around too much and he smiled slowly taking the boxers down revealing him. Dean coughed and marvelled over him in surprised shock whilst Castiel spread his legs wide.

"Look at you spreading your legs like a little slut" Dean murmured shaking his head. "Naughty"

"Dean!" he gasped with desperation in his voice. Dean rolled his eyes playfully and sat back taking his own boxers till they were naked together. Castiel stared with wide eyes and moaned low shutting his eyes.

"I'm here, I'll take care of you…I always will" he murmuring enclosing his mouth over the head off his cock and sucking softly. Castiel nearly screamed in relief and simply let out small gasps rocking his hips forward. Dean pressed a hand to his hip and playfully turned to his inner thigh biting into the tender skin.

"Behave" he murmured and let his tongue swirl around the head collecting the come settled there and moaned when the salty taste hit the back of his throat. Dean hadn't realised how much he had missed this and sniffed deeply taking in the smell that was just _Castiel. _

Dean didn't waste time as he took him further into his mouth and hollowed out his cheeks for perfect suction as he bobbed his head up and down the length. The heat was unbearable for Castiel who struggled against his bonds wanting to reach and tug that hair. His hips rocked forward on their own accord fucking gently into his mouth and he felt his balls tighten for release. Dean playfully fondled them with his other hand massaging till he was panting harder.

"Dean, p-please…oh god" he cried out and bit down into his bottom lip pressing the heels of his feet into the mattress when he deep throated him without gagging. Castiel near enough screamed when his orgasm hit him hard and he flooded down Dean's throat. Dean wasn't expecting it and gagged a little before swallowing and licking up every last drop till Castiel's cock gave a last jerk and slipped slowly into softness.

Dean hummed licking his lips in satisfaction and moved up to see heavy but delighted eyes and grinned down at him.

"How was that?" he murmured kissing his nose.

"I could sleep forever but I need you inside me, Dean, please, please, please"

"Well since you begged so prettily…I think I can do that" he whispered bringing him up till he hit his chest and Castiel sighed in relief when the tie was removed.

"Vile thing" Dean mumbled tossing it aside and pressing a finger to Cas' wet lips and grabbing his jeans pulling out a packet of lube and condom. Castiel narrowed his eyes at them.

"You never know" Dean explained with a shrug ripping the lube open with his teeth. Castiel gulped at how hot it looked when Dean did it and watched as he slicked up his fingers. Castiel lied back down on the cover and spread his legs and hands out on the bed staring at Dean with undisguised lust that sent a thrill down Dean's eyes at how much he wanted him.

Dean grabbed the cushion slotting it under his ass and hips to get better access and gently eased his finger up circling the pucker of muscle. Castiel panted at the cold touch and squeezed his eyes shut when the finger penetrated him slowly till it was pushed in to the knuckle.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, more, Dean, please" he rambled with a nod.

Dean pushed in further crooking his finger and closed his finger at the hot heat surrounding his finger and hissed looking down at his cock, arched, red, leaking pre-cum and desperate to be buried inside him. He slipped a second finger along with the first and hissed at the resistance and tightness surrounding them. He slipped them in and out watching Castiel moan wantonly, the lube heating between his fingers as he scissored and stretched him wide open. The third pressed into him and Castiel winced at the pain shooting up his spine

"It's okay" Dean murmured and pressing a kiss on his chest tenderly. "I got you"

"Dean, I'm ready, please" he begged fisting his hands into the covers.

"Okay, okay" he said ripping the condom open to slide it on and apply more lube. Castiel reached out grabbing his hand and linking their hands together quickly with a nod. Dean pressed a kiss over their knuckles and with his other hand braced his hip and sheathed himself inside of him. Castiel let out a silent gasp clinging to his hand and breathed out shakily adjusting and nodded.

Dean startled slow thrusting into him to gain rhythm and bent his head with a low groan.

"You feel fucking amazing" he whispered clutching his hand.

"Faster, Dean" he insisted shutting his eyes and wrapping his legs around his waist urging him in deeper. Dean thrusted harder and faster into him and bent his head catching his lips in a hot kiss. Castiel panted warm air into his mouth letting go of his hand and cupping around his neck.

"You feel amazing" Castiel whispered pressing his lips over his top and groaning when a particular thrust struck his prostrate sending pleasure pulsating all around him. The heat and the intensity of it was too much for Dean and he groaned pressing his lips to his forehead thrusting harder and deeper into him feeling the peak of his orgasm already like a teenager.

"Cas, I-I need…I can't…" he whispered looking into his eyes and staying there.

"It's okay, do it, I want to see" he whispered and gasped when he clutched him tighter and felt the orgasm shudder all over him as he emptied out inside him. His hips stuttered and he stared into the blue abyss and moaned brokenly when it died down. He dropped down slowly slipping out of him and exhaling shakily. Castiel breathed out feeling sweat coat him all over and turned to look at Dean resting on his shoulder feeling sleepy.

"Can't breathe" he murmured under the weight and watched Dean huff amused and lift off taking off the condom and chucking it into the bin. The sleepy effect of alcohol affected them both as they rolled around till the cover was over them and Dean brought him into his arms.

"You're awesome" Dean murmured sleepily into his ear. Castiel hummed but didn't reply as he buried his head into the pillow and slipped off into an easy sleep feeling content and satisfied for now.

**A/N: I can practically hear your sigh of relief. Aha! It's not going to be happiness and bliss yet though. Thank you for all the reviews!**


	15. Chapter 15

All Castiel knew at that moment was he was warm, strangely happy, and very naked. He opened his eyes slowly and moaned at the light in the room hurting his eyes before slowly lifting the cover and peeking under. Castiel gasped shoving it down and glancing over to Dean snoring softly with an arm thrown over his eyes.

"Oh no" he breathed sitting up with a wince and clutching his head as memories of last night came flooding back. His body was sticky with sweat and semen that made his stomach curl up with a shiver. He shifted off the bed, grabbed his underwear off the floor, and headed to the bathroom closing and locking the door. Castiel glanced around and grabbed the mouthwash in the cupboard swilling it around his mouth and spitting feeling a bone deep ache running all over him. The guilt was overwhelming and he gasped sitting on the toilet and brought his head into his hands. His hands shook and he rubbed his temples needing headache tablets and something greasy to get rid of this hangover.

Castiel brought himself to stand and opened the door peering inside to see Dean still in the same position. He bit down into his bottom hard catching the skin and tasting copper as it split. His feet took him forward and he sat down on the bed gingerly staring forward at the faded green wall and bent low picking up the rainbow tie. Dean inhaled deeply and moaned removing his arm and opening his eyes to see him sitting on the edge of the running his fingers through the silk tie.

He was secretly pleased to see that his hangover wasn't that great and watched him carefully before sitting up and placing his chin on his shoulder.

"That's a fugly tie" Dean murmured softly running his eyes down the side of his face.

"Ugly enough to leave behind"

"Are you okay?" Dean whispered wrapping his arm around his waist and moving him to lie against his chest. Castiel swallowed with a shrug and closed his eyes on a shaky exhale.

"It wasn't wrong, Cas, not for me" he murmured into his ear inhaling the smell of sex and shampoo.

"I cheated on Chris"

Dean gritted his teeth feeling a flare of anger and irritation at his name and shifted pressing his lips to the back of his neck.

"You're just dating him…you aren't officially together, Cas, and…well, have you two, well, you know"

"No, I tried but I couldn't"

"Yet you'll have sex with me" he muttered tilting his head in consideration.

"We were drunk…"

"That means nothing, you know exactly what you're doing when you're drunk as well and you know it. You wanted this, you even told me how much you wanted it and I saw no hesitation, Cas, and it was good, really good, and I don't regret it" he said and moved away grabbing his phone and dialling Mary's number.

Mary grabbed the phone and huffed relieved down the phone. "Where the hell are you?"

"In a motel, we got, um, a little too drunk and decided to crash here for the night and I totally forgot to call mom"

"It's okay, I was just worried but I kinda guessed you'd be in a motel or in the back of the car"

"We'll be home soon, is he okay?"

"Little restless, I think he misses you"

"We'll be home soon" Dean murmured looking over to Castiel heading into the bathroom and shutting the door with a firm click. Dean said his goodbyes and tossed the phone to the side dropping into the bed and heard running water from the shower. He didn't regret it, not one little bit. He wanted this to happen and now it had, he had a part of Cas that Chris didn't. Dean smirked burying his face into the pillow smelling the clean detergent, sweat and sex. It bothered him a lot more than he liked that Castiel now regretted it and was thinking of Chris of all people. He waited impatiently for him to come out wearing nothing but a cheap motel towel. Dean rose up from the bed looking over him and felt his cock twitch underneath the cover in interest.

"Tell me once and for all if you regret it"

"I…"

"I'd think really carefully before you say anything"

"Dean, look, I don't know what you want me to say…"

Dean nodded getting up out of bed and holding up one finger. "Wait right there"

He paused watching Dean walk into the bathroom and swallowed holding still till Dean returned with a wet face and fresh breath. No one liked morning breath.

"You don't even have to tell me, Cas, I know you regret it because I can see it in your eyes" he murmured with a set jaw looking into his eyes before looking down at the towel and ripping it off. Castiel gasped softly when the towel pooled around his ankles and flushed a deep red in embarrassment.

"You have no idea how hot you looked last night, you were all needy and well…hot" he murmured trailing his hands down the lithe body feeling the flat surfaces and bony hipbones. "I don't regret it, not one little bit, I wanted it as much as you did and you were…incredible"

The last word was whispered into his ear sending a shudder down Castiel's spine

"I cheated, Dean, I slept with you when I shouldn't have…I was drunk and I wanted you, I did, but…"

Dean cut him off pulling him into his chest and kissing him hard. Castiel whimpered into his mouth clinging to the back of his neck and moaning deeply when he shoved him back into the wall.

"But…nothing" Dean whispered pretending to bite his nose. "Get dressed, I need food or I'm going to barf"

Castiel breathed heavily and jumped when he slapped him hard on his bare ass. He watched him collect his clothes and dress in them quickly. Castiel swallowed following his lead and dressed quickly also.

"Where"

"Anywhere that sells coffee and bacon" he murmured running a hand into his hair and cocking his head at him. "Come on, Cas, no awkwardness"

"Alright, I'm sorry"

"Why are you apologising?"

"I don't know"

Dean rolled his eyes at him opening the door and waiting till he stepped out. There was awkwardness there but it was only to be accepted, there was always awkwardness after sex. Castiel stepped out and moaned at the daylight.

"I hate the sun" he murmured glaring up at it.

"What did it ever do to you?"

"It's hurting my eyes" he murmured feeling sicker than ever. Dean gripped his shoulders and rubbed them for a moment before pointing over to a little café.

"How about there?"

Castiel hummed melting into him for a moment before adjusting and looking at the café with a nod of agreement. It was small and didn't look much as they entered and sat down in a booth. The waitress noticed them and perked up walking over and smiling widely when Dean winked at her. Castiel scowled at the exchange and frowned at Dean who ordered a full breakfast and coffee.

"Same for me" he said glancing at the blonde hair, full chest, and fake smile with a look of distaste. Dean noticed and chuckled softly when she walked away.

"Is that jealously I see?"

"No"

"Liar"

"Do you flirt with everything that walks, Dean?" he said snatching a napkin and wiping his side of the table. Dean watched bemused and shook his head.

"Nope, not since I became a dad but I'm polite" he said with a cocky grin and leaned forward looking into his eyes. "Like I said last night…I don't want their attention"

Castiel bit down into his bottom lip flushing and looking away from him.

"Dean, I…"

"Nope" he said leaning forward and slapping his palm over his mouth shaking his head. "No because I know you and you're going to come out with all sorts of crap about how it was wrong, how you cheated, and how much you regret it. Just…don't"

Castiel could see the conflict in Dean's eyes and sighed a warm puff of air on his hand and nodded. Dean removed his hand when the waitress came back over with their coffees. Castiel watched as he stirred in his sugar and took a slurp earning a satisfied groan. His cock hardened instantly at the sound and he stared down at the dark coffee thinking back to last night and the taste of Dean in his mouth. If he tried hard enough he could still taste him and it made him crave _more. _Now that he had a sample of Dean, he wanted to do more, he wanted to pin him down on the bed and worship that body over and over again.

"Cas" Dean said and smirked when he jumped out his daydream. "You okay?"

"Yes" he whispered meeting his eyes and looking away.

"Cas, I don't…" he said and faltered when the waitress returned with a smile and a wink for Dean as she placed them down. Dean didn't return the smile and waited till she left wounded and rejected. He raised an eyebrow lifting his bacon to see a slip of paper and chuckled.

"Wow" he murmured opening it to see her cell number and crushed it chucking it aside. Castiel watched the action and hid a smile looking down at his breakfast. His stomach growled in hunger and he eagerly devoured it. The breakfast disappeared and they paid the bill quickly wanting to get back to Lucas.

The drive back was silent but somewhat comfortable as they arrived outside the house and walked in. Mary turned when they walked in and she looked them over with narrowed eyes.

"Good night?"

"Oh, the best" Dean murmured flicking his eyes over to Castiel who flushed a faint pink. Mary hummed and pointed at the chair. "Your son wants his dada"

Dean rushed forward and smiled when Lucas saw him and delight shown in his eyes when he was scooped up.

"How's my boy" he said holding him close and rubbing his back up and down. Castiel shifted and moved heading up the stairs to get changed out of his clothes. Mary watched with narrowed eyes and moved looking into Dean's eyes.

"What happened between you two?"

"Nothing"

"Don't lie to me, Dean, did something happen?"

Dean sighed softly glancing at the stairs and nodded. "Yeah, there's a reason we went to a motel"

"Oh" she breathed and narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. "I guess he regrets it now"

"How can you tell?" he said sarcastically and smiled at Lucas who placed his hands on his face and cooed and gurgled at him. "He feels guilty"

"Why?"

"Because he's dating someone" Dean mumbled avoiding looking at her.

"Dean!" she explained shocked. "You…slept with him in the knowledge that he was dating someone else?!"

"He wanted it mom, I didn't force him and he certainly didn't put up a fight! Chris doesn't deserve him anyway"

Mary huffed shaking her head and made grabby hands for Lucas. Dean passed him over with a frown and stumbled back when she shoved him gently towards the stairs.

"Go talk to him, no awkwardness, no fighting, and no arguments, Dean. Lucas doesn't need that" she said walking away and heading to the garden. Dean headed upstairs and walked into the bedroom to see him wearing a soft grey t-shirt and jogger bottoms. Castiel was sat cross legged in the middle of the bed picking thoughtfully at the pillow in his lap.

Dean inhaled deeply and turned closing the door gently and looked back towards him.

"Something interesting on that pillow there"

"No" he murmured gently still looking down at it.

"Cas, look at him" he said softly moving off and sitting at the end of the bed. "Talk to me"

"Every time I attempt to you kiss me or cover my mouth"

"Because I know whatever you say, it's going to be utter crap"

"I may not be with Chris officially, Dean, but I am dating him and he has my trust"

"It doesn't matter, Cas, he's nothing…you haven't even had sex with the dude"

"That means nothing!"

"Why are you brushing this off? Hey, why? We had sex, great sex actually, and yeah we were drunk but it was bound to happen sooner or later and you know it!" he argued back at him.

"Dean, do you remember what I told you all those months back about how I got to close to my boss, my former employer, and how I cheated with him whilst looking after his children, and exchanging conversations with his ever doting wife?"

"That's nothing like this, Cas"

"I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again, I wouldn't jeopardise myself and look what's happened" he whispered and closed his eyes. "It shouldn't have happened but I don't regret it"

"I don't regret it either"

Silence stretched between them too long before Dean rolled his eyes shifting up to knock him into the mattress. Castiel huffed spreading his legs for better comfort as his weight bore down on him.

"Where do we go from here? You can't quit, Cas, you can't leave me or Lucas, you can't"

"I-I believe it's best if we…"

"If we what?"

"If we forget about it, not completely because that's impossible, but if we move on from it and class it as…nothing more than a drunken fumble"

Dean stared down at him and pursued his lips nodding in thought. "You sure you want to forget about it? Completely brush it away as nothing more than a stupid drunken fumble while we go back to playing our roles and you return to Chris"

"I just think it would be for the best, Dean, if…if we ruin what we have already and things get messy…I can't lose you or Lucas over it"

"Why would things get messy?"

"Because they always do, Dean, something or even someone intervenes and messes it up"

"Not always, Cas"

Castiel let out a soft sigh pressing a hand to his cheek trailing his fingers over the stubble.

"I don't want to take that risk" he whispered softly.

Dean rubbed his teeth over his bottom lip and pushed up off him. Castiel missed the warmth of his body covering him already and sat up with him.

"If you say so" he murmured with a resigned look in his eye stripping out of his clothing from last night and into fresh ones. Castiel didn't bother averting his eyes this time and simply watched him dress quickly and avoiding his eyes. Despite his words a painful ache spread across his chest when he straightened up and glanced at the door.

"I better get down to him"

Castiel bobbed his head watching Dean hesitate before giving up and heading to the door and out. He moaned dropping back down on the bed and drummed his fingers on his stomach contemplating before grabbing his phone and calling Gabriel.

"Hey!"

"Gabriel, are you alone?"

"Cas? Are you back?" Gabriel said confused sitting up on his couch.

"No, I'm still in Lawrence but I need to talk to you"

"Shoot" he said sticking a lollipop in his mouth.

"I had sex with Dean"

Gabriel choked on the lollipop and paused for a moment regaining his breath.

"What?"

"I had sex with him; we got drunk and went back to a motel"

"Holy shit, Cas, I knew this would happen!"

"I'm screwed, Gabe"

Gabriel sucked in a deep breath and hopped off the couch looking out of his window.

"Yep, royally last night, baby bro, what are you gonna do?"

"I suggested to him that we forget it and call it a drunken fumble"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No"

"Fucking hell, Cassy, that's a swell plan" he muttered sarcastically. "Nice way to kick the guy where it hurts!"

"It was a mistake! We got drunk and…it happened"

"Was he good?"

"Very good"

"Then why are you throwing this away?! Do you not remember my speech? It was a fucking good one and I'm not lying about losing them one day because you will! You've fucked the guy and you have a part of each other now you didn't have before"

"I cheated on Chris"

"So? You're dating aren't you?"

"Dean said exactly the same thing but it doesn't matter that we're just dating because the guilt I feel is not going anywhere"

"Then tell him"

"What?"

"Cas, tell Chris what you did"

"I-I can't, not yet"

Gabriel chuckled amused popping the lollipop back into his mouth.

"I think you're making a big mistake here but I can't tell you what to do, you never listen anyway, but I think if you just let the fuck go and let yourself be happy for once then you're fine and dandy"

"I wish it was that simple"

"Cas, it is simple but it's _you _making it complicated" he argued back. "You always do it, you never let yourself be happy and one day you're going to realise what an idiot you were"

Castiel opened his mouth to reply but was only met with a dialling tone. He gave a frown tossing the phone aside and crossed his arms stubbornly. He didn't want to believe Gabriel was right but he was.

_**~0~0~0~**_

The rest of the day was spent awkwardly together with Mary looking between them concerned and doting on Lucas. Castiel avoided talking with Dean and Dean avoided being alone with him until night time. Mary said her goodnights and flashed Dean a concerned look before going to bed.

"I can go downstairs if you…" Castiel suggested when he walked in.

"Cas, get in the bed and shut up"

Dean watched as he muted and climbed into his side of his bed and shrugged off his clothing. Castiel turned his side giving him his back and nibbled on his bottom lip while Dean lay on his back staring up at the ceiling. He inhaled sharply and closed his eyes wanting sleep more than ever.

Dean was drifting off when he felt movement shift next to him and eyes on his face. He turned glancing over to him and raised an eyebrow.

"Do you get your freak on watching people sleep?"

"No"

"Why are you watching me instead of sleeping?"

"I can't sleep"

"Why?"

"I-I don't know" he whispered with a shaky exhale.

Dean inhaled and turned on his side to face him with a knowing look. "You thinking about last night? I know I was drunk, we both were, but my memory is pretty good"

"I remember most of it"

"We're good together and I discovered something about you" he murmured inching forward and tracing his hand down his lower back. Dean smirked when he gasped rocking his hips forward and the moan that escaped him was pornographic.

"Awesome" he murmured removing his hand and shaking his head as he rolled on his back. "If you want to forget about it, fine I'll forget about it…when we get back"

"What do you mean?"

"It's like…it's like we're out of reality here. Work doesn't exist, my home doesn't exist and I'm here with my baby, my mom…and you. Nothing matters until we get back"

"What are you trying to stay?"

"That we've already done…the big deed if you want and it's done, we can't take it back so…until we get back to our real home, back to reality…why don't we have a little fun along the way?" he murmured rolling back to face him.

Castiel blinked considering his offer and held still when he moved forward cupping his chin and kissing him softly. Dean smiled when he leaned into it seeking more and arched his head back to get a better look at him.

"Only if you want to but I think we can get a little more fun this week and weekend"

"Just this week"

"This week and then we can return to boring lives"

"Chris…

"He doesn't exist, not now…so what do you say?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes at him completely unsure but the challenge and mischief in Dean's eyes made him waver.

"One week then we forget about it"

"Sure" Dean murmured tugging him forward into a deeper kiss invading his mouth with his tongue and tasting the mint of his toothpaste. Castiel moaned fisting his hands into his t-shirt pressing against him tighter and gasped when he flipped him onto his back and dragged off his t-shirt. Dean kissed down his chest slowly and smirked when he moaned softly spreading his legs.

"Slut" Dean whispered up to him and dragged down his underwear flinging it over his shoulder and pressing his mouth over the erection. Castiel gasped loudly bringing his hands up to pet into his hair and stared into lustful eyes when he rose up covering his mouth.

"I love hearing you but Lucas is next door and so is my mom, you gotta keep quiet"

Castiel whimpered under his mouth when he trailed a hand down his inner thighs and pushed the cover off them. The cold air of the bedroom hit them both raising goosebumps down Dean's back as he breathed warm air over the head.

Castiel moaned spreading his legs wider and pressing his heels into the bed when he took him further into his mouth. The heat was unbelievable leaving Castiel to cover his mouth moaning restfully as he wriggled under him needing more.

Dean licked the underside and hummed around his cock inhaling the musky smell. Castiel bit into his palm and removed it with a whimper.

"Dean, please, please" he begged clutching his hands into his hair tighter guiding him back and gasped in relief when his mouth covered him once again. Dean continued the suction as he took him further down hitting his throat. Castiel nearly screamed at the sensation feeling a sweat gather on his forehead and back, his orgasm was screaming at him to be let go which he did. The release was satisfactory as he arched his back, fisting his hands into his hair pulling roughly and flooding down his throat. Dean swallowed greedily and let go gently placing a gentle kiss on the limp head and moved up brushing a hand into his sweaty hair.

"How was that?"

"I- don…" he murmured and closed his eyes breathless when he kissed his nose and mouth.

"I thought that" Dean murmured smugly letting his head rest on his chest hearing his erratic heartbeat and smiled when he felt hands slide into his hair gently holding him there.

Castiel supressed a moan of distress but figured one week wouldn't hurt, could it?

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews!**


	16. Chapter 16

Things didn't go to plan. They never do. In his mind, Dean had Castiel exactly where he wanted him and like hell he was going to forget what had happened. A lesson needed to be taught here and Dean was going to teach it. Their drunken night together was always going to happen despite the fact that personally Dean didn't want their first time together to be uncontrollably drunk.

It was easy and comfortable waking up curled around Castiel and Dean didn't want to let go. He woke up early, turning his head to look at the sun peeking through the curtains and sighed pressing his nose into the dark hair. One week, one week and they both forget. His eyes narrowed and he smirked kissing the top of his head and pulled back with a shake of his head. It was foolish to believe and he wasn't about to let him go back to Chris of all people.

"Cas" he breathed into his ear and smiled when he moaned burying his head into the pillow.

"Piss off"

"Oh naughty" he murmured kissing the sensitive spot underneath his ear. "Wake up"

"No, leave me alone" Castiel moaned in response nudging him gently away.

Dean huffed amused pushing his shoulder to lie on his back and kissed down his chest. His skin was warm underneath his lips and he grumbled gently inhaling the smell of sleep. Castiel sighed annoyed opening one eye to see him descending slowly down his chest towards his morning erection.

"Should I expect this every morning?"

"Yep" Dean murmured glancing up at him with a wink and wrapped a hand around the base of his cock stroking gently. "But you love it anyway"

"Oh god" he murmured covering his eyes and shifting when Dean moved up removing his hands and continued to fist him slowly and teasingly.

"Call me, Dean"

"Hilarious"

Dean grinned cupping his chin and pressing a warm kiss to his lips and pulled back. "You look so hot like this"

"R-really" he whispered and gasped clutching his shoulders when he flicked his thumb over the head and stroked him harder.

"Yeah, I want you to come, let me see you come" he urged and nodded when Castiel bit his lip looking into his eyes. Castiel clenched down with a gasp coming over his fist and onto the bed cover with a shudder. Dean saw the reaction and chuckled bringing him into a deeper kiss.

"You are one sexy man" he murmured against his lips and wiped his hand on the cover with a grimace. "You should see yourself when you blow your load"

"I bet it's awful"

"Nope, sexy, very, very sexy" Dean whispered kissing his throat and stroking a hand down his side. "What do you fancy doing today?"

"I don't know"

"I'd spend it in bed with you but my mom and Lucas kind of interrupts that"

On cue, Lucas wailed in his nursery and Dean let out a small sigh.

"Duty calls" he murmured moving out of bed and pulling on his clothes to go see them. Castiel leaned against the headboard nibbling on his bottom lip as he watched Dean leave the room and go see Lucas. Their arrangement started yesterday and he was still in conflict.

Dean stroked a hand down Lucas's back as he wailed and sobbed in Dean's arms.

"Hungry?" he murmured taking him downstairs and blinking startled when Mary handed him a bottle as he reached the bottom stair.

"Thanks, mom" he murmured putting Lucas into the crook of his arm and sliding the teat into his mouth. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I'm not, I'm curious"

"About what?"

"You and Castiel, what's going on?"

"Nothing" he lied sitting down on the couch.

"Dean, I know when you lie and you're lying to me right now" she said sitting down on the end and looking into his eyes. "What's going on?"

"I'm teaching him a lesson"

"What does that mean?"

"That when the week is out, he'll have learnt it"

Mary frowned at him confused and opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted when Castiel came down the stairs.

Dean met his eyes and smirked when he flushed and headed into the kitchen. Castiel poured the coffee and rubbed his forehead hard feeling an upcoming headache. Dean placed the bottle on the side and sat Lucas in his lap rubbing and patting his back.

"I was wondering if you'd let me take him out today"

"Where?"

"My friend, Vivian, she wants to meet him"

"Sure" he said with a smile finishing burping him and was satisfied when he burped. Dean handed him over to Mary and nodded.

"Don't you want to come with us?"

"Oh no, no, no, you take him out and show him off like a grand prize…I'm sure I can find something to do"

Mary hummed picking him up and going to get his little coat and pram out. Castiel walked in and watched the scene unfold with narrowed eyes.

"What's happening?"

"Mom is taking Lucas to meet all her friends and show him off…which means we have the house all to ourselves"

"Oh" Castiel murmured seeing the lust shine in Dean's eyes and sat down next to him contemplating. "Sounds fun"

Mary got herself and Lucas in strapping him into his pram and facing the two of them.

"I'll be back later" she muttered looking between them and smiling gently. "No house parties"

"Yes mom" Dean muttered sarcastically and shot her a grin when she opened the door and left.

Dean turned glancing at Castiel who slowly turned to meet his.

"Home alone"

"I love that film"

"Seriously" Dean murmured with a raised eyebrow.

"What? It's a good film and I longed to be left alone one day while my brothers and sister left me on my own"

"You're too cute" Dean whispered moving off and cupping the back of his neck as he brought him into a blinding kiss. Castiel hummed bringing his hands up to cup his cheeks and pressed him into the couch.

"What's your favourite film?"

"I don't have one, I guess…action, horror, and occasionally…a comedy if I'm feeling in the mood" he murmured looking into his eyes. "What's your favourite song?"

"I don't have one"

"Why not?"

"Too many to choose from"

"Anything to do with AC/DC, Metallic, Motor head, anything to do with _real _rock has my approval"

"I bet you were an angsty teenager weren't you?" Castiel teased when placing his hands on his hips and smirked when Dean scoffed.

"I was more than fine; I bet you were a boring jerk"

"Insults, Dean?"

Dean hummed stroking his hands down his chest and pushing them up his t-shirt to his warm skin and moaned when he felt Castiel do the same.

"I…"

"What do you want?" Dean muttered scraping his nail of his nipple. Castiel jerked with a harsh breath looking up into his eyes.

"Let me fuck you"

"You sure"

"Please" he pleaded reaching up and pulling Dean into a hard kiss. "I want to feel you"

"Okay" Dean murmured with a smile. "Stay there, I'll get the lube and condom"

Castiel missed his warmth when he darted off the couch and headed upstairs. He drummed his fingers on the couch and looked up when Dean headed down and tossed them on the couch.

"Let's get head started" Dean said pulling off his clothes under the careful eye of Castiel who watched him strip. Castiel fought a smile when he finished and hummed tilting his head.

"That was an interesting striptease, Dean"

"Shut up" he murmured walking over to him and gripping the back of his hair tightly. Castiel grunted shoving him down on the sofa and straddled his waist.

"So impatient, Dean"

"I finally get what I have wanted for months and you're calling me impatient?" Dean said poking him hard in the side and smiling when he chuckled pinning his wrists down.

"That's a ticklish spot, Dean"

"Brilliant" he murmured and held still when Castiel trailed his lips down and across his jaw. "I know how to torture you and believe me, I'll be telling Lucas"

"Who knew you were so evil?"

"Why don't you shut up and hurry along fucking me" Dean murmured trailing his hand down his lower back and catching him when he moaned low and tugged his shirt off. Castiel didn't waste any time as he stripped the rest of his clothing off and bent his head low kissing him soundly.

"Spread your legs" he whispered against his lips and snatched up the lube. Dean obeyed his order spreading them and groaning at the skin to skin contact. It was exhilarating and he craved more as he rubbed his hands down his back and dug his fingers into the curve of his ass. Castiel moaned at the slight pain and turned his head nipping on the skin of his neck and kissed down his chest.

"Front or back" Castiel murmured looking up into his eyes.

Dean paused for thought and nodded lifting up and turning on his back. Castiel hummed considering him and grabbed his shoulder bringing him up to his knees and pressing a gentle kiss to the back of his neck.

"You're so beautiful" he whispered pressing kisses down the length of his spine and paused grabbing the lube and squirting it onto his fingers. Dean gasped at the first cold touch and bit into his gum when the first finger slid inside him. It had been a long time since he had done this or had someone do this to him and it was equally painful as pleasurable.

"Fuck, Cas" he murmured clinging to the sofa and moaning when he slipped a second finger slowly fucking him in and out gently.

"That's the idea"

"I'm ready"

"Dean…"

"Cas, please, just fuck me" he begged leaning his back onto his shoulder panting heavily. Castiel nodded once moving back and sliding the condom on and breathing warm air into the back of his neck.

"Are you ready?" he murmured grabbing hold of his hips.

"Yeah" he murmured and gasped loudly when he thrusted inside of him. Castiel mouthed wordlessly against his shoulder at how tight he was. The heat around his cock was intense and he moaned brokenly clinging to his hips harder enough to leave bruises and gently pulled out slamming back into him. Dean gasped at the sharp pain which soon ebbed away and he let his hands fall gripping the arm of the sofa. Castiel thrusted slowly into him gaining a rhythm which didn't satisfy Dean who rolled his hips back into him.

"Harder, Cas"

Castiel gripping his shoulder bending him further over as he adjusted and slammed into him harder and faster. Dean hissed in relief digging his nails into the fabric and rocked back meeting his thrusts. Castiel groaned throwing his head back and shook his head.

"Dean…I can't" he muttered and pressed against him hard as his orgasm came. Dean felt the release and breathed out looking down at his own erection needing to feel the release.

"Cas, I…" he pleaded and hissed when Castiel slid out of him breathless and flipped him over so he was on his back. Dean looked up at him as he descended on his cock taking him into his mouth.

"We don't want to get semen on your mother's couch" he whispered against the head and sucked him down. Dean moaned in relief stroking his hands into Cas' hair and urging him on as he sucked him down bobbing his head and sucking him till he ripped the orgasm out of him. Dean moaned brokenly and in pure relief when it swept over him and he dragged Castiel up to him devouring his mouth. He tasted the saltiness of himself and pulled back looking into the blown eyes and grinned.

"We're so awesome" he murmured locking his legs around his waist so he could lie on his chest. Castiel hummed lying his head over his heart listening to it beat and chuckled when he poked his side.

"Dean" he warned digging his nails into his chest. Dean hissed smacking his ass hard and nosed his hair content.

"Tell me a story, Cas, tell me about your childhood"

"It was rather boring to be honest; I'm the youngest which means despite everything I was the most tormented. Michael and Luc stuck together most of the time till the…big fight and when Luc disappeared, Michael… went in on himself, he refused to open up and locked himself in his room and soon left after that. I haven't seen Michael in months. It was me, Anna, Balthazar and Gabriel left and my brothers needed entertainment"

"You lot have really weird names" Dean murmured softly.

"Odd parents, anyway, Gabriel and Balthazar would team up and basically torture me at home, in school, and anywhere with games and tricks. Anna often intervened but soon realised she couldn't and stopped. It eventually came to an end when one day I put every type of insect into their bed I could find from the garden and their screams that night were satisfying"

"Oh aren't you pure evil" Dean crooned into his ear and smiled softly. "Surely they paid you back"

"They tried but I soon retaliated back by threatening to expose the picture of Gabriel kissing another boys girl and Balthazar for stealing our mother's wine" he said smugly. "They soon backed off"

"Oh so you would rather be a little snitch!" he said with a mock gasp.

"No because I never did, I resorted into cruel blackmail" he argued back.

"You had a good childhood though?"

"It was okay, I love my brothers and my sister, I love my mother…I don't really know my father so I don't feel anything but I know he's out there" he said tracing his fingers down his arm and peeking up at him. "What about your childhood…I was speaking to your mom…"

"What did she say?"

"That you'd rather come home after school and play with Sam then make friends with the children at school…"

"Oh really" he said looking up at the ceiling. "I didn't want friends, they were all…dicks"

"Dicks?"

"Yeah, I'd rather come home and play with my little brother instead of playing with them dicks…I didn't care, I didn't want them. I was fine with no friends and just Sammy. My childhood was alright, I had my mom and dad but then he died…" he said trailing off with a sigh. "No one has the perfect childhood; they're always going to be something which ruins it a little"

"Not even one little friend or even a best friend"

"Nope, not one, who was your best friend in school"

"His name was Spencer, he only liked me because I was weird and he liked weird"

"That's…weird" he murmured and let out a puff of laughter.

"We weren't friends for long, he left me soon after and got bored"

"Lovely choice in friends"

Castiel smiled amused and turned putting his chin on his chest. "What about relationships?"

"I was a whore, Cas, I wanted sex, I didn't want a relationship with secrets, boredom, and waking up to the same face everyday"

"Oh"

"That was when I was seventeen and my hormones ruled my life"

"So…before Amanda…did you have a relationship?"

"Not really, I had flings and occasionally went back to the same person for more but apart from Amanda I hadn't really stuck down with anyone"

Castiel nodded and gasped softly when he brought him forward kissing him hard. He moaned cupping the back of his neck and gasped when Dean tugged away.

"What about you?"

"I had the odd girlfriend and boyfriend in school, I don't remember their names…then I was with a woman a few years back…I was about to have sex with her when I realised I had no clue what I was doing with her, she was gorgeous with curves, breasts, and everything I could want but I couldn't do it and I ran off. I found a bar, I drank and drank till this guy hit on me, I agreed and went back to his house with him…nothing major happened…we fooled around and I realised what I wanted"

"Wow" Dean murmured with wide eyes. "You got all that from fooling around with a guy"

"I realised I liked men a lot more than I liked women"

"Oh"

Dean hummed trailing a hand down his back and slapped his ass.

"What was that for?" Castiel retorted with a scowl.

"For having a fine ass"

"I didn't deserve a slap though"

"Shut up and go make me coffee" he growled kissing his nose. Castiel eyed him before rising up and going to make them both coffees. Dean closed his eyes drumming his fingers on his stomach humming softly and looked up when he felt a dip in the sofa. His eyes opened looking up at him for a long moment before shifting up and resting his chin on his shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking"

"Thinking about what?"

Castiel didn't reply because Dean already knew the answer and he retaliated by wrapping his arm around him tighter biting into his ear. He grunted turning his head to glare at him and was rewarded with a cocky grin.

"Where's my coffee? Two sugars and milk"

"What am I? Your bitch?"

"Nope, my personal slave and nanny" he whispered poking his side and letting him go. Dean watched him leave and gave a small frown at the resigned look in his eyes. He had four days left and the lesson would be taught.

_**~0~0~0~**_

The rest of the week was spent with Lucas who was beginning to get into the stage where he jutted forward and back like he was about to crawl. They went out and explored the neighbourhood, spent time with Mary, went to town and most of all had very quiet sex in the bedroom, bathroom, and anywhere they could find. Mary had noticed the closeness between them and had spied occasionally when they thought they were alone. She watched as Dean crept up on him, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing his neck. Mary saw the faint flush and surprise in his eyes when he turned capturing his mouth in a gentle kiss and smiled in the knowledge that they were both going to be okay.

"This week has flown by, I can't believe you're going back tomorrow" Mary said sadly stroking a hand through Lucas's curls and kissing the top of his head. "I don't want you to leave"

"I don't want to leave either mom" he replied with a sad smile.

"Are you and Castiel going to be okay?"

"We will be" Dean said with a nod glancing to the garden to see him simply lying back in the sun and glanced at Lucas. "Mom, will you do me a favour?"

"Of course"

"Take Lucas for a walk? I need to talk to Cas and I could with a little privacy"

Mary hummed with narrowed eyes and placed Lucas in his pram deciding to take him for a walk. Dean waited till the front door closed and walked to the back door.

"Cas, can you come in here for a minute?"

Castiel turned to look at him with a furrowed brow and nodded walking in and looking around.

"Where are Lucas and Mary?"

"Taking a walk because we're gonna talk, not fuck this time"

Castiel eyed him carefully and nodded shutting the back door and turning to face him.

"What do we need to talk about?"

"Us"

"What about us?"

"Stop being coy, Cas, I'm talking about us, together, having sex, a lot of sex, and generally being a couple"

Castiel swallowed hard and looked away from him. "One week, that's what you said"

"Yeah and I got what I wanted, I got you, but did and do you really think I'm just going to let you go? Let you go back to Chris of all fucking people? No, I wasn't and I'm not about to forget because _I can't" _

"Dean, I…"

"Don't you fucking dare say a word about how you can't and it's cheating" he shouted at him watching him flinch back and shut his mouth. "You have been having sex with me, Cas, not him and you really think you can go back to him and act like nothing happened? Are you that stupid?! We're not teenagers, Cas, we can't just fuck around and brush it away like it's nothing anymore. I'm an adult and more importantly I'm a dad now and I want you, I have wanted you since you tapped me on my shoulder and wanted to help me in that fucking supermarket"

"I promised myself…"

"Promises can be broken and I know, Cas, I know you're scared that something is going to happen to us and you'll lose me and Lucas but if that happens, we'll work through it. That's life and it's not straightforward like a dream and perfection because I wouldn't want that…I want the sex, the romance, and waking up to your pretty little face but more importantly I want the complications that come along with it" Dean said looking into his eyes and bringing him forward. "You know deep down that you can't just ignore this and go back to Chris like nothing happened because you're not stupid, Cas, you're really fucking smart and I want you to see that"

Castiel inhaled shakily moving into his personal space and closed his eyes when he kissed him on the forehead.

"We're good together, really good, and what we're doing isn't wrong and I just don't understand why you're so scared and want to throw it away like it's garbage?" he murmured gently and peered into his eyes. "Relationships aren't easy and we both know it…so why not make it easier for both of us and stop being a jerk?"

Castiel fought back a smile and heaved a sigh. "I know you're right…I just don't want to lose you"

"You won't" Dean murmured pushing their foreheads together. "I can promise that"

"Promises can be broken"

"Oh aren't you a funny guy"

"I need to tell Chris don't I?"

"Yeah" Dean said with a nod. "You don't want him; not really, he can be perfect but well…"

"Are you trying to hint he's not you?" Castiel murmured linking his arms around his neck and smiled when he laughed and nodded.

"Hell yeah, I think lesson is learnt"

"If you say so" he whispered moving in and kissing him softly. Dean nuzzled into his mouth and let go when Castiel clung to him harder moving his face into the crook of his neck. He smiled smugly and triumphantly holding him close and wondered what Chris's reaction would be and would it be appropriate to film the moment. Castiel inhaled the smell of his aftershave and moaned clinging to him harder. This week had taught him a lesson in bits and pieces that he was foolish to believe he could forget. It was now time to tell Chris and his reaction was one to be dreaded.

**A/N: I try my hardest with every story I put out. I make mistakes, it's common and I am not perfect. I try to make everyone happy but sometimes you are not going to like what I have written or the way the story is going. I can't make everyone happy because like Chuck would say…writing is hard. I respect and love every one of your reviews because I ask for them, I want them. I just like to make drama and surprise people.**

**It's better to have a unique story then a common one. I just wanted to put this out there before people start freaking out on me. **

**Thank you for your reviews anyway! I love them all. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Warning – slight non-con. (I don't want to upset people if any are affected by it)**

The drive back was slow and torturous and Lucas was having none of it as he wailed and kicked up a huge fuss. Castiel attempted to calm him down most of the journey with toys, nursery rhymes and songs.

"This isn't working and I have a headache the size of Russia" Castiel said rubbing his forehead and grimacing at Lucas. Lucas whimpered throwing the toy that Castiel had handed him in a fit of despair. Dean looked over his shoulder and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and concentrating on the road.

"Take him out then"

"Dean, I can't, you're driving and if we crash I'd rather him have safety then certain death"

"Alright, alright, we're an hour away"

"I think his diaper is wet" he murmured touching Lucas's cheek and sighing. "We need to find a gas station sooner rather than later. He looks like he is ten seconds from exploding"

Dean gritted his teeth stepping down on the pedal and moving them forward. To both of their relief it took fifteen minutes later to come across a gas station. Dean parked her up and got out breathing in the fresh air and peered over his shoulder to see Castiel taking Lucas to the bathroom. Dean turned to the boot getting out a premade bottle of milk and moved inside to heat it up. Castiel set Lucas on the mat shaking his head and changed his soggy diaper.

"Is this the reason why you have been giving me and your dada hell?" he said finishing up placing a kiss on his forehead. Lucas whimpered eyes brimming with tears and settled on his shoulder when he brought him up.

Dean perched against the hood of the car waiting till he came over and shook the milk at him.

"Is he hungry?"

"Possibly" he said taking the bottle and holding it in front of Lucas who opened his mouth like a little bird. Castiel chuckled bringing him into the crook of his arm and sliding the teat into his mouth. "It may give us sleep and quiet time"

"That sounds like a blessing" he murmured with a smirk and closed his eyes leaning his head back to look in the sun. Castiel watched him faintly amused and wandered over nudging him with his elbow gently so he didn't jolt Lucas feeding. Dean opened his eyes and hummed knowing what he wanted and kissed him gently.

"Eager, are we?"

"Only a little" he whispered against his lips kissing him softly back and stepping back to lean against the car. Dean chuckled bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck in soothing motions. It sent shivers down Castiel's spines and a kick of desire to his gut that was so very wrong for that moment in time. He looked down at Lucas still suckling and then turning his head away from the bottle.

"All done?" he murmured thumping and rubbing his back till he heard a small burp and brought him to his chest rocking him back and forth. Dean watched them fondly and waited patiently till Castiel gave him the thumbs up and gently opened the back to place and exhausted Lucas into his seat. He breathed out a sigh of relief and leaned back into Dean who nuzzled and kissed below his ear.

"Super nanny to the rescue or what" he murmured with a smile.

"I try my best" he said peeking up at him and smiling when he kissed him hard. "You can't stop touching me, can you?"

"You're too damn irresistible, we need to get home"

"I'm scared of telling Chris"

"Why? He'll be fine about it"

Castiel frowned not quite believing that and moved out of his arms climbing into the passenger seat. Dean rolled his eyes following suit and getting into drive them back home.

Forty minutes later they arrived home and Dean stared up at the house with a small smile.

"There's no place like home"

"That brings back bad memories"

"What?" Dean murmured confused looking over to him.

"Wizard of OZ, there's no place like home; the witch terrified me and let's just say that Gabriel worked on it" he said with a sad grimace.

Dean chuckled shaking his head at him before leaning over and kissing his forehead.

"Cute, come on" he murmured stepping out and picking up the car seat. Castiel followed suit and grabbed the bags hauling them inside and looking around the house.

"I loved your mothers but I have to say…I missed this house"

"Me too"

Dean looked around with a small smile and placed Lucas on the table. He turned glancing at Castiel who brought in the last of the bags and the pram.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Yes, I'll go home first and call him" he said hesitating and paused looking over to him. "I'm a little nervous"

"Why? What's he going to do? He's a kindergarten teacher, Cas, it'll be like saying no to a dog…it'll be horrible at first but he'll get over it"

"I know, I just feel guilty"

"I'll be here when you tell him so just…" he said moving over and cupping the back of his neck. "Come here when you're done"

"Okay"

Castiel moved up giving him a kiss and smiling against his lips for a moment when he deepened it. He pressed a hand to his chest and moved back eyeing him carefully.

"I'll see you later" he murmured pushing back and moving off to Lucas and placing a kiss to his forehead. Dean hid a smile watching him leave and moved off to a still sleeping Lucas and took him out cradling him close. Lucas would soon be seven months old and he was still baffled by how much time had passed by. It had been nearly seven months since Amanda passed and Dean wondered what she would think of Castiel and would she be pleased. He hummed placing Lucas on the couch tucked in the corner and made sure he was safe and far from rolling over. He moved to unpack their stuff and throw them in the washing basket to wash. Once finished he turned and carefully sat down next to Lucas keeping one hand on one of his foot and leaned back closing his eyes. The long journey back stirred his sleepiness and he slipped off into an uneasy but light sleep.

Dean's dream found him sitting in a bar he didn't recognise sipping a beer and a warm lazy feeling spread over him as he looked around the surrounding area not recognising anyone. He frowned sitting back and brought his drink to his lips when he felt hands clasp his eyes and stiffened alarmed.

"You have a fine ass" a voice purred into his ear and he looked over his shoulder and gasped.

"Amanda"

"Hey, sweetie" she said with a smile stealing his drink and sitting down. "Thinking about me before you sleep? Good idea"

"I can't believe it, you look amazing" he whispered taking in her perfect curls, bright eyes, and small smile.

"Well I should…you didn't really want me to turn up in my labour outfit" she said smoothing a hand down her silk blouse and fitting jeans.

Dean swallowed hard reaching over and touching her hand feeling warmth and pulled back surprised. Amanda grinned placing the bottle down and scooted over looking into his eyes.

"Well done solider"

"What?"

"On our baby, I've been watching and well…you've done a great job, Dean, so far. I mean he's only six months, well nearly seven now and I'm proud of you"

"He looks like you"

"Well he would" she said with a grin. "He did get the best looking looks after all"

Dean smirked at her and felt it fade moments later. "I miss you"

"I miss you too but I'm there, I'm always watching"

"So if this is real and I doubt that…you know about Cas"

Amanda narrowed her eyes and sat back with her own glass appearing out of thin air and sipped it delicately.

"Castiel, the nanny, yes I told you I have been watching and well…I like him"

"Do you really?"

Amanda hummed amused and placed the glass down. "Yes, I do, I do like him and he's good for Lucas, very good, and I know you like him…"

"How could I resist?" he teased.

"He is gorgeous, if I was alive and kicking he would be mine and you know it"

Dean scoffed shaking his head and looked over to her. "He's mine"

"So why are you so worried?"

"I'm not worried"

"You are a little bit and you know it"

"Okay, I'm a tiny bit worried but we're just…trying for now"

"Trying? What are you, a woman?" she said with a puff of laughter.

"Hey! If you're watching us then you'll know" he cried pointing a warning finger at her.

"Yeah I have and I'm proud of you, you doubt yourself when you shouldn't and it's not good enough" she said cupping his cheek. "Lucas is healthy, happy, and that's all I want. He's growing fast, faster than I ever imagined and he has you and this Castiel who is good for him. I'm sorry I'm not there; I wish I was, but…it was time to leave. Tell him I love him and look after yourself for me?"

"Amanda…"

"Also…be happy" she breathed in his ear and he let his eyes close as he breathed in her warm spicy smell. His senses pricked and he jumped at the first wail he heard and opened his eyes to look at Lucas kicking and wailing. Dean grunted rubbing sleep out of his eyes and hauled him up till he was sitting on his own and smiled at him.

"I had an interesting dream" he murmured running a hand into damp curls and smiling again when Lucas stared up at him fascinated. "Mommy loves you, she does and she's your own personal guardian angel"

Dean shook a toy at him and pulled it back playfully when he made grabby hands for it.

"We're going to be fine tiger" he whispered pulling him into his lap and inhaling deeply with a satisfaction and a sense of calm.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Welcome home!" Gabriel called when he walked in and jumped out of skin looking at his brother.

"What the hell are you doing in my flat?"

"Welcoming you home, how you been?" he said with a knowing smirk.

"I've been fine, Gabriel" he said with an eye roll. "What are you really doing here; I have places to be and things to do"

"Are you going to do Dean?" he said watching him and chuckling. "Come on! Tell me what's been happening"

"We had a drunken night together, okay, and that drunken night resulted in many more nights together during that week. We said we'd do it for one week and forget it but…it didn't turn out that way and I chose him…I'm ending it with Chris"

"Good man! Did my advice work?"

"No, Gabriel, it wasn't you, it was me"

"It was kinda me though"

"No it wasn't"

"It kinda was" he whispered and grinned. "I'm going, I can see that murderous look in your eyes and I like my life at the moment"

Castiel watched him collect his jacket and walk out with a gleeful look. He rolled his eyes at his brother's antics and pulled out his phone dialling Chris's number.

"Castiel, are you back?"

"Yes, I arrived back an hour ago…I really need to see you"

"Well I-I'm home, come see me"

"I'll be there momentarily" he said hanging up and tapping the phone into his palm. It wasn't going to be easy but it had to be done.

Castiel walked the long way there and pressed the buzzer feeling nervous and a cool sweat on his back. Chris watched him from the screen on his intercom and smiled faintly buzzing him in. It had been too long since he had seen him and the occasional text from him had not been enough. Castiel arrived outside of the door with his fist hovering before knocking firmly and shoving his hands into his pockets.

Chris opened the door quickly and smiled warmly in greeting. "Long time, no see"

"Hello, Chris"

"Come in" he murmured stepping aside and watching him stroll inside and turn to face him. "You look good"

"Thank you"

"So…how was the week away? I missed you" Chris said softly moving closer to him and stopping when Castiel held up a hand shaking his head.

"I came here to talk to you, Chris; there is something you need to know"

Chris paused eyeing him closely before stepping back and folding his arms across his chest.

"What do we need to talk about?"

"Us and everything along with it, I don't want to lie to you. The week away with Lucas and Dean woke me up to a lot of denial and while away I realised what I want, what I really want, and I…I slept with Dean numerous times and without hesitation. I am so sorry for that…I-I shouldn't have had sex with him when I was dating you but it happened and now I'm doing the honest thing"

Castiel breathed out shakily when he finished and avoided his eye contact. Chris swallowed hard staring at Castiel with hard eyes.

"You and Dean had sex?"

"Yes"

"You had sex with him whilst dating with me?"

"Chris, I am so…"

"Sorry? You're not sorry" he murmured shaking his head and backing away from him. "You're just a little whore, aren't you?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes a little wounded but it was to be expected.

"Spreading your legs like a little whore for him" he muttered with a chuckle. "I knew something was going on when we bumped into them at the shopping market and there was chemistry, it was subtle but it was there. It was the way Dean looked at me and the way you looked at him, I just…" he said trailing off and clenching his fists together angrily. "I thought you of all people were different, Castiel, not like the cheats, the sluts, and the whores out there. I thought _you _were different"

"Chris, the reason I asked Gabriel for help dating was to get over my feelings for Dean! I was scared, more than scared, because I didn't want to be involved with him and then I realised what a complete…fool I was being"

"You-you were using me?" Chris whispered looking over to him shocked.

"No, I was not using you, I was hiding away from my real feelings and now I know what I want. We're going to give it a try and I have to end this"

"So you're chucking me away like a piece of garbage? You've had your fun and now I'm nothing to you? Why would you do that to me?" he ranted moving towards him.

Castiel flinched back at the aggression in his eyes and gripped the back of the chair.

"I am sorry, Chris, and I know you don't believe me but I'd rather you knew the truth then lie to you because that wouldn't be right" he said and turned towards the door wanting to head out when he felt movement behind him and a hand slap next to him on the door. Castiel froze with one hand on the door handle and carefully looked behind him feeling a bubble of fear strike him hard.

"Chris, I…"

"No, we're not finished here" he whispered into his ear dragging him back and practically chucking him back across the room. Castiel fell stumbling into the sofa and stared at him with wide eyes.

"You really think you can just leave here like that? I thought we had something special"

"Chris, we've been dating for two weeks"

"Three weeks! We have been dating three weeks, Castiel"

"Two weeks, I have been away for a week and we weren't dating…look I know I've probably hurt you but it wasn't intentional and I would like to go home now"

Chris glanced over to him noticing the sharp tone and walked over to him shoving him back into the couch and placing two hands on his shoulders.

"You never even gave us a shot"

"What's got into you? You're acting crazy"

"Crazy? I'm not crazy, Castiel, I'm a kindergarten teacher, I can't be crazy but what I am is very pissed off"

Castiel inhaled looking away from him trying to control his own anger before facing him and shoving him back hard annoyed.

"What you are being is insane and I am leaving, I have said my piece and I am sorry for what I did but this…this is insanity" he said shoving him out of the way and heading to the door. Chris bit into his gum moving towards him quickly grabbing the back of his hair and shoved him forward till he hit the wall with a painful grunt. Castiel panted feeling both confused and afraid when he felt warm breath puff against his neck.

"You think you can just cheat on me and walk away?" he whispered into his ear. "How do know you won't like it…we haven't even tried"

"What?" Castiel breathed and winced when his hair was pulled viciously back.

"Remember that moment before Dean called last week? We were going to sleep together for the first time weren't we?" he whispered into his ear and smiled softly pressing a kiss into it. Castiel froze pinned against the wall and struggled back grabbing the wrist pulling on his hair attempting to yank it away only to be thwarted by Chris letting go to turn him around.

"We could be amazing" he purred with a calm resigned look in his eyes that scared Castiel even more as he struggled against him. "What is Dean compared to me?"

Castiel couldn't move as he slid his hand down his chest with a soft smile and cupped him with a hard hand. He whimpered tossing his head to the side and gained some control when he thought of the question.

"Everything" he said in a low voice shoving his hand away and raising his fist to punch Chris hard in the jaw. Chris stumbled back stunned clutching the now sore jaw and watching as Castiel wrenched the door open and ran out. Castiel didn't stop running down the corridor and down all the flights of stairs till he was out of the door.

Chris narrowed his eyes sniffing deeply and slammed the door shut behind him. He rose up cracking his jaw and rubbing the soreness away feeling something deflate inside of him. Chris moved over to the window looking out and seeing a figure in the distance still running and he sighed deeply shaking his head.

"I'm sorry"

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean carefully shut the nursery door and sighed in relief collapsing against the wall. It had been a chore putting Lucas into bed who wanted to stay awake and play instead. It had taken nearly two hours for him to put him to bed and Lucas eventually collapsed in his cot exhausted from his tears and tantrums. Dean headed down and paused at the frantic knocking on his door.

"Cas, I've only just got Lucas asleep…Cas?" he said irritated and paused when arms were thrown around him and a trembling body pressed against him. "What the…"

"Chris…new side to him…didn't take it too well…" he breathed clinging to him and burying his face into the crook of his neck. Dean blinked confused and huffed bringing him in and closing the door carefully.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he whispered stroking a hand into his hair and waiting till Castiel moved away and looked up at him.

"I went to see him and I told him everything like I promised but…he didn't take it well…at all. He lost it and…" he said trailing off and bit into his bottom lip hard.

"Cas, what did he do?" Dean muttered looking him up and down confused.

"I don't know…he just went…insane, Dean, he pinned me on the couch and was talking about how we had only been dating for three weeks and we could be so good together. I pushed him away and he…" he said gesturing at his hair. "He grabbed the back of my hair and shoved me into the wall…I have never seen him like that and then it got worse"

"Worse?"

"He was talking about how before you called last week about coming to Kansas we were going to sleep together and…I shouldn't dismiss it before trying it and cupped me"

"He…" Dean said trailing off and moving away raising a hand up to him. "He had pinned against a wall talking about the two of you having sex and slid his hand to cup you?"

"Yes"

"Against your will"

"Yes"

Dean looked away from him licking his bottom lip and continued to nod his head. Castiel moved towards him only to be halted when he held up a hand to stop him.

"Are you trying to tell me in certain words that he was going to rape you?" he said not meeting his eyes.

"Dean, no, I-I don't know, okay, but he was being different, really different"

"Yeah, Cas, that's the side he was keeping hidden from you…people always have a side to them that eventually comes out" he hissed into his hand pacing up and down. "I'm going to kill him; I'm going to fucking kill him!"

"Dean, listen to me" he said moving forward to cup his cheeks and looked into his eyes. "You can't talk like that, you can't, and I handled it, I shoved him away and I punched him to get the message across"

"He tried to rape you" Dean said gripping his wrists with wide eyes. "Cas, you need to call the police or let me go after that sonofabitch"

"No, Dean, the police won't do anything anyway because he didn't rape me and was only being forceful"

"Cas…"

"It's over, Dean, I've ended it and there is nothing he can do. I'll change my number and I'll call Gabriel and tell him what happened because believe me…Gabriel will teach him a lesson he will never forget" he whispered stroking his thumbs across his cheekbones and closing his eyes when Dean relaxed slowly into him.

"If I ever see him though, I'm going to rip his lungs out" he promised with a nod.

"I know you will and you won't anyway, he doesn't live or even work in this part of town" Castiel whispered and moaned weakly when he kissed him.

"I told you he was a jerk"

"You never said such thing"

"Well I was thinking it"

Castiel smiled when he wrapped his arms around his waist and let it falter when he thought back and frowned deeply.

"I just don't understand…he had shown a sign of being possessive and wouldn't talk to me about his past relationships which I found odd but this was…this was terrifying and he's supposed to be a kindergarten teacher"

"Maybe the past relationship he was so secret about twisted him? It's happened to the best of us but I wouldn't worry" Dean said with a shrug. "I'm here now and I'm not about to let you go"

"Promise me"

Dean smirked tilting his chin up and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips and nodded. "Promise"

Castiel wrapped his arms around his neck pulling him into a tight hug and inhaling his warm soapy smell. Dean clung to him and let the small smile fade from his lips and his eyes turned to the window feeling the anger caused by Chris rise up and flare dangerously inside of him. He wasn't about to let this go.

**A/N: I should have put at the end of my other chapter that despite the fact that I have put them together, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. They're not even in love yet or aware of it yet. Some of you are saying it was short, a little fast, and I know I said I would take it slow with them and I am. It's lust. They're lusting after one another and they're adults, they're going to have sex. It doesn't mean it's happily ever after. Just…bear with me. Aha.**

**I am also going to explore Lucas growing up; you'll see the stages play out till he's talking and walking. If you want…**

**Thank you for the reviews! **


	18. Chapter 18

**Warning: some violence below here, so if you don't like I suggest you skip it!**

Dean stood next to Castiel with a raised eyebrow and a look of conflict gracing his features. Lucas stared up at the both of them as he babbled on with nonsense sounds. Castiel glanced up at him with a frown stirring the lukewarm porridge in his bowl and held it up to Dean.

"This is the weaning process, Dean, he's seven months in less than a week and he needs to be weaned onto solid foods. I have done this many times and believe me when I tell you I am not out to poison your child" he said and smiled when Dean scoffed rolling his eyes and downed his morning coffee ready for work.

"I trust you and you know I do" he murmured pressing his back against him and kissing the nape of his neck. Castiel smiled faintly turning towards him, gripping his tie, and pulling him towards him for a proper kiss. Dean hummed trailing his hands into the already messed up hair as they kissed and pulled back with a grin when a sound of protest came from Lucas demanding food.

"I'll see you tonight" Dean murmured pretending to bite his nose.

"I look forward to it" he whispered back with a smile and let him go as he turned back to Lucas and slipped the spoon into his mouth and watched carefully. Dean paused at the door and looked back to him contemplating the question.

"Cas"

"Yes, Dean" he said turning towards him bemused.

"Your brother, Gabriel, he has a candy store right?"

"Yes, it's about three blocks away…why?"

"Curious and craving something sweet" he said with a grin.

Castiel blinked surprised. "Isn't that what corner shops are for?"

"Yeah but real candy, Cas, real candy" he said with a shake of his head exiting the room and heading out. Castiel glanced over his shoulder to Lucas who squawked on the edge of a tantrum that there was no more porridge coming into his mouth. Castiel smiled smugly as he fed him slowly and carefully.

"More meals like this and you'll be eating sandwiches in no time" he said and squinted catching sight of teeth coming in at the back.

Dean drove up and down the streets and came across a red and green candy store just opened early and paused waiting outside for a moment. It took him a moment to regain what he needed and he stepped out heading towards the shop to see a shorter man with sandy blonde hair sucking on a lollipop and pushed the door open.

"Are you Gabriel?" Dean murmured looking at Gabriel who stared at him startled and pulled the yellow lollipop out with a pop.

"Who are you?"

"Answer my question first"

Gabriel sighed eyeing him up and down and bowed low for a moment. "I am him, now who are you?"

"Dean Winchester"

Dean saw the recognition flare up in his eyes as he pointed the lollipop at him. "You're Dean, _the Dean" _

"I'm Dean and I'm hoping you're Cas' brother"

"Yep, I'm the best brother by the way" he said smugly and popped the lollipop in his mouth with a thoughtful him. "Why my brother was fighting his feelings off for you…I will never know"

"Yeah and then you go and set him up with a raping bastard"

The grin slid off Gabriel's face and Dean watched as he paled and took the lollipop out of his mouth.

"Excuse me?"

"Has Cas called you?"

"I have one missed call from him this morning but…" he said trailing off and rounded the counter moving to him with furious eyes. "Has something happened to him!?"

"No, thankfully, but that…fucking sonofabitch got a little friendly for my liking with Cas and pinned him against a wall wanting to have sex with him against his will…it's a little phrase of attempted rape" Dean growled at Gabriel.

Gabriel blinked horrified and the fury settled into his eyes. "I guess he didn't take the breaking up too well…"

"Oh you think?! How could you set him up with someone like that?" Dean shouted at him.

"Because this is the first I have ever heard of it!" Gabriel shouted back. "He is, no sorry, he was an alright guy and was perfect for Castiel at that moment, alright!?"

"No, it's not fucking alright and you're going to tell me where the fucking dick lives"

"Tell me the full story first"

"Cas went over there to break up with him, Chris didn't take it too well apparently and shown a new side that scared him a lot. Chris pinned him to the couch scaring him enough with talk about how good they are together. Castiel shoved him away, headed to the door, but was somewhat interrupted when the dick grabbed the back of his hair shoving him into a wall claiming that sex between them shouldn't be knocked till it's tried. Chris pinned him against the wall against his will as he slid his hand and groped him…Cas somehow managed to shove him off and punch him before running for his life" Dean said and swallowed feeling nausea swell up inside of him and he fought it down the best he could.

A muscle twitched in Gabriel's jaw as he digested the information that Dean handed to him and nodded grabbing his keys.

"I think I need to check in on him…want to help Dean-o?" he said with a cruel smile. Dean watched him exit and lock the door pausing to admire his car.

"Sweet ride"

"Beauty isn't she" Dean murmured sliding in and starting her up. "Wait…won't he be at work?"

"Maybe but are you afraid to get a little dirty?"

"Where does he live?" Dean said turning her out and stepping on it as Gabriel directed them. Dean drove them ten minutes later to a block of apartments and he looked up with a hatred so pure it was pulsing to be used.

"Don't have a baseball bat do you?" Gabriel said looking over and smiling gently at Dean's confused expression.

"No" he said stepping out and looking at the row of windows curiously. "Which one is his?"

"Come on" Gabriel said indicating his head and Dean could only follow. It was convenient that when they reached the main doors someone was coming out. Gabriel caught the door flashing the woman a grin and gestured at Dean to go through first.

"It's four flights, bucko, so I hope you have a good legs but I guess they get a good workout now" Gabriel murmured with a smirk as they started climbing up the stairs. Dean glared darkly at the back of his head letting out a puff of air.

"Dean, will you do me a favour?" Gabriel said pausing on the stairs startling Dean to stop as well.

"What?"

"Don't hurt my brother" he said slowly and looking into his eyes. "Castiel is a dreamer, a big dreamer, and he likes you a lot and I don't think he could physically bear it if he lost you and that baby of yours"

"Who says I'm going to hurt him?" Dean said in a low tone.

"No one apart from me, Dean, and I mean it. I love my family, my brothers, my sister, and I'm the only one who gets to hurt and fuck around with them" he said and grinned after a long moment. "Shall we go scare the ever living shit out of an arrogant dick now?"

Dean chewed the inside of his cheek and hated himself for even starting to like the guy but he couldn't help it. Gabriel had a certain appeal. Dean nodded with a gesture for him to continue and they headed up the rest of the stairs. Gabriel pointed at a door and watched Dean storm over and knock loudly.

"Candy gram!" he shouted and paused hearing shuffling and nodded looking over to Gabriel. Chris who was ten seconds from leaving for work paused and stared at the door highly confused and dropped his bag heading over to open it. He wrenched it open and gasped going to shut it only to be knocked backwards violently by Dean who kicked it open and smiled.

"Wow it's good to see you again, Christopher" he cried glancing around the flat. Gabriel stepped inside closing and locking the door behind him and opened up his arms.

"I'd like to say it's good to see you, Chris, but you scared my little brother and no one…no one scares my little brother apart from me" he said with another cruel smile.

Chris backed away from them crashing into the table and glanced between them clearly frightened.

"What-what are you doing here?" he whispered fearfully scooting around the table to put distance between them. Dean hummed glancing around and moved over to the window peering out and chuckling humourless.

"Wow…that's quite a drop isn't it, Chris?"

"Look, whatever Castiel said…"

"Oh no, no, no, Chris, no talking" Dean said turning toward him and pressing a finger to his own lips. "Unless you want to take the swan dive sooner rather than later"

Chris trembled with undiluted fear and looked over to Gabriel having a rummage around his flat knocking things to the floor carelessly and hollered in glee.

"Dean-o, look what I found" he said holding up a baseball bat.

"Sports fan are you, Chris?" Dean said walking towards him and smiling when he got into his personal space. "Or is your sport scaring men and pinning them against walls?"

Chris yelped in pain when Dean gritted his teeth grabbing the top of his head and grabbing a fistful and yanking hard. Dean smiled at Chris who whimpered clinging to his wrist and shaking his head the best he could.

"Not nice is it?" he hissed into his face and twisted his fist yanking the roots harder.

"Please, please, I'm sorry!" he pleaded and cried out when Dean sent him crashing to his knees as he let go shoving him roughly. Gabriel hummed glancing around and turning to see a row of pristine glasses on the side and laughed as he lifted the bat and smashed through the lot of them.

Dean turned his head to look at him confused and gestured at the broken glass. "Dude, what the hell"

"Sorry, Dean-o, I couldn't resist" he murmured with a chuckle moving them away and towards them. Chris squeaked moving away and pausing panting for breath when Gabriel placed the bat underneath his chin.

"Get up" he ordered slowly. Chris pushed up shakily staring between them and gasped scrambling away when Dean moved forward turning him around roughly and hurtling him to the wall.

"No, no, please" he pleaded before being slammed face first into the wall causing his nose to explode with blood.

"Is that what Cas said to you last night when you forced him up against a wall and groped him like a disgusting pervert?" he whispered into his ear and pulled back to see the dark blood flowing from his nose down to his mouth. "He told me everything, Chris, everything! I should cut my losses and chuck you out of that window but I have a little baby to take care of and I now have a boyfriend who needs me"

"I wasn't…I wasn't…I swear" he said clutching at his nose and mouth. "I'm sorry, I swear, I lost my mind, I swear"

Dean pushed his head into the wall again hearing him whimper in pain and breathed in shakily.

"If you _ever _come near him, call him, or do anything to contact him I swear I'll make your life a living hell…even more than it already is" he whispered into his ear. "I think Gabriel wants a word though"

Dean stepped back and let Gabriel step in. He braced himself against the couch watching Gabriel whisper something in his ear and a fist come out jabbing him hard in the side. Chris grunted falling down on to the floor and staring up at Gabriel who breathed out trembling with anger.

"It's a very good job that my brother is strong willed and was able to escape you because you, you are the lowest form of scum" he hissed down at him. "Like my good friend Dean here said, if I ever see you or you go near my brother I will kill you. I have nothing to lose, not like he does"

Gabriel stood up and breathed out hard. "No calling the police after this as well, Chris, because I'll make sure you go away for attempted rape"

"I w-won't, I promise" he stuttered looking between them and pressing himself into the wall.

"Come on, Gabriel, I think we're done here" he murmured moving up and heading to the door. Gabriel pointed the bat at him and smirked satisfied when he flinched back and he walked out with the bat in tow.

"What are you doing?" Dean said gesturing at it confused.

"What? I like it"

Dean closed his eyes bemused and followed after him as they walked down the stairs and knew that when Castiel found out he was going to be furious with him.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel knelt in front of Lucas who was on all fours jutting forward and back almost ready for crawling and clapped his hands in front of him.

"Come on, you can do this" he said with an encouraging smile just for him. "It's so simple and as soon as you can do that you'll be able to walk soon enough"

"Da, da, da, da, da, da" Lucas repeated over and over again to Castiel's amusement as he sat back and nodded.

"He'll be home soon" he said and blinked when he heard the door opening and looked at the time confused. He wasn't due back for another hour and a half.

"Dean?" he called picking up Lucas and heading to the door to see him come in and toss his jacket on the sofa with a weak smile.

"Hello" he murmured moving over and kissing him hard. Castiel moaned weakly against his lips and pulled back looking over him confused as he pressed a kiss to Lucas's head.

"I'm happy to see you, Dean, but-but what are you doing here?"

"I didn't go to work" he murmured rubbing his forehead and moving to the kitchen to wash his hands.

"What? I don't understand"

"I called up claiming to be sick and…sorted out another problem" he said scrubbing at his hands and seeing out of the corner of his eye that he took Lucas into the living room and strapping him into his chair with cartoons blaring.

"What are you talking about?" he said walking back in and facing him.

Dean cleared his throat turning towards him and licking his lips to get rid of the sudden dryness.

"Alright, if I tell you will you promise me you'll try and understand?"

"Dean, what's going on?" he whispered feeling afraid now and moved closer wanting to be near him. Dean reached out for him pressing his hands to his hips and looking into the concerned eyes.

"I went to see Gabriel, and I, um, I got Chris's address"

Castiel stared at him for what felt like forever before closing his eyes and shaking his head in annoyance.

"Please, please, tell me you didn't go and see him"

"I did, we both did and I had every right, Cas"

Castiel moaned covering his eyes and moving out his grip. "I told you to leave it!"

"Did you really think I was going to step back and let him do that to you!? He tried to rape you, Cas, he forced you against a wall and had every intention of getting what he wanted" Dean yelled at him.

"I handled it! I told you not to do this and you went out there and did it anyway!" Castiel shouted back at him and turned away shaking his head. "What did you do to him?"

"I did the exact same thing he did to you and I yanked his fucking hair and I shoved that smug face into a wall and made his nose explode"

Castiel turned to him with his mouth open aghast and ran a hand into his hair.

"Are you insane?! Dean, if he goes to the police then you can be charged with assault! How is that good for Lucas?!"

"It shows him that he shouldn't let dicks hurt the ones he cares about! He hurt you, Cas, _he hurt you _and you expect me to sit back and let the memory of you fucking trembling in my arms because he groped you and pinned you against a wall forever in my head?" he raged back at him. Castiel swallowed hard staring at him as he fell back against the counter wiping his brow with a shaky hand.

"You still shouldn't have done it, Dean"

"I know it was wrong of me but I really couldn't care less right now and Gabriel got his word in, believe me"

"I'm going to kill him" Castiel whispered pulling the chair out and dropping into it. "If Chris goes…"

"He won't Cas not when he knows we can drop him in for nearly raping you" Dean murmured grabbing juice out of the fridge and knocking it back.

"How badly did you hurt him? How is this a good example for Lucas, Dean? I told you I handled it" he said placing his head into his hands.

"I think I broke his nose and Gabriel punched him in the ribs probably bruising him" Dean said slamming the carton down. "I did it because I don't want him going near you, Cas, I did it because I care about you and no one, no one should be let off from that type of thing and certainly not him"

Castiel ran hands through his hair and pushed up heading out to get his jacket.

"Where are you going?" Dean called after him.

"I need to see my brother before he tells Balthazar" he said pulling it on. "If Gabriel tells Balthazar then he will kill him, I know he will"

"Cas…" Dean pleaded walking up to him and grabbing his hands. "I did it for you, I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it and my dreams were worse…in my dreams he did it and I watched"

Castiel flinched at his words and reached up giving him a gentle kiss before moving away and heading out of the door. Dean closed his eyes kicking the wall hard and bit his lip with a grunt at the throbbing pain spreading through his foot. Castiel headed quickly down the road towards the candy store to see customers and waited till they left before entering.

Gabriel glanced over to him and paused staring at him before circling the desk and pulling into him a bone crushing hug. Castiel grunted against the hold and pulled back with a disapproving look.

"Oh don't you dare give me that look" he warned backing up and moving to stand behind the counter once again. "I bet you gave Dean a hell of a fight"

"I told him not to do it, Gabriel, he should have listened to me and you should have kept out of it"

"Like hell" Gabriel said with a scoff popping a cola bottle into his mouth. "He tried to rape you"

"I handled it"

"Yeah you did and then we did because a lesson needed to be taught and it has! So…get over it and move on"

Castiel shook his head slowly at him and inhaled deeply looking away. "Have you told Balthazar?"

"No"

"Good, I don't want him knowing" he said wringing his hands together and glancing out of the window. "He'll be worse and you know he'll end up either killing him or putting him in hospital"

"Maybe we should tell him…" Gabriel murmured thoughtfully and cut off at the expression on Castiel's face. "Why are you sticking up for the piece of shit?"

"I'm not, Gabe, I would never stick up for him now and I hate him, I hate what he became and I know now I'll never see him again and I am glad about that but you and Dean should have left it!"

"Stop saying that!" Gabriel shouted at him. "I know you're worried and pissed off but we handled it, Castiel, and there is nothing you can do about it. So get out of my shop and go back to Dean"

Castiel clenched his jaw tight and wrenched open the door storming out and away. He stood in the street wondering what to do and decided against going back to Dean's and headed back to his flat.

Dean was left with Lucas and placed him on his knee as he chanted; "Dada" like it was his favourite word. He smiled stroking a hand down his back and grabbed his phone dialling Castiel's number only to be ignored.

"I did it because I needed to, I couldn't let him get away with that" he murmured closing his eyes with a sigh. "I can't regret it"

Lucas hummed and gurgled away in his lap grabbing the remote and bringing it into his mouth to chew and suck without a care in the world. Dean hummed taking it away and replacing it with his gum ring that he took with enthusiasm. He was manoeuvred around to lie on his back on top of Dean's thighs so he could kick his legs and be comfortable.

Dean tried with his phone again only this time reaching voicemail and feeling rejected.

"I've royally screwed it up now" he murmured grabbing Lucas's feet and playing with them. "Dada will always be a screw up"

The hours passed by with Dean feeding Lucas a pureed meal of carrots and meat that smelled a lot like cat food, giving him a bath which resulted in Dean being splashed and more wet than he liked to be and finally he was asleep. Dean rested against the wall of the nursery looking at his phone to see no messages and no missed calls. He sighed moving away and out downstairs when he heard a familiar knock on the door. Dean waited for a moment before opening it to see him looking at him sheepishly.

"Hello, Dean"

"Hey, Cas"

Dean stepped aside letting him in and watching him take off his coat and kick off his shoes. Castiel turned towards him without saying a word and swallowed hard.

"Is Lucas asleep?"

"Yeah, he was out like light"

Castiel nodded surging forward and pulling him into a hard kiss. Dean groaned clutching the back of his hair brushing his tongue along the seam of his mouth and pushing it into the deep heat. Their tongues tangled and brushed against each other in a searing kiss that left the both of them panting for more. Dean groaned shoving him down the corridor and towards the living room shredding off his clothing as he went. Castiel groaned with a smile when he shoved him against the back of the sofa with a small growl.

"Clothes" he ordered pulling at his t-shirt. Castiel pulled back throwing it away and attacking his own belt buckle as he undone his jeans and shimmied them off. Dean hungrily attacked his neck nipping and sucking the skin leaving marks across the pale skin and moaning when Castiel undone his jeans leaving them both in their boxers. The skin to skin touch felt amazing as Dean brought him closer stroking his hands down the smoothness of his back and grabbed a handful of his ass rocking their clothed cocks together.

"Dean, fuck, please" he breathed clinging to the back of his neck and moaning softly when his lips kissed down his throat to his collarbone. Dean moaned gripping his shoulders and pushing him down on the sofa gently and covering his body with his own.

"Are you sure? Are you not shaken up...?"

"Dean, get the lube and get inside of me" he whispered cupping his cheek and kissing him with an open mouthed kiss. Dean groaned with a nod shifting around and came back with a small bottle of lube. Castiel spread his legs and closed his eyes with a low moan when he his fingers pinged at the waistband of his boxers pulling them down and flinging them over his shoulder. He gave him a small grin which faded when the coldness of the lube touched him and he bit his lip at the uncomfortable feeling.

"Two seconds" Dean muttered slipping in a second and then a third groaning at the tight heat surrounding his fingers. Castiel whimpered softly at the loss when he removed them but gasped clinging to his forearms when he grabbed his hips and slid inside him in one quick thrust. Castiel gasped wordlessly clinging to him and raked his hands into his hair clinging to the back of it. Dean started with shallow thrusts inside of him striking that sweet spot eliciting a loud moan from him which he covered with his mouth.

"Shush" he murmured with a smile and moved up gripping his hips harder thrusting harder and deeper inside of him. Castiel attempted to stifle his moans not wanting to wake Lucas and ruin the moment. He wrapped his legs tighter around him pressing the heels of his feet into his ass and rocked his hips up meeting his thrusts needing him to be deeper inside of him. Dean wrapped a hand around his cock pumping him hard and fast till he climaxed with a shuddering cry splattering Dean's stomach and chest with his come and breathed out gasping for breath. Dean moaned when the walls surrounding his own cock tightened bringing on his own climax and he coated Castiel with his own release. Castiel breathed heavily looking up at him and felt his softening cock fall out of his ass and Dean move to lie curled on his side.

"Are you okay?"

Castiel nodded looking over him and sniffed turning to face him. "I'm sorry for ignoring you"

"Yeah, jackass" he murmured with a faint smile. "I know why you did it though"

"I also know why you went after Chris but you shouldn't have done it, Dean" he muttered touching his cheek and running his fingers across his faint stubble. Dean hummed closing his eyes feeling his sweat cool and the come coating his stomach and chest drying sticky and clear.

"He won't bother us now; it's about us and our relationship which I'd like to keep hold of"

"Do you think we can make it work?"

"I think we can do anything we want to; it's just about teamwork and communication"

Castiel flashed him a small smile moving in and lying his head on top of his heart listening to the quick beat slowing down. Dean clung to him bringing him to his chest and brushing a warm kiss over his temple. It should work out perfectly but life has a funny little way of proving you wrong.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews!**


	19. Chapter 19

Castiel groaned muffled into Dean's shoulder with finality that left him shuddering, his muscles cramped and the waves of his second orgasm crashing through him. Dean gasped hitting the pillow and grinned lazily up at him.

"Thank god for naps" he breathed and reached up pulling him into a hot open mouthed kiss that made even Castiel's softening cock twitch in interest.

"Two…orgasms…in the space of an hour" he breathed with a groan sitting on Dean's waist trying to regain his breath. "I'm not that young anymore"

"Yeah but you're still really hot, sexy, and the fact I can get you to two orgasms has got to say something" he murmured kissing down his jaw tasting the saltines of his sweat. "How long have we known each now?"

"Nine months and dated for two months"

"Okay and we've had a rather good two months don't you think?"

Castiel hummed running a hand through his hair with a nod. In the last two months many changes had happened for all three of them. The whole situation with Chris was put firmly behind them and neither of them had heard or seen him. Dean had learnt his lesson from him when Castiel had banned sex for one whole week because he didn't listen and teased him constantly with suggestive comments. It was easy, uncomplicated, and they were learning about each other in a way they hadn't before. It was more than good for Dean to come home after a stressful day and with winter now in it was good to come to a warm house and a welcoming smile. They were good and that's all Dean wanted.

When Lucas was seven months and three weeks old he decided it was time to start crawling. Dean and Castiel had been in the kitchen talking about a stressful day at work when out of the corner of his eye he saw movement. Dean could only stare with an open mouth as Lucas crawled in slowly and awkwardly but he was crawling. Castiel glanced at Dean with an astonished puff of laughter watching as Dean got down on his knees to join him and held out his arms. It was a victory moment for all three of them when Lucas crawled over to Dean and placed two hands on his thighs looking around the kitchen in pure awe.

Lucas was eight months and two weeks old when Dean was sat on the couch holding his hands and led him over. His little hands gripped the edge of the couch and with no help he stood on his own.

"Cas!" he hissed into the kitchen and waited till he came over and stared at him confused. "Look at my clever little boy"

Castiel smiled beamingly at Lucas who stood on his own clutching at the couch till it slipped and he dropped on his bottom. Dean chuckled at the shocked expression on his face before helping him up and letting him place two hands on the couch clutching at him. Lucas's face split into a wide grin and he cooed bouncing up and down.

Castiel dropped down next to Dean and tilted his chin towards him seeing watery eyes and chuckled amused.

"I think you're even more beautiful when you're emotional" he said softly trailing his fingers down his cheek in slight awe.

"Shut up" Dean replied gruffly kissing him hard and pulling away to look at Lucas still smiling. "I'm proud of him"

"Dada" he said using the word more often now and it seemed to be directed at him but Dean didn't know just yet.

"Do you think it's possible to combust?" he murmured to Castiel who chuckled covering his mouth with his to kiss him slowly and lovingly. The days passed on till Lucas turned nine months old, his smiles brighter and wider, his hair curlier and slightly longer, his eyes wide and quizzical and a body now grown much larger from the new born baby Dean once held.

So it was all butterflies, sunshine, roses, and a massive bowl of apple pie at the moment for Dean as they lay in bed together sweaty and more than sated for now. He hummed in a pleasant mood when Castiel sucked a warm mouth down his collarbone and Dean gripped his ass pulling him even closer to him and grinned when he gasped clinging to his shoulders.

"You can't possibly want more sex, Dean"

"Baby, I'll never stop wanting sex from you" he murmured pushing his fingers into the soaked rim of muscles from earlier lube and his come coating it. The grin deepened when he let out a gasped moan arching his neck back to stare at the ceiling.

"So sexy…all mine…forever" he murmured between kisses down his chest. Castiel moaned low pushing his nose into his hair inhaling the soapy goodness that smelled like apricots for a long moment. The moment between them was broken by a snuffle and a weak cry coming from the nursery. Dean groaned closing his eyes and peeked up at Castiel with a shake of his head.

"Saved by the cry"

"We have all night, you horny teenager"

"Oh I love it when you talk dirty to me"

"If you want dirty talk, I'll show you dirty talk" Castiel whispered into his ear and bit into it gently. Dean gasped clinging to him and stared at him with an open mouth.

"I'll hold you to that" he said scooting out of the bed and quickly dressing heading to the nursery. Lucas was kicking in his cot whimpering and Dean understood why as he untangled the cover and stepped back to appraise him.

"I know, I know, it's difficult not being able to do stuff on your own" he said scooping up looking at his damp eyes and cheeks, his hair fluffed from his afternoon nap and a calm expression on his face. "Shall we go eat pie with Cas?"

Dean took him downstairs and placed him in his chair. He looked to the door when Castiel walked in with a calm, relaxed, expression and his hair an utter bedridden mess which Dean adored. The pie came out and was placed on the table as Dean's stomach growled for it. Castiel watched with fond amusement as he sat down and stabbed a fork taking away a big chunk of apple pie.

"Want some?"

"No" Castiel murmured grabbing Lucas's spoon and putting some on before feeding it to him. Lucas smacked his lips happily sucking down the sweet mixture and hummed when Castiel fed him more. Dean sniffed deeply and stabbed some with his fork clearing his throat for his attention. Castiel turned when Dean motioned at the fork.

"Come on, open wide"

"Dean, you know I'm not particularly fond of anything too sweet"

"This isn't that sweet, come on" he said gesturing the fork at him.

Castiel sighed leaning forward and opening his mouth for Dean who slid it in and watched as he carefully stroked the pie into his mouth. Dean's cock instantly hardened and he breathed heavily watching him lick his lips and hum pleasantly surprised.

"Dean?"

"Wow" he whispered and cleared his throat glancing over to Lucas. "How long till bedtime?"

Castiel smirked glancing at the clock. "Not for another few hours"

"Damn"

Castiel gave a chuckle feeding Lucas bits of apple pie. Dean stretched out cracking bones that needed cracking and pushed up going to find his phone and call Sam. He found it in the bedroom and closed the door over firmly dialling his number.

"Dean" Sam said in greeting closing his book over. "Are you okay?"

"Just peachy, why are you ignoring me?"

"I'm not, I just…I've been busy" he murmured glancing over to the blonde currently sleeping in his bed.

"Sammy?"

"I met a girl, Dean"

"Who is she?"

"Her name is Jess, it's very early days…anyway, how are you and Cas? You haven't…"

"What? Screwed up? I love your lack of faith in me"

"You know I didn't mean that"

"Yeah you did"

"Oh shut up, Dean, are you two okay or not?"

"We're good, real good, and I really hope it lasts" he said with a sigh. "It's like honeymoon season and I'm really fucking happy with everything but all honeymoons come to an end, don't they?"

"Yeah but it's up to you when they end"

"That's deep, Sam"

"Shut up, jerk"

"Bitch" Dean muttered amused biting into his nail. "When are you coming to see us?"

"Soon, I get a break in two weeks so I'll be down then"

"Good, your nephew misses you"

Castiel sensed Dean was on the phone and shook his head at Lucas now covered in gooey apple pie mixture.

"You're disgustingly messy right now" he said grabbing wet wipes and cleaning him up. It was a short process but it irritated Lucas to no end as he wailed moving his head side to side and beating off his hands.

"What are you doing to him?" Dean said bemused walking in and noticing Castiel's exasperated face. "Ah, cleaning"

"I'm praying he snaps out of it when he's a little older" he said tossing the soiled wipes in the bin. "Who were you talking to?"

"Sam, he says hello and he's coming down in a few weeks"

"Oh, good, I'd like to meet him"

Dean flashed him a small smile taking the pie away and sliding it into the fridge. His smile faded when he thought of work tomorrow and blinked when arms came around his waist and Castiel leaned his head against his back.

"I saw the slump in your shoulders…"

"You notice everything"

"What's wrong?"

"Just the thought of work tomorrow" he murmured trailing his hands across Cas' and turning so he held him to his chest. Castiel reached up kissing him gently and let out a soft moan when Dean deepened the kiss.

"Dean, there is a child in the room" Castiel whispered against his lips.

"Like he cares, he's our biggest fan" he murmured pulling him closer deepening the kiss. Castiel fisted a hand into his t-shirt opening his mouth wider wishing he could do this forever.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean huddled in his jacket as he stared up at the building of bankers and sipped his morning coffee from Starbucks. It was a grey day with the clouds hanging overcast and the hint of rain or even snow was heavy in the air. He entered the building and inhaled that musky smell of depression and math. Dean made his way through the office and caught a glance of a woman sitting on chairs on her own. She was attractive with long curled dirt brown blonde hair, hooded brown eyes and a slim physique covered with a pencil skirt and white blouse.

"Can I help you?" he said looking up and down the corridor.

"Um, my name is Imogen Blake and I'm new, I arrived very early and well…" she said with a small shrug. "I have no idea where to go"

Dean huffed rubbing his forehead and held his hand out for her which she took with a firm grip. "My name is Dean Winchester and I'm guessing you're waiting for Uriel?"

"Yes, the man with the strange name who is also my boss" she said with a light chuckle. "I had no idea where to go"

"Follow me" he said gesturing his head and they walked down the corridor together. Imogen hurried after him with a sigh of relief.

"People just kept walking past me like I was nothing more than a statue!" she exclaimed when they arrived outside of an office and Dean stepped in dumping his stuff.

"That'll be your co-workers and they care about no one but themselves, there's your first lesson of the day" he said with a cocked eyebrow and walked back out taking her to Uriel's office.

"That office there" he said with a nod and a smile as she walked up and took a deep breath.

"Thank you, Dean, really, at least there is one friendly face"

"Hmm, I'll see you around" he said with a friendly wink and walked back down the corridor. Imogen watched after him and rubbed her lip gloss together in thought as she watched his ass and liked what she saw.

Dean dropped in his chair with a deep sigh before switching on the computer and preparing for another day at work. It was boring, tedious, and he sighed looking over to his photo of Lucas on his desk. He took it when he was five months old and was giving a beaming smile that had to be caught with a camera. An ache spread over him and he sighed reaching for his mobile wanting to ring Castiel when a knock startled him.

"Hello"

"Imogen" he said dropping the phone and walking in with a white cup. "What's that?"

"Coffee, and this" she said handing him a small cupcake and a coffee. Dean took them surprised and looked over her.

"Thanks, that's really nice"

"It's a thank you"

Dean placed them to the side and leaned back in the chair giving her the once over and looked into the carefully shadowed eyes.

"I had no idea they were hiring new staff"

"He advertised for an assistant and I got it" she said with a shrug.

"Oh I bet you did" Dean muttered with a chuckle sipping from the cup and wincing at the foulness of office coffee.

"No good?"

"It's not you, believe me, it's the coffee. How are you finding it?"

"Well no one has spoken to me apart from Uriel and you…I've had a few weird looks from women and men ogling me"

Dean chuckled amused shaking his head and gestured at her to sit in his opposite chair.

"It'll get better, I promise" he said softly. "How old are you?"

"Twenty five, it's my third job, you?"

"Twenty seven and this is my second…I've been here a long time"

"I can tell, you look like you're two seconds from burning the place down" she murmured amused.

"I wish" he muttered tapping at his computer. Imogen leaned forward curious and picked up the photo looking at it with a soft gasp.

"Who is this?"

"That's my son, Lucas, he's nine months old" he said with a proud smile.

"He's gorgeous! He looks just like you"

"I don't think so, I think he looks like his mom" he said with a sad sigh.

Imogen noticed the sadness sweep over her eyes and placed it down with a small grimace.

"I guess you're separated"

Dean swallowed with a shake of his head. "She's passed away…um, look, thanks for the coffee but I better…you know…"

"Of course, I'll leave you to it" Imogen said with a small gasp jumping up and glancing over her shoulder at him typing away. She bit her lip and put her head down avoiding people's curious glances at her.

Dean was more than glad when it was lunchtime and dialled Castiel's number.

"Hello, Dean"

"Oh it's good to hear your voice" Dean said with a soft sigh. "How are you?"

"We're good, we're are currently cuddled up on the couch watching Toy Story which Lucas has developed a liking for"

Dean groaned slipping further down his seat. "I would do anything to be there right now"

"We wish you were here to but just think, three more hours"

"I know, I know"

"How is your day so far?"

"I've made a new friend" Dean said with a sniff glancing at the coffee and cupcake still on his desk. "Her name is Imogen"

"Oh, I've never heard of her before"

"She's brand new and like a lost puppy…she's been to see me three times already"

Castiel frowned deeply at that and straightened up being careful not to jostle Lucas.

"Why has she been doing that?"

Dean blinked at his tone and smirked leaning back into the chair further.

"Is that jealously I sense, Castiel?"

"No I am simply curious"

"I was nice to her in the morning and she's coming back for more that's all. She needs a friend and a friend is what I'm being"

"Is she pretty?"

Dean laughed down the phone. "Aw, baby, you are jealous…you know you're the only one for me"

"I am not jealous, I am only simply curious"

"She's alright yeah but I'm really not interested in her that way…she kind of reminds me of…"

"Who? Amanda?" Castiel said clutching the phone harder.

"No, no, it-it doesn't matter" he lied and scratched at his head. "I'll be home soon and we're doing what you have just told me"

"Okay" Castiel murmured softly. "We miss you"

"I miss you as well"

Castiel said his goodbyes and hung up the phone looking down at Lucas in his lap and leaning against his chest perfectly content. Dean was right about his jealously and he didn't like this woman already. It was certainly petty and unnecessary but it was there. Jealously is like a disease and it affects all.

It was nearing 3pm which was a huge relief for Dean who started to log off and pack up his things quickly. He startled when a knock came on his door and he looked up to see Imogen.

"You're leaving already?"

"Yeah privileges of being a single parent and looking after a baby" he said with a small smile. "Is everything okay?"

"Um, sure, I was just…popping in"

"Right, well, I'm leaving now but I'll see you tomorrow" he said flashing a small smile and edging around her.

Imogen watched him take off down the corridor and paused looking around the simple office in awe. She stepped aside looking out of the window into the car park simply waiting. Dean exited the building with a sigh of deep relief getting into the Impala and driving away fast. Imogen watched the old classic speed and skid away. She sat down in his seat inhaling a fading aftershave and looked at the picture of Dean with his arm around a younger man, the picture of Lucas, and another of a family, one blonde, two small boys, and an older man. Imogen guessed it was his family and gave a small smile looking over them until she realised what she was going. She jumped up in a slight panic exiting the room and slamming the door closed.

"Oh god" she murmured shutting her eyes and breathing in and out deeply before walking away and continuing with her duties.

Dean arrived home in no time at all and walked in smelling that certain smell that was just pure _home. _He walked forward circling around and saw the TV screen playing the home page of Toy Story and looked at the sleeping figure of Castiel and Lucas. Dean smiled walking over slowly dropping down and looking over the both of them. They were his, all his, and it scared him half to death. His fingers came up trailing down his cheek and he held still when blue eyes opened looking at him sleepily confused.

"Dean?" he whispered.

"Hello, you" he murmured pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Sleep"

"Glad you're home" he whispered shutting his eyes again.

"So am I"

Dean bit his lip and gently pushed up turning around to face the television when a picture caught his eyes. He walked over picking up the picture of Amanda heavily pregnant with Lucas perched on a bench, ballooned out, but a huge grin on her face as she waved two hands to the camera. The ache across his heart would never truly fade but it was healing in fragments and pieces for now. It was enough and he just hoped that no blow would break his metaphorically healing heart.

**A/N: I can see a lot of you moaning at me now but the new arrival is for a reason that needs to happen so my conclusion can happen…if you get what I mean. **

**Thanks for the reviews my beautiful readers. **


	20. Chapter 20

Dean didn't know how it happened but every day it seemed he was getting closer and closer to Imogen in friendship and nothing else, well, in his eyes. It was comforting for Dean to come into work and see a friendly face with a pretty smile. She had slowly come out of her shell day by day as he got to know her and he liked her, he couldn't help it. Imogen had an appealing personality; she had a good sense of humour, and liked to have a good laugh. It felt strange but it was better than nothing.

He didn't talk about her to Castiel who every time she was mentioned looked over to him with hard eyes and a pinched mouth. It amused Dean to no end when he made him jealous and the possessive sex at the end of the night was even better when his hands were pinned to the headboard, his body exhausted and semen covering his stomach and chest.

"I love it when you're jealous" he murmured against his lips with a smile bringing him into his lap and kissing him thoroughly.

"I am not jealous" Castiel whispered raking his hands into the short hair and tugging gently at the back. "You know that I don't like it though"

"No, you just don't like her"

"No, I barely know her"

"Exactly"

Dean grinned tugging him down and pushing him into the mattress as they kissed lazily till they drifted off to sleep wrapped up around each other. It was everything he ever wanted and more than comfortable.

Castiel was cooking in the kitchen when he peered over his shoulder to see Dean walking into the kitchen with Lucas walking holding onto his hands. He paused admiring the sight and smiled softly at Dean who beamed at him.

"I didn't expect to being do this so soon" he said looking down at Lucas taking unsteady baby steps as he held onto his hands.

"It's a step towards walking on his own"

"What are you cooking for us?"

"Food"

"Okay, what food are you cooking for us, smartass" Dean said rolling his eyes as he turned them around and walked back to the living room.

"Lasagne"

"Sounds good, I like this little arrangement we have" he said flashing him a wink. Castiel hummed amused turning his own back on him to finish up. Dean dropped Lucas down gently onto the rug ignoring his wail of protest and sat down on the couch with a huff.

"Dada is tired, Lucas, and I want to rest" he said with a sad smile picking up his phone and seeing one new message. His eyes narrowed in confusion at the unknown cell number and opened it up.

_**This may be inappropriate but I stole your number from personal. This is Imogen; I just needed someone to talk to. X **_

Dean blinked staring at the message and shifted a little in his seat before texting her back.

_**Hey, it's fine, I'm a little surprised I guess. What do you need to talk about?**_

Dean dropped the phone down and looked over to Lucas crawling to pull himself up on the loveseat. He smiled at the small action and looked down at beeping phone.

_**You know the problems with my family? I spoke about them to you briefly and I have recently had a fight with my sister. I could do with nice company right now. Fancy a drink? X**_

Dean bit down into his bottom lip knowing he would get a bitch fit from Castiel if he did but a friend is a friend and when they are in need, you go.

_**I can meet you in the robin? I'll be there in twenty minutes. **_

_**Yes! Thank you, Dean. X**_

He stood up running a hand through his hair and walked into see him flicking through a cook book in general interest.

"Cas" he said approaching him weakly. "Have I told you how incredible, sexy, amazing, and just…how awesome you are?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes dropping the book on the side straightening up to peer into his eyes confused. "On many occasions and most of them when we are having sex or you're feeling loveable…what's going on, Dean?"

"Imogen is in a bit of bother and wants me to meet her" he said circling his hands behind his neck. "I told her I would meet her for one drink and one drink only so she can spill her heart out"

Castiel sighed deeply rubbing his lips in contemplation. "She has your number?"

"I didn't give it to her, she stole it from personal"

"So that isn't fishy at all" Castiel murmured sarcastically. "I'm guessing you're going anyway"

"Come on, Cas, she's just a friend"

Castiel glanced over to him and inhaled with a nod. "Fine, I'll see you later"

Dean could clearly see the discomfort in his eyes and moved off quickly pulling him into a hard but tender kiss that sent his mind reeling. Castiel moaned touching his cheek gently as he pulled away the kiss fighting for breath and stared at him a little dazed.

"I'll be an hour tops" he murmured with a small smug smile and moved away collecting his jacket and shoes. Castiel watched him and flashed a smile when he turned back to look at him before leaving. The smile disappeared when he left and he turned the oven off heading in and looking at Lucas with a toy train. He was perfectly content and it caused a warm spark to erupt in him.

Castiel reached down pulling out his phone and dialling Gabriel's number.

"What do you want?" Gabriel drawled when he finally answered.

"Fine, I'll call Balthazar" Castiel said only to pause when a scoff came in reply.

"He's in Germany, he's no help, tell me your problems"

"No problems apart from Dean leaving to spend time with a woman"

"What?" Gabriel muttered confused.

"Dean's made a friend in work, a woman, and…"

"Oh! Is this a jealously call, Cassy, are you jealous that Dean has made a new friend?"

"No"

"Liar, I don't even have to be there to see those jealous eyes you have right now. It's cute you know but don't let it go too far because then it ruins everything"

"I am not jealous!"

"Of course you are and you know it…so what's the situation with them? Are they close?"

"I have my suspicions that Imogen likes him more than a friend"

"So? Dean is a good looking guy, he's the male model type and he's going to have women and even men gagging for him"

"I know" he murmured rolling his eyes. "But he is not there's to gag over"

"Cas, listen to me, I know you're probably feeling a bit jealous and low at the moment but Dean isn't going to cheat on you with a bloody girl is he? You're panicking over nothing, chill out and wait till he gets home"

Castiel knew he was right and sighed agreeing with him. "You're right, it's just stupid"

Dean walked into, The Robin, and saw her dressed in more casual clothing with her hair swept up in a high ponytail. He smiled in greeting sitting next to her at the bar and nodded at the bartender.

"One beer please" he said and looked over to her nudging her shoulder. "What happened?"

"I've never particularly got along with my sister, she's the eldest so that must mean she's the smartest, the funniest, the most beautiful and she as arguing with me over my career decision" she muttered sipping her own beer and looking over to him. "I love her but at the same time I fucking hate her guts"

Dean laughed sipping his own drink and licked his lips thoughtfully. "I can't really help in that area, I have a close relationship with my brother and yeah we have our ups and downs but we have an unbreakable bond"

Imogen smiled sadly looking at the damp sticky bar top. "I wish I had that and my parents are no help"

"I'm sorry about your dad" he murmured touching her arm gently.

"It's his own fault, he mixed up in things that were nothing to do with him and now he's in prison leaving my mom all alone" she said bitterly tearing off the beer label. "I'm sorry; I know I mustn't be the best company right now"

"Hey, we all have our problems and believe me…I have had my fair share" he said flashing an easy smile. "I'm here to listen"

Imogen smiled warmly looking down at the bar again feeling giddy with excitement.

"So, are you going to tell me more about yourself? So far I have had small details…let me know the Dean Winchester out of work"

"I'm nothing special"

"No one is but I just want to know you" she said with a grin sipping her beer.

"I'm nothing more than a banker…a father…and an incredible lover" he said hiding a smile.

Imogen looked over to him sharply with wide eyes and let out a tinkle of laughter. "Oh really?"

"Hey I'm not boasting, I'm just stating fact"

"Well who know your head was so large" she said knocking against the top lightly. "Just like I thought…full of sawdust"

"Bitch" he muttered warmly shoving her hand away.

She laughed tossing her head back and downed the rest of beer. "You've cheered me up"

"It's my natural charm"

"It sure is" she murmured looking him up and down with a pink flush lightening her cheeks. Imogen wasn't about to deny to herself that her crush for her co-worker was constantly strengthened day by day but her eyes could see more and she could see the faint heartbreak over the loss of his child's mother.

"So why am I here and not one of your other friends?" Dean muttered scratching behind his ear. "No boyfriend or…"

"I didn't want to speak to them about it because they are an uncaring bunch when it comes to my problems but their problems? It's getting them to shut up" she replied with a snort. "Boyfriend? I have had my fair share and each one has been a complete fucking wanker"

"Oh" he murmured with a grimace. "Sorry I asked"

"I just need to meet the right one I guess" she said looking over to him. "Why are we being all deep?"

Dean chuckled into his bottle shrugging his shoulders. "You remind of someone"

"Who?"

"Someone I used to know" he said indifferently. "You'll be fine, everything happens for a reason, right?"

"I guess"

"I sound like such a girl"

"Yes"

Dean smiled into his throat shaking his head gently and downed the rest. "Want another?"

"Sure"

Their night continued on and more beers were drank till Dean realised what the time was and sucked in a shocked breath.

"What?" she murmured with a small giggle.

"It's nearly quarter to eleven" he whispered and grabbed his jacket. "I better go"

Imogen could only watch as he darted out and huffed amused. Dean checked his phone to see he had several missed calls and messages.

"Fuck" he hissed running down the road towards the house and pausing outside the door regaining his breath. The door opened before he could knock and he bit his lip staring into furious blue eye that looked black in the light. It scared Dean a little as he shoved his hands into his pockets sheepishly.

"Would you believe if I said I lost complete track of time?"

"No" he muttered looking him up and down. "You stink of booze and look ten seconds from tipping over"

"I'm sorry"

"Lucas woke up crying for you and I could do nothing but try to soothe him till he dropped off" he snapped. "You said one drink, Dean"

Dean swallowed moving past him and into the house as he took off his coat and shoes.

"I said I'm sorry, Cas, I lost track and had more than one beer…baby, I'm sorry, okay?"

"Sure" he murmured grabbing his own jacket and pulling it on.

"Where are you going?"

"Home"

Dean gasped when he shoved past him opening the door and walking out. "Cas, please..."

Castiel didn't look back as he stormed off down the street furious and feeling the worry that had curled in his stomach start to ebb away. It had not been the best of experiences for Castiel as he sat chewing the skin of his lip and thumb away redialling Dean's number over and over again reaching voicemail. It had scared him to no end and he even doubted whether Dean was being faithful to him. It upset him to even think that way but he hadn't been put in this position before.

Dean stood in the bathroom splashing cold water into his face. The cool freshness was nice and he swirled the toothbrush around his mouth feeling like a complete asshole. It had felt good to be out for a bit but to not even tell him was a bad move. He pulled out his phone dialling his number and tapped his phone impatiently hearing it ring out and sighed deeply. Dean didn't particularly want to crawl into an empty bed and crept into the nursery to see Lucas breathing deeply in his cot. His heart gave a little ache at Castiel's words that he had cried for him and he wasn't even there. He sat down heavily in the chair staring out of the window and settled comfortably. His hand stayed wrapped around the phone and his last thought was he was more than glad he didn't have work tomorrow.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel stirred out of sleep stretching out his hand wanting to collide with a warm chest and felt nothing but cool bedding underneath his fingertips. Memories of last night hit him and he sighed burying his head into the pillow.

"Fucking Dean" he murmured sitting up and looking around his bedroom with a huff. The old feel of anger bear firmly in his chest and his hand reached out grabbing his phone to see over twenty missed calls and dozens of messages. The dilemma to call him reached its decision when he pressed the call button and waited patiently till he heard a slight scuffle when he answered.

"Cas?"

"Dean"

"Oh thank god, Cas, I am really, really, sorry"

"It's fine"

"No it's not, I know it's not and I should have called you but time was lost, beers were downed and I was being a shoulder to cry on"

Castiel worried his bottom lip between his teeth and shrugged off his blanket going to make coffee. "I was worried, Dean, you've never done that before…what if Lucas had been in an accident?"

"I know!" Dean snapped. "Don't lay that on me, Cas, I feel guilty enough and don't need that as well"

"I'm opening your eyes"

"They're already wide open"

The silence that stretched between them was unnerving till Dean broke it annoyed. "Come over?"

"I'll be over at lunchtime"

"Okay, but please don't stay mad at me? It was a onetime thing…I swear"

"I know…I'll be over soon"

Dean smiled in relief and looked over to Lucas moving slowly down the sofa with baby steps.

"I'll see you soon"

Castiel hung up stirring sugar into his coffee wanting nothing more than to things to slowly go back to normal but the funny tickle of doubt wouldn't fade away in his chest. He sat back and watched morning TV for the rest of the hours he had before dressing and walking over to Dean's.

Dean was uneasy all morning and it wasn't helping that Lucas could sense it and was already in a foul mood refusing to settle and kicking off.

"Come on, Lucas, give your old dad a break here" he said walking him up and down when he sobbed and wailed in his arms. The knock on the door was a relief as he went to open it and nearly collapsed on Castiel who looked between them bewildered.

"What happened?"

"He's in a foul mood, I'm begging you to take him" Dean pleaded passing him over and rubbing his forehead.

"Headache from hell I'm guessing"

Dean hummed with a nod going to get a glass of water and rubbed the back of his neck. "I also slept in the chair making it ten times worse"

"You have no pity from me"

Dean looked over his shoulder with a glare directed at him which only got a sneer from Castiel who swayed side to side with Lucas still whimpering.

"I thought you weren't going to stay mad at me?"

"I'm not"

"Funny way of showing it"

"That's your mind, not mine"

Dean scoffed annoyed turning on his heel and walked over pulling him into a kiss. Castiel went into easily and pulled back narrowing his eyes only slightly.

"Happy?"

"No, you're still off with me"

"Okay, I…I may still be a little unhappy with you, Dean, but I'm allowed to since we're in this together and you scared me"

"I'll make it up to you" he whispered with a small smile.

"How?"

Dean paused for thought and leaned in pressing his lips over his ear. "I'll do that thing with my tongue and fingers…again"

Castiel shuddered at the memory and turned looking into piercing green eyes. "Deal"

Dean chuckled moving away and rummaging around for pills to numb the constant headache. The rest of the afternoon rolled out perfectly as Castiel somewhat calmed Lucas down magically, Dean lay out on the couch sleeping on and off and the peace was thin but there between them.

The day came to a perfect end for both of them when Lucas was tucked up in bed fast asleep and Castiel was pinned against the wall, legs wrapped around Dean's waist and eager mouths meeting each other in furious kisses. The night ended in harsh moans, sweaty skin sticking together, achy muscles, and a slow sense of satisfaction and forgiveness crawling in from Castiel. It was a relief for Dean after another hard session to crush Castiel against him breathing in the smell of sex and sweat like a drug. His warm breath caressed his neck and Dean moaned low stroking a hand into his hair never wanting to let go. It was perfect now but it wasn't going to last. Things never do.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean was being stupid, very stupid, very, very, fucking stupid and he knew it but it certainly didn't stop him. His friendship with Imogen grew in strength that shocked even him; Dean didn't have friends apart from Castiel and this one certainly surprised him. It was a friendly beaming hello every day from her which he returned of course, they ate lunch together when he normally called Castiel and didn't, they text when he left even when he was with Castiel he would text her and then hide the phone by his thigh. It wasn't like there was anything sinister going on but he knew Castiel hated her and didn't like their friendship. But what made him feel even more like a complete asshole was that he hadn't told Imogen about Castiel being a lot more than the nanny to his child. He kept it a secret and was slowly beginning to question why. It wasn't like he was ashamed of Castiel but the more he kept putting off the more it was beginning to become a lie.

On the weekdays sometimes they would go out and Dean would tell a white lie to Castiel that he was working late for more money and went for a drink with her instead. It was lies on top of lies when he questioned the constant texts and claimed them to be from Sam about Jess or even Jo from California. Dean just didn't want to fight with him. It passed by in weeks and soon Lucas was slipping into the ten month mark and edging towards eleven months old terrifying Dean.

It all came to an end though when Castiel's suspicions became too much. Castiel had noticed the distance in Dean but put it as nothing more than work getting him down but the lack of calls, texting, and even the secret texting to Sam was getting more and more weird. Castiel couldn't shake the odd feeling in his gut that had remained there since the night Dean had got drunk with Imogen.

Dean was staying goodbye to her outside of Starbucks after a coffee when she leaned forward and paused hesitating.

"We've known each other for quite some time…right?"

"Yeah?"

"You've been…the best…I mean you have been there for me in work when they come down hard on me, supported me with my family problems, and basically been the best guy friend I have and I can't help but…"

"What?" Dean said confused.

"I want more and I just…" she said leaning even closer and kissing him hard. Dean grunted surprised by the sudden unwelcome pressure on his mouth and let himself feel for a minute kissing back before feeling the complete wrongness and shoved her away hard. Imogen gasped shocked staring at him with shocked eyes.

"Dean?"

"Oh no, no, no, no, that shouldn't have happened" he murmured crushing his hands into his hair. "I'm sorry, I am, I just…Oh, Ims, I haven't been very honest with you"

"What are you talking about?"

Dean closed his eyes for a moment and looked over to her. "I've lied, okay? You know the nanny I have, Cas?"

"You mention him a lot, yes"

"He's-he's more than my nanny"

"What?" Imogen said blinking twice in disbelief.

"I lied Imogen, I don't know why….maybe because I didn't know how to say it but I'm with Cas, really with him, and I am so sorry for lying to you" he said running a hand into his hair. Imogen stood wrapping her arms around her bracing the cold attempting to digest this information in little chunks.

"You're gay?"

"More like bi-sexual, I do have a son remember?"

"Holy shit" she breathed shaking her head. "I don't understand…you…I could have sworn you were single…you shown no sign, I, I don't understand why you didn't tell me, Dean, I would have understood!"

"You have just kissed me" he murmured faintly.

"Is it that surprising?"

"No" he muttered avoiding her eye contact.

"I can't believe you kept this from me…did you think I would judge you?"

"No, I just…I was being so stupid"

"Understatement" she murmured and took out her car keys. "I'm going to go now; I feel that my humiliation has reached its peak today"

"Imogen, I'm sorry" he called to her.

She looked over her shoulder with a sad glint in her eyes before getting in and driving away. Dean looked up at the sky with a sigh feeling a droplet of cold rain hit him and glared at the darkening sky.

"Let me guess, you're pissed off with me too?" he murmured bitterly heading to his own car and opening the door to slide in. The drive back was torturous as he pulled in and stared at his little house. Castiel was waiting by the kitchen door when Dean walked on pulling off his coats and jacket.

"Hello"

"Hey" he said giving him a small smile.

"How was your day?"

"Interesting" Dean murmured dropping his phone on the side. "I'm just going to freshen up"

Castiel nodded watching him walk up the stairs and looked at the phone. Lucas was currently in his playpen so he didn't have to worry about him. The phone suddenly buzzed with a message giving him the leverage he needed and picked it up unlocking it easily to see one new message from Imogen.

His heart lurched in his throat and he opened the message quickly reading.

_**I would have understood Dean and it makes me sad that you couldn't trust me with this? I'm sorry about our kiss, it was wrong of me. Xxx**_

Castiel felt physically sick as he clicked off the message and scanned through the rest of the messages. Every message was from Imogen, a long list and none of them from Sam apart from one with apologies for not coming down in the two weeks. Sam was very busy with his studies and they both understood. His eyes blurred and he chucked the phone down moving away and hovering over the sink feeling nausea so strong it hurt. Footsteps on the stairs didn't move him and he knew Dean had joined him.

"Cas?"

Castiel didn't move as he stared down at the sink breathing in deeply through his nose.

"Cas, what's wrong?" Dean said concern lacing his tone touching the small of his back. Castiel flinched away from his touch covering his mouth and turned towards him suddenly. Dean blinked surprised at the red rim of his eyes and instantly moved forward.

"Cas, what's wrong?"

"Oh I don't know, Dean, why don't you tell me?" he said moving over and picking up his phone. "Lots and lots of message from Imogen and one in particular is very fucking interesting…I'm sorry about our kiss, it was wrong of me"

Castiel watched Dean pale and smiled sadly with a nod. "So it's true then"

"You read my texts?"

"Of course I read your fucking texts!" he shouted and was satisfied when Dean flinched back. "_You _have been acting weird for weeks, Dean, _weeks, _and I stood by while you acted off and I thought it was nothing, I thought it was the stress of work but I kept my mouth shut and all this time…all this time it was just a cosy little affair"

"No, no, she kissed me before, Cas, she was talking about our friendship and how she wanted more…I told her I was with you"

"You told her before? Why didn't she already know about us?" Castiel said confused and stared at Dean before biting his lip with a nod. "Because you kept us a secret from her"

"I don't know why I did it, I am so, so, sorry, Cas" he pleaded desperately.

"Oh you knew exactly what you were doing!" Castiel yelled at him. "It all makes sense now, Dean, the secret texts, the non-existent phone calls to me and Lucas, the late nights at work, they were all for _her!" _

"She's a friend, Cas"

"A friend…a friend, Dean, the same friend who you have been lying to about us for weeks now…" Castiel said his voice cracking and tears filling his eyes. "Oh you've been lying to _me _for weeks haven't you?"

"I-I just…I knew you hated her and you wouldn't understand but I wasn't cheating on you or anything"

"You did though, Dean, you kissed her!"

"I pushed her away!"

"It doesn't matter! You have lied and kissed her, Dean, and I want the truth right now" he shouted at him visibly shaking.

"I've lied, yeah, I lied about the texts, I lied about late nights at work and instead went for drinks with her, and I lied to her about us because…because I don't know why. The longer I didn't tell her, the longer it didn't matter because we're friends…that's all we are" he cried with a gesture of his hand. "Yeah, she kissed me but I pushed her away because it was wrong, so wrong, and I didn't want it"

The tears fell from his eyes and he shook his head turning away from him. "Oh I'm so stupid"

"You're not, you're not stupid"

"Yes, yes I am because how did I not see this!" he shouted looking over to Dean. A startled wail came from the playpen and they looked over to Lucas standing and looking over to them. Castiel's eyes watered more just looking at him and he looked over to Dean who was staring at the floor.

"I can't do this" he whispered turning away and heading to the door.

"No, no, Cas, please" Dean said catching his arm and pulling him back. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

"I trusted you, Dean!" he yelled in his face. "This is on _you! _How-how am I supposed to trust you now? I…" he said trailing off and biting his lip.

"What? What do you want to say?"

"I-I was waiting for the right moment, a perfect moment to tell you…that…I-I love you" he said in a broken voice feeling a tear slide down his cheek. "And then you go and…do this"

"Cas…" Dean said pained feeling his own tears at the declaration. "Please don't do this, please don't leave"

The wails from Lucas in the living room struck though him and he gasped in pain shaking his head.

"I can't…" he said shaking his head and grabbing his coat as he practically ran out of the house with a slam of the door. Dean closed his eyes feeling a tear slip out and turned towards the living room to see Lucas stood in his playpen red faced, tears streaming down and eyes the darkest green.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he murmured picking him up and cuddling him close.

Castiel collapsed against a brick wall hidden from view and slid down burying his face into his arm body wracked with silent sobs as he dealt with all this new information overloading in system. All good things _always _without a doubt come to an unsatisfying end unless you are the one to change it.

**A/N: Please, please, please, don't hate me or scream at me? I cried a little writing that and it is 1.27am so my devotion is high here. **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! I'm very pleased this story has made good success because I was doubtful and no…this isn't the end. **


	21. Chapter 21

"…_perfect moment to tell you that, I-I love you" _

Dean had replayed that same sentence over and over in his head for an entire week. It had been a week since their fight and ultimately their split. During the week, Castiel had neither answered his calls nor called him back only once to tell him he wouldn't be coming back and would ultimately have to quit. It broke Dean's heart and he could only accept it because no amount of begging and pleading was going to change what he had done. Lucas seemed to know and sense the change around him being very difficult with Dean by screaming in the middle of the night because of his teeth, refusing to sleep on time, and being moody. Dean knew he missed Castiel and could only comfort him the best he could.

Dean had also decided to take "sick leave" from work since he couldn't leave Lucas alone and though he was relieved he felt stuck.

"You look a mess"

Dean looked up from the couch to see Sam standing at the door holding Lucas close to him.

"Thanks, Samantha"

"No, I'm being serious, you have a beard which is growing things, you're being lazy, and you look…a mess" Sam said shaking his head. "You ruined this, Dean, and you are the only one who can fix this"

"I've tried!"

"Not hard enough! You called me four days ago and sounded like you were two seconds from having a mental breakdown dude. I came here, I dropped everything for you because you're my brother and I will always be here for you but _you _need to fix this. You are the one who lied and broke the trust, Cas, had in you"

Dean swallowed hard meeting his eyes and looked away towards the television. "He won't answer my calls, my texts, and I don't…I don't even know where this flat of his is because I've never been and I am not asking bloody Gabriel"

"Because he'll kill you"

"Yeah, Sam, he's already threatened me with my life so I'm not about to seek him out when I broke his baby brother's heart" he muttered tossing the remote to the side. "I don't know what else to do"

Sam looked at Lucas laying his head on his shoulder sucking his pacifier contently. "I think he's pissed at you as well"

"You think? He wants Cas and I can't get him" he said with a sigh. "It's like when mom used to go shopping and you flipped out every time"

"She's our mom and I was a clingy child if I remember rightly"

Dean smirked faintly running a hand into his hair. "I need coffee"

"Make me some too"

Dean set about his task while Sam watched with a sad frown. "I still don't understand how you could do it, Dean, why would you let this slip through your fingers for a girl you don't even want"

"Because I'm stupid and I let it fall apart around me" he said turning to face him. "I lied because in my mind I didn't want him to know because he hated her. I'm an idiot, I'm a complete…fucking…disaster and I've lost him over lies"

"Then it's up to you to fix it, to win him back, because he is the best thing that has happened to you apart from Lucas" Sam argued back. "You love him, I know you do"

Dean sipped his coffee with a nod. "And look what I did"

"So fix it"

"How?"

"Find him"

Gabriel folded his arm over his chest staring at Castiel strewn out on the couch watching a cartoon like a big kid. Castiel looked over to him with hooded eyes and away with a deep scowl.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here because you're utterly depressing bro and I'm getting a little sick of it"

"No one asked you to be here and certainly not me"

"Quit the attitude, Castiel, it doesn't suit you"

Castiel huffed turning over and facing his back to him. "I'm fine"

"You are far from fine and I wish you'd let me go around there and give him a piece of my mind" he said shaking his head. "That fucking dick"

"Because this is my mess, my relationship, and I'll sort it"

"Oh yeah I'm sure that's what you are doing, Cas, pray tell…when was the last time you spoke to Dean?"

"Go away, Gabe" Castiel said with a moan burying his head into the cushion.

"You drinking, eating takeaway, and sitting on this bloody couch is not helping you! Speak to him or let me, hey, let me call Balthazar…"

"No, Gabriel!"

"Then what are you going to do?"

"I don't know!" Castiel shouted turning towards him aggravated. "All I know I right now is I want you gone!"

Gabriel huffed shaking his head and turned heading to the door. The door slamming in his exit made Castiel flinch at the loud noise and he closed his eyes swallowing hard. He reached out grabbing his phone and flicking through his contacts till he reached Dean's number and hovered wondering whether or not to call him. The past week had been hard and he missed them both terribly it was beginning to hurt even more than Dean's betrayal. His thumb slipped from the green call button slowly and he tossed the phone to the side and moved instead to get a shower and a shave because Gabriel was right and he felt dirty.

Gabriel stormed down the street pulling out Anna's number and calling her.

"Hello, Gabriel" Anna said in a soft voice.

"Anna, I need you to get Dean Winchester's address"

"What am I? The mafia"

"I need it and I know you can get addresses since you've done it before" he argued back. "That sonofabitch hurt our brother, Anna, and no one hurts my family, no one"

"So macho of you, Gabriel, but I see your point so wait a minute" she said placing the phone down and putting him on speakerphone.

"So you going to beat him to a pulp"

"No, I'm going to speak to him since our brother likes fatty foods all of the sudden and generally being a depressed ass"

Anna chuckled typing away on her computer and hummed in approval. "4a Wickham Road"

"Thanks sis"

"Be gentle, Gabe, I don't think Castiel will take to kindly to the man he loves in a coma" she said and hung up on him.

Gabriel didn't waste any time as he headed to Wickham Road and hammered on the door till Sam opened confused and pissed.

"Oh hello" Gabriel murmured eyeing him up and down. "I do love a tall man"

"Who the hell are you?"

"Gabriel Milton" he said with a grin and turned to look at Dean stood in the hallway looking pale and slightly alarmed. "Don't worry gorgeous, I'm here to see your friend over there"

"Brother actually, I'm Sam"

"Well, Mr Gorgeous Face Sam, I need to see your brother for two seconds" he said brushing past him and heading to Dean who stepped back into the living room. "Aw, cute baby, I see why my baby brother is head over heels for you and your offspring there"

Sam glared at Gabriel and looked to Dean who scooped Lucas up holding him to his chest.

"Now, I'd like a little privacy so…" he said gesturing at Sam and Lucas. "Why don't you take your nephew and take a stroll outside"

"Dean…" Sam said with a shake of his head when he handed Lucas over.

"His coat and shoes are with the baby seat are in the hallway, Sam, just…please" he said staring at him with wide pleading eyes. "I'll be fine"

"If you hurt him…"

"Oh behave, this isn't an action film, kiddo, take the baby and get go" he said with a nod and a quick smile. Sam glared at him with a look that could kill armies before taking Lucas away and getting him ready.

"Who knew your brother was the good looking one" Gabriel said shoving his hands into his pockets and looking at Dean. "You look like complete shite and I'm not really surprised since my baby bro is in the same situation"

"Is he okay?" Dean murmured leaning against the wall.

"Give me your definition of okay?" Gabriel snapped and turned his head when the door went and Sam left with Lucas. "Oh look…we're all on our own"

"Does Cas know you're here?"

"Nope, he'd kill me if he knew I was here but since his depressed ass is stuck to that couch of his…I'm here" he said dropping down on the sofa and kicking his legs up on the coffee table. "So, Dean, are you going to sit down and tell me why you have been a complete fucking douche with my brother?"

"I never meant to lie…"

"Oh but you did, Dean, and he told me all the details…how you lied to him for weeks while you went out with that slut, text her while you were with him, and then kissed her!" he said with a loud laugh shaking his head. "I don't know what my brother sees in you…I really don't, I mean look at you!"

"You don't know anything" Dean snapped back clenching his fists together. "Yeah I lied but she kissed me and I shoved her away! I was wrong; I was so fucking wrong and believe me it keeps me awake at night because I don't know why I lied! I…"

"What, Dean?"

"I love him" he said with fierce determination. "I am so in love with him that it scares me even more than Lucas growing up at the speed of light"

"Then why aren't you out there fighting for him?"

"He won't let me…"

"Because he's angry with you, you stupid dick" Gabriel said through clenched teeth. "I would not be here if it wasn't for the fact that I know my brother loves you so fucking much that I have seen him cry more times this week than I have in my lifetime"

Dean swallowed hard averting his eyes and looking down at the floor.

"I have to answer calls from him drunk and crying about you! You of all people, he hates what you have done and he has called you every fucking name under that bloody sun in the sky that it's hilarious he can still love your self-hating ass!" he shouted standing up to look at him. "This is on you, Dean Winchester, and you have to fix this"

Dean struggled looking up and meeting his eyes. "What do I do then?"

"I'm not here to guide you, I'm here to knock sense into you and if it means I go in there and find a frying pan to beat that pretty head in…I will"

Dean supressed laughter and inhaled deeply looking up at the ceiling. "Do you think he'll take me back?"

"I don't know but I know you need to get around there and speak to him before I do some real damage to you and believe me when I say that Balthazar is out for your blood" he said with a small smirk. "It's only fortunate that the guy is still in Germany"

"I don't know where he is, I never went to the apartment"

Gabriel rolled his eyes grabbing a pen from the side and scribbling down an address.

"Go there and talk to him, I'll wait here till Mr Gorgeous Face Sam gets in and tell him where you are"

"You're a real dick you know that"

"Coming from the heart-breaking, cheating, backstabbing liar" he said with a small cold smile. "Go fix your shitty mess"

Dean snatched the piece of paper and headed out of the house. Gabriel sniffed glancing around and headed to the kitchen to get a drink and made himself at home. Dean walked down the roads till he reached the apartments and looked down at the number before moving in.

Castiel rubbed a towel through his hair and looked down at the black pyjama pants and too large t-shirt but it was comfortable. A knock startled him slightly and he walked over with a frown opening it up and staring at Dean in surprise.

"What the…" he said and instinct made him want to slam the door closed until Dean threw out his hand to stop him and barged in.

"Hey, Cas" he said closing the door behind him. "I had a visit from your brother"

Dean saw the realisation in Castiel's eyes as he looked away with a sigh. "I'll kill him"

"Please do before he kills me"

Castiel looked him up and down slowly. "Did he hurt you?"

"No" he said with a shake of his head. "I was ordered over here and I'm glad I did…we need to talk"

"We've already talked, Dean, I don't need another bunch of lies from you"

"I'm not here to lie, I'm here to talk" he said shoving his hands into his pockets. "We can't just…leave it like this. We need to sort this out"

"Sort what, Dean? Your lies or your cheating?"

"I never cheated! I did nothing with her that resulted in cheating, _she _kissed me and I'll even let you call her to fucking confirm it" he said with a huff. "I would never cheat on you…now the lying? I should have never done it but it's done and I can't take it back"

Castiel huffed out a fake laugh and held up his hands. "Fine, she kissed you and you shoved her away…do you want an award?"

"The attitude isn't cute, Cas"

"You sound like Gabriel" he muttered turning away and making a drink. "I have no attitude problem, Dean, this is just anger, anger I have yet to release"

"Then release it on me, Cas, I just want to sort this out"

Castiel sipped his drink and faced him with a small sad smile. "Sort it out? You lied to me for weeks, you lied so you could spend time with Imogen and I had no idea…I don't understand why you couldn't tell me the truth"

"You hate her and I knew you would have had a problem with it" Dean mumbled sitting down at the dining table. "I hid it from you and the only way I could do that was lying to you and I regret it so much, Cas, you have to believe me. I hated lying to you but I didn't stop and this is my lesson…I hate that I've lost you and I miss you so much, we both miss you"

Castiel averted his eyes away from you biting into his bottom lip. "How am I meant to trust you now?"

"I'll gain it back, I swear"

"I don't…" he said closing his eyes and shaking his head. Dean darted up closing into his personal space and cupping his cheeks.

"Yes, yes you can" he whispered stroking along his cheekbones. "I swear I'll do whatever I can to gain it back…I can't lose you, I can't"

"You think it's that simple"

"It's only us making it hard"

"You broke my trust" Castiel whispered shaking his head and grabbing his wrists. "I trusted you, I spent every moment with you, I stood and watched your son because I wanted to and all that time you were with her, you were lying to me over and over again without a care for my feelings and it's only now that you feel remorse for your actions. I don't know if I can trust you, Dean, because I now have that shattering inside of me that won't fade because at times when you disappear I will _always _wonder if you're telling me the truth and that kills me"

Castiel's voice cracked at the end breaking Dean inside when he shoved his hands away and turned his face away.

"I can't lose you, Castiel, I can't…because in all this mess, all this disaster, I realised the most important thing" he murmured softly. "I love you, I love you so much it scares me and I'm so sick of being scared"

Castiel felt tears flood his eyes and he looked over to him with an exhale. "Why didn't you realise this before then?"

"Because I'm stupid"

"You're a joke that's what you are" he said with a chuckle feeling the tears slide down in slow hot streams.

"I'm not a very funny one, I'm one of those jokes that people have heard over and over again and they just aren't funny" he whispered reaching up and touching his cheek. "But maybe I can get one person in a billion to laugh at me"

"That's awful" Castiel murmured looking into his eyes and exhaling with a slight whimper. "This has been the worst week of my life…I have eaten foods that should be giving me a heart attack, I have watched programmes I would rather forget, and I sleep in a cold bed when all I want is a nice warm body, your body, next to mine and the amount of times I have wanted to call you is ridiculous"

"I meet your wager and raise it by having two hours' sleep every night, a baby who is teething and misses you like crazy, and a guilt that is slowly killing me"

"I win" Castiel murmured with hard swallow. Dean hid a smile and moved closer brushing his thumb under his eyes collecting the tears and wiping them on his own t-shirt.

"Yeah, you win, and you need to know how sorry I am, Cas, I was so fucking stupid and I know that now…it's my lesson and I swear to never lie to you again"

"I can't trust that" he said with a small sob looking down at the floor. Dean stepped closer tilting his chin up and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. Castiel sucked in a sharp breath shaking his head and placed two hands on his shoulders attempting to push him away.

"You can't…you can't do that"

"I know" Dean murmured looking at his lips and moving in kissing him hard. Castiel whimpered into his mouth, his hands now clutching at his jacket till he pulled away breathing hard.

"You really shouldn't…"

"Shut up" Dean hissed pulling him back in and kissing him hard.

Castiel groaned as their lips met and opened up in demanding anticipation as they kissed hot and wet. His hands reached up wrapping around his neck as they kissed with enough passion that Dean felt like his skin was on fire. Every nerve inside of him screamed to be closer and he moaned into his mouth pushing Castiel back till they hit the dining room table and onto the table.

Castiel panted clutching at the back of his hair when he kissed down his neck and moved up to his mouth again clutching at his hips. Dean groaned when Castiel nipped at his bottom lip and moved to his neck once again biting into the skin hard enough to get a cry from him and Castiel panted clutching the back of his hair and shook his head.

"I can't…" he murmured shoving him away till he stumbled and jumped off the table. Dean watched him breathing hard and shut his eyes trying to regain his breath.

"I can't, Dean, as much I want you and god I want you…but I can't do it" he said turning to face him. "I need more time"

"How much time"

"Time enough to think, really think, and decide if I can trust you again or if I'm even willing to do this again" he said with a tight swallow folding his arms over. "I…"

"I get it, Cas, I understand" he said breathing out hard running a hand into his hair. "So this isn't goodbye?"

"No, not yet"

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to leave me alone; I need time to think without interference"

"For how long"

"Until I call you" he said with a tight jaw.

Dean licked his bottom lip and moved over with a nod of confirmation. "You know I'm sorry, right?"

"Yes"

"You know I love you as well, I really do love you"

"Y-Yes"

"Okay" he muttered and headed to the door before pausing and looking back to him. "I wasn't lying about Lucas missing you, he knows something is wrong and is taking it out on me"

"Well…at least he's teaching the lesson for me" he said with a small smile.

"It's a painful one"

"Goodbye, Dean"

"See you later, Cas" he murmured heading to the door and faltering again. Dean turned on his heel moving over quickly and brought him forward kissing him hard and fast. Castiel gasped against his lips and let it happen as he kissed him slowly and drew back to look into his eyes.

"Just in case there isn't a later" he murmured stroking a thumb down his cheek and taking off quickly. Castiel inhaled sharply and pressed a hand over his chest feeling an ache spread over it like a burn. Dean hurtled out of the main doors and stopped for breath and looked over his shoulder at the building before heading back.

Sam glared over at Gabriel who smirked popping a lollipop into his mouth. "What's with the evil eyes cutie?"

"You threatened my brother; you're not exactly on my Christmas card list"

"It was for a reason, a personal reason, and I'm the matchmaker here! I sent him on his way"

"I don't…" he said and was cut off when the front door opened. "Dean?"

Dean walked in and looked over to Gabriel and Sam. "What's he still doing here?"

"I waited around for the news…so?" Gabriel said gesturing at him.

"We talked and he needs more time, I have to wait for him" Dean said not meeting their eyes as he picked up Lucas out of his playpen. "It's not goodbye just yet"

"Brilliant!" Gabriel exclaimed with a cheerful smile and was met with two pairs of angry eyes. "What? Oh come on guys, did you really expect him to welcome you back with open arms and plenty of makeup sex?"

"Gabriel, get out of my house" Dean snapped at him.

"It worked, Deano, it's not goodbye and I know a lot of people say they will think about it and they don't but Castiel will. It might be a bit of a wait but you have him" he said with a smile and dropped a slip of paper on Sam's head. "In case you want to talk on a more personal basis"

"Go away!" Dean exclaimed at him.

"I'm going! See you later, Lucas, and you, I'll be waiting" he said to Sam with a wink before leaving and slamming the door hard behind him. Sam blinked a few times before looking over to Dean who sighed with an eye roll and pressed a kiss to Lucas's temple.

"It's just the waiting game" he muttered with a sigh. Sam grimaced watching him walk out with Lucas and into the kitchen needing to be on his own for a minute with his baby.

_**~0~0~0~**_

One week slipped into two weeks and then three weeks with no contact from him at all. Dean kept his promise and didn't call him but he missed him terribly. He missed the comfort, warmth, his smile, his laugh, his silly chatter, his love for Lucas, and everything from the little freckle in his right nipple. Sam had left on the same week that Castiel had told him he needed time needing to return back to Stanford and his mom was constantly calling about him coming down to stay with her for a while but he always refused.

It didn't and wasn't getting any better with Lucas who missed Castiel as much as he did and was struggling as well. It was easier sometimes when he distracted him but the nights were hard when he wanted Castiel and not him.

It came to a hard end when Lucas woke up screaming, wailing, and throwing a tantrum at 2am in the morning. Dean held him close rocking him with a shush and a cooing but it didn't work as he kicked and screamed struggling in his arms.

"You want him don't you? I know you do, I know because I want him to" he said rocking him back and forth. "But I screwed up and I don't even know if he wants me anymore"

Lucas whimpered attempting to arch out of his arms and Dean sighed exhausted dropping in the chair.

"Fine, fine" he said bringing out his phone and dialling his number.

Castiel was in the middle of a rather good dream when the shrill tone of his ringtone woke him up and he scrambled hitting the tableside lamp answering his phone.

"Dean?" he murmured clutching his head and squinting in the light.

"Cas, I know it's late and I know I said I would leave you alone but I need you" he said shushing Lucas. "He wants you; I need you to sing to him through the phone"

"What?" he murmured sitting up and attempting to wake up. "I can't sing to him on the phone"

"Try, Cas, I'm begging you here" he said looking down at Lucas trying to reach for the phone with grabby hands. "He won't sleep and I know he wants you…please"

"Alright, what should I sing?"

"Anything, I'll put you on speakerphone" he said quickly when Lucas wailed and he stuck in his pacifier. "Who's this? It's Cas, listen"

Castiel straightened up and rubbed his eyes. "Don't laugh at me"

"I won't, sing!" he hissed looking at Lucas who whimpered tossing his head.

"_Hush, little baby, don't say a word._

_Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird. _

_And if that mockingbird don't sing, _

_Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring. _

_And if that diamond ring turns brass, _

_Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass, _

_And if that looking glass gets broke, _

_Papa's gonna buy you a billy goat, _

_And if that billy goat won't pull,_

_Papa's gonna you a cart and bull, _

_And if that cart and bull down, _

_You'll still be the sweetest baby in town"._

Castiel breathed out and swallowed listening hard. "Well?"

Dean stared at the phone open mouthed and looked at Lucas now suddenly quiet and curled into Dean staring at the phone.

"It's working but sing another one"

"I have a song I sing sometimes which does the trick but you…you may not like it"

"Cas, anything will do, I don't care" he hissed glancing at Lucas.

Castiel straightened up with a nod. "Fine"

"_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,_

_You make me happy when skies are grey,_

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away._

_The other night dear, as I lay sleeping,_

_I dreamed I held you in my arms,_

_But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken,_

_So I hung my head and I cried._

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,_

_You make me happy when skies are grey,_

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you,_

_Please don't take my sunshine away"._

Dean swallowed looking down at Lucas with his eyes halfway shut as he rocked him close soothing him softly and took him off speakerphone.

"Why did you never tell me you could sing?"

"It never came up and you always left me to sing the lullabies" he said clearing his throat. "The first always made him drop off"

"I think that did the trick" he murmured closing his eyes in relief. "Thanks, Cas"

"You're welcome"

The silence stretched between them till Castiel broke it. "I better get back to sleep"

"How's the thinking going?"

Castiel closed his eyes and sighed slipping down the bed. "Not so well, I didn't think I'd be able to cope and I can't…I think I left half of myself there with you"

"You need to come to collect it then"

"Dean…"

"I miss you, I miss you so much, and I need you to come back before I go insane" he said standing up gingerly and slipping him into the cot and watching him. "Your little sunshine wants you"

"Which one"

"Both" Dean said with a small tired smile. "What I did was…awful, heart-breaking, and every bad word out there but I am so tired of waiting, Cas, I need you to come to a decision and soon because I need to know"

"I know"

"Before the week is out, Cas"

"Okay" Castiel whispered closing his eyes. "Before the week is out"

Dean pulled the phone away and hung up looking down at Lucas sleeping heavily now and wished he could do that. It wasn't getting any easier and being left in the dark was the worst and he had learnt his lesson, he had. It was just a waiting game now, was it yes…or…no.

**A/N: I have been dying to do that lullaby part. It's such a relief to do it. **

**The amount of times I deleted this and started all over again is stupid! I had a bad writing block for this chapter but hopefully you like the end result. **

**I also realised that by ageing Lucas so quick I have also skipped a few events such as Christmas and New Year. My bad. Let's just say that it was spent together before all the shit hit the fan because I totally didn't realise and it's too late to put them in. **


	22. Chapter 22

Castiel had taken to walking to think about what he wanted. It was too much to be cooped up in that flat thinking about what Dean had done and whether or not he could jump back in and start trusting him over again. Walking in the park or even into town was easier and it gave him space to breathe and really think. He missed Dean and Lucas more than anything and the constant ache in his chest spoke volumes when he wondered what they were doing right at that minute, was Lucas okay, was Dean okay, why wasn't he there looking after them? It was a rough couple of weeks till the phone call at 2am came and changed everything. Just hearing Dean's voice was like drinking cold water after being parched for so long and now he wanted more. Castiel knew Dean would an answer and soon so that's why he was sitting in the park wrapped up in a jacket, scarf, and gloves braving the end of winter chill as it headed towards spring.

It was 7.30am and there was no one around. It was dead silent apart from the occasional rustle of leaves on the ground and he twirled his phone in his hands thinking back to the first time he met Dean. It was so easy, so uncomplicated, and yes he had found Dean attractive but he wasn't going to do anything about it. The grief was still evident in the man's eyes from the loss of Amanda and Castiel knew that. He could see the shattering underneath that hard exterior, the struggle handling a new born baby, and his first instinct was to help him. Castiel had seen the wariness and conflict in Dean's eyes when they first met and he pushed forward wanting to get in there, he wanted the job.

At first there was no romantic feelings for Dean, there was attraction but it wasn't something he wanted to push forward. His past was an example of that but it did and he could only regret that he didn't pursue it first before going on silly little dates and dating Chris. T

To say he fell in love with Lucas at first sight and meeting wasn't a lie. Lucas was adorable, needy, and willing to let anyone in if they gave him milk and clean diapers. That love grew and grew to the point of now where he loved him like his own son. It was Dean's child and there was nothing more special than that.

Castiel smiled softly looking up at the grey blue sky and knew as the weeks passed that his attraction for Dean only grew and no amount of promises to himself, Gabriel, or even the rest of his family was going to change that. It was never going to change that. Ten months later it still hadn't change but now it was deeper, so much more deeper.

Castiel remembered the moment he realised he was in love with Dean. It was a normal day with Dean not in work and he was watching Dean sway in a dance sort of mode with Lucas. Lucas was seven months old.

"Is that dancing?"

"It's a secret talent of mine" he said with a wink. "My mom did it when we went down"

"I've never danced, I wouldn't know how"

"Oh really?" Dean murmured with a mischievous glint putting Lucas in his playpen and held his hand out for Castiel who eyed it warily.

"No, Dean"

"Cas, take my hand and stop being a prissy princess" he said gesturing his hand into his face till Castiel gave in and took it. Dean held up his hand waiting for him to slide their hands together interlocking them and he gasped softly when he pushed him forward against his chest and wrapped his other arm around his waist.

"You don't need to know the steps, the steps are for boring people, you just need to follow my lead" Dean said moving them around slowly.

Castiel looked down at his feet and up to Dean nibbling his lip. "If I trip you up, I apologise right now"

"Shut up, Cas" Dean murmured spinning him around to fast his vision whirled and a startled laugh escaped Cas' lips and he looked into his green eyes.

"Shouldn't there be slow music now?" Castiel said with a small smile.

"Yeah but a nursery rhyme will have to do" he murmured leaning his head against his as they danced together in a small circle. Castiel hummed leaning against his shoulder feeling Dean's warm breath flutter the back of his hair and ear. It was warm and he clung to him harder wanting to be closer. Dean pulled back looking at him carefully.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes" he muttered carefully and gasped when Dean pulled him towards him suddenly and dipped him low. Castiel gasped clinging to him and shook his head at him.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Never" he said pulling him back up and pausing before claiming his lips with his own. Castiel sighed blissfully touching his cheek as they exchanged sweet kisses and stopped when a protest came from the playpen. Dean smirked walking over and picking him up before returning to Castiel and pulling him close.

"I think he wanted to join in on the fun" he said looking at Lucas who looked between them confused and in awe. Castiel looked between them also and made his decision moving forward and kissing Dean firmly and smiled against his lips when Lucas reached up placing his hands on their cheeks.

"Oh dear" Dean said with a chuckle pulling back from him. "I thought you were our biggest fan"

It was that moment when he looked between them and realised what he had, what he had got out of all of this was the moment when he realised. It wasn't a sudden explosion and slow motion realisation in the movies, it was plain and simple. It was a rush inside of him and a realisation that he was in love with the man in front of him and the child at the side of them was one of the most important people in his life now. He had never been in love before and it took him a few days to get to grips with it but it got easier.

Castiel knew he should have told Dean sooner but their relationship had only just started and scaring him away wasn't his top priority. What he didn't want is to tell Dean in the middle of an argument which would split them up. Those were the good memories and apart from their argument and a few mini fights it had been amazing. It had been the best time of Castiel's life and he wasn't sure he wanted to let it slip through his fingers.

Time seemed to move quickly and soon people started to pass by as they walked to work and school ignoring him as they talked in their phones, typed, or were just lost in the misery of a Monday morning. There were some memories that he could lose himself in like Lucas crawling for the first time, saying his first word, smiling, or even his drunken night with Dean, not the best first time in the world but it had been rather awesome, the countless times after that still sent shivers up his spine.

The wind brushed around him startling him out of a particular good memory of Dean in between his legs and a warm mouth sucking hard at his neck. He stood up stretching out his numb legs and carried on walking down the path, hands buried in his pockets, and a content feeling of mind. He walked along till he found the little hut that made coffee and tea. He ordered one and leaned against the cabin wood staring out across the park. The thin snow that had fallen had disappeared by now and Castiel's mind took him back to Christmas. Dean had personally decided he wanted to stay at home with Lucas and wanted Castiel there with him. Sam travelled up from Stanford to stay with them and so did Mary to Dean's delight. It was the perfect first Christmas for Lucas.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Are you sure your family won't mind?" Dean questioned Castiel on Christmas Eve of all days.

"I told you, Dean, my mother is too ill at the moment for celebrating Christmas so she'll be staying with my grandmother, Gabriel will get takeout, twenty girls, and booze…that's his Christmas, Anna will do something and Balthazar won't leave Germany" he said with a roll of his eyes. "I want to be here, I want to celebrate Christmas with you"

Dean smirked at him and nodded as he looked at the tree in the corner. It wasn't anything special; it had tinsel, lights, and baubles which was good enough for him and more importantly Lucas who adored it. It was a chore keeping him away from it and crawling over to pull it down. They had a few cards from neighbours he neither knew nor cared about and Christmas music that Castiel insisted they play.

"What time is Sam coming down?"

"He should be here anytime I think" he said cracking out his back and looked at Lucas sitting in his playpen with ruffled curls, bright eyes and a smile when Dean looked down at him.

"I have the happiest baby in the world" he said scooping him up and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Looking forward to Santa?"

"Dean, he is far too young to even know what Santa is"

"Yeah but it's about teaching him from an early age, scrooge"

"I am no scrooge, I enjoy Christmas"

On cue the door went and Dean hurried to answer it and grinned when he saw Mary standing there with two bags.

"Hello baby" she said pecking his cheek and passing him the bags. "I'm sorry I'm a little late"

"No you're fine, Sammy isn't even here yet" he said taking the bags in.

"Castiel" Mary said walking over and greeting him.

"Hello, Mary" he said accepting the kiss on the cheek and returning it. "How was your trip?"

"Very busy since it's the day everyone decides to travel" she said with a sigh and clapped her hands at Lucas who looked up at her. "How's my grandson?"

"He's good" Dean replied with a small smile looking over to Castiel who met his smile with a wink. Dean moved over gripping his wrist and pulling him towards him.

"Look what I found" Castiel whispered holding up mistletoe over them and smiling when Dean raised an eyebrow.

"I think we need to do something about it" Dean whispered back pulling him and kissing him softly. His hands reached up cupping the back of the neck as they kissed and Dean slid his tongue deeper into his mouth until a small cough startled them and they looked towards Mary watching them with a fond expression.

"As much I love that the two of you are finally together, I would appreciate you left that to the bedroom" she said with a small smile.

Castiel flushed pink biting his lip with a nod glancing at Dean who laughed and pressed a small kiss to the tip of the nose before moving to take his mom's bags upstairs.

"I really am glad you two worked it out, Lucas deserves two people who love him like you do"

"So am I" he said honestly.

Sam arrived at 3.30pm looking a little pissed off but that more due to the travel down but soon perked up when he got in the house.

"Cas, Sam, Sam, Cas" he said introducing them and stepping back watching them carefully.

"I've heard much about you" Castiel said stepping forward and shaking the outstretched hand with a small smile.

"Same, you're all my brother can talk about"

"Shut up" Dean said shoving his shoulder as they walked in the living room.

"Mom!" Sam said gleefully going over and hugging her tightly.

"How are you tall?" she said moving away and shaking her head. "You just keep growing"

Castiel exchanged a warm look with Dean who returned it with a beaming smile. The rest of the evening was spent getting ready for tomorrow as Mary spent most of it in the kitchen preparing Christmas dinner for tomorrow and Dean, Sam, and Castiel sorted out the presents under the tree.

"Early night for everyone" Mary called poking her head out. "Don't you give me that look, Dean, it's Christmas and you want to be fresh for Lucas"

"Oh god, fine" Dean grumbled. "Sammy, you're on couch, mom is in the spare room and we are going to bed"

"See you in the morning" Castiel said to the both of them and smirked at Dean who pulled him upstairs with a sigh.

"Get naked and get into bed" Dean growled against his lips.

"Dean, your brother and mother are downstairs"

"Remember those lessons on being really, really, quiet?"

"Yes" Castiel breathed when he backed him into the bedroom.

"Well…they're about to come into very good use" he purred into ear. "Move, I'll be two minutes"

Castiel chuckled softly when he left heading to the bathroom stripping off into his boxers and leaving looking up and down the empty corridor before darting in and joining Dean. Dean eyed him when he snatched his toothbrush and leaned against the counter.

"Is that lust in your eyes?" Castiel teased with a smile.

Dean spit in the sink and hummed with a nod turning on his heel and walking into the bedroom. Castiel followed after him and only just managed to get in the bedroom when Mary got to the top of the stairs.

"That was a little too close for my liking" he murmured climbing into the covers and looking over to Dean who was lying on his back with his hands folded behind his head.

"This should be a good Christmas, the best actually" he said with a soft smile. "I'm glad you're going to be here"

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else"

"Good" Dean murmured reaching up and pulling him into a kiss. Castiel groaned moving over and straddling his lap as they kissed deeply. Dean moaned low dragging his hands down his back and cupping his ass as they looked into each other's eyes.

"Merry Christmas to me"

"Am I your present?"

"Yeah" he said with a nod and paused when Castiel drew back with narrowed eyes flashing in amusement.

"It's not Christmas yet, Dean…"

"Oh don't you dare" he breathed gripping his wrists when he wriggled away.

"You can unwrap me tomorrow"

"Cas" Dean whined pressing his lips to the centre of his chest and peeking up at him. "Can't I have an early present?"

"No" Castiel murmured pushing him back to lie down. "Go to sleep, Dean"

"You are pure evil"

"I know" Castiel whispered kissing him soundly and rolling away onto his back. Dean glared over at him and let out a long suffering sigh before pulling him towards him and turning so Castiel became the little spoon. Castiel settled comfortably enjoying the comfortable warmth coming from Dean's chest as they shared a pillow and smiled gently when he kissed the back of his neck.

The next morning they woke up to the sound of Lucas crying and Castiel turned to see Dean blinking sleepily.

"Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas, baby" he murmured pulling him into a soft kiss. Castiel stroked a thumb down his cheek before pulling away and climbing out to get changed. Lucas was sitting up in his cot when Dean came in and clapped his hands closely followed by Castiel.

"It's Christmas!" he cried scooping him up and smiling when Lucas let out peals of laughter. "Come on, let's go wake, Uncle Sammy and nana" he said taking him out and knocking on Mary's door but jumped back when it opened.

"Merry Christmas darlings" she said kissing their cheeks and smiling warmly. "Let's get started shall we?"

They went downstairs waking a startled Sam from what looked like a good dream. They set about opening their presents, Lucas's first as he took more interest in the wrapping paper then the toys till Dean distracted him away. They unwrapped every present till Lucas was left with presents that he couldn't believe as he shook a rattle toy excitedly. They all received a watch from Mary, all different for the three of them and a special handmade cup for Lucas for when he was older. Sam handed Dean a bottle of expensive whiskey, Castiel, a soft navy jumper, and Lucas, a toy.

"I didn't know what you wanted" Sam said when Castiel thanked him.

"I love it" Castiel said honestly.

"I'll love ripping it off him" Dean teased when Sam flashed his best bitch face. Castiel and Dean gave a present to each of them from both of them, expensive bottles of wine and a plant for Mary.

All was left was Dean to give his present to Castiel who stared at the package. "I told you not to get me anything, I have everything I need"

"I know but this doesn't cost me anything"

Castiel glanced to the kitchen were Mary was cooking with Sam and Lucas. He pulled it open and stared at the pages curiously and pulled them out with a shocked exhale.

"Dean" he whispered with wide eyes.

"This is for our future, way into the future when things are settled down and we want to make things…settled. I want this" he said putting his hands over the adoption papers. "I think Lucas deserves three parents because the other one can't be here"

Castiel gaped at him and looked down at the papers before pulling Dean forward and kissing him fiercely and pulled away gasping. "I got you the bunch of films you wanted"

"I know and I bloody love them, my week sorted" he said with a grin. "I can watch my films, get drunk with my whiskey, and check the time"

Castiel laughed softly leaning his forehead against his. "Dean, I can't believe…"

"I did, I want a future with you, only you, so I'm planning way ahead"

Castiel pulled him into his arms in a tight hug feeling tears prick his eyes and never wanting to let go. It was the _perfect _Christmas for him and for all of them.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel pulled out of the memory staring down at his coffee and feeling nausea swirl around in his stomach. Those papers were with Dean right now, locked away until the right time, and the memory of Christmas burned in his mind. It hurt how much had changed over the past weeks from that day and night. It hurt even more now and the New Year was even worse with Sam and Mary staying behind to bring the New Year in.

Lucas never made it to midnight and dropped off at 10pm exhausted. It left the four of them to watch and wait for the countdown drinking and exchanging stories. It was only fair at the countdown to be stood shakily pressed against each other and Castiel could stare at Dean like he was his whole world. They brought it in drunk on wine, whiskey, and beer as they kissed slowly and brought it in together.

His stomach twisted at the memory and he tilted his head up looking up at the sky to see peaks of blue coming through and the possibility of sun. Castiel pulled out his phone knowing he needed to come to a decision and soon. He just didn't know.

He went through his contacts till he found his and pressed call.

Dean was finishing off Lucas's nappy when his phone rang and he pulled it out in surprise answering the call.

"Hello, Dean"

"Cas, hey, I-I wasn't expecting this for a bit"

"I need to speak to you; will you come to the park?"

"Um, sure, give me fifteen minutes?"

"Yes"

Dean heard the connection end and looked at Lucas who sucked on his fist. "It's make or break"

Dean dressed Lucas in warm clothing and put him in his pram before setting off to the park and pulling out his phone to see one new message.

_**The swings. C. **_

Dean pushed the pram forward till he saw Castiel sitting on one swinging gently back and forth. He smiled gently at the sight and moved forward parking the pram and raising an eyebrow at him.

"Long time no see"

"Hello, Dean"

"What did you call me about?"

"What do you think, Dean?"

Dean let out a long sigh moving forward and sitting down on the other swing. "I know why I'm here…I just don't know if I want to hear the answer"

"Tell me, Dean; tell me how I am meant to trust you again after you lied to me like that?"

"Time and patience, I can't give you a grand gesture, Cas, I can't give you anything but a promise that I will never hurt you ever again. You're the most important person to me, apart from Lucas, and I don't want to give you up. I have missed you so much you wouldn't even believe…"

Try me" Castiel said glancing over to him.

"I realised a lot of things over the past few weeks and I know now that I love you, I love everything about you. I love that fruity shampoo you use, I love your smile when you're happy or even amused, I love your laugh, I love your sense of humour, I love that you like to cuddle after sex and you _love _to be the little spoon because sometimes it's just nice to be held. I love that you love comedy and romance films but hate horror, I love your shitty taste in music, I love that I can kiss you forever and you don't care because you loved being kissed and more importantly…I love you with Lucas"

Castiel glanced over to him with a shaky exhale. "You think I should forgive you so easily?"

"I don't know, Cas, but what else am I supposed to do? I've said I'm sorry and I will continue to say it for the rest of my life or not if you tell me to walk away right now" he said kicking at the wooden chipping. "If you say no then I'll walk away, I won't call again and we'll leave your life…"

"What if I don't want that?"

"Then say yes and let me gain your trust back" Dean said moving off the swing and dropping down in front of him. "Do you love me?"

"Dean…"

"Do…you…love…me?"

"Yes" he said with a nod of his head. "I love you; I've loved you for months"

"I know you don't trust me, I know I've broken that mirror of trust inside you but they can be fixed or replaced" Dean said cupping the sides of his face. "I'll gain it back; I won't hurt you again…please"

Castiel closed his eyes considering and looked over to Lucas sucking on his pacifier in a doze. His heart skipped just looking at him and he looked at Dean gripping the back of his neck and pressed his forehead against his.

"If you _ever _lie to me intentionally again I will leave you for good, give your details to a hit man and make you suffer at the hands of my brothers" he said digging his nails into the back of his neck. "But that's the beautiful thing about time, Dean, it's the greatest healer of them all and I know you will gain it back from me…not today, not tomorrow or even a month's time but I've been sat here thinking all this time. I've thought back over good memory…the moment we met…the moment I fell in love with you…Christmas and New Year….and even the bad ones because you need the bad memories to gain the good ones" Castiel said feeling breathless at the end.

"I've never been in love, Dean, not once, and when I did it was only lust for a man who wanted to betray his own family for sex. Love is…love is exhausting. It's pain, misery, heartbreak, longing, jealously, and the worst parts of what makes us human. It's the cruellest emotion and we give it such a good name because on top of all that crap there is protectiveness, devotion, trust, tenderness, and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to be with that one person to protect and _love _them"

Dean gaped at him clutching him closer and pulling Castiel down on the ground with him and knew what a sight they must like as they knelt in the dirt together.

"It's what makes us human and we make mistakes" Dean whispered with a nod. "But no mistake has been made that can't be forgiven"

"Okay" Castiel whispered stroking a hand down his cheek slowly. "Yes, I'm not about to let you go but you have so much making up to do that I may run you into the ground"

Dean's eyes lit up and he pulled him towards him kissing him firmly and moaned when Castiel answered back with much enthusiasm. Dean edged his tongue deep into his mouth tasting hints of coffee and moaned needing to bring him closer.

"I love you" Castiel breathed against his lips. "I wanted the moment to be perfect first time round and it was actually the worst"

"I love you more" Dean murmured with a grin pressing his forehead against his. "Come back to mine?"

"Okay"

Dean struggled up before helping Castiel up and they headed over to the pram pushing it away and heading towards the house. Castiel stepped inside the house and looked around in awe after not being there for weeks. Dean glanced over his shoulder as Castiel closed the door behind him and took off his jacket and shoes.

"Someone wants to see you" Dean said holding Lucas close who blinked sleepy eyes and whined in his arms. Castiel moved forward holding out his hands and smiling at Lucas who passed eagerly into his arms. Lucas stared at him and burst into tears.

Castiel laughed in shocked astonishment as he rocked him gently leaning his head on his shoulder and looked at Dean who shrugged chuckling himself.

"I think he missed you"

"You think…" Castiel murmured looking at him lying on his shoulder now with wet eyes. "I could do with something to eat"

"What do you want?"

"Anything on toast"

"Bacon" he said with a wink heading to the fridge.

Castiel hummed moving into the living room and sitting down with him placing him on his lap. Lucas smiled widely at him clapping his hands. It warmed Castiel who grabbed his little hands playing with them till Dean came in twenty minutes later giving him the bacon sandwich.

The rest of their day was spent easing into it all over again as they sat and played with Lucas. It soon reached bedtime for Lucas and Castiel eagerly accepted to put him to bed missing the feeling of him drifting off in his arms.

"Are you going to stay tonight?"

"I…I do miss a warm body next to me" he murmured glancing over to him.

Dean met his eyes with a warm smile and nodded letting him walk the rest of the stairs. Castiel walked into the nursery closing it off gently and held Lucas close to him with a small smile and looked at the picture of Amanda on the shelf.

"I don't know you, not personally, but I'm more than sure you know me if you're watching and I want you to know that I will never let him down, I'll never hurt him, and I'll love him like my own" he promised with a crack at the end. Lucas curled into him and it didn't matter that he weighed more now and that in two months he would be one years old. One year since he was born, Amanda passed, and a few weeks after he met Dean.

"Shall we start off with our favourite?" he murmured stroking a hand into his curls.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey….you'll never know dear how much I love, please don't take my sunshine away…" he crooned softly to him.

Dean climbed the stairs moving to the nursery door and paused listening to him sing and felt a skip in his heart. His hand reached out pushing open the door as he walked in slowly.

"…the other night dear, as I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you in my arms but when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken so I hung my head and cried…"

Dean came up behind him wrapping his arms around his waist placing his chin on his shoulder. Castiel sucked in a breath as they looked down at Lucas in his arms staring up at them both and it felt like everything was slowly melting into place. He turned his head to look at Dean who paused searching his eyes.

"…you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you'll never know dear how much I love you…" he sang softly both to Dean and Lucas dozing on and off in his arms.

"…please don't take my sunshine away" they said at the same time before leaning into kiss softly. Dean lingered on his lips before pulling away and leaning his forehead against his. It was a picture perfect moment for anyone else but for them it was just the beginning of everything to come. Dean didn't dream of the white picket fence, doting wife, two kids, and dog that came along with it, he didn't dream of anything, but he got the dream he never knew he wanted. Castiel was a dreamer, he dreamed big, he dreamed of love, family, and never imagined he would ever get it but he did. They both did. They had been through enough that would rip others beyond compare but the love they held for one another and one child brought them fighting through because two's amazing but three is invincible.

**A/N: I am emotional as hell. I kept crying on and off writing this and was so terrified to write it. I really hope it paid off! **

**There is one more chapter – future chapter. You get to see them in the future together and how they are before it's over. I know, I know, hold the tears. **

**Thank you so much for every single one of those reviews! I am so proud of this. You kept me writing and you have one more chapter before it's bye-bye to this universe.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Six years later**

Dean glared at the television screen hating daytime programmes more than anything and turned it off looking around the living room. He hated to admit it but with chores set by Castiel done and Lucas in school it was no fun waiting in. Dean had quit his job at the bank four years ago wanting nothing more than to get out of there. Castiel supported his decision with enthusiasm deciding to take the new role of paying the bills and got a job as a private nanny with a single mother and two twin girls. It was a well-paid job and Castiel loved it. Dean loved that Castiel was happy working even if it did keep him away but he only worked four days a week, 8 – 4, and the money was great.

It still bored Dean to tears and he often wondered if he made the right decision quitting work and since Lucas was now in full time education it was only made worse. He waited for the end of school like it was his lifeline and secretly craved the days when he was a baby and completely depended on him. He pulled out his phone dialling Sam's number and sat back.

"How's, Mr Hotshot Lawyer?"

"Dean, I'm good, why are you calling?"

"Am I not allowed to check up on you?"

"No, I was just curious and you must be bored"

Dean scowled turning the television off and moving to walk around. "How are Jess and the bump?"

Sam's relationship with Jess hit off immediately with the two marrying four years prior in a small ceremony with family and a few friends. Dean stood by his brother's side as he married and had never felt prouder. It was only two years later that they wanted to start a family and Jess was currently seven months pregnant with their first child.

"They're really good, she's in a bit of pain because of her back but…it's getting closer and closer" he said with an excited tinge to his voice.

"You're going to be an amazing father and you know it"

"Says daddy of the year"

"No, Cas is daddy of the year…he has a mug and everything!" he replied with a smirk pulling out a cup to make coffee. "I got a hug"

"Still…I want to be as good as you are"

"Oh shut up, you'll be better, anyway, how's the Morrison case going?" Dean questioned and was generally interested.

Castiel was more than glad to leave Susanne and Harriet with their father who whisked them away from him with promises of ice cream if they behave. He loved his job and more than often the twins were a delight but sometimes all he wanted was to be with Dean and Lucas having quiet time. Castiel headed to the impala thanking the gods about his decision to start driving because walking home wasn't really an opportunity. It gave Castiel time to think. The last six years had been a whirlwind of an adventure that never seemed to want to end. The first few months were both exciting and difficult with Lucas turning one year old, Lucas walking for the first time some weeks after that into Dean's arms, and the slow steady progression of their relationship. Dean stuck to his word and didn't lie to him, his friendship with Imogen slowly dimmed down to the point were in work it was a more of a "hello" and walking in opposite directions.

As time went on and the weeks passed into a blur it was easier and easier for Castiel to pick up the shards of trust and piece them together. His relationship with Dean was official to everyone and they didn't need to hide it from anyone. They had the approval of Sam, Jess, and Mary but Castiel's family on the other hand was a whole other situation. Gabriel gave his half-hearted approval but he would forever be pissed about the ill treatment Dean dished out to his brother. Balthazar didn't like it one little bit and no amount of secret pleading and disgusted looks thrown at Dean did nothing to waver him and he told him once and for all to accept them. Anna though did accept it and since Michael and Luc were still missing in action, they were not a problem.

Six years was a long time for them and it often baffled Castiel how they had got it right eventually. They still had their fair share of fights but it was always somehow resolved to the point where he was either pinning Dean to the bed or the other way around because angry sex was the _best. _He loved Dean more than anything in the world and always would so it was only right that they were still together and engaged to be married.

Castiel wouldn't deny that it wasn't a surprise on their fifth anniversary for Dean who had been off with him all day to send Lucas away to his friends for a sleepover and surprise him with a home cooked meal.

"Lucas helped" he said with a wink and Castiel smiled imagining their six year old son cooking alongside him. It was only after Castiel had consumed his food and was sipping his wine when Dean shifted looking downright uncomfortable.

"Dean?" he said leaning forward and eyeing him carefully.

"I have…okay, I have been dying to do this for weeks and I hate our anniversary is on such a fucking awkward date and the amount of times I called Sam is ridiculous and…"

"Dean, sweetheart, you're not making sense" he said with a raised eyebrow.

Dean let out a frustrated sigh and shoved over slowly a wrapped box. "Open it"

Castiel pulled it towards him obeying the order and ripped apart the wrapping paper and cracked open the lid staring at the silver ring in shock. It was a simple design with two light blue lines circling around the ring with a tiny diamond in the middle.

"It matches the blue of your eyes…look inside it" he said as Castiel pulled it out seeing an inscription, C&D, inside of it.

Castiel smiled biting into his lip and shook his head looking up at him to crook his finger at him. Dean moved over and eyed him warily like he was about to turn around and say no.

"Get down on one knee" Castiel said softly and smiled when Dean whined low.

"Cas…"

"Dean, get down on one knee" he ordered again and watched as he slowly dropped down in front of him and opened up his hand for the small box.

"If we're going to do this then we're going to do it like everyone else out there" he said folding his arms over his chest with a burst of amusement in his eyes.

"Fine" Dean said with a huff holding open the box and looking into the blue eyes he loved so much. "Do me a big favour? Spend the rest of your life with me and be only mine forever?"

Castiel cocked his head contemplating him and shrugged. "Okay"

Dean grinned when he surged forward tackling him to the floor as they kissed passionately on the kitchen floor of all places. Castiel felt his eyes prick with tears when he grabbed his hand sliding it onto his finger and kissed over it.

"You do realise you're stuck with me for life and forever after it? I'm not letting your cute ass go" Dean murmured against the corner of his mouth.

"I know…that's the way I want it" he whispered trailing his fingers down his cheek and pulling him into a deep kiss.

It had been eight months now since Dean proposed and for now they were both more than happy to stay engaged till there was enough money for their wedding. Lucas had recently turned seven years old and growing more and more every day. Castiel now understood the fear that Dean felt because it was terrifying to know that in six years' time he would be a teenager.

Castiel arrived outside of the house and sighed in relief walking in and smiling when Dean circled around.

"You're early" he said in greeting when Castiel shrugged out of his coat and kicked off his shoes.

"Frank picked up the twins so I'm early" he murmured moving over and collapsing against Dean who chuckled circling his arms around his waist kissing his forehead.

"Good, I was getting kinda lonely"

"Is Lucas not back yet?"

"Not yet" Dean murmured when he looked up at him and smiled when he leaned into kiss him softly on the lips.

"Go take a nap or something, I'll cook tonight"

"No, no, I won't sleep tonight otherwise"

"I'll tire you out" Dean teased slapping his ass and winked when Castiel threw him an amused look as he moved away. He followed him in watching Castiel collapse on the couch with a happy sigh and let his eyes travel up the length of his body. His eyes wondered over to the photos dotting the tables and shelves. There are dozens of Lucas as a baby and a toddler, some of him and Cas, one of Amanda, and one of the whole family together. Dean wondered over picking up the photo of Lucas as a baby and felt a longing ache in his chest.

"Dean, what are you doing?"

Dean shook out of his train of thought and glanced over to him. "I'm missing them those earlier years when he was a baby, I loved those years because he was completely dependent on me and…he's growing up way to fast"

Castiel sat up running his fingers through Dean's hair with a thoughtful expression. "You miss looking after him like that?"

"A little bit" he murmured with a sad smile. "Anyway, how was your day?"

"They were tiring, I…"

He was cut off when the front door opened and slammed shut hard. Lucas threw his bag down hard storming through the living room and not bothering to look at Dean and Castiel who looked at him as he walked upstairs. Dean glanced at Lucas with a small sigh.

"Should I or…"

"I'll go, I'll call you if I need you" Castiel said kissing him gently and heading up the stairs to Lucas's room which was once his nursery. He entered the bedroom to see a lump under the covers and sighed softly walking over and perching on the end of the bed.

"Lucas" he murmured shaking the lump gently. "What's happened?"

Lucas pushed the cover off turning to look at him with a pout and sadness in his eyes. Castiel looked over him to the ruffled and slightly curled soft brown hair, the dark green eyes that hadn't changed since he was a baby, and the childlike features. Dean always said he was a handsome child and Castiel couldn't help agree since he did have a very attractive father and an attractive mother.

"There's this boy in school papa, he's nine, and he's called Russell Miller and he…he pushed me over and said I was a freak because I don't have a mom and have two dads instead" he said twisting the cover in his hands.

Castiel pressed his lips together and nodded looking to the door. "Dean! Can you come up here please?"

Lucas burrowed under the cover again wanting to hide away when Dean ran up the stairs and appeared looking concerned.

"What's going on?"

"Should I tell him or you?"

"You" Lucas mumbled.

"There is an older boy in his school that pushed him over calling him a freak because he doesn't have a mom and instead has two dads" he said softly.

"What?! That punkass little jerk! I swear to…"

"Dean!" Castiel hissed nudging him hard looking over to Lucas still under the covers. Dean bit his lip with a nod and moved over tugging the quilt down and peered till he was looking into his eyes.

"Okay, let's get one thing straight right now…you are not a freak, Lucas, you have never been a freak and you never will. You know why you don't have a mom, right?"

"She died when I was born and she's in heaven watching over me"

"Yeah, she's up there and I'm down here looking after you like I always have and I always will but along the way I got with papa, didn't I?"

Lucas nodded looking over to Castiel who gave him a warm smile.

"I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me…just like any other mom or dad out there and we've already had this conversation haven't we?"

Lucas nodded quickly straightening up and looking between them with a proud smile. "Girls can love boys, boys can love boys, and girls can love girls. It's natural"

"Clever boy, that's right, and this little jerk wasn't taught right, was he?"

"No, dad"

"Are you happy with two dads?"

"Yeah" Lucas answered with a smile.

"Then there's nothing to worry or get upset about because this Russell Miller just doesn't understand…I would even say that he's a freak!" he cried and stopped when Castiel huffed a sigh shoving his shoulder. Lucas chuckled looking between them and looked at Castiel.

"What he's trying to say is that this Russell is wrong, he's more than wrong, and you are not a freak, we're not freaks, and he's just another bully" he said reaching out and stroking a hand into his hair. "You're stronger than that and you shouldn't listen to him"

Lucas nodded inhaling deeply and glanced at them both. "I know, it's just the other kids laughed"

"Because they don't understand either but you don't need them, you have Maria, Kyle, and Harry, don't you? They're your friends and they understand"

"Yeah" Lucas said with a beaming grin. "Can I go play Xbox now?"

"Sure" Dean muttered with a grin when he jumped up happy now and darted off downstairs to put his game on. Castiel leaned against Dean with a sigh and a small laugh.

"Well that was easier than I thought it would be" Dean murmured leaning his head against his. "I knew that would happen eventually"

"Of course it would but we taught him well" Castiel said brushing his lips over his.

"I'm starving, what are we having for dinner?"

"Burgers and salad"

"Sounds good"

"Dad! Come play player 2!" Lucas yelled up the stairs.

Castiel smiled at Dean who rolled his eyes and rose up going downstairs to play on the Xbox till Lucas's bedtime. Castiel glanced around the room covered in toys, DVD's, and everything that a young boy would have. It was such a difference from when he was a little baby in his arms and like Dean sometimes he ached for that feeling again but he wouldn't change now for the world.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Bed" Castiel ordered standing in front of the television.

"No! Papa, five more minutes"

"It's already half an hour over your bedtime" he said looking to Dean who smiled and looked over to Lucas who was pouting and doing his best puppy dog eyes.

"You heard papa, Lucas, and you need all that sleep for school tomorrow" Dean said standing up and holding out his hand.

"No" Lucas protested with a shake of his head.

"Lucas" Dean warned moving towards him.

"I went to bed yesterday, I don't need to sleep" he protested again and yelped with a giggle when Dean grabbed him hauling him over his shoulder.

"Papa, help!" he squealed with a giggle.

"Goodnight, Lucas" he called with a small grin watching Dean take him upstairs. Lucas struggled on his shoulder and eventually gave up when Dean took him into his bedroom and dumped him on the bed.

"PJ's, bathroom, and bed in ten minutes or I'll think again about buying you that new Halo game you want so, so, much"

Lucas gasped gleefully scrambling to get into his PJ's and running to the bathroom. Dean raised an eyebrow surprised at the sudden action and waited patiently till Lucas darted back in and ducked in the bed.

"Will you really buy it dad or is that a big lie?"

"You know it's wrong to lie" Dean said moving over and tucking him in before sitting down and poking his nose. "I'm having a good think about it"

"Will papa let me?" he whispered curling on his side.

"I'll talk to him about it and we'll come to a decision at the weekend"

"Pinkie promise?" he whispered holding up his finger.

Dean hummed linking their fingers together and breaking it as he leaned forward kissing his forehead. "Remember you're not a freak and if he says it again, you call him it back, it's silly to ignore bullies because they'll just keep coming back for more"

Lucas nodded gently and closed his eyes. "Love you dad and tell papa I love him too"

"Love you too" he said with a smile letting his hand rest on his head for a moment before standing up and closing the door shut.

Castiel looked up when he came in and held his arm out when he dropped in shifting into his side with a long sigh.

"Lucas said he loves you"

Castiel felt the warmth in his heart spread and flame brightly as he nodded in confirmation and trailed his fingers into his hair. Dean loved the nights, it was easy and warm curling up against his chest and listening to his heart pump and puzzle over the question throbbing in his mind. It had been wracking his mind all night and he wondered how to approach Castiel about it. Dean had always in a way longed to give Lucas a brother or a sister, someone he could take care of and look after as a big brother but also for himself and Castiel. He wanted another child but not any child, he wanted Castiel's child.

The hours passed by quickly and Dean couldn't help glancing up at him now and again watching the new crime documentary in interest and bit his lip wondering how he would take it. He remembered Castiel often expressing his longing for a child of his own but it soon fizzled out and he was more than okay with Lucas and Dean.

"Are you okay?" Castiel said in concern stroking a hand down his cheek.

"Fine, just tired, can we go to bed?"

"Sure"

Dean moved up simply watching Castiel get up and start the process of turning everything off and locking up. It was a routine now and Dean knew everything he would do like it was a ritual. He trudged up the stairs needing to collapse in that glorious bed and now. Dean stripped off till he was in nothing but his boxers and moved into the bathroom to scrub at his teeth and it wasn't long till Castiel joined him.

Dean's eyes trailed over the length of his lean body shaped perfectly well even after these years, his cheeks and chin covered with fine stubble he loved to feel when it scratched on the tender skin of his inner thigh or against his own; his eyes still the brightest blue that sent tiny thrills running through him still. He was often still baffled how he got the most gorgeous man on the planet engaged to him of all people.

Castiel noticed his staring and spat the toothpaste out shooting him a quizzical look. "What?"

"Nothing, I just love you" he said rinsing his mouth and walking out of the bathroom noticing the pink flush covering his cheeks. Castiel soon joined in after checking in on Lucas still fast asleep and slid under the covers into his arms.

"I love you too" he whispered pressing into his chest and pulling him into a kiss. Dean moaned low carding his hands into the back of his hair gripping the back of his skull to keep him into place. Castiel's hand moved lower cupping his ass and bringing their hips together grinding them together, Dean gasped into his mouth drawing back and moaning as he kissed along his jaw.

Castiel didn't hold back as he shimmed his own underwear down under the covers and moved to remove Deans who chuckled and threw them over the bed.

"Who tops tonight sweet pea?" Dean cooed in his ear.

"Oh shut up" Castiel murmured shoving him on his back as he straddled his waist. "For that it's my turn"

"Oh there are no complaints" Dean murmured trailing his hands down his thighs and moaning softly when Castiel kissed and sucked at his throat till it was wet and hot. He moved up claiming his mouth once more in a filthy kiss that left Dean panting for more when he removed his lips and grabbed the lube.

"Lay back darling" he drawled to Dean who rolled his eyes at him in the dark and lay back opening his legs wide. The first contact at his opening achieved a soft gasp at the cold slick feeling of lube and fingers opening him up slowly. Dean panted into his hand rocking his hips forward desperate for more friction, more anything. Castiel hummed kissing his knee and slid his two fingers in deeper till he hit the prostrate and smirked into the skin when Dean sucked at his hand in a sharp cry.

"Fuck me, please, Cas, I need you inside me" he whispered slamming his palms down on the bed and rolling his hips upwards in invitation.

"All these years and no patience" he whispered with a shake of his head. "You know I will always satisfy you"

"I know baby but I need it now" he hissed down at him.

Castiel removed his fingers slowly shifting up and angling his cock near the opening before sheathing inside the impossible heat with a low moan. Dean hissed in relief rolling his hips and moaning when he pushed deeper inside him.

"You feel so good, you always feel good" Dean moaned when he moved up giving him an open mouthed kiss as they rocked together. His hands trailed down the smoothness of Castiel's back till they rested on the damp ass cheeks urging him to go faster and harder. Dean knew all the right spots that turned him on harder than anything as he sucked along the collarbone nipping in the centre and grinning when Castiel moaned into the crook of his neck thrusting harder inside him.

"Come for me baby, let me feel you inside me, I miss it so much" he whispered grabbing handfuls of his ass digging his nails in. Castiel arched biting into his hard to quiet down the moan wanting to scream out and climaxed deep inside Dean. Dean felt the smooth hot silkiness coat his insides and sighed blissfully happy when Castiel rode out his orgasm till he slumped on top of him.

Dean pressed his lips to his damp forehead and blinked when he shifted to look into his eyes and looked down at the erection poking into his stomach. He could only gasp eagerly when Castiel slid down slipping his mouth over the head sucking softly eliciting soft cries from Dean who wound his hands into his hair pushing him gently down. Dean knew Castiel could take it and he loved that bloody mouth, it was _heaven. _

It didn't take long for Dean to climax deep into his throat which he swallowed down and sucked till Dean was soft and tender. He moved up feeling exhausted and kissed Dean soundly on the lips.

"Come here" Dean whispered wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss into the crook of his neck. It didn't take long for Castiel to drop off into a peaceful sleep while Dean struggled. The question hummed in his mind begging him to ask Castiel to just consider this. The minutes rolled by into hours and before he knew it, it was nearly 4am.

"Cas" he whispered shaking his shoulder. Castiel moaned annoyed rolling away from him and settling into his sleep again. "Cas!"

Castiel grunted awake and opened one eye rolling over to look at him. "What?"

"I need to talk to you" he whispered.

Castiel sighed deeply lifting his head to look at the time and scoffed offended at the time. "At 4am? Dean, shut the fuck up and go to sleep"

"No, Cas, please, I-I can't sleep" he pleaded switching on the lamp and plunging the room into dim light. Castiel gasped covering his eyes and removed them glaring at Dean furiously and shifted looking over him with barely open eyes.

"Oh this better be really fucking good"

"I've been thinking, a lot, and I can't get it out of my head no matter how many times I tell myself it's stupid but I want this. I want you to want this as well"

"What are you talking about?" Castiel croaked concerned at the look in his eyes.

"I want another baby"

Castiel stared at him for what felt like forever before pushing up and squinting at him.

"Dean, this could be the late hour but you do know that we're both men and can't have children?" he whispered.

"I know that, idiot, I mean I want to have another baby but not just any baby…I want your baby which we can get from a surrogate" he said cupping his cheeks. Castiel blinked several times trying to digest the information.

"Dean, think about what you're asking here…this isn't like buying a dog or a cat"

"I know it isn't! Cas, this isn't just for us…it's for Lucas as well…I want to give him a little brother or sister. Imagine your life without your brothers or sister?" he murmured looking into his tired eyes. "I can't imagine my life without Sam, he's my little brother and I think everyone needs a sibling to dote on or be doted on"

Castiel sighed softly shaking his head in disbelief.

"You've always said you wanted your own baby, even with Lucas, and I want this so much, Cas, this it isn't a whim idea…I've had it secretly for months"

"Dean…"

"Just tell me you'll think about it…I'll ask Lucas how he feels and I know he'll love it, you know it to" he murmured kissing his bare shoulder. "Please?"

"Okay, I'll think about it…can I sleep now?"

Dean grinned with a nod kissing him softly and switching off the lamp to get a few more hours. He crushed himself against his back wanting to laugh in joy but for now he could only hold him close stroking his finger over Cas' engagement ring. He knew Castiel would think and think for ages knowing it frustrates him but deep down Dean knew the end result. It sent a little thrill through him and he could only close his eyes and pray he was that lucky.

_**~0~0~0~**_

**11 months later**

"Get into bed mister" Castiel growled playfully with Lucas who squirmed and giggled as he was moved into the bedroom. "You have to be very quiet remember?"

"Yes" he said with a smile climbing in. "Can I not stay off school and play with her?"

"I wish you could but you need your education" he whispered folding the blanket over him and kissing his forehead. "She'll be here waiting for you though"

"I'm a big brother" he said softly with a smile. "I like saying that"

"I like hearing it"

"Night, pa" he whispered turning over and snuffling into his pillow.

Castiel left quietly shutting over the door and walking over to the spare bedroom fashioned into a very pink nursery. He pushed open the door to Dean holding their daughter close to him. Kiera Winchester – Milton lay happily in his arms, one month old, and born from a surrogate named Lydia Bones.

"…please don't take my sunshine away" Dean whispered to her and looked up when Castiel walked in and peeked down at her.

"You're a natural"

"Oh shut up" Dean whispered and smiled when he leaned in to kiss him. Dean wasn't afraid to admit he was ecstatically happy and nothing could ruin it. This wasn't what he imagined his life to be like in any shape or form seven years ago when he was nothing more than a single parent grieving from the loss of a wonderful woman. Here he was now, father to a healthy, happy and lively seven year old and a new born daughter but most importantly engaged to the most amazing man to grace the planet. Their wedding was in less than three months and Dean couldn't wait.

"Come here" Dean whispered to him and brought him close pressing his forehead to his. "Thank you"

"For what?" he said confused glancing down to Keira and held up a hand taking her away carefully and placing her into his cot. He smoothed a hand into her dark hair with a smile before returning to Dean who cupped the back of his neck.

"For fixing me, for coming into my life when I needed you the most and making me fall in love with you. For looking after my baby and giving me another child to love and dote on, for agreeing to be the man I'm supposed to be with, and most of all…for being my only sunshine"

Castiel didn't need to say anything in that moment as he closed his eyes dwelling in the warmth that surrounded him. It wasn't an ending for them just yet; it was a beginning of another adventure and the many more to come.

**A/N: Oh my god it's the end, guys. I can't believe it's over. **

**Thank you so much for the reviews! The things some of you say are so incredible and it makes me so, so happy that _my _writing can make some of you cry, happy, and even laugh. The encouragement is awesome. I'll miss this little verse…**


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